Notes: Yay! I got a new laptop charger thing, so I'm Back! This is the wacky whodunit story I said I was gonna write from ch. 20 of Yeah, I'm So Over You. SO read that if you haven't, cause this is gonna confuse you if you didn't. Like I said a few weeks ago, I've lost my funniness. So you're stuck with this crap, sorry. My mind is a little twisted at the moment. Oh, and a new chapter for Yeah, I'm So Over You, is up. So read these and review peeps!
Whodunit?
"Glen, are you serious?" Lauryyin squealed when he handed her the plot of the whodunit game. He nodded and continued handing out the papers. He had this all planned out, it was perfect. Until some of the dumb asses decided to change their costumes. No worries, though. He had it all figured out.
You see, Glen loves Halloween. And since Mark agreed to let him have his Whodunit game at his party, and Glen, being the comical genius that he is, decided that WWE Superstars with Halloween costumes would make for a perfect Whodunit game. Sure, it was Mark and Lauryyin's party, but this was Glen's time.
Here's the back-story. Vincent McHunter Hearst Helmsley is the boss. The big cheese owner of the WWE, World's Wackiest Egomaniacs. It consisted of all sorts of different people. From super heroes, to Death himself. McHunter Hearst Helmsley was not only the richest man in the whole universe, he was hated by everybody. So when he was found dead at Death's Halloween party with all his current and former employees there, everyone is considered a suspect.
Officer Jericho is a former Superstar in the WWE. Now he's a Detective. Since he was at the party, he decided to run the case.
Death is the party host. He scared everyone into coming to the party, but promised not to hurt anybody, so Officer/Detective Jericho has taken him off of the list of suspects. He also has taken Death's Angel off of the suspect list. Since she only pleases Death.
Suspect number one is Shawn McMahon. Officer/Detective Jericho knows that something isn't right with him. He's always been jealous of his dad's success. And the annoying little dance he does just scares him.
The next possible suspect that comes to Jericho's mind is Sub-Mysterio. Not only does Jericho think that he is a waste of ice, he knows that he and McHunter Hearst Helmsley absolutely hated each other. He doesn't quite remember why, but he knows it had something to do with freezing grapefruits, or something.
The next suspect is Green Helms. Not only does he run around in green and black tights with a cape, his weapon is a ring. The thought of that made Jericho laugh. Green Helms is a suspect because he hates Sub-Mysterio's guts. So even though he hasn't really gotten under McHunter Hearst Helmsley's nose, he might've killed him to frame Sub-Mysterio. Jericho's also heard from the Joker, that Helms is searching for Captain Marvel and that Sub-Mysterio is hiding from Scorpion. Those two are former WWE Superstars.
Then there's A Pimp Named Latino Heat and his rival, A Pimp Named MonCena. Those two used to be friends, until they had a falling out over some Space hoes. Jericho heard from the Joker that those two only came here to find Zombie hoes since they're at Death's house. He also found out that when the two were on good terms, they did some business with McHunter Hearst Helmsley, and he didn't pay them.
Elvis Hardy is the entertainer of the WWE. He was promised free pizza by McHunter Hearst Helmsley and didn't get it. At least that's what Joker told Jericho. So that's why he's considered a suspect.
Jacob Goodnight is a new Superstar. Everyone was told to steer clear of him, on account of him being a psychopath.
Then there's Bat-Tista. Just the thought of him made Jericho laugh. He thought Bat-Tista was a big assclown. Running around in his black tights and cape. Not only does Jericho hate Bat-Tista, he's tried to…ahem..86 him from the WWE. See, Jericho and the Joker are buds, and Bat-Tista and the Joker are mortal enemies. So of course Jericho was gonna take Joker's side.
This leads us to the next suspect on Officer/Detective Jericho's list, Joker. Even though he's an acquaintance of Jericho, he knows that he cant trust him. Joker's sneaky, always up to something.
Next suspect is Randy Krueger. Ugly guy, fucked up face. Just one look at his hands, and Jericho put him on the list.
Then there's this vampire bitch that McHunter Hearst Helmsley hired a few years back. Jericho heard from Joker that Vince had a fling with her, so Jericho wasn't surprised when he found bite marks on his neck.
Next is that damn Banshee. Vince also had a fling with her, Joker said. She kind of scares Jericho.
Suspect Chrystarella was supposed to be at another Halloween party, but she couldn't get in, at least that's what Joker told Jericho. She came with her reject prince who just follows her around. They're also Superstars in the WWE and the thought of those two still working there and Jericho being fired was just ludicrous. Jericho doesn't think they are suspects, but he hates their guts for still being in the WWE and he isn't. He thinks it's just ricockulous!
