If you loved me
You would be here with me
You want me, come find me
Make up your mind"
Call Me When You're Sober – Evanescence
Disclaimer: Song nor show belong to me.
The wind cascaded the down pouring rain in sheets around the street. Litter from said streets flew haphazardly around, providing a little color in the otherwise unpenetratable gray that was the rain. The only movement from outside were the blurs of cars brave enough to weather the storm, literally. Chase, Foreman, Wilson, and Cuddy had called it a day hours ago and like a foolish man he had opted to stay at the hospital, catching up on the paperwork that his former duckling used to do for him.
He sighed at the realization that it was inevitable that he stay the night, he had driven his bike into work and cheated an old woman out of the last handicapped parking spot in front of the doors. The seats were soaked since the weather had turned from seventy degrees and sunny to flood like rain while he was overseeing an operation on his current patients brain. "Karma's a bitch." He mumbled to himself as he took a seat behind his desk before pulling a bottle from his pocket and dry swallowing two Vicodin.
The door to the terrace remained open as a clap of thunder resounded throughout the office and a bolt of lightning illuminated the city around him as if it were high noon. His elbows came to rest on the arms of his chair and he laced his fingers together in front of him, tapping his index fingers together as he watched. No surprise registered on his face at the ferociousness of the thunder and lightning that ensued for the next hour, neither did the sound of his office door opening some time later.
His fingers, instead of tapping together were now locked tightly in one another. His jaw set painfully tight, his breathing came in short gasps, his eyes became hard, and the pain in his leg turned finally subsided to a dull throb as he braced himself for a different type of pain. "What are you doing here?" He barked as she stopped just behind him.
"What am I ever doing here?" She asked as if she would rather be somewhere else.
"What do you want?" He asked softly, avoiding her completely.
"You already know the answer to that." She replied coyly as she looked down at his clenched jaw.
"Then why is it so difficult for you to reply?" He asked as he began to turn slowly to face her.
"When has it ever been my decision what I want?" She answered with yet another question.
"Why do you always answer me with a question? I'm tired of this damn it!" He exclaimed as his chair finally faced her, his eyes set on the floor.
"Then stop." She replied, dropping to her knees in front of him, forcing him to look her in the eyes.
"I can't…" He replied softly, his eyes softening at the sight of her in front of him, soaking wet. Shaky hands sought hers, bringing them to his face and placing them on either cheek, needing to feel her soft hands on his skin. "I miss you too much." He revealed.
"Then do something about it." She answered just as softly, standing to her feet and removing her left hand from his face but allowing her right to trail slowly down the gentle coarseness of his unshaven face. He kept her gaze, eyes pleading, arms reaching for her. She stepped back from him, slowly easing towards the door.
"Why do you always say that?" He asked roughly, disappointment etched all over his face as her hand pushed against the door, allowing her to take a step into the hallway.
"Because it's the answer you don't want to hear." She smiled as a bolt of lightning caused him to jump in his chair, breaking her gaze as she evaporated into thin air. His hands immediately came up to rub his eyes as he squinted at the door.
"I'm losing it." He mumbled, staring down at the floor and feeling his face for water which could verify that she had indeed been here, that he wasn't hallucinating. No such luck was offered him and he slowly slumped in his seat, scratching his chin thoughtfully as he scanned his office, still unable to accept the fact that he was daydreaming, again. 'She felt so real.' He told himself, bringing his hands to his face where he would've sworn her hands had been not moments ago. 'So warm.'
Things had not been the same for the two months since he had seen her last. As the memory flooded his mind he stared off into space and let the evening replay itself once again in his head.
A tentative knock resounded throughout his apartment at around three a.m. and instead of yelling at the person on the other side of the door he limped his way over, knowing without question that it was her."What do you want?" He asked as he swung the door open and leaned against the door frame. "Here to yell and cuss at me into the night?"
"No." She replied, her voice small as she stared down at her shoes. "I'm here to say goodbye."
"Where are you going?" He asked, squinting inquisitively at her.
"I thought I told you already." She replied, her voice rising.
"You seriously aren't considering-"
"The considering part was over two hours ago House, my letter of resignation is already on your desk." She interrupted.
"What the fuck is your problem?" He replied. "I'm not dying so now you can't get off on the fact so you're leaving?"
"What the fuck is my problem? My problem is that I have a boss whom I care more about than either he or I care to hear about wanting to get his brain laced so that he could stay permanently high! My problem is that I have finally realized that you really don't care about me, that this is a one sided thing that I should have been over a year and a half ago. I can't be anywhere near you…it broke my heart to hear you tell us that tonight and I can't stay and watch you try to do something else to yourself. You're not worth the pain."
"If I'm not worth it then why have you put up with me?" He replied softly, eyeing her intently.
"I guess a part of me wanted to believe that you would wake up one day and realize that you have feelings for me."
"Cameron…" He trailed, only to be hushed by her hurt stare as she finally looked him in the eyes.
"Don't House. Just…I already have three applications on your desk of those I think can handle the job. Do yourself a favor and hire someone of the male gender." His only response was a nod as he looked her over.
"I'll keep that in mind." He replied as she broke eye contact and glanced down at the ground.
"I guess I'll be seeing you then." She said, lingering for a moment in contemplation before leaning up to kiss him softly on the cheek. He grabbed her waist and pulled her to him, his mouth hanging dangerously close to hers.
"Were we not in this same position not four hours ago?" He smirked, looking down at her eyes that looked to him like a deer caught in headlights.
"House…don't, I can't…" She stammered, pulling herself from her embrace and stepping backwards down the hallway, the gleam on unshed tears in her eyes glistening in the light.
"Your job will be waiting on you when you get tired of Penn." He called to her, crossing his arms over his chest and watching her watch him as she backed towards the door.
"If you ever get tired of hunting for a drug to get you high then give me a call." She replied quietly, turning and opening the door. As he opened his mouth to respond she turned to give him one last fleeting look, the tears streaming down her face and the pain in her eyes silencing him as she gave a half-wave and took out the door.
Over the past two months he had imagined what his next move should have been as she left. Ninety-nine percent of them ended with him chasing her (as quickly as his bum leg could move him) down and informing her that she was his drug, that so long as she was with him he could live without the Vicodin and be perfectly….happy. The one percent involved screwing her right there in the door of his apartment, the result of a late-night of drinking and renting a porn.
The truth was still as obvious now as it had been the last sixty-five days and every day since she had left there wasn't a day that he didn't hallucinate about her. Most nights his visions were so vivid, so detailed, that he found himself rushing to get home and sleep so that he could dream for fifteen-thirty seconds and receive a second chance with her, one that seemed play itself out over a lifetime in his imagination.
Sighing as another clap of lightning lit up his office he made a move to the couch and after popping two more Vicodin, settled down so that he could make his way back to her.
A/N: Five chapter story. My muse is apparently going hay wire seeing as I have about six other stories in House and GG that need finishing, intended as a one-shot but will be mulit-chaptered SMUT. Review please and tell me if you like where it could be going. Another interesting tidbit that I learned today from my oh-so-wise friends. A person's dreams only last fifteen-thirty seconds each! I was AMAZED because it seems that they last a lifetime.