Fragile: Handle With Care
WARNING: Fragile: Handle With Care is a Riley-centric multi chapter story that deals with topics such as depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc. Please read at your own risk.
CHAPTER ONE
To Suffer In Silence
It was a dark, quiet night, just like the night of the Incident, six not-so-long months ago, although it felt like just last night. No stars were visible in the smoggy New York air, the thin crecent moon hidden behind dark clouds.
The bakery was nearly empty- just Riley Matthews and Katy Hart-Hunter, who was working the late shift that night and was cleaning up. She would leave the keys with Riley, who would lock up when she was done- which, evidently, didn't appear to be any time soon.
The city lights glimmered outside the window- though Topanga's was empty, the streets outside were bustling with people, tourists and locals alike. Though Greenwhich Village was one of the more "quiet" parts of Manhattan, NYC was still the City That Never Sleeps, and the sounds of the city were ever-present no matter the time.
Hours had passed since the brunette had arrived- now eighteen years old and in the midst of testing season nearing the middle of her senior year- and, hidden in the corner behind a stack of books nearly as high as Mount Everest, the words were starting to swim off of the pages. She took a sip of her coffee- her mother usually didn't allow her to drink it, but it was her and Katy's little secret, and with all the stress being piled up on her, she was beginning to depend on it simply to do simple functions- and turned the stiff page of her U.S. Government textbook.
But still, as the time on her phone slipped from 10:00 to 10:30, then 10:30 to 11:00, and Katy bade her goodnight, she could feel her brain frying away.
She brushed a stray strand of chocolate hair out of her dull, sunken brown eyes and breathed a long sigh, wincing at the sharp pain in her chest- like a knife, tearing through her weary heart.
She hadn't been feeling well the last few days- okay, maybe weeks... Alright, months- although her late nights studying likely weren't helping. Her head pounded, her shoulders felt heavy, she had to force herself to eat and sleep, and the pain in her chest only became worse. She was eating less, sleeping less, and socializing less- but she was crying more and more, alone in her bedroom, late at night, when nobody was around.
But she forced herself to suffer in silence- she was an expert on it by now. Faking a smile came naturally to her, the artificial smiles bending perfectly well with the odd real ones. Nobody suspected a thing-or at least she thought.
The creaking sound of the door opening jolted Riley out of her U.S. Government book, her chest flaring and her first thought to run- she hadn't locked the door, and anyone could be coming in to try and kill her or something. Glancing up with wild eyes, she saw it was just her mother, and relaxed, the pain in her chest dulling to a throb.
"Is that coffee you're drinking?" Topanga's eyebrows were raised, one hand placed on her hip.
Color slowly spreading up her pale cheeks, Riley looked at the cup, blinking slowly. "...Maybe," she said after a second or two, her voice sort of hollow as she faked a sheepish smile.
"Riley, it's getting late," Topanga said gently, ignoring the coffee and sitting down beside her daughter. "You should get some sleep; you've been studying for hours."
"It's Friday," the brunette protested softly.
"It's past midnight," Topanga countered. "You know it's okay to, I don't know, get some rest every once in a while? If there's something bothering you, you know you can tell me anything, right?
Riley grunted softly, her shoulders drooping as she lifted her chin. "Yes, I know, but I'm fine, Mom. I just have to pass these exams, or else I'll have to go to summer school and then I won't get my diploma at the graduation ceremony and-"
"And if you pass out from sleep deprivation in the middle of an exam, the same could happen," Topanga snapped the textbook shut and pulled it away from her daughter. "Come on. I'm not going to leave you until you come home. I'm all for studying, but this is too much."
Brushing hair out of her tired, dull brown eyes, Riley breathed a long sigh, standing up on shaky legs and gathering her books close to her chest. "I'm coming," she told Topanga, and as she took her first step she faltered, her legs buckling under her.
