Gone- Violetflamedancer

SUMMARY- "Zexion... I know I've done something unforgivable... Something that no one could forgive, but I'm asking one thing... Just please forgive me. If you understood the hurt and the pain that I was dealing with then you would understand... That's all I'm asking..."

Chapter 1: The Message

Character Bios:

Riku- Age: 17. Abused by his step-father, Riku projects a negative and dark aura, when truely on the inside, he's a very outgoing, selfless, and under control individual. Riku keeps his abuse a secret, and barely has friends, due to his dark aura. Cutter.

Zexion- Age 17. Socially rejected, Zexion keeps to himself, and his two friends, Riku and Xion. Although he is an intellectual teen, Zexion thinks he doesnt get the respect he deserves. Cutter.

Xion- Age: 16. Tired of living in the shadow of her two popular brothers, Sora-Sports Jock and Improve/Drama King Roxas, Xion became friends with Riku and Zexion. Anorexic.

(Pov: Riku)

"My God, I can't stay up all night punishing you for your wrong-doings, you dick weeded child." He spat, leaving me in a bloody mess on the floor.

This time, the beating had gone so far, that I could barely feel the pain. What was my life turning out to be? Dying, because my stepdad had abused me, and played attack Riku. You would think that somebody would notice. I always looked too pale, hands would shake severly, and had dark bags under my eyes, from lack of sleep. They never did. Never would imagine the emo, a cutter, would be abused. Surely, I had enough. Enough of feeling lonely and like there was nothing I could do. Nothing to stop the beating.

I got up, regardless of my state. If I skipped another day of school, he would surely kill me. It hurt, moving my back. Doing any physical movement hurt, but I had to go to school. Using the wall for support, I edged my way to my bed, and dropped down, leaning against the headboard. My cell phone was vibrating on my nightstand. It was a text from my best friend, Zexion.

'Riku. Is /he/ beating you again? You need to answer me as soon as you can.' I bit my lip, reading the text. Yeah, Zexion knew about the beating. It's kinda obvious when he saw the scars and the blood.

I had ran away from home, and headed for Zexion's house. I was only 15 at the time, and I had no other place to go. I climbed the tree that was next to his house, and slipped in through the window.

"Riku?! What the fucking hell! Why are you in my room?" Zexion cursed, under his breath. My breathing was ragged, and my long silver bangs were covering the swelling black eye.

"Zexion... I need your help..." That was enough for Zexion not to push me away. I'm not the type to ask for help. He edged me over to his bed, and I brushed my bangs away, and showed him my eye.

"My God... Riku... What happened?..." His voice had some uncertainty to it. Like he hadn't wanted to know what happened. I simply just took off my vest, the long sleeved shirt, and turned to him. My back had begun to bleed again, the shirt sticky with blood. His aqua eyes went wide.

"Riku..." I just shook my head.

"Stepdad abuses me." I said, looking down. I wasnt sure what he was going to do. I wasnt sure of anything anymore. Zexion got up, and left the room, and then came back after a few seconds with a white box. He sat behind my back, which made my nerves go on high alert. I couldnt trust anyone with my back. Too many times being abused does that. I turned quickly, to see him opening the box, and pulled out some Neosporin.

"Let me see your back." He whispered. After a few tense moments, I slowly edged back and grabbed my wrist, digging my bitten off fingernails into my cutter wrists. Zexion, along with Xion, were the only ones that knew that I cut. Zexion cut himself too, while Xion starved herself. She couldn't bring herself to even hold a blade to her skin, let alone see the blood flow.

"So... I'm guessing taking you to the hospital is out of question... Isn't it?" Zexion slowly smeared the ointment on my back, and then covered it in clean gauze. I slowly released my strong hold on my wrist, as he got back in my line of sight.

"Tell anyone, and I'll make your life a personal hell..." My voice was so quivery, the threat sounded like a plea for help. God, how I hated being helpless. Biting my lip was everything I could do, to try and not jump out the window and commit suicide...

'I'll tell you later. Meet me at the place asap.' I sent back quickly, my vision blurring. I couldn't do anything that wouldn't make my back scream in pain. Still, I had to move. I grabbed a relatively clean long sleeved shirt, and eased it on, whimpering when the fabric touched the open wounds.

Note to self: take a serious amount of pain killers.

A shower was out of question too. Sighing, I popped three pain killers, dry, and grabbed my bag, and dashed out of the house.

