Dead Ends
Do you know what death is?
Actually, chance is you really don't.
Sure, it's when a life ends, when you don't come back. It's when someone 'follows the light'. Or it's when you tell the ones that are too young to understand such a thing that they are on a rather permanent vacation, that 'daddy's not coming back'.
However, have you stopped and considered it, really thought it through?
That's another thing, most probably haven't; only going by the general, sugar-coated meaning we all know.
Once you stop and think what really happens it's a big pill to swallow.
Unfortunately, most people don't find this out till it's too late, till death is staring them in the face and strips them of everything they knew.
All the stars were twinkling in the night sky, blinking like all-knowing eyes watching carefully over everything and everyone. It was calm- barely a rustle in the leaves and even the noises of the city seemed hushed just to agree with the tranquility that was hidden everywhere. Though, most people even out this late were always too busy and oblivious to it because their trains of thoughts were more than likely on themselves.
Sasuke noticed though. He always thought the ambiance around him was one of the most invigorating sensory happenings to witness, to enjoy. The air was light, fresh with just the right amount of moisture yet dry enough not to feel heavy, and in so the same went for the smell, making it serene and fragile. Black eyes looked up to the equally dark sky, intensifying the feeling that he was just the smallest speck on this ever rotating planet. They shined with wistfulness that perhaps only a couple special people in his whole life have probably ever seen.
He inhaled slowly, like the air would clean him out completely and leave him renewed, letting a placid smile grace his pale lips. At that instant was the highest feeling you could get from taking in this livelihood of nature. Then reality gradually set back in as he let out a long, silent sigh, his shoulders slouching down into their normal state.
The young man started walking again, beginning the rather long walk from his work to the subway, not that he minded walking- he liked the exercise, the time to think, and held a briefcase close in his hand. Yes he had the moderately white collar, high-paying office job that a large amount people, even some that had gone to years of college, wished they had. He was a part of a huge company that held a lot of power and wasn't likely to go down anytime soon either. Sasuke worked typical hours but was still a busy man; having been the reason he stayed so late tonight.
However, the main reason he was in his position at all was because of his surname, was because he had inherited the business like many before. Matter of fact he was the one who brought it back up, and beyond, from where it was quite a few years ago.
A long time ago his older brother Itachi had gone insane by both the pressure of holding the empire and the all too high standards of their father. He'd murdered several of the Uchiha family, including their father, and nearly attacked Sasuke too, but just couldn't find the heart to. For a long time this terrified the younger Sasuke, afraid of what the future held for him and if he'd end up like his brother.
He held it against Itachi for quite some time too, resenting him and aiming towards a dark path. That path lengthened more when things only sank in further, when he found he might not even be able to match up with his brother who he'd once so dearly adored. This in turn made him distance himself from the ones who considered him their friend, who cared about him to some degree. He sank deeper and deeper the more he inwardly sulked, a gloomy storm cloud hovering in his head just waiting to unleash its accumulating energy the unresolved feelings and doubts were causing.
Around his last year of high school it dawned on him that the time he had left before he'd have to take over the company was drawing dauntingly close. Sasuke, having already been daring to cross over the fine line of the opposite side of the law- of anything being a rebellious teen, had slipped into the hands of the opposing opponent of the family business. They promised things that would surely ease the stress and shame off him, things that in retrospect would probably dismantle the rest of his respect for his family name and destroy the unsteady remains Itachi had left. He would be able to avenge what his brother had destroyed in him, the hope that everything works out, that your best, even selfless wishes can come true.
In a sense he gave up, not really caring what happened in the end, just doing what he had to get by, to accomplish his goal of finding some kind of optimism, believing in himself- or anything for that matter, and not have anyone really notice.
One person did though, one exception to everyone else, one total idiot. That person chased after him for a long time, never ceasing in trying to change him around, to help him feel like he was someone- not just a name. The idiot ranted on how that other company just wanted to use him to gain control over his family's corporation.
Sasuke was never very close to him either. He was never the kind to share everything about himself to just anyone, but this person had dug themselves into his life. Purposely or not he was there and was impossibly hard to shake away.
Naruto was just another one he had to put up with regularly that regarded him as his friend. The blond and his intent ways had managed to squeeze enough from him to acquire an adequate amount of knowledge of what was going on, that he was more than willing to leave everything behind for a life of self-told lies. It was amazing too, how he could see that much in Sasuke was like seeing through a wall.
