STORY: Cloaked in Gray
AUTHOR: Scarletinii
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Castle.
PART ONE
It took her a daunting thirty-storey drop to realize she needed him, a torrential downpour to realize she wanted him, and a relentless ache to realize she just couldn't take it anymore.
CHAPTER ONE
It was still raining. The lightening strike was brilliant as it illuminated Castle's sleeping form. His arm hung limply over Kate's torso as a rumble of thunder shook her gently. She silently counted the seconds separating each boom of thunder as the storm approached. It seemed that even Mother Nature needed a good rebellion every once and a while.
Even amongst the chaos, a mere three hours ago, the storm was barely a blip on her radar.
Kate slipped silently out of Castle's embrace and she plucked her undergarments from the floor, slipping them on hastily. Her clothing was still damp as she scooped the garments up off the floor. She folded them neatly on a chair and instead slipped Castle's shirt on and buttoned it up.
Kate sat at the edge of his bed staring out the window. It was late, very late, but the idea of closing her eyes terrified her. She almost died less than five hours ago and she wasn't keen on reliving it. Her life had been in jeopardy many times before this but this time it was different.
This time she had something to lose.
She looked over her shoulder at Castle, who despite her inner turmoil, was still sound asleep. She confessed her feelings to him tonight; she told him that she wanted him, that he was the only thing she could think about in what could have been her last moments.
He saw her scar for the first time tonight. She placed his hand over top of it and he felt the ribbed skin below his touch.
When her fingers relinquished her hold on his, they both flashed back to Roy Montgomery's tribute. The day when the shot rang out and Kate hit the ground under the force of Castle's attempt to save her. He told her he loved her that day, milliseconds before she lost consciousness, she heard his heartfelt confession.
Kate winced as she pushed herself off the bed and headed into the bathroom connected to his bedroom. Her adrenaline was finally wearing off and her body was beginning to ache. A bruise was taking form on her forearm where Ryan and her comrades had taken hold.
She caught a glimpse of her disheveled appearance in the mirror when she turned on the bathroom light. Her aching arms protested as she unbuttoned Castle's shirt revealing a purpling bruise along her ribcage. She could almost feel the impact of her attacker's knee slamming into her abdomen before she crashed down into the concrete below.
Her throat burned where his hands held her tight, her jaw ached where his fist connected, and her back throbbed where it struck concrete, but her pride took the largest hit when she realized that this was a battle that she wasn't going to win.
He was going to leave her to die.
And Castle wasn't coming.
When she sat in the rain that night she cried as she relived the events on that rooftop. She cried for the pain she endured, she cried for the fear she felt, and she cried for the love she harbored.
Castle's voice echoed painfully in her ears.
Four years I've been right here…
Waiting for you to just open your eyes and see that I've been right here…
He poured his heart out to her, all his secrets and fears, but she pushed him away. She couldn't swallow her pride, at least that was what she told herself, but the truth was, she was afraid.
He told her he loved her for the second time tonight, it only took him a year to muster up the courage to say it again. This time without the threat of imminent death, he said the three words Kate feared most, twice.
As she drowned in the New York rainstorm all she could see was his face as he told her he wouldn't watch her throw her life away. She couldn't stop the hurt from setting in as he walked out of her life.
Unbeknownst to him, the heartbreak was shared by two.
She had never known love the way she loved him. She had never known love to cause this degree of emotional affliction. She had never known a single name to instigate a downward spiral of despair at mere mention.
She had never known someone quite like Richard Castle.
Her mother used to say that life never gave you anything that you couldn't handle.
If that was true then why was this case still consuming her?
If she continues to investigate her mother's murder she will die. If she dies Castle will feel responsible. If she dies her father will be alone. If she dies Roy Montgomery will have died in vain.
If she dies could she ever forgive herself?
All she knew for certain was that in the last moments, before her fingers lost their grip of the overhang, her only thoughts were of him.
Just him.
And she was taking it as a sign.