"This would've been a pretty nice party, if it wasn't for the sudden and unexplainable death of our beloved Vincent McHunter Hearst Helmsley." Jericho mused as he paced the room back and forth.
"Speaking of him, if he's dead, why's he talking to Cena over there?" That was Adam, dressed as The Joker.
"If you two don't stay in character, I'm gonna chokeslam you both!" Glen, who was dressed as Jacob Goodnight from his upcoming movie, screamed.
"As I was saying, before I was so very rudely interrupted. Our precious boss, Vincent McHunter Hearst Helmsley was killed today." Jericho said as he continued pacing back and forth. Everyone was in the front room.
"And from the notes that I've collected, the killer is in this very room. Everyone is a suspect." When Jericho said that, he turned to Shawn McMahon, who was silently sobbing on Bat-Tista's shoulder. Jericho always knew he was strange.
"Everyone's a suspect except us." Death drawled. No matter how cocky Jericho is, he always gets a little spooked when he's around Death.
"Yeah, everyone's a suspect, except Death and his sex toy." After Jericho said that, both Death and Death's Angel shot him looks that sent shivers down his spine. "Sorry." He gave a weak smile and Death growled at him.
After an hour of boring ass interrogations, where he wanted to tell half of them to shut the hell up, Jericho narrowed the suspect list down. He even put the cleared suspects into their own little detective group. Keep them distracted so he can really find the killer, Jericho thought. Isn't he brilliant?
He ruled out Randy, on account of Vince not having any cuts and bruises.
He also ruled out the Banshee, although he wanted to slap her. McHunter Hearst Helmsley's eardrums were still intact and no glass was broken.
He also ruled out the Punk Prince and Princess. Even though he hates their guts and would love to see them get thrown into jail. He's a professional and he has to do his job. They have no reason to be considered a suspect, unless they killed him with their utter boringness and morbidity.
He ruled out Goodnight, on account of him rocking back and forth, talking to his hook and chain. Creepy.
"Clue number one." Jericho said aloud, still pacing back and forth. He had one of MonCena's pimp cards in his hands. One of the members of the little detective team got it out of McHunter Hearst Helmsley's pocket.
"Damn, I didn't know that pimps carried business cards!" He laughed. "So why was this card found inside McHunter Hearst Helmsley's pants?" Jericho asked, getting right into the face of A Pimp Named MonCena.
"Yo, I told all ya'll he was a client. He must've enjoyed my services." Mon Cena replied. "Wait a minute ese. That card has my name on it, too." A Pimp Named Latino Heat exclaimed. He was sitting next to MonCena. As soon as he said that, he snatched the card out of Jericho's hand. That utterly pissed Jericho off, but he let it slide, for the time being.
"Man, this card was from when we were pimping together, homes. I don't even have any of those anymore." Latino Heat seemed like he was lost in his own thoughts from looking at that card.
"Hey, so you guys mean that you two aren't working together? Cause I could've sworn that I heard MonCena tell good ol' Vince that you were. Something's fishy." Joker said adding his annoying laugh.
Jericho thought for a while and came to the conclusion that Joker was right. After all, he was right about McHunter Hearst Helmsley being one of their clients.
"So are you two together now?" Jericho asked, looking from MonCena then to Latino Heat. They both frowned at Jericho. "Yo man, I ain't gay!" MonCena screamed.
"I meant are you two working together, you incompetent assclown! Are you two working together?" Jericho screamed. "Hell no, vato. After he stole my hoe from outer space, we've been fighting." Latino Heat explained.
This gave Jericho the idea that MonCena might've used the card to get close to McHunter Hearst Helmsley to kill him. But just when he was beginning to ask a few more questions, the electricity in the house just shut off. The whole house went black and the room went silent. All of a sudden, a shrill scream was heard from the couch.
When the lights were back on, everyone else started screaming at the sight on the couch. There was A Pimp Named MonCena, covered in blood, dead.
"And the killer strikes again!" The Joker screamed. A Pimp Named Latino Heat looked completely pissed. "Órale man! He's got blood all over my hoe catching suit." After he said that, he ran off mumbling something.
With this sudden death of MonCena, Jericho had no more leads. Other than the killer is still out there. He decided to cross out Latino Heat, because he knows that Latino Heat wouldn't mess up his hoe catching suit for anything!
"Back to square one. Send Death in to get the body." Jericho said as his little detective crew searched for clues on MonCena's body. "Damn, John. Mark's gonna flip when he sees that fake blood on his couch." Lauryyin laughed.
As if he was psychically connected to the words, he came over and immediately began bitching about his couch. "Glen, since this was your idea, your ass is buying me a new couch!" He screamed as he carried the 'dead' body of MonCena outside, where McHunter Hearst Helmsley was chilling with the rest of the partygoers that didn't want to play were.
