He felt his heart stop beating, felt it shatter and sink all in that one split second when he thought he'd lost him forever. The night was a blur of bright lights, loud music, chorusing laughter and that one echoing cry for help before the train hit.
Aaron wasn't sure he had a heart until that night, until he found himself nursing a cold cup of coffee in a hospital waiting room, desperate to know if he'd ever feel complete again because anyone who knows Aaron knows that Aaron is broken and nobody can fix him life Jackson can.
He didn't remember how he got here, he didn't even remember how he got out of the van, all he did remember was that Jackson didn't, Jackson didn't escape and he was laying in a room, in a cold bed that wasn't theirs, hooked up to endless machinery. Aaron blames himself – it should have been him.
Aaron isn't the religious type, not by a long chalk but there he was, praying to any god that would listen to save Jackson, his Jackson, because he needs him because Aaron is broken and nobody can fix him like Jackson can.
Aaron didn't really understand he never had; he never understood why other people always had to pay for his mistakes. It's not fair, he thinks; it should have been him.
When approaching footsteps echoed down the empty corridor, Aaron didn't even look up; he wasn't sure he could. The doctors voice was distorted and Aaron couldn't bring himself to listen properly, too afraid of hearing those words, those two small worlds that held the power to tear apart his world – 'I'm sorry' was the last thing Aaron wanted to hear.
It's only when he hears two sets of footsteps echoing down the corridor that Aaron realises he's out of his seat and following behind the doctor, a heavy silence hanging over the both of them as he's led to Jackson's room.
It's when he's left alone with Jackson that he finally breaks down, taking in the man before him, limp, pale, cut and bruised, attached to a mass of machines; the incessant beeping of the life-support doing nothing to calm Aaron's nerves. He can't lose Jackson, not now, not ever and that's when Aaron felt the warm, wet tears run down his face, finally breaking through his tough exterior and spilling.
He's scared, terrified even as he takes a hold of his lover's hand – still warm and he presses his lips to Jackson's knuckles, willing him to wake up, to open his eyes and smile at him, that smile that only Aaron sees when they're wrapped up in one another at night, alone and happy. Aaron squeezes Jackson's hand; yes, he's terrified… because this time Jackson's broken and Aaron isn't sure he can fix him.