Title: I Won't Say I'm In Love
Paring: Jagan (James/Logan)
A/N: My fist Jagan fic :D these two are soo cute! (but Kames is still my number one lol) anyways, enjoy :D
James looked up from his magazine just as Logan trudged into apartment 2J and leaned his slender body against the door frame. The shorter brunette's head was bowed slightly and his warm eyes were filling up with tears.
"Logie? Are you ok?" James asked, getting up from his seat. He went over to his older friend and wrapped his arm protectively around Logan's shoulders. "C'mon buddy, talk to me." he pleaded softly after Logan refused to say anything.
Logan sniffled and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "Me and Justin…broke up." he said softly. James tightened his grip around Logan.
"Don't cry over him Logie." he said firmly but still in a soft, soothing voice. "He's not worth it. Any guy who makes you cry isn't worth your time."
Logan sniffled, a stray tear making it's way down his cheek. "Yeah, I guess you're right."
James leaned in and kissed his cheek where the tear was. Logan felt his cheeks burn at the contact and he lifted his head to look into James's hazel eyes.
"Wh-what was that for?" he stuttered out, blushing even more.
James smiled, despite the rosy color engulfing his cheeks. "Just 'cause." he said softly.
Logan blinked, not saying anything for a moment. He then titled his head up and kissed the taller boy on the lips. After the initial shock of the kiss passed, James moved his mouth in motion with Logan's intensifying the sweet little kiss. When they pulled away from each other, they were both red-faced and smiling slightly.
"What was that for?" James asked, clearing his throat afterwards.
"Just 'cause." Logan mumbled, adverting his eyes down to the floor, taking a sudden interest in James's black converses. He heard James chuckle but didn't look up until he walked away.
"Why did I do that?" he wondered aloud.
"That's easy." Carlos said, popping his head up from behind the couch. Logan jumped, startled, and turned to look at him. "You're in love with James." Carlos said.
"Wh-what?" Logan exclaimed.
"It's true." Kendall said, popping up next to Carlos.
"When did you two get here?" Logan cried, feeling more confused than before.
"Don't change the subject Logie." Kendall said. "You're in love with James."
"No I'm not." Logan said, through gritted teeth and began pacing. "I mean, I can't be!"
"But you are!" Carlos said in a sing-song voice, smiling widely.
Logan sighed. "OK, Let me break this down for you two." he took a breath. "If there's a prize for rotten judgment," he sang. "I guess I've already won that." he reached into his pocket and pulled out the bracelet his ex had given back to him when they broke up. "No man is worth the aggravation." he threw the bracelet to the floor and walked into the living room to stand in front of Carlos and Kendall. "That's ancient history, been there, done that."
"Who'd'ya think you're kiddin'?"Carlos and Kendall sang together. Carlos picked up a picture of the four boys from the end table and pointed to James. "He's the Earth and heaven to you. Try to keep it hidden. Honey, we can see right through you." Logan rolled his eyes and exited the living room, Carlos and Kendall following him. "Boy, ya can't conceal it. We know how ya feel and who you're thinking of."
"No chance, no way." Logan sang. "I won't say it, no, no."
"You swoon, you sigh." Carlos and Kendall sang. "Why deny it, uh-oh?"
"It's too cliché. I won't say I'm in love." Logan sat down in one of the chairs by the kitchen counter and propped his elbows up on them and rested his chin in his palms. "I thought my heart had learned its lesson. It feels so good when you start out. My head is screaming get a grip, boy." Logan ran his fingers through his short black hair and gripped them at the roots. "Unless you're dying to cry your heart out." he released his hair in his hands and dropped his head to the counter top.
"You keep on denying,"Carlos and Kendall's heads appeared opposite of Logan and he shot his head up in surprise. "Who you are and how you're feeling. Baby, we're not buying. Hon, we saw ya hit the ceiling." Logan rolled his eyes and slid out of the chair.
"Face it like a grown-up," Kendall and Carlos continued, walking after him. "When ya gonna own up that ya got, got, got it bad?"
