A/N: Hello! This is my first story on FF and i hope you guys enjoy it :) this is based on Lavi and his feelings of duty vs freedom or whatever you guys call it. Hope you give me some feedback on the story and on how to improve! i don't have much experience writing so hopefully this is fine. The story deviates from the original D Gray Man story so hopefully it's not too bad.
"Lavi! We're going to the bookstore and then to the cafe for lunch. Do you want to come?" Allen asked, grinning at his friend.
He was holding an armful of books destined for the library. Bookman was in front of him carrying a similar stack. They were going to write a record of the latest Akuma attack in England when Allen had interrupted. Bookman looked back at Lavi and scowled. Clearly, the words don't get too attached was directed at him.
Lavi swallowed. "Sorry beansprout, looks like I got work to do." He apologised.
Allen looked at Bookman. "Surely just one afternoon is fine? You can just record it another day, can't you?"
Lavi could feel his elder's gaze on him, pressuring him to say no. "Sorry beansprout. Work's important."
When he left Allen and walked back to Bookman, the old man was staring at him. He nodded grimly and congratulated him on leaving.
"It's your duty. Don't get too attached, Lavi. We're just here to record history not to make friends," Bookman warned.
"I know." Lavi replied.
He spent the rest of the afternoon looking through the death counts and names of those who died. Lavi recognised a few names - there was the guy who lived in the room next to his. He was a nice kid of about 12. Lavi felt sickened that such a young kid had to die. He wondered if the kid even knew what he was dying for. Or if he even believed in the Order.
"Two on the west front against eight Level 2 Akuma," Bookman dictated.
Lavi dutifully recorded that, his jaw clenched.
"Four on the east front against one Level 1 Akuma," Bookman read.
"Do you think it was a glitch in the communications?" Lavi asked.
He found it strange that four Exorcists were posted to an area with only one Akuma. A level 1 too. Only two Exorcists against eight Level twos was a definite lost battle.
"Possibly. You never know with these old golems. I keep telling Komui to replace them but he never gets round to it. Says he's got a lot of work to do." Bookman grumbled.
"What if it was a set up by the Akuma? The old golems can't be trusted and maybe they couldn't get back to the Order in time." Lavi argued.
"Possibly. Write it down under the possible results of death," Bookman instructed.
Lavi did, writing it very neatly in black ink.
"We could have stopped it, Jiji," Lavi interrupted the silence.
Bookman carried on working. "No one can stop the course of history."
"If we went to help-" Lavi argued, raising his voice.
"We're bookmen. We don't help. We record." Bookman interrupted.
"We're exorcists. Look at the uniform you wear, Jiji. Tell me what it is!" He gestured at Bookman's uniform.
"It's so we can get closer to the events." The old man replied. "I'm telling you now, Lavi. There's no good in believing you're an Exorcist. You're not. We're not. We're bookmen and we don't need to do anything else other than to record history."
"Jiji-"
"You're getting too attached to them. I'm telling you now, it's for your best that you leave them." Bookman meant his friends.
"They're my friends," Lavi argued.
"There's nothing wrong with being friends. I just want you to know that if anything happens to them, I want you to stay in character as a bookman. I didn't take you up as an apprentice for nothing. Remember that. I saved you. You wouldn't be alive right now if it wasn't for me." Bookman warned.
Lavi gritted his teeth. "Yes, Jiji."
Lavi passed by the Science Department the next morning. Lenalee was inside carrying a tray of coffee for the scientists. She noticed him before he could pass by quietly.
"Lavi! Good morning!" Lenalee greeted, smiling.
"Mornin'," he smiled back.
She put down the tray of coffee and excused herself from her brother. Of course, Komui didn't want her to leave but was too tired to move. Lavi heard that the Science Department had spent three nights building a new software for the golems after his report. Deciding that casualties caused by golems malfunctioning wasn't a good enough cause for death, Komui knew he had to design a new one. Lavi almost believed Komui hated the Order's cause.
"Do you want to come to my room? I've got something to give you." Lenalee said excitedly when she arrived at the front door.
Lavi smirked. "I've been waiting for this invite for so long, Lenalee. How kind-"
"You better not be having any ideas, Lavi! I've built Komurin 4 already!" Komui threatened.