Though, Naruto always had a way about him, the ability to get to him and make him open up. Maybe it was his blue eyes, or his wonderful smiles, or the utmost honesty in every word he spoke that crashed against the differences the two boys had. He was always so full of life and light, avoiding him was really impossible.
No matter how much he fought against him, argued and tried to turn his back he never gave up. Then the young Uchiha started seeing a lot more in the other, he saw how remarkable of a person he was. And one night Naruto finally got to him, made him splinter just enough to fully seep into his wrongly healed emotional scars. At that moment of weakness the blond held Sasuke in his arms as though for dear life, still whispering for him to let go of his fears, that even if he couldn't believe in himself he could trust in him to be there for him.
Footsteps resonated off the walls of a stairwell that lead down to the subway station as Sasuke shook his head to himself at the recollection. There weren't many people around of course, so traversing the steps and reaching down to the platform was easier than it would have been several hours ago. Another little upturn on his lips came as he remembered after that embrace Naruto had kissed him. The simple gesture was so heartfelt it almost hurt, and upon realizing how much the boy had of an impact on him they pressed their lips together again. Then repeated over and over, ridding the uncertainties they initially thought of when first touching another.
Not too long after finding some comfort in Naruto, Sasuke finally talked to his now sane brother for the first time in years. The meeting had been awkward in some ways, but there was a knowing, inviting glitter in the once cold eyes of Itachi. Finally they found some closure in another, each minute they talked taking more strain from their chests. Itachi had said how he'd just cracked, that he never intended things happen as they did. He said how he wasn't happy where he had been, that it wasn't for him, but now that he has been away from it long enough he found that it wasn't what he wanted to do with his life at all.
Then Itachi had told something that made a shift in Sasuke. He confessed that he always thought the younger Uchiha could do it, that he could exceed everyone's expectations, which was most in part true because he'd always been interested and involved in the company even as a teen. Just because Itachi couldn't do it didn't mean Sasuke would fail too, and even at that spellbinding moment he already knew why.
All because of a certain persistent blond he knew that if he tried hard enough, never gave up he could live up to the dreams of his past, do what he thought he couldn't. He actually really did want to inherit everything, because that was once the forgotten dream he had as a child. Not just because he had nothing else but to achieve what others haven't before, to succeed at what he'd always thought he would.
A distant rumble of a train rolling through the tunnel echoed through the faint murmur of the few other people on the platform. Sasuke checked his wrist for the time: 11:34 P.M. Although he was very late in coming home he was definitely on time-
Suddenly there was a soft jingle of a familiar tune, and he fished into his pocket for his cell. Taking it out and opening it he answered.
"Teme! Where the hell are you?" An all too familiar, sweet voice whined on the other end.
Sasuke couldn't help but roll his eyes, "In the subway, dobe. I'll be on my way soon."
"I've been waiting forever! You didn't say you'd be this late."
Shifting his weight to the other foot he jostled the briefcase in his hand and rested it against his thigh. "I know, but I should be there in about twenty minutes."
"I still can't believe this. I'm finally home to be with you, and you decide to work till fucking midnight… Just in time for our anniversary too, or did you forget?"
Making an indignant grunt Sasuke glanced about him, pressing the phone to his ear more. "Of course not, I'm not you idiot."
"Hey, I told you I only forgot last year because Kiba decided to have that party and get drunk that night. It's his fault I had a hangover."
"Sure," the tell-all roar and screech of the train resounded in the tunnel, soon coming to a slow halt a few feet before him. "My train's here. I'll see you in a bit."
"Yeah, yeah… Oh, but don't forget what your punishment is for being tardy."
Stepping toward the opening doors, Sasuke quirked a brow to the sexy growl of the last few words, a smirk growing on his flawless face, "I can't wait." With that, after hearing a brief chuckle, he closed and shoved the device back into his pocket.
An automated voice rang out its timed instructions to the nearly empty area. Sasuke stepped into the almost vacant car with a few other strangers. Deciding to stand he stood close to a pole, looking around to only see another business gentleman like himself sitting diagonally from him, silently reading a newspaper. The train started gradually moving and he watched the raised area outside the windows disappear at an increasing speed.
He let out a shallow sigh, mulling over his little conversation he just had with Naruto. Once he had seen the wrongs of the direction he had been leading himself to their relationship had rapidly grew. They became inseparable. Their bond strengthened every occasion they were together no matter what they were doing. He hadn't been sure about the first time they kissed but Sasuke quickly realized he was in love with the idiot. Everything about him just pulled him in like gravity, even if they were opposites, even if they fought and competed like children every so often it just made being with him all the more alluring.