"No chance, now way." Logan threw his hands up in the air, frustrated. "I won't say it, no, no."
Logan propped himself down on the couch and picked up the picture that Carlos was previously holding and looked to the end where he and James were sitting next to each other. He felt himself smile and Carlos and Kendall's voices rang in his ears.
"Give up, give in. Check the grin you're in love."
"This scene won't play." Logan put the picture face down on the couch and stood up. "I won't say I'm in love."
"You're doin flips read our lips, you're in love!" Carlos and Kendall climbed over the back of the couch and leaned in close to Logan's face as they sang.
"You're way off base, I won't say it." Logan pushed Carlos and Kendall backwards, causing the two too fall on their butts on the couch and Logan walked past them. "Get off my case. I won't say it."
Kendall and Carlos leaned over the back of the couch, resting their elbows on it and harmonizing in unison as James walked back into the room, walking by Logan. He brushed against the shorter boy and turned back to smile at him before he left the apartment. "Boy, don't be proud. It's O.K. you're in love."
Logan felt a smile tug at his lips and he couldn't fight it as he stared at the spot where James had just been. "Oh… At least out loud, I won't say I'm in love."
"But you know, you just did." Carlos pointed out. Kendall nudged him in the side and rolled his eyes. "What?" Carlos asked innocently. "He just said that he was in love with James. He totally contradicted the last line of the song!"
Kendall sighed, but still found himself amazed that Carlos knew a word like contradicted.
Logan shot up straight in his bed, sweat sticking to every inch of his body and his chest heaving at a rapid pace. It took him a minute to realize that he wasn't dreaming anymore and he heaved a huge sigh of relief. It was just a dream, but he couldn't help but wonder, did it mean anything?
Was he really in love with James?
Logan shook his head at the very thought. Of course he wasn't in love with James. He wasn't gay; he wasn't even bi. But then why the dream?
Logan needed answers. But there wasn't really anyone he could talk to at the moment. James was obviously out of the question; Logan could just imagine that conversation- 'Hey James can we talk?… Well you're not going to believe this but last night I had a dream that I was in love with you. What do you think it means?'. What a train wreck that would be. Kendall and Carlos probably wouldn't be much help; they didn't have a clue about being gay since they were both straight with girlfriends of their own. Logan sighed again and then reached under his bed for his laptop. No better place to get answers than the internet right? He placed it on his lap and began typing furiously into the Google search bar.
what does it mean if you have a dream about a person of the same sex
Logan skimmed over the first two results and then saw a link that appealed to him at the moment.
Same Sex Dream-Does a Same Sex Dream Make Me Gay
Logan clicked on the link and waited impatiently as the webpage loaded. When it finally did, he read the short paragraph that was there.
Question: Does a Same Sex, Sex Dream Make Me Gay?
Answer: At some point in their lives most folks will have a sexy dream or two. Now if some of those dreams involve someone of the same sex, does this mean that you are GLBT?
The answer is going to be different for every individual. For some folks same sex, sex dreams might be your subconscious trying to tell you something. For other people, these dreams might be representing something totally different. Maybe you are feeling close to someone of the same sex, or have an issue with a person that needs to be resolved.
People have dreams every night that they don't understand. If you think your sleeping mind might be trying to tell you something, it might be a good idea to see how you feel exploring same sex feelings when you are awake.
If possible, try not to worry about it too much!
Logan didn't know what to think at the moment. Obviously his dream wasn't a sex dream but it was still a dream about a guy nonetheless. And what if it was his subconscious mind trying to tell him that he was in love with James? Does that mean he should go and explore his feelings?
"Logan!"
Logan nearly fell off his bed, he jumped so high. He had to steady his laptop from falling off onto the floor.
Kendall raised his bushy eyebrow and looked at the smaller boy. "You ok?" he asked.
"Fine." Logan said, briefly placing a hand on his thudding heart. "You just scared me."
"What are you reading anyway? I mean, I was calling your name for a while and you just seemed so into whatever it is you were looking at." Kendall stated.
Logan felt himself blush and he shut his laptop. "I-it's nothing Kendall."