Lavi smiled. "It was Lenalee's idea!"
"I didn't mean it like that!" She punched his shoulder lightly. "I got something for you yesterday when we went to the bookstore. Allen said you had work to do and couldn't come with us."
He smiled. It was times like this that he realised that he actually meant something to his friends. They meant something to him too, enough that Lavi was sure he would lose control if anything happened to them. Bookman was right - he shouldn't form relationships with anyone. This was getting disastrous.
"How was your work?" She asked as they walked down the grey corridors.
It was snowing outside and the building was cold. Lavi had always liked winter more than any other season - something about being bundled up by the fire appealed to him. No doubt they would be asking him to go out and play in the snow with them. He remembered last year's snow fight and how he had teamed up with Lenalee and won against Kanda and Allen. The look on Kanda's face was priceless.
"It's finished. Bookman and I stayed up past midnight to do it." Lavi replied.
They walked into the elevator. There were two other Exorcists in there and they moved to make way for Lenalee and Lavi. The female greeted Lenalee and they chatted about the mission that Lenalee had returned from just three days ago. She left the floor before theirs and Lavi gave her a slight smile when she glanced at him.
"Hope you aren't too tired, Lavi. I can make you some tea if you want - Komui got some from an Exorcist who went on a mission to China. He says it's good for fatigue," Lenalee suggested.
They got out of the lift and walked down the dreary corridor towards her room.
"Nah," Lavi smiled. "I'll live. Jiji's always asking me to stay up late anyway. It's common occurrence."
It was a strange feeling always when his friends did something nice for him. He always found it hard to remain impassive towards them when they did.
When they reached her room, she unlocked it. The room smelt like her - sweet, flowery and summery. It was neat and decorated with the same furniture as any other rooms in the Order - a bed, a desk and chair, a wardrobe, a bookshelf, a small dresser and a rug. She went to the bag lying on top of desk and retrieved something.
"Here," she said as she presented something to him. "I got this for you yesterday."
It was a book. A fables novel. He stared at the shorter female, shocked. When they were younger and had spent countless days in the medical wards, Lavi's insomnia had gotten worse. Lenalee didn't know this, but it was because of the recent event he had to record - one of the worst Akuma attack in history. They attacked a small village and left no one alive. Lavi found he couldn't close his eyes without remembering the sight of the village and the blood splattered everywhere.
One night while they were listening to other Exorcists snore, Lenalee had taken out a similar book to the one she was holding now. Opening it to a random page, she had quietly read it to him. She strained her eyes against the soft glow of the candlelight and Lavi watched the flickering on her face. She looked like an angel. Her voice was soothing and something sparked in him then. He wasn't sure what it was but he knew it was bad news.
"A collection of fables," Lavi muttered.
She handed it to him.
"Do you remember that night?" Lenalee asked.
He knew she was referring to the night she read to him, but he didn't want to acknowledge that memory more than he should. Winking at her, he tried to hide his feelings.
"Oh I remember that night all right," he teased in a low voice.
Lenalee blushed and punched his arm again. "Lavi, stop it."
He chuckled. "Thanks for the gift," he shook the book.
She smiled back at him. "We're friends. Don't mention it."
He woke up with a jolt that night, sweating heavily. Glancing around his room, he found that it was still dark. Of course it was. It was always dark when he had that dream. With his knees pulled up to his chest, he wrapped his arms around them. The night was still young and he never felt more alone.
When he couldn't get to sleep right away, he decided to take a walk around the Order to clear his head. The memories were still fresh in his head - the screaming, the blood, the corpses. He shook his head in a desperate attempt to clear it. Of course it didn't work.
"Lavi!" Someone called from behind.
He turned around to find Allen running up to him. Lavi dutifully stopped. He couldn't help but feel that surge of relief when he realised his friend was well and alive.
"Good evening. What are you doing up?" Allen greeted when he got to Lavi.
"Couldn't sleep," Lavi lied. "You?"
"I was roped into helping Komui," Allen made a face.
Lavi chuckled. "That's a night gone for you then, beansprout."
"It's Allen."