Naruto was not only an amazing person, but was attractive too. Over the years of knowing him he had grown to be just ever so slightly taller than the young heir. He struck a lean build, tan skin stretched perfectly over subtle muscles, strong yet soft features that have people on the streets sometimes taking second glances. His blond spiky hair was bright like the sun and outlined his face strikingly. His eyes were as blue and endless as the sky, filled with so much life that, at times, it took Sasuke's breath away. When he held him it was like he was enveloped in a shroud of safety, of utmost reassurance that he'll never let go, that he'll never let him fall. Honestly he was a little afraid of loving someone so much, but it couldn't be helped, he would never leave him.
The man had saved him in a way, and he would give him his whole life to thank him, to make him as happy as he did Sasuke. He made him whole, feel so filled and complete. Sasuke gives him his mind, soul, and body… Oh yes Naruto was a good lover, that man had a touch that made his knees weak. There was a hitch in the dark haired man's throat at the thought, it made him want to get home quicker. He was excited for not only that but that tomorrow would be their 8th anniversary. This meant, hopefully after a rather romantic day, a very enthralling, crazed weekend of hot-
With another shriek of the brakes, the train came to a jerky halt, making Sasuke's already tightening grip on the pole become that of a vice in order to stay balanced. The doors opened to let one off and a few on, a woman looking rather like a prostitute giving him a strange stare, but he avoided giving any eye contact. Once the car began moving again he stared thoughtfully as streaks of lights soon moved by again.
Yes, he couldn't wait to get home to his most handsome lover, his one and only. The one he knew would ever be able to make him feel so at peace with himself. After all, if it wasn't for him, where might he be today?
Finally, he came to his stop and got off. Soft taps came from his shoes as he strode through the just as lifeless area as the other and towards the stairs. A fairly cool rush of wind greeted him at the top, turning left in the direction of the large loft they shared.
After walking a couple blocks he made it into the more residential part of town and could just make out the outside of said home. It wasn't that they couldn't afford living in a big house somewhere, not that they really couldn't, they just wished to live like anyone else. Besides that Naruto had demanded that he take care of such financial things when they come, seeing that Sasuke had pretty much paid for everything else because the blond hadn't been so lucky as to be born into a rich family. Money was never an issue for the heir though, but he always gave into the man and left that as was.
A gleam crossed his dark eyes and he quickened the pace as he saw one lone light on.
Then suddenly the sense of nostalgia was so heavy, almost forlorn. His gut sank. It was like it was warning him of something. In his mental rush he reached around in his pocket to have his keys ready to open the front door.
Just get home, he thought to himself. You've just had a long day, don't think so much…
His hand fumbled and his keys fell to the ground with a clank. Stopping, he gave an impatient groan and crouched down to pick them up. When he started rising up he felt something, hard coldness was pressed to the back of his head…
"Give me all your money and I just might let you go," a ragged, clipped voice threatened suddenly.
Frozen, Sasuke's dark irises' dilated in all but too silent gasp, frantically searching over the bare, motionless street and sidewalk. Must be midnight, no one was around in these parts this late…
The cool metal which he presumed was the barrel of a gun pushed against his head again, a warning to nothing but as the attacker said.
Painstakingly slowly he was allowed to stiffly rise to his feet. Sasuke's mind fogged with a panic of frenzied thoughts. No, he couldn't let things end here, but at the same time he couldn't just give in, that wasn't the way he was raised, the way he thought. You fight for what you want, and he wasn't giving this low-life of a man anything. How would he know if he wasn't going to kill him even if he gave him all his money?
The odds were split, give up and still possibly die or die trying to stand up for a life he actually wanted to live.
With a shallow breath, he reached back as if grabbing his wallet. Then he took a large, immediate step back, elbowing the robber in the ribs. As quickly as he could he grabbed the wrist that held shining weapon, at the same time trying to aim it away.
Sasuke wasn't any exceptionally strong fighter, just an average person. He didn't even really know what was driving him to do such a thing, he just didn't want this chance of dying- not yet. All he wanted was to be home, in strong arms…
In the struggle, in the rush of motions, of thoughts, of prayers, the barrel cocked towards him and his heart seemed to stop, everything did.
There was a flash, two loud bangs that seemed to be like explosions in his ears.