Kendall smirked. "Were you looking at dirty pictures Logie?" he asked.
Logan blushed even more. "NO!" he yelled.
"Who's looking at dirty pictures?" Carlos asked, walking by the door.
"I think Logan is." Kendall said.
"I-I'm not!" Logan insisted.
Kendall and Carlos exchanged a quick glance and then rushed over to Logan. Carlos wrapped his arms around the boy's torso and Kendall reopened his laptop. When he got the webpage up again, his smile faded and his eyes widened.
"You had a sex dream about a guy?" he asked, turning to look at Logan. Carlos released him and leaned over his shoulder to look at the page.
"Whoa." he breathed. "So, wait, you're gay?"
"NO!" Logan insisted, louder than he planned. "Of course I'm not gay!"
"But you had a dream about a guy." Carlos pointed out. "That's gotta mean something."
"It doesn't though! Really, I'm not gay or bi or anything!"
"Are you confused?" Kendall asked him.
"No!" Logan groaned. "I'm totally aware of my straightness!"
There was a pause in their conversation. "So who was it?" Carlos asked.
Logan began nervously twitching his hands in his lap. "N-Not James if that's what you're thinking." he stuttered. "Because if you were thinking that you're wrong. James was not who my dream was about."
Kendall and Carlos stared at Logan, confused looks on their faces.
"Ok fine, it was James!" Logan exclaimed after a moment of them continuing to stare at him. "But I'm not in love with him!"
"We didn't say you were dude." Kendall said, putting his hands up defensively.
"Good, because I'm not." Logan said.
"Okaaay." Carlos sang.
"You don't believe me!" Logan said, gaping at the two boys.
"Logan-"
"Ok, just because I had a dream about James and doesn't mean I'm in love with him!" Logan insisted. "I am not now nor have I ever been in love with James Diamond!"
A cough was heard from across the room and Logan's, Kendall's, and Carlos's heads all turned to see James standing in the doorway to Logan's bedroom. His cheeks were tinted pink and he was biting his lip, looking nervously at Logan. Logan then found it physically impossible to look at James and he bent his head down.
"Good too…" James paused to clear his throat and run his fingers through his hair. "G-good to know Logan." and with that he just left the scene.
Logan sighed and buried his face in his hands.
"That was kinda stupid on your part." Kendall commented.
"I know." Logan mumbled.
"No you really don't know Logie." Carlos said, somewhat bitterly.
Logan raised his head cautiously. "What do you mean?"
"James is in love with you!" Carlos blurted out.
"Dude!" Kendall smacked him upside the head.
"What? It's about time he figured it out, it's only been like, what two years?" Carlos said to him.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, back it up." Logan said, processing what Carlos had just said. "Did you just say what I think you just said?"
"Yes he did." Kendall said. "And when James finds out that you know, Carlos and I are dead."
Logan just stared blankly at him, his mouth slightly agape. "James is in love with me?" he exclaimed after a moment.
"SHH!" Carlos and Kendall hissed in unison.
"Yes, James is in love with you." Kendall whispered. "And he's been wishing that one day you'll figure it out and you'll be in love with him too. It's kind of pathetic how hopeful he is, especially since you're so dense and you haven't figured it out until now."
"Oh my gosh." Logan breathed. James was actually in love with him- Logan, of all people! The very thought of that alone brought a smile to his face.
"Why are you smiling like that?" Carlos asked him.
"Like what?" Logan asked. The smile still hadn't left his face.
"Like you're actually happy that James is in love with you…" Kendall's eyes widened. "Oh my God, you're happy James is in love with you!" he exclaimed.
Logan's smile finally dropped. "No I'm not!"
"Dude, it's totally obvious that you were happy James loves you." Carlos said. "And that means that you must love him too!"
"I don't." Logan said weakly.
"You do!" Carlos disagreed.
Logan opened his mouth to protest again, but he shut it. Suddenly it all started to make sense… the dream, that feeling of happiness he got when he found out that James was in love with him…
"You're not denying it Logie." Kendall pointed out.
