Inspired in part by Imagine Kagerou Project
Why. . . ?
Why?
Why!?
That was all Takane could think as she stared down at the ugly rock in front of her. This wasn't supposed to be happening, not again. But what should she have expected? Some fairy tale ending? Even she smarter than that, but . . . . Somehow she'd tricked herself into thinking it was real anyway.
After all they'd been through. All the physical pain, all the mental pain, everything. It was wasted, all of it. They say history was always meant to repeat itself, no matter what. Where she was right now was a direct result of that fact. The grave seemed to laugh at her, "Did you really think you could change anything? What an idiot!"
No. It wasn't supposed to end like this.
But history had repeated itself in more ways than one, and that was the really cruel part. When she'd been a high schooler, where the only real things she'd had to worry about were class work and trying to stay awake, she'd never told Haruka she'd loved him. Even after, she never did. And now it was too late.
"Why. . .?" she chocked out. Just staring at his name on the tombstone was bad enough, but now she knew she was going to cry. After all this time, she hadn't cried. She hadn't cried when she found out they still had their illnesses. She hadn't cried the first time Haruka had an attack in front of her in two years. She hadn't cried when she watched him seem to get weaker and weaker and his body seem to deteriorate. She hadn't even cried at the funeral that ad only ended less that twenty minutes ago. But now, here, alone with only her, she did.
"Haruka. . . . Haruka, why'd you go?" she started to cry softly, "You idiot, didn't you know. . . . Know that I'd miss you?" Everything seemed to come out then. All her emotions that she'd been holding in the entire time crashed down so hard that she found herself falling on her knees. Her hands covered her face as her tears continued to fall.
Then something else over took her. It was a mixture of sadness, anger, loss that ripped at her heart she couldn't control it. She lunged at the headstone, clawing and raking her fingers across it frantically. "No! No! No! Give him back! Give him back!" She was sobbing and screaming at the same time. She didn't even know who she was yelling too and probably looked like some escaped mental patient right now, but she didn't care.
Her fingertips were now bleeding freely where the rough cut stone had filed away her skin and nails. She pulled back in pain, but still didn't stop. She dug her hands into the recently unturned earth of the grave. "Give him back!" she yelled again, "Please. I never told him. . . . I never told him I loved him! Haruka! Haru-" Her voice broke at the last syllable of his name and she stopped clawing at the ground, the top layer having turned into a mixture of blood, dirt, and tears, and just cried.
It started raining then. Another cliché, just like the rest of Takane's life. She didn't make any move to leave as her clothes became soaked, but continued to cry, soon not able to tell the difference between the cold drops of rain on her skin and her own hot tears rolling down her cheeks.
Finally, she overexerted herself. Mid sob, she started chocking on air and found herself gagging. She cupped a hand over her mouth and tried breathing through her nose to calm herself down. It didn't work that well because soon after she threw up into the grass. The good thing was, there was nothing really to vomit because she actually hadn't eaten in the past three days. So all that came out was regurgitated orange juice and saliva, and was left an acid taste in the back of her throat. She breathed in and out shuttering breathes.
"I'm sorry. . . . For being so weak." she mumbled before collapsing in the mud.