First to his knees, then flat and hard against the cold cement he fell, all to be heard a shuffling of feet. Something fell in front of his face and the feet were soon distancing, disappearing completely from sight.
Things became much too blurry to take into account, but in the last fleeting seconds of light he was whole again, feeling the warmth of arms, seeing blue fade into blackness.
The sun was too damn bright, it was too much of the opposite of how things were, how it felt. A day shouldn't be this beautiful when this is happening, but in contradiction if it was cloudy it would be a lot worse, if that was possible.
No, that wasn't any reason to be mad about. Naruto was just looking for an excuse to feel something besides pure, gut wrenching heartache.
One of the worst places in the world was the hospital. It was never any good to anyone. Typically it meant pain, suffering, in some fashion or form, and that's definitely what it was giving him, again. Except this time it was worse, the worst thing that he could ever dream of happening, it was the most important person in the world lying in that bed, hooked up to all those cords and machines. He thanked every forced breath, every little subtle twitch that meant there was still life- somewhere in there was still that kind man he adored.
Naruto shook his head a little, still in disbelief. It was just last night that it all happened, when he got the shock of a lifetime.
He'd been in bed reading, waiting, when he'd heard the gunshots, the mixture of a thumping sound and of running feet. After putting his book down he crawled got to his feet and worriedly went over to the window that looked out over the street. Opening it all the way and peering his head out he glanced over the street then down at the sidewalk where he saw a figure. For what felt like long time he stared at it, his brain slowly registering exactly who it was. Then it struck him, like a lead weight smashed against his heart, his stomach lurching with it.
Shoving off from the wall he had ran down the stairs faster than he could think, quickly slamming into the front door and ripping it open. He stumbled outside, staggering down the couple stairs that lead to the walkway where he stopped.
The body wasn't moving- there wasn't even a sound. Not one.
His azure eyes watering around the edges he had rushed to the man, taking him in his arms like a fallen angel.
"Sasuke…" he shuddered, choking on the stench of blood that hit his nose. The red color seeped so freely, down an ivory cheek, around the thin neck and to the prominent collarbone that showed from his white shirt. He bit his lip, shaking the fading man. "Sasuke, Sasuke what happened? Come on- stay with me...!"
Those eyes were unresponsive though, they only dulled further into a lost grey, continuing to slip shut. He brought him closer.
Time had felt like it was slipping from his hands, "Sasuke?"
Naruto couldn't stop shaking. The cold, colorless chair he was sitting on had started making creaking noises. His knees bounced nervously as he fought back tears, trying to stay strong for the sake of his sanity. The more he sat there though, the more he stared at that pale, pale skin, the harder it was. Groaning inwardly he rubbed his eye with the back of his hand, feeling terribly tired from the lack of sleep. He'd probably only gotten an hour seeing as he was here all night until they told him to go home for awhile when Sasuke had stabilized, but he came back after only a couple hours. There was no way he wasn't going to stay by his side through this.
They said Sasuke was in a coma. However, he was lucky to be alive at all seeing how one of the bullets had hit him directly in the temple. The other had strayed in the spur of the moment and hit him in the shoulder. It was deeper than but not as damaging as the first though, surprisingly.
The clock was still ticking though. There was still a high chance he won't last through the trauma, especially if the bullet that hit his head had left more shrapnel than they could find and had caused more harm than fixable. Because if that was the case-
He shook his head again, rubbing his palms over his face, viciously trying to stop thinking, to stop his heart from racing because it seemed that's all it's been doing since the moment he looked out the window last night.
"Damn it," he mumbled hoarsely. "Why? Why, why… why…" With glazed over eyes he looked back up at the man in the bed.
In a way he looked peaceful, he normally did when he slept, it had always made Naruto's chest swarm with butterflies. Reaching out he held the slender hand that was lying limply beside the body, examining over his features more.
His inky hair was spread around his head eloquently, long bangs hanging off the sides of his face and hovering over his lids like fluid silk black drapes that were meant to dance with the wind forever. There was no color in his cheeks now, there normally was just the faintest flush, particularly when he was with him, but now there was nothing. Even the look on his face said the same thing. Although now he looked calm and passive it often wavered, becoming blank, almost as though in painful thought.