In a heartbeat, before Riley hit the ground, Topanga had grabbed her by the armpits, lifting her back to her feet with a concerned look on her face. "Riley," she said, taking the books from her and sitting her back down, "What's wrong? And don't you dare try to say it's nothing because I know it's something."
Riley avoided looking into her mother's eyes, glancing down at the ground with a sigh. "I'm just... Under a lot of stress right now, okay? School stuff." She lied. She had lied to her mother. One more lie, like all of her fake smiles and laughs. But this isn't a lie, she told herself, desperate for the stabbing pain to go away. I'm just not saying the whole truth. She doesn't need to know the whole truth. Nobody needs to.
Topanga frowned, the concerned look in her eyes, but if she didn't believe her daughter, she didn't act like it. "Okay... Just... Come on. It's... Time to go to bed."
I'll go to bed, Riley thought as she followed her mother out of the bakery, dragging her feet. She tread carefully, her knees wobbling weakly. Doesn't mean I'll actually get any sleep... At the thought of sleep, oh, glorious sleep, Riley's jaws parted in an involuntary yawn. I... I wish I could just go to sleep and get away from all this...
Their apartment building, a fancy Brownstone, was not far at all, a short walk up the street. The Village was generally a safer part of the city, but after The Incident, neither Topanga nor Riley was willing to take any chances, and the young brunette clung to her mother's side for protection.
Their breaths coming out in puffs of cold, shimmering air in front of them, their shoes crunched the few patches of snow that had escaped melting as the subway trains rumbled beneath the city. Riley shivered, pulling her winter coat closer to her small frame. Her eyes darted nervously back and forth, scanning the area for anyone other than her and her mother, for she couldn't shake the feeling of somebody watching her.
"Riley, are you sure you're okay?" Topanga asked gently, and the concern in her mother's eyes made snapping at her harder.
"Yes, Mom," Riley forced her voice to stay even, not willing to let it waver for a word. She pushed open the door to the apartment building, giving it a little extra 'umph' from her weak arms."I'm just... Dealing with some things right now, and I have to do it on my own, okay?"
They entered the building, greeted politely by the security guard as they unlocked the door to the main lobby, waited a moment, and hopped onto the elevator. Topanga sighed softly, obviously hurting for her daughter. "I know. But you don't have to do it alone, Riley. I'm here for you if you need me, you know that." She emphasized her point by wrapping her arms around her daughter's slight shoulders.
"I know," Riley replied softly, leaning her head onto her mother's shoulders.
The elevator ride was silent after that, other than the ding as each floor was passed, and the slightly ragged breaths that Riley tried to hide. The elevator doors slid open, and slowly they walked down the hallway and quietly tiptoed into the apartment.
"Get some sleep," Topanga whispered quietly so that she wouldn't wake her sleeping husband and son. "I'll see you in the morning. Sleep in as long as you like."
"Kay," Riley said reluctantly, starting to walk into her room. "Goodnight."
Topanga reached out with a gentle hand to stop her, gently kissing her daughter on her forehead as if she were a little girl again. "Goodnight, Riley. I love you."
Riley smiled weakly, pulling away. "Love you too, Mom."
A few minutes later, once the brunette had changed into her pajamas and thrown her hair into a messy ponytail, Riley sat in her bay window, staring out into the city. She sighed softly, reaching out to close the curtains. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed her reflection in the glass.
She didn't know that there could be such dark, deep circles surrounding her eyes, or that those eyes could be so... so dull. Her face was pale, her hair a frizzy mess. A pimple the size of Jupiter on her forehead.
She didn't want anyone to see her like this. So, drawing in a deep breath, she forced herself to smile.
That's not me, she thought with disdain. The girl she saw, the girl she knew her friends saw, the girl full of hope and sunshine and rainbows... She wasn't there. And the realization hit her like a ton of bricks. And it hurt. It hurt so much.
