Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine. This story is not for profit -- please don't sue.

[A/N: Some fics just gel when you sit down to write them. This one didn't, even though it was something I really wanted to write. Revisions may happen at any time.]

The Amoral Man

by Bryony

I

"I think you should talk to her." At Wufei's blank look Sally elaborated, "Noin. She's come back, if you recall."

"You're her friend," Wufei retorted. "You talk to her."

Sally leaned back in her chair, making it squeak. The look she gave Wufei was the sort one would ordinarily reserve for an unusually dense child. He met it head on, knowing full well how much she was enjoying giving it to him. Slowly she said, "You're going to have to work with her at some point. It will be easier if you've already…made an effort to reconcile."

"What's to reconcile?" he asked through gritted teeth. "We ended up on the same side, in the end. Just like you and me."

Sally grinned then -- not a friendly smile, but a smug one -- and Wufei decided he disliked that expression even more than one she'd worn before, if that was possible. "As you say," she agreed easily and turned back to her work. "Just don't say I didn't warn you."

Wufei did not set out to follow Sally's advice, but when he visited the cafeteria just before closing time Noin was the only other person there, sitting alone at one of the long tables that stretched the length of the room. She looked up and saw him when he entered with his tray, and her eyes remained trained indiscreetly on his face, watching him go through the awkward decision of where to sit. Staring at him so, she didn't leave him much choice. He took a seat diagonal to her. She was almost finished eating anyway.

He gave her a quick once over while he set his tray down. Up close he could see that her face had thinned and paled since he'd seen her last, almost five years ago. Her lips in particular had become startlingly colorless. He did not pass comment, simply sat down to his meal, which was, in its own way, also startlingly colorless. He chewed with a faint expression of disgust.

"Wufei Chang," she said eventually, voice ringing loud in the quiet. "It's been quite a while. I see your manners still haven't improved any."

"Welcome back," he grunted, the irony dripping from his tongue like gravy.

Noin made a sound that may or may not have been meant as laughter. Wufei suspected most likely it was not. "Thank you," she said with sincerity equal to his; chagrined, Wufei thought.

"Sorry for your loss," he added, because he was here now and it seemed like the sort of silly female thing Sally would want him to say. But the tension in the room suddenly skyrocketed, and he saw he was mistaken.

Thirty seconds dragged by, then Noin suddenly pushed her chair back and stood up. "How dare you," she said, enunciating each word very clearly. "He was a good man. Better than you."

Wufei was somewhat startled by this attack, unprovoked as it was. That did not mean he was going to sit there and take it. "I don't recall saying that he wasn't," he said, adding with the slightest of sneers, "although since you mention it I can think of a few character flaws…" He trailed off. Noin was almost quivering with rage. He didn't think he'd ever seen her quite like this. Under other circumstances the impotent hostility might have annoyed or amused him, but having expected to find in Noin an ally this dogged bitterness perplexed -- even concerned -- him. Unconsciously he shifted back in his seat a little, spread his hands with his palms facing towards her, a gesture of subtle surrender. He had no real quarrel with Noin, after all, and no interest at all in starting one.

She was shaking her head; she kept shaking her head until she picked up her tray and her trash and her dignity and walked unhurriedly away. He watched her go without saying a word, but she didn't have him fooled; he had seen the telltale tremble to her chin. She was going outside to cry.

It was not in Wufei's nature to leave confrontations half finished, but nor was he in the habit of putting up with unwarranted histrionics; so he hesitated a moment, torn between following after Noin to demand an explanation or staying put and finishing his meal while she cried her eyes out and then buried her feelings back where they belonged. In the end he remained seated.

He took his time over his food, but it had gotten cold and even less appetizing than when he'd started eating. It didn't take long for him to decide he'd had enough, and then he followed the same path Noin had taken out the door. And it was there that he found her.

She wasn't gone, as he'd expected her to be. Instead of locking herself in a toilet stall or finding some other female friend to share her misery with, Noin had remained bluntly in the hallway. Apparently she hadn't intended for their confrontation to end when she left the room. She was leaning against the wall when he came out, one foot propped up against it, one arm crossed beneath her breasts and the opposite hand blotting away the last of her tears. She straightened when she saw him, her foot thudding back down to the floor.

Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, Wufei instead politely bowed his head and said formally, "Allow me to apologize for whatever I have done to offend you." Noin was obviously much more invested in her righteousness right now than he was; hopefully the quickest way to get her off his back would be simply to apologize. Feeling secure in the knowledge he had the strength of reason and a calm detachment on his side, Wufei felt he could easily grant her that.

"That's not necessary," Noin replied, so quickly she almost cut him off. Her tone remained distant and cold, and she looked past him rather than meet his eye. "I overreacted."

Apology rejected, Wufei returned to his customary bluntness and pointed out, "If you ask me, you still are," finally causing her to catch his gaze. "You might as well just tell me what your problem is."