Who was in more despair though, someone losing who they love or the one that was being lost? Naruto wasn't sure, he just hoped Sasuke wasn't in too much pain, he prayed he just made it through more than anything else…
The clicking of heels traveled down the hall and soon came tapping in. The blond watched as the nurse with pink hair came around the bed and checked the clear bag hanging on a tall rod. She looked attentively over the patient, picking up a fresh roll of bandages. With a bit of a grimace in her emerald eyes she unwrapped the old dressing from Sasuke's head, the spot of blood and fluid appalling. After cleaning the wound off, she put the new white cloth on and sighed, finally looking over to sad cerulean spheres.
"You look tired," she evened out the blanket with her fingers, Naruto only casting his vision downwards, unwilling to give into his body's needs. Walking back around, she placed a hand to his shoulder, "There's a couch in the waiting room, nobody's in there at the moment."
"Thanks Sakura," he kept his sight plastered on the tile floor. He'd known Sakura from high school, and once upon a time he thought he liked her, but he found the feelings would never be returned. She had her sights set on Sasuke- who never gave her a spare glance, and unknowingly to him at the time it was somewhat of a love triangle for a short period. That was until Naruto recognized how much he cared about the Uchiha who had been drifting away from everyone during those days. They were still good friends though, and she ended up finding someone else that had been chasing after her. He was happy for her and that she got the career she had desired.
"Please get some rest Naruto," Sakura said softly with concern and deep compassion in her voice.
Pulling his vision from the bed he looked up to her with the best smile he could muster, "I'll try, promise."
Appearing rather unconvinced but accepting it, she exited the room in the same fashion she had entered.
The feeling was mutual though as he set his attention back to the closed long lashes before him. His whole body still ached with dire worry, but he forced himself to his feet nonetheless. Placing his fingertips to the delicate petals of the white roses he'd placed in a vase beside the bed, he frowned at how similar they were to his sleeping lover.
"Happy anniversary," he whispered solemnly with a gentle but small smile. Dipping his head down, he placed a chaste, shaky kiss to a horribly cold forehead.
Reluctantly he made his way out. He'll try to get some sleep, but that didn't mean it was going to happen…
In the empty waiting room he plopped himself heavily to the large couch, leaning back with tired eyes. He sighed deeply, making an attempt at clearing his mind as he rested his head to the back of the seat. Of course it didn't do him much good, only the memories of already having to go through something very similar to this rearing in his head like a storm for a break down- hopefully one that wouldn't occur.
It didn't feel like very long ago that he was in here when Jiraiya had become ill. He had been Naruto's caretaker for most of his life, the blonde's parents having died around when he was born. Iruka had been his first guardian, but as the boy grew the timid man became too wrapped up in his job amongst other obstacles. Jiraiya had already been a good friend to them both, as well as already helped take care of the child, so when Iruka said Naruto needed to be better taken care of the older man was more than willing and the young blond didn't mind either. Till this day he still sees Iruka every so often, but now he was in probably on his way to marriage with his particular grey haired lover- a teacher of his from high school.
Jiraiya was like a grandfather Naruto never had and as he grew up he gained a profound respect for the writer. However the man's heart health had deteriorated with the years and it was then that only not many later it became too much.
The heart attack had been a major one to say the least, and when Naruto had first walked into the room he wasn't expecting to see the man who had taught him so much to look so weak.
It was disheartening. He was one of the few people he had gotten so close to, their relationship so close it might as well had been blood-deep.
Nevertheless, he was not alone in that dreary room. No, there was someone sitting right beside him, holding his hand, his own bronzed fingers wrapping around it tightly. He was just staring off though, barely looking to the patient in the bed, yet he had a feeling that even if Jiraiya didn't make it this man beside him would be there to catch him when he falls.
"I don't know what to think. I'm left with more questions than answers…" He spoke, but his voice sounded so unwilling, running his thumb over smooth flesh.
There was only a brief pause. "Everyone has their time," the response was even, velvety, consoling. He could listen to it all day. "Maybe his soul is at peace, doesn't have any more desires in this life…"
He looked to Sasuke, his blue eyes begging to shed tears, so much so they reflected all the light in the space. The blond just let his gaze fall instead, unable to speak because he knew the waterworks would start then. Sasuke lightly got to his feet and stepped before the sorrowful man, sitting himself on one knee making a tan hand come up to hold his waist to keep him balanced.
A pale finger lifted Naruto's chin, making him stare directly into infinite black. He couldn't stop the quiver in his lip.
"Naruto, you don't always have to be so strong," Sasuke professed quietly, sympathy written into every syllable yet held the kind understanding that it was more than that.
