PART ONE: THE ONLY EXCEPTION.

And I've always lived like this, keeping a comfortable distance and up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness. Because none of it was ever worth the risk. – Paramore, The only exception.

The early morning breeze whipped at my face as I strolled down the familiar street. I shifted my two year old daughter, Ruby, against my chest, angling her face towards me and away from the wind. Her little thumb was secured tightly in her mouth, as always, as she watched me in a great amount of interest that I would never understand. Her blonde locks danced in the breeze. She was heartbreakingly beautiful for a two year old.

Shivering slightly, I picked up my pace as the thought of a warm cup of coffee invaded my slightly sluggish mind. It was only nine o'clock in the morning, much earlier than my usual trip to my local coffee shop, however my little bundle of joy had woke up and refused to go back to sleep, despite my hardest efforts. And sitting in my house wasn't an option. I found that when I was often left alone, my thoughts would spiral out of control. I would over analyse everything, I would force myself to remember certain memories, I would try to live in the "what if" world that sometimes haunted my dreams. It was times like that when I felt like an unfit mother. And that disturbed me more than anything else. My daughter was my world, the only thing that kept me going most of the time, and I wouldn't let my thoughts distract me from giving her a life she deserved.

I glanced down at her and found her looking up at me with her wide blue eyes. I envied those eyes. They dazzled everyone she looked at.

Thankfully when I looked back up, the coffee shop was only across the street. Without realising, my pace picked up once again as the thought of escaping the cold gave me great pleasure. Within moments I was enclosed in a whirlpool of warmth mingled with the beautiful scent of freshly baked muffins and coffee. I breathed in and found myself unable to contain the grin that was spreading across my face.

"Momma, muffin," Ruby mumbled against my neck.

"Sure thing, sweet pea," I replied.

I headed straight to the counter, clocking an empty table tucked away in the corner that I was going to claim after I had ordered.

Today it was Claudia who was taking the early shift. She stood picking at her nails, looking mind-numbingly bored. Her black hair was shoved up into a rough ponytail and her makeup was poorly done, though I knew that Claudia had issues with arriving to work on time and often had to rush. After noticing me from the corner of her eye, she straightened up as a huge smile grew across her face. Unlike the usual smile the employers had to greet their customers with, this wasn't forced.

"Buffy! How are you? Bit earlier than your usual session, huh?" Claudia greeted.

"Hey. I'm great thanks, just tired you know. And yeah, cheeky chops here wouldn't get back to sleep," I said, nodding down at Ruby.

Claudia chuckled as she reached across the counter and gave Ruby a little pat. Claudia was fond of Ruby, though she had briefly mentioned that after her miscarriage a few years ago children were now out of the question for her. Even though she never explained why she wouldn't try again, I figured she feared dooming another child with the same fate as the last. I sympathised for her.

"Cup of coffee, no sugars? And a chocolate muffin?"

"That'd be great," I smiled in return.

"I'll bring them over to your table in a few minutes," said Claudia.

I thanked her, pushed Ruby into giving her a thank you, before heading over to the table I had spotted earlier. I settled down at the table, allowing Ruby to curl up on my knee and hide her face in my blouse. Her thumb still remained in her mouth.

"Oh no, don't you think about going sleep on me missy! It was you who wouldn't go back to sleep," I moaned, poking her gently in the stomach.

She giggled and spared a moment to look up at me, fluttering her long eyelashes in an entrancing way. I pressed a quick kiss to her forehead, before resting my chin upon her windswept blonde waves, cuddling her closer to my chest. Ruby allowed her head to drop back against my chest, her thumb never departing from her mouth.

Claudia walked over to the table a few minutes later, her hip swaying as she set the tray down. She flashed me a smile and turned on her heel. She was just about to walk away when she paused, turning back round to face me.

"I'll pay for this one, Buff," she smiled.

"No, Claudia, I have the money … it's fine, honest!" I exclaimed in honest shock.

I hadn't expected that, an act of kindness from someone who barely knew me, and even though her generosity warmed my heart, I couldn't accept her offer. However it seemed I didn't have a choice.

"Too late, I've already paid for it," replied Claudia.

And with that, she returned to her place behind the till as the door swung open for the first time since I had entered. I didn't look up to survey the other customer, I merely pulled Ruby's muffin towards me and began tearing it into small chunks for her. This seemed to capture her attention and, for the first time since we had left the house, she pulled her thumb out of her mouth, extending her hand towards the muffin. Although, the moment the customer spoke, the chunk of muffin fell from my prying fingers as I sat in total shock.

