Her Moron in Red
Wes groaned loudly. "What kind of self respecting red ranger hangs out in a bookstore? This guy is obviously a total nerd. We can't share our legacy with this loser."
Sky frowned at Wes. "Just because he likes to read does not mean he is a nerd. At least he's appearing to be capable of though, unlike other red rangers I could mention."
Eric gave Sky a rare smile. "I've been saying that for years. It hasn't worked yet, and I doubt it ever will. And so the rest of us must suffer from his total insanity."
Conner wandered over to the magazine rack and picked up a copy of Sports Illustrated. After scanning it briefly, he squawked indignantly, "Not a thing about David Beckham moving out here to LA."
Tommy Oliver took the magazine out of the younger man's hands. "Oh, grow up already, Conner. I swear, sometimes you're stupider than Kimberly, and that's saying something. Good Lord," mumbled the multicolored ranger.
"Stupider is not a word," piped up Cole Evans. "Alyssa keeps telling me so, and she's really smart. I mean, she's a teacher and everything."
"She's a kindergarten teacher," Carter pointed out. "I mean, I married a doctor. And she's quite fond of operating on me, if you get my meaning." The red Lightspeed ranger stared off into space with a dreamy expression on his face.
Andros rubbed his temples. He wasn't sure how much longer he could stand being around these loud morons, especially that Cole idiot. The Wild Force ranger would not stop looking at the other red rangers in awe. It was way beyond hero worship; it was bordering on stalking.
Jason Scott and Rocky DeSantos wandered over to the t little café. "I want a body building protein shake, cutie," Jason told the barista. "Strawberry flavored."
"I want three brownies and a lemon scone," Rocky added.
"We don't sell protein shakes, sir," said the barista. She looked at his left hand. "Obviously you're married, so kindly back off."
Jason stalked off back to the other red rangers. "So where is this newbie anyway?" he asked the nearest comrade, who happened to be Leo Corbett.
Leo shrugged. "I think Kendrix mentioned something about me picking up a book on molecular physics for her, so, um, I'll go find that," he finished lamely. The red Galaxy ranger scooted off.
Jason snorted. What a nut. If Kat ever wanted something to be picked up, she did it herself. Jason wore the pants in their household, and he made sure that his cute little Australian wife knew it.
Cole popped up out of nowhere, as was his custom. "Mack likes adventure books and manga," he offered, obviously thinking he was helping. "We could go look for him, Jason."
"No thanks, rookie."
Cole looked crestfallen and then wandered off to talk to Shane Clark. Behind Jason, TJ Johnson cracked up. "Man that never gets old. He'd do just about anything to impress us, you know? It's like, get a grip already."
One by one, all the red rangers migrated back to their original spots, by now looking quite impatient.
"Where the hell is this guy?" wondered Nick Russell.
"It's not like he knew he was supposed to meet us here," argued Jack Landors. "I mean, we had to wait for you in that CD store. Your boss was nearly in tears when we all left without buying anything."
Meanwhile, Overdrive's red ranger, Mackenzie 'Mack' Hartford was muttering to himself. "I can't believe they don't have The Baron's Betrayal in special edition. Don't they know who I am? Don't they know who my father is?"
"Hey guys, that's him!" shrieked Conner. "Finally I can get out of here and back to my beloved Kirakins."
"Kira lets you call her Kirakins?" wondered Shane. "That's weird. I always though of her as the kind of girl who wouldn't tolerate that kind of utter nonsense."
Conner scowled. "Kirakins loves it when I call her that."
Carter Grayson rolled his eyes. "Can we get this show on the road? Dana and I were going to play doctor tonight."
The others blanched. "No one needs to, much less wants to, know that, OK?" Nick told him. "And anyway, I don't think it can be rushed."
Mack had long since stopped his mumblings of a law suit against the book store and was staring at the group of men all wearing red in such awe that even Cole was frightened. "You guys are red rangers!" he exclaimed incredulously. "I mean, I saw you on the news a few months ago!" he continued, pointing at Nick. "You're the red mystic ranger."
"Not so loud," hissed Shane. "Now come here so we can talk to you." The red Ninja ranger grabbed on of Mack's elbows and marched him over to one of the leather chairs placed for the costumers to sit in and read.