"Damn, I never pegged Death as a neat freak." Jericho laughed. Now they were back in character. While Death was outside taking the souls of MonCena and McHunter Hearst Helmsley, the lights inside cut off again. This time the shrill scream came from the Banshee herself. When the lights cut back on, two people were on the floor.
The screaming Banshee and Death's Angel. "Oh no! Death's gonna kill us all!" Joker screamed. Jericho agreed with Joker. Death's Angel was the only thing that Death cared about, except for the souls he tortures. But seriously, Death was gonna go crazy. Nobody gave a damn that the Banshee was killed, she was annoying as hell anyway.
"What the hell happened?" That was Death. And that was Jericho's cue to get the hell out of the way. He almost got away until scary ass Bat-Tista sold him out. Officer/Detective Jericho saw his life flash before him as Death walked up to him.
"Jericho, you had better find the killer or I swear I'm gonna kill you!" Death growled into the face of Jericho. After a few more threats to everyone else in the room, he grabbed the body of his lover and went to his basement.
"Okay, my ass is on the line now. I'm gonna find this killer!" Jericho screamed. When he did, it caused everyone else stare at him. While everyone else was staring, Jericho noticed someone in a black ski mask outside the sliding glass doors. That's our killer, Jericho thought.
"Can someone get that damn Banshee off of the floor, please? Thank ya, thank ya very much." Elvis Hardy suddenly spoke up. That snapped him out of his thoughts. He seriously needed to find this killer, unless he was gonna die.
Jericho decided to pick the brain of the number one suspect, Vincent McHunter Hearst Helmsley's own son, Shawn. When Jericho found him, he was sitting over in a corner humming his theme song and rocking back and forth like an idiot.
"McMahon!" Jericho screamed, trying to get him out of his trance. "Oh, what's up Chris. How's that search for the killer going?" Shawn asked.
"Hmmm, you tell me. You can play that little innocent idiot game with everyone else, junior. But I know it was really you who killed all those people." Jericho screamed as he pointed a finger at him.
"I didn't kill anybody. I just wanna dance!" And with that, he jumped up and started doing that little annoying little Shawn-O-Mac shuffle and shake that he always does.
Jericho was giving him a glare that could be considered bone chilling, but Shawn was too busy dancing to notice. This was frustrating the hell out of him. "Dammit Shawn! You know you're the killer!" Jericho yelled and stomped his feet.
Shawn stopped his dance and gave Jericho a completely shocked expression. "Oh my lordy! I'm the killer? I killed all those people? How in the blazes did I do that?" Shawn exclaimed in mock surprise.
This made everyone else in the room laugh, but it made poor Officer/Detective Jericho even more frustrated. "Enough! Shawn you know that you killed those pe-" Before Jericho could continue, the lights cut off again. This time the only scream heard was from Jericho. He was screaming because Shawn had jumped into his arms like a five year old little girl.
When the lights cut back on, everyone in the room burst into laughter. "Assclown, get off me!" Jericho growled as he dropped Shawn on the floor. When Jericho gained his composure back, he turned around to see the masked dude standing over a very dead Elvis Hardy and a very dead vampire queen with a stake through her chest.
"And the killer strikes again!" Joker laughed. Why he thought that was funny, Jericho had no clue. Just the fact that Joker thinks it's funny makes him even more of a suspect in Jericho's book.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! The killer strikes again!" That's Shawn, running around the room like a lunatic with his hair flying everywhere. Again, everyone burst into fits of laughter.
So far, most of the people being killed are the suspects. With the exception of Death's Angel and the Banshee. This made Jericho think, maybe the killer is one of the members of his detective crew.
"Any of you guys have a back ski mask?" Jericho asked aloud. Everyone shook their heads. "Dammit, the killer has on a black ski mask!" Jericho blurted out. He wanted to keep that little piece of info to himself. When those words flew out of his mouth, the whole room went into a rampage.
They were running all over the house looking for a masked dude. As much as this amused Jericho to watch those idiots run around like the little pansy assclowns they are, he had better things to do.
While everyone else was distracted, Jericho and Joker went to look for A Pimp Named Latino Heat. They found him in the kitchen.
"So, did the masked dude distract everyone?" Latino Heat asked. "Yeah, you should see em'." The Joker laughed. You see kiddies, Jericho and his boys hired the masked dude to distract them from what was really going on. Since Jericho got fired, he plotted an evil plan to take over the WWE.
And if the masked dude does his job right and scares Shawn into signing those papers, Jericho will become the new chairman of the World's Wackiest Egomaniacs. Was all the extra killing necessary, hell no. But Jericho doesn't care because he hated them.