And just as simple as that, tears streamed down his cheeks, his eyes overflowing so much they looked crystalline. Naruto buried his face in Sasuke's warm shoulder, clutching onto him, gripping his low-cut sweater as he felt the embrace returned.
His silent crying was fulfilling though, because he that one special person to hold him, soothing him with calming circular motions on his back.
There was that sharp ache in his chest again as he opened his eyes to the bleak ceiling. If only he kept them closed there wouldn't be that lone tear tickling his cheek, but it was honestly useless. Jiraiya had died shortly after that, but what if Sasuke didn't pull through? Who would he have to hold, to cry on?
Some questions were better left unanswered.
Again, as he would have guessed, Naruto was sitting in the same creaky chair again, fighting a seemingly endless battle against his doubts, his mind, perhaps life- hell everything. He wondered what kind of battle Sasuke was going through though, if he was even going through anything, maybe he was gone again and he didn't even know it.
Over the past several days there had been two occurrences were he heard a deafening screech that had taken his ability to function and probably all the color from his flesh. He wasn't even a hundred percent sure as to why those sounds had happened, his brain had malfunctioned so badly he wasn't listening by the time the noise had stopped. All he could do watch the steady breaths start a slow pace, gripping that unresponsive hand tighter than ever before.
So far he'd managed to keep most of his integrity, only allowing a few tears to slip here and there, but he had to stay positive. If he let his hopes down maybe things would come crashing down because he wouldn't be having enough faith. Except that's exactly what he had, that's person he had always been, one that was full of devotion and loyalty. Now he couldn't let that waver at all, he couldn't cry yet because Sasuke was as here as he could be, there was still a chance and he'd hang in there till-
Naruto bit his bottom lip hard before thinking that all the way through. He'd stay strong till the point came where he could shed those tears whether it was of happiness or utter grief.
"Sasuke," he was surprised he was even able to talk. "I… don't know if you can hear me, but… I need you to pull through. Don't give up because- because I need you… I need you so much okay?"
There was nothing, precisely what he had anticipated. He longed to hear his voice though. If he'd never hear it again he'd at least want to hear it once more, saying his name, saying how much he loved him, anything. Just one last time…
Although, he didn't really even need to hear such things, he knew that he meant a lot to the heir. He could remember the time, not all that long ago, where he saw such a clear gleam in those dark eyes. It was all-telling as he had gazed up at him with the most loving expression to cross the immaculate features. There had been few occurrences of the sort in the process of simple tender kisses and long touches that showed only affection. In the soft nips to his collarbone and hushed mewls of pleasure where he'd heard a sigh that was rarely heard, one that was only pure content.
Then was when he saw the appearance of the man. Sasuke looked at him like an admiring porcelain doll, molded and shaped like clay just for him- just to satisfy and please him. There was feeling- emotion, years of it, of gratitude, underlining all of that though, and knowing that there was so much behind it made it all the more appealing, fortifying. Because it confirmed everything they thought they were and had.
To the memory Naruto felt his blood rush a little, recalling another where Sasuke made him feel like he was the only one for him in this whole world. He thought back to when he had gotten sick and the businessman had taken care of him like a mother. The man had done everything and more than he had needed.
He'd still manage to satisfy their appetites for desire even after both working long hours. With their maturity they had less fights, coping with another's mistakes for they even found refuge and comfort in them. Whenever things started getting shaky they would patch it up, holding and kissing till it all but melted away completely as though nothing had ever happened.
A slight upturn of his lips tweaked, begging to let the known facts ease his pain, but it wasn't enough.
Clicking resounded down the hall and entered the room, a big bosomed blonde woman approaching him. The doctor, Tsunade, had also been Jiraiya's practitioner and even known the man too. Naruto could have sworn the expression on her face was just like then.
Her hazel eyes scanned over her clipboard once more before looking to him with a tired sigh. "I see there hasn't been any progress."
"I know," he only lowered his lids a bit, trying to keep his voice from cracking and showing what torment he was in.
She stepped closer, peering down at the man with a withheld pity that even after years of practice it was still hard. "It's been more than a week now. If the swelling in his head doesn't subside the chances are-"
"I know- I know… Please," he nearly sobs, his hands covering his face. "I don't want to hear…"
There was a long moment of silence as the doctor furrowed her brows. Tsunade softened them only to frown, pulling the clipboard closer to her. "Some things you just can't change, I'm sorry."