But oh, how desperately Riley wanted to find her again, to truly be the ray of sunshine everyone saw in her. She felt fake, no better than the likes of Missy Bradford, when she and Maya did their handshake, or she squeezed the life out of Smackle, or laughed at Zay's corny jokes.
She slammed the curtains shut, sick of seeing that ghost of herself in the glass. Turning around she glared at the bright colors that decorated her room; they seemed to be taunting her- Laugh with us, Riley, be happy with us, Riley, be Smiley Riley again-
-WELL I CAN'T! She mentally snapped at herself, stalking over to shut the lights off. The voices persisted for a heartbeat or two, then faded to an uncomfortable silence as she slipped into bed, a wave of tears rushing to greet her weary eyes.
Despite her lack of sleep, Riley's mind still buzzed, alive with thoughts of self-doubt and worthlessness. And it was hours after she had gone to bed before she finally managed to cry herself into a restless, dreamless sleep, drenching her pillow in a torrent of tears.
The ruckus of the school cafeteria was too much for Riley's liking Monday afternoon. Within the buzz and chatter about daily "news"- the lastest break-ups, make-ups, and the outfit so-and-so was wearing- everyone's eyes seemed to find their way to her- sometimes for just a heartbeat, other times for much longer. Either way, Riley folded in on herself, desperately trying to ignore the burning of the stares, drilling into her very soul.
You would've thought after six months they'd get over it, and leave her be, perhaps let her try and forget the whole Incident happened (Okay, that was wishful thinking, but she desperately wanted it to happen) but of course not. No matter how much time passed, she was still a topic of debate, still the center of attention.
There was a time she would've thrived on attention, although not this kind. Now any kind of special attention seemed to bring her further into her own shell.
A pair of arms around her neck jolted her out of her thoughts, and panic soared through her veins for all of two, terrible seconds before she realized that it was just none other than Isadora Smackle, greeting her friend in her own Smackle-y way.
For an instant, Riley relaxed, and smiled a genuine smile. "Hey, Isadora," she greeted her, patting the seat beside her. The way their schedules worked out, every other day their entire friend group had the same lunch period. This was not one of those days. It would just be Riley, Zay and Smackle sitting together, an odd trio within their group. Nonetheless, Riley still enjoyed their company, especially Smackle, with whom she had become close friends with over the past few yeats, even more so in the past few months.
"Hello, Riley," Isadora greeted her. "I will be right back; I have to go get my food."
Riley nodded in acknowledgement. "Okay," she said to the back of the young genius's head, as Smackle had already been heading towards the lunch line before Riley had a chance to offer a response.
A few minutes passed before Riley noticed a distinct lack of Zay anywhere- she had seen him earlier that morning, so she knew he was at school. She picked at her food a bit, then scanned the cafeteria for any sign of her friend.
She found him talking animatedly with a group of girls in their grade, and at first she dismissed it as nothing new and rolled her eyes. Zay had always been a flirt, especially since his long-distance relationship with Vanessa had failed back in their sophomore year- they remained good friends, but just that, only friends.
Then she did a double take- the cocky grin he usually wore during his flirting sessions was gone, replaced with a look of anger and defensiveness that seemed foreign on his face. Riley frowned. Something wasn't right.
The girls- Missy Bradford and two of her "popular" friends- didn't seem to happy either. Whatever Zay was saying, it clearly made them angry.
Glancing at the lunch line to make sure Smackle was in no danger of coming back any time soon, Riley scurried across the cafeteria, quiet as a mouse and hoping not to attract any more attention to herself.
"You don't know what happened," Zay was growling as Riley came within earshot. None of them saw her yet.
Missy rolled her eyes. "Maybe I don't, but here's what I do know; the Abigail Adams football team lost in the playoffs this season because of that whiny little whore. And how you can side with her after that is beyond me."
Cold dread washed over Riley as she desperately tried to turn around before any of them saw her. She didn't move fast enough, and in an instant one of Missy's goons was blocking her way.