While Jericho and his goons plotted and waited in the kitchen, Jacob Goodnight snapped out of his trance of talking to his hook and chain. He went the basement door to try and coax Death out. If you can call offering to kill someone so Death can take their soul coaxing.
Apparently, Death has some power of resurrection, because he brought back a very alive Death's Angel, who was killed earlier. Jacob explained the wackiness of all the remaining Superstars and their running around. He also informed him that a one Officer/Detective Jericho has went missing along with the Joker and before those two went missing, Latino Heat went missing.
Strangely, Jacob and Death formed a team and decided to find this killer on their own. They gave Death's Angel the job of finding and capturing the masked dude, since they're smart enough to know that he isn't the killer, unlike the idiots running around.
While Death and Jacob are gone to find Jericho and his crew, Death's Angel decided to go into a vacant room. For some reason, she had a feeling that the masked dude would follow her in here. "I knew you'd follow me in here." She said. Her voice was as dark and rough as Death.
Since she was close to the door, she closed it shut and locked it. "You annoy the hell out of me, you know that?" She said. As soon as that came out, there was a knock on the door. "Stay in character Lauryyin!" Glen growled.
Back in characters, Death's Angel darkly laughed and opened the door for Jacob and Death. They interrogated the hell out of the masked dude until the got the info that whoever the killer was, had hired him to be a distraction from them.
He said he didn't know who was the killer, but he was paid by some ugly dude with his face painted. He also said he had green hair and laughed like a hyena or something. Jacob and Death knew who paid him. The Joker.
They all walked into the front room where everyone was still looking around for the masked man. Shawn even walked into the masked dude and continued searching for him. Strange man…
Jericho nor his goons had heard anything from the masked man and they figured he had been captured. This made Officer/Detective Jericho upset! He sent his goons out one at a time to see what's going on. Since A Pimp Named Latino Heat wasn't his closest friend, like Joker is, he sent him out first.
When Latino Heat emerged from the kitchen, he saw complete chaos. The dead superstars were alive, well everyone but Vince McHunter Hearst Helmsley. Including MonCena, who was waiting for Latino Heat when he came out of the kitchen. He thought he was going crazy, so he ran back into the kitchen with Jericho and Joker.
"Órale homes! Fuck zombie hoes, there's zombie dudes in there!" Latino Heat screamed. "What the hell do you mean?" The Joker asked. "All the people we've killed are alive, ese! Except for McHunter Hearst Helmsley." Latino Heat was practically going crazy, but Jericho stayed calm.
"Fine. I'll just get the damn paper signed myself. Align yourself with a bunch of scary assclowns, great idea Jericho!" Officer/Detective Jericho mumbled to himself as he exited the kitchen. He wasn't scared, oh no. He's Officer/De-fucking-tective Jericho dammit!
When he walked into the room, everyone was silent. Death had a glare that made Jericho want to run. When he looked at Death's Angel, he saw that her glare was pretty much the same. Wait, he had killed her. And there were the others that he and his goons killed, with the exception of McHunter Hearst Helmsley. "Death!" Jericho mumbled.
He didn't know Death could resurrect. A minor setback in the plan, he thought. When he saw the masked dude in the grips of Jacob Goodnight, he knew that this could only get worse. He had one option, and that was to beg.
"This was not my idea." He barely whispered. Everyone still stared at him darkly. It's like Death has them in some kind of trance. All except for Shawn, who was still dancing and shaking his ass.
Death was sitting on some kind of throne. When he took his glare off of Jericho, he nodded at MonCena and Bat-Tista. They immediately took their glares off of Jericho, and entered the kitchen. They heard a few screams and laughs from Joker, and a few seconds later, the Joker and Latino heat were in the same trance that everyone else was in.
"Okay, I surrender. What do you want?" Jericho asked. "I don't want you, boy. He does." Death growled as he pointed to the sliding glass door. Behind it, was Vince McHunter Hearst Helmsley. "Oh hell no!" Jericho screamed. "Shut Upppp!" McHunter Hearst Helmsley yelled.
"Look everyone, it's the kiss-my-ass club's newest member." Shawn said. He was still shaking and dancing. Everybody started laughing, which was out of character, since they were supposed to be in a trance. "Stay in char- Fuck it, lets dance!" Glen laughed and started dancing with Shawn and Paul. By now everyone but Mark was dancing. "They're gonna be pissed when they find out I'm recording this." He said as he watched them dance. "Bunch of fucking retards." He growled.
A/N: Just incase you don't know… Banshee is Melina, Elvis Hardy is Matt Hardy, Vampire is Amy Dumas, the Punk Prince is Shannon Moore. The rest, you should've been able to figure out. Hope you liked it!