Bad Pickup Lines
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Disclaimer: This may come as shocking news to many, but, I have no rights to the wonderful world of Hogwarts.
Or any of the aforementioned things that are recognizable.
Draco Malfoy was officially in need of a straight jacket. Yes, in the Draco Malfoy, if asked about, many in Slytherin would reply that he need a straight jacket. Not that any would say that to his face, since it came out after the destruction of Lord Moldy Butt, excuse me, The Dark Lord Voldemort, who had been murdered by the ingenious invention of Micheal Jackson, Catholic Priests, and the TellyTubbies, but, alas, that is story to tell at another time; it had came to light in the public eye of certain spies, who worked for the Order, Severus Snape, and The Malfoys, which came as a shock to most. But, enough of that matter, we were about to discover why most thought Draco Malfoy was in need of straight jacket, many people also wanted to know why Dumbledore was prancing around the castle, in muggle woman's clothes, and also why the hell Snape randomly burst into Christmas Carols, these strange phenomenons had stared October to say the least, but, as I have tried to state before falling into the curse of rambling, Draco Malfoy was obsessed with one thing now.
And that one thing you may ask,
Wooing and marrying a woman who once considered him an enemy,
That woman...
No other than the Gryffindor Goddess,
Hermione Granger.
Now one would imagine that Draco Malfoy had better ways to woo a woman than taking the advice of two devious twins, but, alas, the platinum blonde was not as brilliant as we think. So, when school shopping for his final year at Hogwarts, he managed to wander into a certain Weasly twins' joke shop, where they immediately gave him a list of some 'fool-prof' pickup lines.
Oh, how stupid was he...
The McDonald's Pick-Up Line...
Hermione was seated in the Great hall, slowly eating a delicious meal, of well, who cares what she was eating, that's not why you, the reader, and I, .., are floating over the world watching people make fools of themselves. Oh, here he comes, the great Draco Malfoy, that's right, acting sly and insufferable.
"Hello, Hermione." the idiot started, Hermione, you go girl, merely rolled her eyes and answered with one word,
"Hello." this rejection, obvious to everyone, but the one being rejected, was ignored as our 'hero' took a deep breath and stated the first pick-up line,
"If you were a new burger at McDonald's, they would name you "McHottie." I swear to everyone out there, the room was so quiet, you could hear Peeves in the dungeons signing to himself, everyone waited patiently for Hermione's answer. Her eyebrow arced as she turned to the idiot,
"Sorry, I'm not on the McDollar menu tonight." She spoke before dumping a bowl of soup down his robes.
Alas, burning soup did not detour his heart's desire... what a bloody idiot.
Band-aids
Quiddich had just ended, the poor little Hufflepuffs never stood a chance against the big, mean, old Slytherins. Not that anyone really faulted the Sprout's little flower petals, but still, it was a pathetic game. So, we find ourselves gazing upon the scene where Draco has made it up to the infirmary, searching desperately for a certain brown haired goddess. He spotted her, and waited until she finished talking with Madam Pomfrey before sliding smoothly up beside her to pull pick-up line two.
"Hey, Hermione, do you have a band-aid?" he questioned, the same eyebrow was arched before she spoke,
"Why?"
"Because I've seen to have scrapped my knee when I fell for you.
That one earned him the silent treatment.
Still, it did not detour his love,
Bunsen Burner
Yes, Draco knew this one would work as they sat in potions class, yes, he was going to embarrass himself in front of his own head of house, well, as I've stated before, what an idiot.
"Hey Hermione,Your hotter than a bunsen burner!" How does he manage to do that, turn the entire room to silence. Hermione didn't say anything to him, just merely turned around to face him before dumping the vile of potion down his shirt.
Still, even with Professor Snape howling in laughter, he would not give up.
Dictionary
Hermione was currently hiding in the Library. She was trying to study for her N.E.W.T.S. Unfortunately for her, she had spent the last 6 months, trying to ignore Draco's pathetic pick-up lines, even though she had to admit some of them were kind of sweet, like the one he had used about the dictionary,
"Hey, baby, you're like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life."
She had responded by hitting him up the side of his head with a dictionary.
Lucky Charms
Hermione was actively listening to Professor Flitwick's lesson when he saw Draco making his way over to her. He face colored dramatically, and this, I dare say, is where we have to bit our hands to keep from bursting into a fit of giggles. Dude, I must really say that Fred and George did what was right when they found this idiot.
"Hey, Hermione, Did you eat a lot of Lucky Charms, because you look magically delicious." Laughter ripped through the room, but still, the idiot was going to woo his goddess if it was the last thing he would do.
Finally
Draco felt extremely full of himself, he had finally gotten step one down, the wooing was complete with their date in Hogsmead. It was the wonderful February 14th, and Draco was feeling ecstatic. I on the other hand, am freezing to death, because somebody forgot to tell me that it was snowing, but, on with the delicious plot. They had managed to escape the blizzard and were currently residing in the comfortable book shop, sipping warm cups of tea. I really don't know why the British love tea. But, they stood there, Hermione having realized her feelings for the conceited buffoon sometime ago. So, he finally spoke what was bound to be a cheesy pick-up line,
Instead, he swooped to one knee, pulled out a little box and looked in to Hermione's eyes,
"Hermione Jane Granger, From the Moment when met as 11 year old children, I have always been drawn to you. I have grown to love you and I know that you share those feelings. I want to stay by your side and grow old with you. Will you marry me?"
Hermione's tears poured forth as she fell to her knees and embraced the idiot,
"Yes! Yes!"
Well, maybe I was wrong, bad pick-up lines might not be so bad after all.