Had Sally known about this bizarre grudge? Her earlier words about reconciliation rang in his ears, and irritation with her for leaving him purposely in the dark squirmed to life in his gut. He tried to stamp it out. Noin was about to confront him with something, and he wanted to make sure he retained the advantage when she did.

Noin shifted uneasily. She was no fool; she knew her display of emotion had done her no favors, and Wufei's calm -- even generous -- response to her bait played only in his favor. But she rallied, and after letting out a deep breath through her nose she finally faced him more squarely and said, "I question your position in the Preventers."

This shocked him. Of all the things he had expected to hear, after five years faithfully serving and protecting the peace, after being recruited by Sally Po of all people, one of Noin's few close friends, this was the last thing he'd thought might come out of her mouth. His shock betrayed him, and the word "Why?" blurted out of his mouth before he could stop it and replace the question with something more suitable.

She replied, hedging somewhat, even he could see that, "After fighting against you in the war I think I know a little better than most just what you're capable of."

He went blank. This was about his being a Gundam pilot? The fresh shock was almost enough to dampen the indignation igniting in his chest. Almost -- but not quite. "I fail to see your point," he said coldly, but still calmly. "Lady Une fought in the war. Zechs Marquise fought in the war. Yet I'm the only one you question?"

Mentioning Zechs was a low blow; it caused Noin to squeeze her eyes shut and reach blindly for the wall behind her for some support; but it was apt, and Wufei was not inclined to let her forget that. "Well?" he prodded.

"Zechs left Preventers after only one mission," she reminded him, and was gracious enough not to mention that his one mission had been defeating Dekim Barton. Wufei remembered that quite clearly enough on his own and let her have that victory, despite his certainty that if Marquise had stayed Noin never would have spoken out against it. Noin continued, "Lady Une was sick during the war. You don't have that excuse."

Wufei bristled. "I don't see that I need any excuse at all. I fought for what was right. I still am!"

"What's right?" Noin sounded breathless. "What's right about slaughtering people in their beds? What's right about killing your enemy without giving him the chance to survive or surrender? That's not what Preventers stand for!"

It was out now. The heart of her bitterness was laid bare -- but instead of pulsing with vulnerability it seemed to give Noin back the power she had lost.

"I was fifteen!" Wufei exploded. "I was fifteen!"

It was a sad, sorry, defensive little excuse, but it was all he had. And it was all Noin needed. She said with no unnecessary cruelty, "In my experience little boys don't grow out of their bad habits, they grow into worse ones."

Frustration and disbelief warred within him. It was an effort to bring himself under control, but he needed to: losing it now would only lend credence to Noin's "concerns." He said with icy courtesy, "No one here has ever had reason to doubt my professionalism. I follow protocol. My records are all on file. You can check for yourself."

"Believe me, Agent -- I already have."

"Then you should know already that I'm not a threat! Who are you even worried about anyway, huh? Civilians? Warmongers? Or your little former cadets turned Preventer? I haven't gone on any frenzied killing sprees in the last five years, Noin, what makes you think I'm suddenly going to start now that you've come back?"

The tables turned again, suddenly, as realization sparked in Wufei's mind. He glared up at her, easily meeting her eyes now as he pressed on with his offensive. "This isn't about your noble concern for anybody, is it? This is just your own, personal conflict of interest. You don't have a leg to stand on with your accusations, so you're clinging to the one time I did you wrong. Funny. You never struck me as the grudge-holding type. But you just haven't forgiven me, have you?"

"I might," Noin snapped in automatic response, "if you ever showed any remorse for your actions." Her words drew Wufei up short, and she seemed to have surprised herself as well, standing with her mouth open and blinking rapidly. Anger dimmed and then slowly flickered out in both of them.

"You think me amoral," he elaborated.

"Yes," she said at last. "I do."

He almost nodded, wanted to shrug with indifference, couldn't quite do either. "Well," he just said at last, "So I am. Just like your dead lover, or whatever he was." Noin's jaw tensed reflexively at his jibe, but he overrode her. "I know what I am," he snapped. "I know what I'm capable of. You think that means I shouldn't serve an organization of peace -- well I think the opposite. I'm here because the thought of what I might do elsewhere, out there…" His mouth twisted with unnecessary harshness, had to in order to force the words out. "You don't see my remorse? Well then let my fear suffice. We're each scared of the same damn thing." He looked away. Voicing the weakness inside him had been bad enough. He didn't want to chance seeing something he couldn't stomach on her face.

Noin said nothing, and Wufei knew he'd won. He still didn't look at her, but despite himself, he smiled. "Mars has improved you," he remarked, although there was no knowing if it was the red planet or what she'd lost there that actually accounted for the change. "You're less romantic. More bitter. I almost like this side of you."

"Well that makes one of us then," Noin said, and her voice came out in the harsh whisper of self loathing Wufei was more used to hearing come out of his own throat. "I have to go."

She really did leave this time, and he let her. This conversation had set her world spinning on a different axis. He'd had that happen to himself more times than was comfortable, and knew it to be a painful experience. It would take her time to recover from it. But if she was strong, she would.

And then perhaps…who knew?