"Ah never change, beansprout." He patted Allen on his back.
In the end, Lavi decided to follow Allen back down to the Science Department. There, they were more than happy to find another victim for their experiments. Apparently they were still trying to create a better golem and needed someone to test out some prototypes. Lavi and Allen seemed ideal since they were Exorcists.
"You just have to stand there, Lavi," Komui said, pointing to the red cross on the floor.
Allen was standing on the opposite end of the hall on an identical red cross. Reever handed Lavi a helmet, saying it was necessary if he wanted to keep his head on his neck by the end of this experiment. Both Allen and Lavi had a golem flying in front of them, and when Johnny gave the signal, Allen had to say something and Lavi would try and say what he heard.
By the third try, Lavi still couldn't hear anything more than static. A string of curses and wails erupted from Komui as the Science Department attempted to calm him down.
"There's always a next time, Komui," Lavi heard Allen say to the sobbing man.
Komui just shook his head. "It's one time! One time! If this fails then I don't know what to do!" He wailed.
"There's always a second chance!" Allen remained positive as the rest of the group agreed with Allen.
"We'll just keep trying, Komui," Reever tried to reassure. "There's always a next time! We'll keep trying until we succeed!"
"Yeah!" Johnny chimed in. "We're the Science Department and we never give up!"
The group cheered and chanted until Komui finally wiped the snot away and smiled. He got up and with a maniacal grin, set about planning for the sixth prototype of golems.
Lavi admired them. The sense of community was never stronger than in the Science Department, he felt. He had never felt more out of place.
He walked through the forest, hearing the crunching of the leaves beneath his boots. Straining his ears, he tried to make out any sounds of the Akuma he was chasing. His chest hurt from all the punches the Akuma had given him. It didn't help his breathing at all, and he tried his best to stay quiet.
A dark shadow passed by in front of him. There! Lavi hastened his steps and tried to catch the Akuma. It had led him to an open space where there was really nowhere to hide. The Akuma was there, lurking about in the shadows, obviously oblivious to Lavi's presence. It had a long, grey snake-like body and matching head. The only difference between it and a snake was that it had arms - long ones that could extend immeasurably and were fitted with claws. Muttering softly, he reached into the holster where he kept his hammer and activated it.
"Hi ban!" He shouted, alerting the Akuma. A red seal erupted from beneath the Akuma when he brought the hammer down onto it, the character for FIRE burnt into the earth.
The Akuma screeched, begging for the fire to stop. Its silver scales were catching on fire and some were falling off its body. Lavi's fire snake just continued burning, tuning out the Akuma's pleas. It wasn't like he particularly enjoyed killing Akuma - he felt it was his duty to do so. It did give him some sort of release of tension though, a way of venting out when he was feeling stressed. Still, watching Akuma suffer wasn't something anyone liked to do.
"Stop! Stop!" The Akuma screeched, its skin beginning to tear and crack.
Lavi sighed and glanced around the forest, taking in any details that he had to record later. 3 Exorcists (including himself) against 2 Level 2 Akuma - won. 2 Exorcists severely wounded; 1 wounded; 2 Akuma dead. He was about to walk off when the Akuma screeched something that wasn't a plea for help. Well, he supposed it was, but it was different to the other please of help that he had heard.
"Stop it and I'll help you!" It pleaded.
Lavi stopped in his tracks. What could it possibly know? He increased the flames slightly but took care not to let it die. Knowing that this was possibly the stupidest mistake he had done, he wondered why he was even listening to it. The Akuma seemed to notice the Exorcist had stopped.
"I'll help you! I know what you want! I'll help you get it! Just stop, stop stop the burning!" It shouted.
"What do you know? You're just an Akuma." Lavi hissed, his back still facing the Akuma.
"I know your feelings! I know you're a Bookman!"
"What's it to you?"
"Bookmen can't have friends. Technically, they can't form relationships that would eventually jeopardize their work performance. It's in the rule book as rule 4 section 1."
Lavi turned around. The rule book was rather thick and small enough to fit in one's breast pocket. Pocket-sized, Jiji used to joke, so you remember the rules follow you everywhere. It explained every single rule there was to being a Bookman. And only those from the Bookmen clan had access to one.
