Disclaimer: I do not own Rei Ayanami, Asuka Langley Sohryu, Shinji Ikari, Ryoji Kaji, or anything else associated with the Neon Genesis Evangelion universe.

Hello! Thank you for taking the time to read my fic. For the moment this is a one-shot, however I may decide to make it longer, depending on reviews.

This is also my first fanfic. That does not mean you have to like it regardless of whether it's good or not, it just means I would appreciate it if you could offer me some constructive criticism on how to improve.

What I'm doing here is mostly an experiment, as I've never seen a fic like this before. I really tried to get Rei's character right, but I'm not sure how well I did.

Anyway, enjoy.

UPDATE 22/12/06 After almost 9 months I've finally managed to get some cool from school and everything else bothersome in life that distracts me from writing, so I've completely revised the ending of this chapter, and I've decided to continue with this fic, so expect chapter one to be up in a day or two. Also thanks to everyone who reviewed!

(Note: I realize the ending may seem weird somehow but just trust me, I know what I'm doing.)

Crimson Tears
Prologue – A day in the life

Extract from the diary of Rei Ayanami:

29th of March 2015

Today was pretty much the same as most other days, besides the fact that I have decided to start keeping a diary. There is a possibility it will help me understand myself better.

After getting out of bed this morning I took a shower for exactly five minutes, like I always do, then I put on my school uniform. When I was dressed I went into my kitchen to prepare my school lunch. I dislike preparing my own bread, but I do not understand why. I have to prepare my own bread, since I do not have any family to do it for me. I pushed back the feeling and continued.

After my lunch was done I put it in my bag, put on my shoes and left for school. I walk to school every morning, It's come to my attention a lot of other people think it's odd to walk such a distance, but I do not mind. I like looking around at everything that is going on around me. I saw nothing of interest today, however.

When I arrived at school it was quiet, hardly anyone else was there yet. I like it better that way, I don't have to interact with anyone else like that. That's why I always make sure to arrive half an hour early. After making my way to my classroom, which was still empty as well, I sat down behind my desk and put my bag down beside it. After that I started looking out the window next to my desk. I like looking out that window. In front of it is a tree, which usually has birds in it. There were a couple of birds there then, too, whistling happily and flying around. I like birds.

After sitting there for a while, I heard footsteps approaching. I didn't look up when the door opened, nor did they say anything to me as they walked past my desk. More students started coming in, but I tried to ignore them the same way they ignore me. I don't know why, but I have more trouble ignoring them every day.

I heard footsteps approaching again, however I recognized this particular set of steps. I tried hard not to look away from the window as the door opened. In the window's reflection I saw Sohryu come in, followed shortly by Ikari.

I dislike Sohryu. I like Ikari.

Unlike the other students, Sohryu and Ikari made their way towards my desk. I… dislike it when people ignore me, but Sohryu appears to enjoy attempting to hurt me, which I dislike even more. After throwing a comment about what a 'wonderbitch' I was at me, she turned away and walked over to her friends. Ikari was still there though. I saw in the window's reflection that he was smiling, and then he said "Good morning, Ayanami." I wanted to reply, but I do not know very well what to do or say In such situations. Speaking was made even more difficult by my heart, which was beating at an increased rate.

After waiting for a reply for a while, Ikari's face fell and he turned away as well, moving over to his two friends who had arrived by then. For some reason, this made my chest hurt. Logically pain would become easier to bear as time passed, but I feel like this every morning and it only gets worse.

After that the teacher came in and class started. It went by rather uneventfully, though I heard my name whispered behind my back a number of times, and a few objects were thrown my way as well. There was nothing I could about this behavior however, so I simply continued to look out the window, ignoring the students and the teacher to the best of my ability. The teacher was not saying anything I did not know yet.

When class ended I immediately put away my books and left, before Sohryu could tease me again. I walked up a number of staircases to the roof, which is the location I usually eat lunch. Not a large amount of people go there.

I sat down at an empty table and took out my self-made lunch. It wasn't a lot, but at least it was something. However, when I looked around at the few other people who were there, who all had their lunches made by parents or partners, I felt the same feeling I feel every morning, when I make my own lunch. It was harder to ignore this time though.

When I was done eating I made my way to our next class, which was music. When I got to the classroom only Kaji was there yet. He's our music teacher, but he told me to refer to him as Kaji. He smiled at me and greeted me, saying "Hey, Rei!" Kaji is always kind to me, which makes me feel warm inside, though it also makes Sohryu tease me even more. It appears to me as though she longs for an intimate relationship with Kaji, but I do not understand why, since everyone in our class knows that Kaji only thinks about our literature teacher. Kaji once asked me why I never smile, and I answered him that I don't know when I should smile, because no one every told me. He told me you're supposed to smile when you feel warm inside. I like Kaji. He always attempts to help me when I have a problem. I like Ikari more, however.

After hearing his greeting I felt a little warmer, so I smiled at him a bit and returned his greeting, then I sat down on one of the couches and let Kaji continue with preparing our class.

Other students started coming in, including Ikari and Sohryu, and then music class started. I like music, and I like playing the violin. I never play the violin and school though, even though Kaji said I play really well. The other students would just laugh at me.

Kaji started with explaining some things I already knew, however I still played close attention to prevent myself from missing anything of importance. After that we were allowed to play instruments. Ikari played the cello, it was a beautiful melody even though I do not know what it is called. It made me feel warm, but I did not smile, since I knew Sohryu would tease me again if I did. Sohryu was playing a complicated piece on the piano, most likely to attempt to draw Kaji's attention. However, it did not work out the way she intended, as her musical abilities, while above average, are not good enough to play such a piece, and Kaji came over to tell her to play a more simple piece. I felt warm again, and I could not hold back my smile, which I quickly hid behind the book I was reading.

I did not play any instrument. I just read one of the music books lying around in the classroom, trying to ignore several comments from Sohryu about me being a 'useless doll' and how I 'had no talents what-so-ever', until class ended.

As I left, Kaji smiled at me, and I tried to smile back at him but I do not think I did very well.

The rest of the school day was nearly identical to first period. Nothing of interest occurred. When the bell of the final class rang, I quickly left the classroom and the school building, and started walking home. Right before I left the school grounds however, I saw Sohryu dragging Ikari by the hand behind her. Ikari smiled at me again, and I quickly turned away and started walking home again, not paying much attention to what was happening around me.

Ikari could never care about me. As I cannot reach out to people, I can never get close to them. I am always alone.

When I arrived home no one was waiting for me, so I went to my room and laid down, picked up the book on my nightstand and read a bit, but I couldn't concentrate so I put it away after seven minutes and decided I would simply sleep, though I had to write this first.

That is what happened today.

I… believe I understand myself better now, even if it is only a little.

30th of March 2015

Apart from a few minor differences, today was almost identical to yesterday.

31st of March 2015

Today was also the same.