This is pure crack. I have no excuses. I need to be put in a pretty strait-jacket with nice medication (NOT CRACK).

IF YOU WANT TO READ THIS FANFICTION, YOU NEED TO WATCH THIS VIDEO FIRST OR THE STORY BELOW WILL NOT MAKE ANY SENSE: http:// www. youtube .com/watch?v=kZUPCB9533Y&feature=related

WARNING: This fic contains blood, gore, and references to cannibalism. You have been warned.

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or "Two Llamas with Hats" (which is where I got the general script/idea). They are owned by Eric Kripke and Film Cow respectively. DON'T WHIP ME WITH LEGAL JARGON, PLEASE!

Two Brothers without Hats

"DEAN!" Sam hollered into the motel room. Dean, who was seated across the room, looked up from his dirty magazine towards the doorway where his horrified little brother was standing with a nice greasy bag of something clenched in his fist.

"What?" Dean calmly asked, putting down his "reading" material.

"There's a dead angel in our motel room!" Sam continued, gesturing to the bloody mess that used to be Zachariah's vessel and was now slumped against the dirty floral wallpaper.

Dean stood from his chair and tried to look shocked. "Oh! Hey! How did that douche bag get here?"

Sam's face contorted to look more suspicious. "Dean, what did you do?"

"Me…!" Dean said, offended. "Ah…I didn't do this!"

Sam didn't believe his brother for a moment. "Explain what happened, Dean!"

Dean's eyes swiveled back and forth. "I've never seen this person before in my life!"

"What are you talking about? This is one of the angels!"

"Oh, right…" Dean scratched his head.

Sam just rolled his eyes at his brother. "Why did you kill Zachariah's vessel, Dean?"

Dean frowned. "I do not kill people. That is-that is my LEAST favorite thing to do."

"Tell me, Dean, exactly what you were doing before I got back." Sam said sternly.

"Alright…" Dean took a really long breath, perhaps in order to get his thoughts straight (or maybe his story). "…well, I was in the room…"

"Okay." Sam waited for Dean to continue while trying not to look at the horrible scene next to him.

"I was...uh…I was sitting in that chair…" Dean gestured to the wooden chair.

"Yes."

"Reading a magazine…"

Yeah, right…"Reading", Sam thought. "Go on."

"And…uh…" Dean looked slightly cagey. "Well, Zach walked in…"

"Okay."

"So I went up to him…"

"Yes."

"And I...uh…stabbed him 37 times in the chest."

Both brothers were quiet for a significant amount of time.

Sam got over his speechlessness and yelled, "Dean, that KILLS people!"

"Oh!" Dean tried to look surprised, as if this were new information to him. "Oh! W-wow…"

"Dean!"

"I –I didn't know that."

"How could you not know that?"

"Yeah, I'm in the wrong here. I suck." Dean flippantly stated as he flopped on to the motel bed furthest from the now smelly corpse and flipped on the television.

Sam took another hesitant look at the former angel vessel. What he saw upon further investigation made his mind go blank.

"What happened to his hands…?"

"What's that?" Dean distractedly answered while watching another re-run of Dr. Sexy.

"His hands." Sam stepped in front of the television. "Why-why are they missing?"

"Well," Dean started, trying to look around Sam, who was blocking Dr. Sexy's romantic interlude with the new intern. "I...um…Move, Sam! I…kind of cooked them up. And ate them."

Sam's head automatically moved to look at the red-stained plate and utensils that cluttered up the table next to the chair Dean was sitting at earlier.

"Dean…" Sam breathed.

"Well, I...uh…I was hungry and well, you know, when you crave hands, that's…"

"Why on Earth would you do that?!" Sam yelled hysterically.

Dean began to look irritated at his younger brother, whether from Sam's constant nagging or the fact that Sam was still blocking the television, he did not know. "I was hungry for hands! Give me a break!"

"De~ean!!"

Dean sat up. "My stomach was making the rumblies…"

"Dean!!"

"…that only HANDS would satisfy."

Sam was incredulous. He walked over to the over bed slowly and sank down on to it. "What is wrong with you, Dean!?"

"Well…" Dean leaned back to his original watching position, his view now unblocked. "I kill people and I eat hands…That's two things."

And with that, Dean finished his episode of Dr. Sexy and proceeded to blog about it to his fellow "Sexy Slaves" while Sam cleaned up the corpse, blood, and dishes.