To Juice (chocolatemilk2), who's most recent story inspired this one, Thingbe, who's eccentric posting made me want to write, and to Lix, who is just too awesome to leave out.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters mentioned (except MAYBE Lae if you're pushing it, because he's yet to be official, and belongs to the fangirls/guys.)

Summary: There's a difference between who Axel was-wasn't, and is-isn't. It's funny how death makes you notice these things. -axelcentric- Canonverse, implied AkuRoku, SoKai, RikuSora if you squint, with a touch of Namixas and Roxion. Oneshot.

Concrit MUCH appreciated!

Words: 710

There's a reason Axel didn't-did-didn't talk about his past. He had-hadn't three.

Axel is-isn't a little bit of a boy named Riku, a little bit of a man named Reno, and a little bit of a child named Lae.

Axel is-isn't a reflection of people who's hearts were so filled with darkness before they were attacked, they found refuge in combining their hearts together, creating a mess - a mistake.

He knows he is-isn't Riku because he's standing exactly where Riku stood, in Riku's place, beside the Nobodies of Kairi and Sora. He knows he is-isn't Riku because Axel's eyes are-aren't as green as Riku's envy for his best friend. He knows he is-isn't Lae because Axel's skin is-isn't as pale as the body Lae found on the night he lost his heart for good. He knows he is-isn't Reno because of his red hair and cocky tendencies around anyone he cared, and didn't care about.

He knows he is-isn't Axel, because Axel is Nobody.

He was standing there, beside the paopu tree. He knows this is-isn't different because Roxas' shoulders are-aren't more hunched than Sora's, reflecting unworthiness that does not apply. He knows this is-isn't different because Xion is speaking more self-pitying than Kairi, and is soaking up attention in ways Kairi never did. He knows this is-isn't different, because his hands stretched out behind his head in fake contentment to fit with the scenery. His eyes are-aren't too calculating to pull off the effect of relaxation. The three of them were-weren't pathetic shadows, imitating something that was real, being to afraid to do the same for themselves.

Roxas didn't-did-didn't love Namine and Xion like Sora loved Kairi. Roxas thought-didn't think he did, but Axel knew this was-wasn't a difference between real and fake. Fake was-wasn't different from Real, not by being Fake rather than Real, but because Fake was-wasn't Real too. Axel did-didn't know this.

Axel knows he did-didn't hold on to his friends like Riku did. Axel did-didn't act like a cocky idiot like Reno did. Axel did-didn't deceive people and manipulated them like Lae did.

Kairi was a strong girl with a strong heart. Being a Princess of Heart, and having no darkness within her, her shadows turned deformed. Kairi's Nobodies were wrong, even for a Nobody.

Naminé had no inner strength of her own. No light, no darkness, only power to manipulate in ways Kairi knew not to. Xion had no ability to be selfless with out being selfish. Too innocent to be evil, to selfish to be good. They were-weren't faker than the fakes.

Xion. Axel did-didn't care about Xion. Told her he would-wouldn't always bring her back, no matter how many times she ran away. It took Xion to disappear for him to realize how much was an act, and how similar she was to Naminé, and how different they were from Kairi.

Axel did-didn't feel his non-existent heart break when Roxas left him to merely discover more about who he is-isn't by knowing who he was-wasn't. Did-didn't become obsessed for months after, trying to bring his best friend back. Did-didn't make stupid mistakes, trying to relive those days where he thought-didn't think he was different from those three who created him, and was-wasn't in love with someone who was-wasn't NOT Sora, but Roxas.

But he can-can't see Roxas' eyes now, looking through Sora's. He can-can't feel Riku's happiness to see his best friend one more time before this side of him dies. He can-can't feel Reno's attempt to be brave and break the truth to the boy in front of him as humorously as possible. He can-can't feel Lae, the one who he somehow took after the most, feel as sad about dying as he should.

Now Axel is-isn't lying here, reflecting over what was-wasn't, fading into darkness…