"Now," began Sky Tate, trying to sound official and important, "Young Mackenzie-"
Jack interrupted his former SPD teammate. "Mackenzie? Your name is Mackenzie? That's even worse than being named Sky. Mackenzie's a freaking chick name!"
"Shut up!" said Sky and Mack together. "We're still trying to figure out what's wrong with him," Sky added to Mack apologetically. "He's a moron. Don't worry about him."
"You're all morons," chimed in Andros. "I get less headaches looking at Ashley's clothing designs."
"Look, whiney dude," said Jason, "I'm the original red ranger. Let me do the lesson. So, whiney dude, cadet guy, move over and let me talk."
"Are they always like this?" questioned Mack to Rocky, who was still stuffing his face. The older man managed a nod. "Doofus," he said thickly.
Tommy removed his rectangular glasses and rubbed his forehead. "While they're fighting about nonsense, I'll give it to you straight, Mack. Red rangers will always, always have something else the other guy rangers don't necessarily get to have."
"Responsibility of leading the team who's going to save the world? Cool weapons? A battelizer? A shiny suit in the best color ever?"
Conner chuckled. "Yes, we do get that awesome stuff," he said dreamily. "At least battelizers don't nag at you when you step on their guitars or when you break a lamp with playing with your soccer ball or when you forget to do the laundry…"
"But none of that is what I was talking about," Tommy replied. "No, what I meant was that you're a red ranger now. You're one of the guys. And because of that, you get a girlfriend."
"A…girlfriend?" pondered Mack. "But I don't understand. What does having a girlfriend have to do with being a power ranger?"
"You're not just any power ranger. You're red. You'll have screaming fangirls flocking to you like ducks flock to bread crumbs," said TJ.
"And as red ranger, nothing but your girl matters. The world? It'll always be saved. But that girl running around in pink, yellow, blue or white spandex is your whole life from the first time she screams for you to save her," Carter said.
Mack leaned back in his chair. "So Rose and Ronny are going to be fighting over me? I should sell the rights to Pay-Per-View."
Leo smacked his forehead. "No, no, no, you imbecile. It doesn't work like that. You never get both of them. And using your team members for profit is a very, very bad thing."
"Then how does it work?" Mack asked. The others looked at each other.
"I don't know. That's a good question. It's a gut feeling I think. You'll just know," Nick said. "You ever been jealous of another guy being near one of your girl rangers?"
Mack nodded. "When Will was with Rose and his hands were all over her." The Overdrive ranger's face twisted into a snarl.
Sky took out a notepad. "Rose Ortiz…and Mackenzie Hartford. So you'd be right about that. Nice choice, by the way."
Mack looked panicked. "But Rose is so smart. I feel like an idiot when I'm around her. How would that ever work out?"
"You're supposed to feel like an idiot around her," Jack instructed. "That's just how the whole love thing works."
Wes nodded. "You should see me around Jen. She's always yelling at me for something. It's completely degrading."
Eric looked surprised. "I'm astonished that you used the work degrading correctly, Wes. Really I am. And Jen has a good reason to be constantly yelling at you: you're a complete moron."
Jason glared at Mack. "I can't believe they gave red ranger to a wimp with a girl's name like you. I should sue the pant off of whoever is in charge of handing out ranger powers now."
"It's a family name," mumbled Mack. "And I can't believe how much of a complete jerk you are."
The original red ranger moved towards Mack. "Those are fighting words, Mackenzie," he sneered.
"Hold up, Jason," said Tommy. "You can't kill him. And stop making fun of his name. He can't help that he has a girl name."
"Both of you stop," interjected Sky.
"There's nothing worse than Dustin's real name," Shane observed. "Waldo? What were his parents thinking?"
Sky ignored this. "Well, our whole mission was to tell you the whole 'responsibility' of leading a team is not nearly as important. Like Carter said, the world will always be saved. It's the cute girl who needs you to save her that's really important, Mack. You must always be there when she needs you, and you must always listen to her when she tries to give you a pep talk. And all of them will give you pep talks, trust me."
And Sky pulled a red business card from his pocked and handed it to Mack. With that, all the other red rangers vanished into thin air.
Rose Ortiz and Mackenzie Hartford
Overdrive Pink and her moron in red