"Where ya going, Riley?" She sneered, and Riley's blood froze over. She gulped, struggling to find her suddenly nonexistent voice. Opening her mouth, she tried to respond, but not a word came out. Missy's sneer grew.
"Cat got your tongue? Or did the truth just knock you speechless? You know what we're saying is true. It's all your fault."
Riley shook her head slowly, stumbling as she tried to back away from her. "N-no," she protested feebly, her lower lip trembling despite her efforts to force it to stop. She gathered her courage and lifted her chin. "You don't know what happened, I-I didn't do anything wrong, I swear-"
"Listen to me, you little bitch," Missy snapped, glaring daggers at the trembling brunette. She grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her close enough to see the cracks in the make up caked on her face. "You did, you miserable piece of shit, and you know it."
Leave her alone, Missy," Zay said angrily, ripping Missy's hand from Riley's wrist. "Don't talk to her like that."
"I'll talk to her however I want," Missy glared at him for a second, then took a step closer to Riley, who stumbled up against a wall. "Look, I've tried to be nice-"
"Have you?" Zay butted in.
If she heard him, she didn't so much as bat an eyelid at his comment, instead focusing on the trembling, wide-eyed mess that was Riley. "Don't keep fooling yourself, Riley. People like me matter here. People like you will never matter. So stop messing things up for those of us who do."
Missy gave her one last glare before stalking away, her goons close behind her. Riley watched her go, fighting back the hurricane of tears threatening to burst from her eyes. She drew in a deep breath, daring a quick glance at Zay, who was muttering curses under his breath.
I'm not going to cry, not going to cry, she told herself, drawing herself up and lifting her chin. You're okay. She's the one who doesn't matter. You didn't do anything wrong. She doesn't know what happened. She doesn't know what she's talking about.
Riley sighed, still not completely convinced. Glancing around, she saw Smackle heading back to the table, saw her wandering eyes as she looked for them.
"Let's just go sit down and eat, Zay," she said sharply, careful not to let too much emotion creep into her voice. Zay glanced at her with a concerned look in his eyes.
"Are you okay, Riley?" he asked gently. She nodded curtly, desperate to get away from all the staring eyes. She breathed in a soft sigh and nodded, despite every fiber of her being screaming to just tell him, tell everyone how she really felt.
"Yeah," she said, her lips twitching up into a slight, fake smile. "I'm always okay."
Helloooooo, Pebble Nation! It's me, Pebble, back and better than ever with a new story for y'all!
Okay, scratch the better than ever part. High school is taking its toll on me, I'm constantly stressed out, and still very, very homesick and very, very stuck on how to continue the Unexpected Ties series. But in this state I found inspiration for the story that stands before you, Fragile: Handle With Care.
It's a little different than what I normally write, but I hope you like it. I'm kind of really proud of it, and hope that you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. It WILL be a multichapter, how long I'm not sure, I haven't gotten everything completely worked out. Which is where YOU come in!
I want feedback! I haven't started the next chapter yet, and my plans for the story are very vague. So while I have a few major plot points thought up, I want to hear your comments and suggestions! Tell me what I'm doing right, wrong, what you might want to see, etc.
A few points I want to mention
- this story starts off in January of 2020
- Farkle and Smackle are 17, almost 18
-Riley just turned 18
- Maya just turned 19
-Lucas and Zay are 19
Any questions? Just review or PM me. AND DON'T ASK WHAT "THE INCIDENT" WAS: YOU'LL FIND OUT WHEN YOU FIND OUT, NO SOONER NOR LATER! XD I know you'll still ask anyways. Doesn't mean I'll answer truthfully.
Oh, and one more thing- there is a reference in here, a reference to a movie that came out back in 2015. Find and Private Message me the reference and get a virtual cookie! JK, a one-shot request. Good luck!
I believe that's all, I love you guys to Pluto and back!
-Pebblemist out!