"What are you trying to say?" Lavi muttered.
"I was a Bookman!" The Akuma screeched.
He decreased the flames and the Akuma sighed in relief.
"Say again?" Lavi asked.
"I was a Bookman! Francis Johnson. Do you remember me?" The Akuma pleaded.
Lavi mentally scrolled through the various names that he had to memorise. It was on one of those lists that Bookman had given to him to memorise within a night, and Lavi vaguely remembered Francis Johnson on one of the many lists.
"So what? You can't prove you're him." lavi said, standing his ground.
"A Bookman is only there to record, and not to make friends, that's what my old tutor used to say. He was a tiny old man with strange hair that-"
"-stuck up no matter how many clips you use to keep it down." Lavi finished.
Was Bookman this Akuma's previous tutor? Lavi was shocked at this revelation. Did Bookman know about 'Francis Johnson's' death and his change into an Akuma? He wondered if the Akuma was even telling the truth. Maybe he was trying to escape death. But the Akuma knew things that other people didn't. He knew about the Bookmen clan. He knew about his troubles.
"I also had a group of friends I really loved, like you. When I died, they resurrected me! They turned me into an Akuma and I killed them all." The Akuma hissed.
Lavi increased the flames.
"They wouldn't do that!" He shouted.
"Not if your friends loved you. Friends love each other. Simple fact of life."
Lavi scrunched up his brows. "If they loved you, they wouldn't turn you into an Akuma! They should know Akuma brings more death than just yours!"
The Akuma just laughed, oblivious to his anger. "I see now. You're worried the same would happen to you."
Lavi gritted his jaw.
"Or..." The Akuma smirked. "You're afraid they wouldn't care less if you died."
Lavi shouted and created another Hi ban to torture the Akuma. It screeched louder and hissed in pain, begging for the flaming cage to release him.
"I understand how you feel! I really do! Please! You just want to live a normal life, don't you? A life without misery, without seeing wars and people dying every second! You just want to have a group of friends that love you, a family that understands you and a future that isn't based on killing others! I understand you!" The Akuma yelled.
Lavi hissed. That was exactly what he felt. Maybe the Akuma did know what he was feeling. Maybe... he finally found someone that shared the same views as his. Someone who finally understood his pain. He lessened the fire.
"I felt the same way!" It tried to reason.
"How could you have?" Lavi hissed.
"Because I loved my friends too! But that old man wouldn't let me form relationships with them. Said it was too dangerous. At the end, they tried to save me and it didn't work - I was a Bookman and my death was recorded in the books. Just five lines to my name." It hissed.
Just five lines? Lavi didn't want to go down in history as the just five lines in a book he spent his life recording. He realised it was some sort of book of death that was passed on. The first few pages were written by people that were just like him. People who died centuries ago who witnessed and lived the same life as him. Lavi was sickened by his job.
"I can help you!" The Akuma pleaded, feeling the fire get softer.
"Really?" Lavi whispered, hesitant.
"Definitely." The Akuma nodded, desperate.
Lavi wasn't sure why he did it, but he removed the seal. The red circle slowly disappeared, the large FIRE character left as a faint mark on the burnt grass. The Akuma was hissing, the smell of rotting Akuma was strange. Lavi had never let an Akuma live before, so this was a new sensation. He still wasn't sure why he let this one live.
"So how can you help?" Lavi asked, whispering.
He felt like he was doing something completely sinful. Something that was out of the rules book and forbidden. For the first time since he met Bookman that night, he felt a surge of freedom. He was doing something he wanted, not something the rule book dictated or the old man growled at him. He felt free.
"We can start by making a pact." The Akuma suggested.
"What pact?" Lavi asked.
"Well," and the Akuma slithered closer to him, a smirk on its face. Lavi watched cautiously as its snaky body touched his leg. "Let's say, I help you to get your freedom and you help me to get mine."
A/N: Hope this didn't suck. It's my first Fan fic! What do you guys think? Needs improvement? Good enough? I would love feedback on how to improve or even just one worded comments. :) To all the Lavi fans out there! And here's to Hoshino Katsura finally updating!