Our hangout spot was an old abandoned equipment shack that sat on the edge of the school's grounds. The forest concealed most of it, so it made it hard for easy access.A plus when we wanted to be alone, a minus when you were me and your stepdad abuses you, and your only point of entry is by sliding against a tree with barbed wire around it.

I was ready to cut myself about now.

"Riku... Is that you?" Zexion's voice called from the shack. I grunted, and pushed back the thorny bush.

"No, it's the Angel of Death. No shit it's me, you asshat." Even when severely hurt, I still had to be a smart ass. Zexion came out of the shack, as I stumbled into the little clearing. He instantly saw my too pale state, and helped me into the building, without asking. It was kinda like a drill now. He would help me into the room and bandage my wounds, while I would explain the situation, and eat out of the box of food, we normally stored there. As Zexion took off my sticky shirt, he gasped.

"Holy shit. Riku... This is too much blood... You need to go to the hospital." Zexion said, taking out the bandages and pain killers. I jerked away and glared at him.

"Dude, no. We can't risk it. They would totally contact my stepdad. Then you would have a corpse on your hands. Seriously, Zex no. Just bandage me up, so I can fail another math test. I don't get hurt much when I fail tests." I stated, easing myself back to facing him.

I'm the type to not take care of myself, and no matter what, I was always hurting. Either it was physically, from being beat or actual cutting of myself, or emotionally. I've had bad relationships in the past. Girls would only date me cause I work out and have muscles, but as soon as they spent more than five minutes with my sun shining attitude, they would leave me. I even had this bit of an attraction to Xion, ever since she joined our group. It was a little awkward to really talk to her, since she had the tendency to bring up about her brothers, Sora and Roxas. Whom I've had crushes' on. I swear it's the eyes. The beautiful sky blue eyes...

"I understand..." He said in a very steady and through clenched teeth voice. I wanted to cut so badly now, but Zexion wouldn't allow it. Sometimes he acted more like a Mother Hen, then a best friend.

After a few minutes of silence, and being bandaged, there was a rustling outside. Xion was coming. Zexion threw me an extra shirt that we hid here, just in case and I threw it on, as the door opened.

"Oh. You guys are here early." Xion brightly said, smiling, and closing the door. Her black hood covered up here face, protecting her from the heavy rain. I shrugged and went over to the food box and opened the flaps, seeing nothing.

"Hello Xion. How are you?" Zexion said, keeping her eyes on him, not the bloody shirt behind his backpack. She sat down in a chair next to him, and brushed back a stray hair.

"I'm okay..." She stated, seeming like she was depressed. I sighed, and went over to the unoccupied chair. All was quiet as we sat together, looking around. Sometimes we would sit like this, and enjoyed the peace and quiet. Other times, the silence was too much and we would fill it with meaningless chatter. I was starting to feel woozy, and apparently I looked the part because Zexion tossed me a Snickers candy bar. Xion looked at me in confusion, but as always I ignored her, and ripped open the packaging.

"You know... I've been noticing that you two act differently around me. The strange glances, meeting extra early, even sharing candy... Did you two hook up or something?!" Xion asked, her body leaning forward. The bite of candy got stuck in my throat, causing me to cough.

"You're looking at this at the wrong angle, Xion. Why would Riku ever want to date me, when it's obvious he's more attracted to people that have happy personalities." Zexion stated, pulling out a book, and opening to some random page. I looked down and away. With Xion's sky blue eyes staring at me, I felt like I was on fire. Not to mention in extreme pain. Xion scoffed, and pouted, looking away and crossing her arms across her chest.

"Don't think that I can't tell when there's a big secret. You two always act suspicious when something's up." She wasn't going to budge on the subject. She may be related to a sports jock-Sora, and very popular drama king-Roxas, but she was stubborn. Just like her brothers. In the far distance, the school bell rang, notifying everyone that there was ten minutes tell school started. Zexion shut his book, and put it in his backpack, standing up and stretching.

"The bell beckons us for another day of torture." He said, while Xion stood, up grabbed her backpack and slung it across her back.

"You can say that again, Zex." I stood up, and started heading out the door. I wanted to get the hell out of the space that seemed to be closing in. It was like every second Xion spent wondering what Zexion and I were up to, was a second closer to her finding out my biggest secret. I was out of the shack, when I heard Xion gasp loudly.

"Zexion... What's that?" I didn't have to think hard enough to figure out that she found my shirt. The only thing left to do was run and hope that Zexion would cover for me.

-Later on that day-

As always, I didn't pay attention during school. Flunking two math tests and a history exam pretty much explained it all. The teachers hated me. It felt like whenever they came around to my table, they were raw nerve. Even if I knew what the hell the answer was, they would avoid me like the plague.