"I… I think that I might…" Logan swallowed, feeling a lump form in his throat. "I might be in love with James."
"Who called it?" Carlos shouted and gave Kendall a happy high five.
"Guys!" Logan whined. "There's nothing to be happy about." he felt tears stinging at his eyes. "I screwed up massively, you saw that!"
"Logan, just because you accidentally blurted out that you're not in love with James and then realized that you are doesn't mean that you screwed up massively… it could've been worse." Carlos said, trying to stay on the bright side.
"Like how?" Logan asked, turning his gaze to Carlos.
"You could've said you didn't love him and then broke his lucky comb." Carlos tried. "Broke his heart and his favorite thing in the world."
Logan moaned and fell back onto his pillows. Kendall shot Carlos a 'not helping' look and then pulled Logan back up.
"Look Logan, haven't you heard the saying 'love you once, love you still, always have, always will'?" Kendall asked him. Logan nodded. "Well whoever said that is right. James will always love you, and now that you know you love him you gotta tell him."
"Yeah." Carlos agreed. "You have to right what you wronged almost ten minutes ago."
Logan nodded. "You guys are right." he sighed. "Man, I hate when that happened."
"James?" Logan's hesitant, soft voice broke though James's thoughts, startling the younger boy slightly. James lifted himself into a sitting position and twiddled his fingers nervously in his lap.
"Hey." he said softly.
"Can I… can I talk to you?" Logan asked.
James patted the spot next to him on the couch, and Logan stared at it for a moment before sitting down next to him. The tension and awkwardness alone, was making Logan feel uncomfortable and he started shifting around in his seat.
"So?" James said, breaking the silence.
"So what?" Logan asked, confused.
"So, you said you wanted to talk to me." James said. "Talk."
"Oh right." Logan blushed lightly. "W-well, I wanted to apologize… for, you know, earlier."
James adverted his gaze to the floor and shifted in his seat. "It's whatever." he mumbled.
"No it's not whatever James." Logan rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, it is. You don't love me, boo hoo, I'll get over it." James stood up from his spot on the couch and walked into the kitchen.
"Wait a second James." Logan leaped off the couch and followed him into the kitchen. He grabbed James's arm and forced the boy to turn and look at him. Tears were swimming in his hazel eyes and it broke Logan's heart.
"What?" James voice cracked slightly and he swallowed thickly. "What?" he asked again, his voice softer than before."
"D-do you…or at least did you…" Logan paused, and took a deep breath. "Love me?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
James swallowed again and nodded. "Yes." he whispered. "I love you Logan. But what does it matter? You don't l-love m-me." James voice began shaking and he tore himself away from Logan's grasp, fearing that he would start crying in front of him. As if the embarrassment of him finding out he didn't love him wasn't enough for one day.
"No, James wait!" Logan desperately grabbed a hold of James's muscular arms and held on tightly. "I know that I said I didn't love you, but I only said that because I had a dream about you and I really didn't want to admit I was in love with you but then Kendall and Carlos told me that you loved me and that got me all happy inside so then I realized that I was in love with you and I want you to know that now." Logan said all in one breath. 'Well wasn't THAT a run-on sentence' he thought to himself.
James's eyes widened in surprise. "I-I- That was- Wow." James smiled nervously at Logan. "I can't believe you actually admitted you're in love with me. I've been trying to do that for two years."
Logan smiled up at James. "Well you know, if Meg could do it…" he trailed off.
"Meg?" James questioned.
"From Hercules." Logan confirmed.
"Oh." James chuckled. "So, um… what does this mean for us now?"
Logan wrapped his arms around James's waist, pulling him in close to his own body. Without another world, he placed a delicate kiss on his lips, much similar to when he kissed him in his dream. When the two boys separated from their kiss, James rested his forehead against Logan's.
"I love you." he murmured softly.
"I love you too." Logan replied.
"And I totally called it!" Carlos's voice yelled, startling the two boys. James chuckled and Logan just rolled his eyes before leaning into kiss his new boyfriend again.
A/N: Ok, so I hope you all liked this :D feedback = love :D