Sasuke meant everything to him. He had a bond with him like no other. There was never a day he didn't think about him, a moment he regretted ever knowing him. Albeit their first meeting and interactions had been bitter to say the least, getting to another was really irresistible, and once he'd seen the softer side of the Uchiha he was immediately stricken. He was gorgeous, slim, curvy build and creamy skin taut over fair muscles. His onyx eyes were pitfalls into the depths of his secretly all too kind heart, his soul, that he sheltered from being hurt, and his long raven locks were just as dark. He was the most alluring black bird that he'd captured and was more than willingly all his.
Yet his bird was hunted, preyed on, hit by cruel fate. It was shattering pieces of him he didn't know he had. All those 'what if's' circled in his head like vultures.
He could have picked him up.
He should have told him to come home earlier.
The more he thought that though, the more he wondered if it would have even made a difference. Perhaps Sasuke would have been faced with an even worse demise then.
Naruto felt hopeless, he was thinking so much he really thought it would never end.
All he wanted was to see that rare, sweet smile and feel those hands caress him again…
xXx
There were loud rustling noises, clunks, clinks but they slowed into a hush of stifled groans. A thump followed, a body giving into week legs, huffing. More muffled rumbles of displeasure, and the moon just rising higher into the clear, night sky.
He was in the bedroom they had shared for the past eight years or so, his smell lingering everywhere like a sick reminder- bringing forth another wince as he felt consumed in it. The room was torn up. Clothes were heaped haphazardly about one area, the bed nearly dismantled, papers, even a few candles scattered amongst fabric. Any spot that wasn't covered had other miscellaneous possessions, even a bit of broken glass. At first sight one would think it was nothing but a mess, someone's crazed rampage, but it was more than that. It was raw emotion incarnated and released out like an artistic flare.
His cheeks were rare, sore and pink as his eyes from the steady streams seeping from them. Who knew how long ago the tears had even started, they came sometime after storming home and beginning the unsettling task of destroying the room out of rage.
Whether it was anger or utter anguish there was no define line, they blended, even mixed to an unbearable point.
He sat in a curled bundle against the wall a couple inches from a nightstand, sobbing uncontrollably. Crumbling, falling to the lowest he's ever felt. So painful it was he already wondered how long he would last, but thoughts were next to impossible as another wave of reality bit him. Bit him hard.
With a whimper he buried his wet face against his forearms that were rested against his raised knees. Never had he felt so pathetic either, but no one was around to see or hear him, and even if someone was there would only be one person to ever see it. This, though, made even more salty liquid seep out.
Then he sat. Just stayed completely still for what felt like hours. Never moving, hardly breathing.
Darkened, distraught blue eyes finally raised enough to move over the room, soon falling to the floor beside him. In motions that were painfully slow and numb he reached down at something that caught his sight, gleaming in the faint moonlight. In a look contrary to what anyone who's ever known him seen, one that was akin to lifeless, he took a picture frame into his hand.
Beneath the broken glass lay a photo, the one that Jiraiya had taken of him, Sakura, one of his most favorite teachers Kakashi who had snuck in, and Sasuke on the last day of high school. The picture had been dear, but now, now it was precious as he guided his calloused fingertips over a smirking pale face.
Why did this have to happen?
Why does someone that isn't worthy of it, that worked so hard, deserve this? All for a messily handful of cash, a life was ruined. A life was taken away, for nothing. 26 years of life- of struggle, of trying, of love, of breathing, of living- just thrown away like that, before its rightful time.
It killed Naruto over and over again, eradicated him and ripped everything he thought he knew away.
All of it leads nowhere, in circles.
Naruto was empty, broken, lost, alone, left with questions that might never be answered.
Yet, all he could do now was stare at the memory in his hand, remember the ones he holds most dear, because that's all he has. No one- nothing, could ever take them away.
Even the sacred moonlight that was casted onto his apathetic face couldn't replace the light that had been taken from him, could return his heart.
All there is- is what once was.
Even in our happiest moments, when we feel at peace with ourselves it can always come crashing down. All good things come to an end eventually, and life is like that, though it doesn't always have to be.
We can't understand this but it goes deeper than we know, down to our very spirit, and till our very essence finds its way we will never truly know.
Everything's left without reason till our soul breaks through that wall to start again. So we can pick up where we left off, stronger, wiser, and happier than before with our new found knowledge.
This is all the hope we have. All we need.
Death is acceptance.
There's nothing that can stop it.