Just another reason to add to my growing list of why suicide was such a great option for me.

I met up with Zexion, as we started out for our little table for lunch. He had a huge piling tray of food, which was starting to smell really good. For some odd reason, there was two of everything. It was easy to tell what he had in mind. Zexion didn't need to get me food. Sure I was getting fuzzy every second, and my stomach was aching, but the kind gestures were starting to get on my nerves. He and I had sat down, and were divvying up the food, when tingles shot down my back. That only happened when someone was behind me.

"Hello Zexion, Riku." the person said, coming around the table. It was light, and very much a girl's voice. Calm and soothing. A voice that could make even the tenses of people calm down. Namine came into sight, as she sat down across from me and Zexion. It was strange for her to come sit with us. Hell, even if Xion joined us, it was strange. She spent her lunch, sitting in the bathroom, looking at her thin body, wishing it to be thinner. Namine always sat with her boyfriend Roxas and the other cool people. My stomach clenched, wondering what the hell was going on. Seriously, today was starting to become the worst day, I've ever lived through.

"It's a surprise to have you sitting with us, Namine." Zexion said, breaking the sudden and very awkward silence. Here I was, sitting with my hand wrapped around the edge of the table, stunned and feeling like I couldn't figure out how to move, or talk. It kinda felt like I was some fool in love that couldn't work up the courage to talk to the hottest person in school, who I had an attraction to. Besides the fact that, I WASNT in love with Namine, she wasn't my type, it was exactly the same. Sort of. Sure, Namine was considered very attractive, with her long blonde hair and lavender eyes, but she was too... sensitive. She looked like she was going to cry if you even looked at her wrong. It doesn't really help the situation when Roxas looked over her like a hawk.

"Xion invited me and her brothers to sit with you today." She said, quietly, looking across the table at Zexion and I. A second later, Xion and her popular brothers, Sora and Roxas, joined sitting down and around Namine. While I stared down at the food that Zexion had pushed underneath my nose, I felt the others looking strangely at me. Like I was some unwanted geeky freshman who had gathered the courage to sit at the popular table. These people were defiantly wearing my already raw nerves thin.

"Riku... You look super pale... Is something wrong?" Namine's voice was low and next to my ear. I was so consumed by trying not to have any mental breakdowns that I didn't feel or hear her move next to me. I turned to her sharply and jumped away from the table. Zexion turned to me, and it wasn't two seconds before I ran to the bathroom, and sensed Zexion coming along.

"Riku... Something's wrong... Are you feeling okay? Are you sick?" He asked, trying to cage me against the wall. Being the weight-lifter and stronger male that I was, I pushed past him, and gripped the white porcelain sink. I turned on the cold water, and pushed back my jacket, and thrusted my hands under. The cold water felt nice, since I felt like I was going to start jumping out of my skin at any moment. Zexion stayed quiet, watching my every move. I splashed my face a few times, then turned off the water, and looked down at my pale hands.

"Zexion... I feel like... something's going to happen, that I can't prevent. Something's going to throw me over the edge, and let the darkness consume my heart..." My voice was low, and steady. Defiantly different from the shakey and tenseness that I was feeling. Zexion, normally not one for touchy feely moments, put his hand on my shoulder.

"I can help you through this... Just tell me what's going on." I shrugged him off and looked at my reflection in the mirror. Sullen aquamarine eyes, that hadn't seen sleep in over three days, almost bloodless skin... My long silvery hair was the only thing that looked alive and healthy. I took good care of my hair. I could see Zexion's reflection, and he looked better than what I was pretty sure he felt. I could see it in his aqua eyes that he wanted to cut to try and clear up his muddy mind. To take control of the situation.

My mind raced with possibilities of what I should do. Should I stay at school, and face another F on a test and also the sad and needy look of Namine. The faces of those around her, or me. Should I run home, where I was sure to have the principal calling my stepdad if I skipped class? Where I would be facing another night of beatings, and vented hate. Options ran through my head, but there was one option that seemed to stick out, no matter what option I seemed to think of.

Suicide.

"Riku..." Zexion grabbed onto my shoulder and pulled me in a way that forced me to look at him. His eyes narrowed, showing me what he was thinking. He knew what I was thinking. There was no way out of this situation. The only thing that was left for me to do is say goodbye. Of course, I would save Zexion and Xion for last. My only friends that knew me better than anyone in the world.

