Title: Antique Road Show goes to Bajor
Author: Monica Tully aka yavannasgrandmom
Rating: G
I wrote this one a few years ago, when DS9 was in season seven. A parody of DS9 and PBS' "The Antiques Road Show"
Disclaimer. This is for fun, not profit. Star Trek belongs to a whole bunch of people, but none of them are me. And God Bless PBS and their shows, which I also don't own.
-------------------
Announcer: "Welcome to the Antique Road Show. This week we're in BAJOR.
People are filling the hall now, with a wide variety of objects. Not only
Bajorans, but it looks like DS9 has brought in a considerable number of aliens.
Let's see what one of our Ferengi appraisers has found."
(We see a Ferengi, seated at a table with a Bajoran woman, and an old leather
book between them)
Ferengi: "What can you tell me about this object?"
Bajoran woman: "This book has been in my family for generations. It's an ancient
Bajoran sacred text."
(Ferengi looks at the book)
Ferengi: "Has anyone ever given you an appraisal on this book?"
Bajoran Woman: "I was told it's priceless, but could fetch up to 5000 bricks of
latinum at auction."
(Ferengi smiles sadly and with sympathy)
Ferengi: "I'm afraid you were had. Look here... (he turns the book over) "See
this mark on the binding? This is a duplicate of an ancient text. There were
millions of these made. This is totally worthless."
(Bajoran looks crestfallen.)
Ferengi: "Yes, it's a copy. You might as well not even take it back home. Here,
I'll take care of throwing it out for you."
(text appears at bottom of TV screen: copy of ancient text: worthless)
(Cut to another table. Bajoran man has several antique DOLLIES on the table.
Cardassian appraiser is handling them)
Fred the Friendly Cardassian: "Hmmm. These are ancient Bajoran figurines. They
were used quite often to capture pagh wraiths years ago. They can be very
valuable."
(Bajoran man looks hopeful)
Fred the Friendly Cardassian: "Of course, most of these no longer have wraiths
in them. Without the wraith, these are worth only a few slips of latinum. But
with the wraith, they are priceless."
Bajoran man: "How can you tell it it's got a wraith!?"
Fred the Friendly Cardassian: "Well, let's see...." (He cracks the dolly open. A
red light emerges and enters Fred).
Fred (in guttural voice): "I fear this dolly is empty. As all Bajor will be!"
(he crawls away, glowing and muttering evilly)
(Bajoran man is crestfallen. Figures appear at bottom of TV screen:
Bajoran dolly without wraith: 5 slips of latinum.)
Announcer: "Well, that's all we have time for this week. Join us next week when
the Antique Road Show goes to Betazed!"
THE END!
Author: Monica Tully aka yavannasgrandmom
Rating: G
I wrote this one a few years ago, when DS9 was in season seven. A parody of DS9 and PBS' "The Antiques Road Show"
Disclaimer. This is for fun, not profit. Star Trek belongs to a whole bunch of people, but none of them are me. And God Bless PBS and their shows, which I also don't own.
-------------------
Announcer: "Welcome to the Antique Road Show. This week we're in BAJOR.
People are filling the hall now, with a wide variety of objects. Not only
Bajorans, but it looks like DS9 has brought in a considerable number of aliens.
Let's see what one of our Ferengi appraisers has found."
(We see a Ferengi, seated at a table with a Bajoran woman, and an old leather
book between them)
Ferengi: "What can you tell me about this object?"
Bajoran woman: "This book has been in my family for generations. It's an ancient
Bajoran sacred text."
(Ferengi looks at the book)
Ferengi: "Has anyone ever given you an appraisal on this book?"
Bajoran Woman: "I was told it's priceless, but could fetch up to 5000 bricks of
latinum at auction."
(Ferengi smiles sadly and with sympathy)
Ferengi: "I'm afraid you were had. Look here... (he turns the book over) "See
this mark on the binding? This is a duplicate of an ancient text. There were
millions of these made. This is totally worthless."
(Bajoran looks crestfallen.)
Ferengi: "Yes, it's a copy. You might as well not even take it back home. Here,
I'll take care of throwing it out for you."
(text appears at bottom of TV screen: copy of ancient text: worthless)
(Cut to another table. Bajoran man has several antique DOLLIES on the table.
Cardassian appraiser is handling them)
Fred the Friendly Cardassian: "Hmmm. These are ancient Bajoran figurines. They
were used quite often to capture pagh wraiths years ago. They can be very
valuable."
(Bajoran man looks hopeful)
Fred the Friendly Cardassian: "Of course, most of these no longer have wraiths
in them. Without the wraith, these are worth only a few slips of latinum. But
with the wraith, they are priceless."
Bajoran man: "How can you tell it it's got a wraith!?"
Fred the Friendly Cardassian: "Well, let's see...." (He cracks the dolly open. A
red light emerges and enters Fred).
Fred (in guttural voice): "I fear this dolly is empty. As all Bajor will be!"
(he crawls away, glowing and muttering evilly)
(Bajoran man is crestfallen. Figures appear at bottom of TV screen:
Bajoran dolly without wraith: 5 slips of latinum.)
Announcer: "Well, that's all we have time for this week. Join us next week when
the Antique Road Show goes to Betazed!"
THE END!