My mom wouldn't be able to find out tell after her trip. It would be frightening for her, to lose her only son to suicide. It was obvious that she would beat herself up, for not being able to spend time with me. Having to work a day shift and going to school at night. Only spending the two hours of free time she had, with me and her husband, studying, sleeping and eating. Most of the time she wouldn't even come home, sleeping and studying in her car, in a parking lot outside of the college. Weekends she would either be gone on business trips or be sleeping most of the time, she wouldn't even be able to spend it with her family. There was always one Sunday of the month she would take everything off and spend it with me. I defiantely would miss those days. Where she would take me hiking and we would sit in a meadow and talk about life. I would never tell her about the abuse or my cutting, but she knew that I was shy around others, and had only two friends.

"So how are you and your friends, Zexion and Xion doing?" Mom asked, taking a bite out of the sandwich she had made earlier that day. I looked towards the horizon, watching the waves come towards our little hangout. It was past a cemetery, overlooking a cliff.

"We're okay I guess... Just trying to do our best in school..." I muttered, wishing I could tell her the truth. That we hated school, and that we sat in an old shack cutting and starving ourselves. That we wished life wasn't so cruel. Wishing that I could tell her that her husband abused me, and some nights even made me want to kill myself. Wishing that I could curl up next to her and cry, hoping that she would take care of all my problems and spend more time with me. Wishing that I wasn't so needy for her attention.

"Oh that's good. School is important." Mom said, setting the sandwich down and reached over to pet my hair. It was long and glowing in the overcastted light. Of course, being the abused and very twitchy child that I was, I flinched and froze. It wasn't her fault, but she always took it like that.

"Oh sorry..." She removed her hand from my hair, and inched away from me. I wanted to grab her and make her pet my hair again, nut I wasn't that type of person. I shrugged and hugged my knees to my chest. Someday I would gather the guts to tell my mom about my life, instead of keeping her in the dark. I would tell her, who I really was, an abused emo cutter, who wanted to spend time with his mother. A sad and broken boy who longed for love that he couldn't have.

My phone buzzed, breaking my train of thought and the tense moment between me and Zexion. No one ever texted me, unless it was Zexion, Xion or every great while, my mom. I reached into my pocket, and after reading who it was by, I couldn't help but shake slightly. It was from my mom.

'Hi baby, its mama. I'm going to be home early from my trip! I'll hopefully be home when you get home from school. I'm anxious to see you, my darling child. See you after school, baby. Love mom.' My lip quivered, as I closed my eyes and held the phone to my chest.

"Who's that from? Your mom?" Zexion asked, watching my strange action. Maybe there was hope that today was going to be turning for the better. My mom was coming home. I was going to tell her all about the abuse, and hopefully she could stop it. Hopefully my life would be better. I nodded, and handed him the phone, letting him read the message. His eyes lit up slightly.

"You know what that means?" He asked quietly, as the bell rang. I nodded and took back my phone.

"It means that I'll stop hurting." I said, putting away my phone and following Zexion out of the bathroom, and back to the table.

If there was one thing that I was sure of, was that tonight, my whole life is gonna change.

Lines from the next chapter: Shattered Hearts.

"Riku... Listen. I love you..."

"'I could never bring myself to see your beautiful light be extimguished by my darkness.'"

I'm gonna change you like a remix. Then I'll raise you like a phoenix.

A/N: Well that's it for the first chapter. How'd I do? There's a lot unsaid about who Riku is. Especialy small things like, his habits, likes, dislikes, and just small "headcanons".

Riku: An only child. Fave bands: Fall Out Boy, Falling In Reverse, My Chemical Romance. Plays the both acustic and electric guitar (only when his step-dad's not home). Is actually really smart, but doesnt apply himself in school. Has trust issues. Has frequent nightmares, that reflect his fears of losing the ones he loves. Fave color: Aquamarine (the color of his canon eyes), crimson red (blood color) and silver (his hair color). Actually likes learning, but doesnt like school. Excells at hand to hand combat (which Zexion and Xion both practice with him). Has a crush on Xion, Roxas (long story) and Sora. Actually likes The Hunger Games trilogy, reading the books in private, along with several other series (Maximum Ride- James Patterson, Pendragon- D.J. MacHale). Likes Sci-Fi/Fiction books. Puts feelings in a bottle, and doesn't really think about them, unless it comes to importance to him.

Obviously, Riku isn't just the dark and emo type. He has a heart. Although he puts his feelings aside, that doesnt mean that he doesn't have them.

Well, I should be signing off, to work on the next chapter. -VFD