I would know that voice from anywhere. Even if I was deaf, I would still be able to pick it out from the crowd. Once upon a time that voice had been the most beautiful sound in my entire world. It wasn't a sound that I was going to forget; no matter how hard I would try, it would still be permanently etched into my brain and heart forever.

I spun around in my seat, still holding onto Ruby as she smeared the chocolate muffin across her face, and watched him in total concentration. I watched as he rocked back and forth on his heels, his hands in his pockets, waiting for his order. I wondered if he had ordered in or to take away. For some reason I yearned for him to be staying, even if just for a few minutes, because those few minutes would be just enough.

And, as if a fairy godmother had heard my wishes, Claudia returned with his order. A mug of a steaming hot liquid and a bagel, none of them prepared to take away.

He turned, securely gripping his tray, and steadily glanced around the coffee shop. As soon as his eyes fell on me, I saw his hands quiver and I hoped to God he wasn't clumsy enough to drop the tray. Thankfully, he composed himself quickly, gripping his tray firmly once again.

His endless brown orbs roamed over me, the corner of his lips tugging upwards into a smile, until his eyes fell on Ruby and he became wary slightly. Bravely, he walked over and dropped himself down opposite me.

We sat in silence, observing one another, each of us trapped in unavoidable thoughts.

I was reliving a lifetime of memories, some good and some bad, barely part of reality anymore … until Ruby began to tug at my blouse, unhappy at the fact she couldn't reach her next chunk of chocolate muffin. He must have figured what she wanted before I did because he reached across and passed her a chunk, smiling sweetly at her. Ruby took it shyly.

"Angel," I finally whispered.

"Buffy."

Ten years ago, when I was sixteen, this man had been the centre of my world. We had fallen in love quickly and deeply. We were inseparable. And, back then, I could never have pictured my life without him.

"Your coffee is going cold," he commented lamely.

I rolled my eyes. He smirked.

Adjusting Ruby on my knee, I reached forward and picked up my mug. I watched him over the rim of my cup as I happily swallowed up the whole contents of the mug. I placed the empty mug down.

"So, who does this little beauty belong to?" Angel asked conversationally, raising his mug to his lips.

I paused for a moment.

"Me."

His eyes widened slightly as he lowered his drink. "Yours?"

I nodded.

"Wow. I remember when you said …" Angel trailed off, looking down at his hands.

I was confident he was thinking about the time when I promised the only child I would ever carry would be his own. That was during the times when I believed Angel and I would be together forever, get married and have children, own that house with the white picket fence. Of course it was a dream, far from reality. And I couldn't help but be a little surprised that he remembered those words. They seemed such a lifetime ago.

"I hadn't expected children, not after –"

Angel interrupted me. "You don't have to explain," he paused. "She's such a beauty. Those eyes…"

"I know," I whispered.

We dived into an awkward silence, neither of us certain of what to say to one another. I passed the moment by attending to Ruby, replacing the last chunk of muffin with another, as Angel watched us in curiosity. Finally, before the silence choked me, he spoke.

"I always told you you'd make a fabulous mother."

A faint blush stained my cheeks as I hid my face in Ruby's curls. I heard him laugh softly before taking a sip of his drink. I looked back up at him, finding that I was smiling brightly for the first time that morning.

"She's my world," I replied simply, not knowing another way I could reply.

My eyes fell on Angel once again. I began to study him. He looked no different than the last time I saw him, even though ten years had passed. He was still insanely handsome with his endless brown eyes and matching sculptured hair. He still possessed a shining aura that surrounded him and made him stand out everywhere he went. He had only gotten better with age. His face was matured; however his childish side would often make an appearance every time a smile lit up on his face.

He looked down at his hands, probably slightly overwhelmed by my analysing eyes. I looked away too.

"So how is Joyce then?" Angel questioned in an attempt to start up another conversation.

Without realising so, I winced and looked away. Angel knew, without even asking, that he had said something wrong. He hadn't said anything wrong, as he was only curiously asking a polite question, yet it was the answer that overwhelmed me the most. A thick lump secured a place in my throat, the kind you get when you were forcing yourself not to cry. I shifted in my seat and passed Ruby another chunk of her muffin that she was whining for.

"Alzheimer's," I choked out a few minutes later.

Angel's face dropped. He leant back in his chair, his eyes staring unseeingly before him, tears pooling in the corners. And then he leant forward and took my hand in his, comforting me with his silence and the power of his eyes. I found the hurt bubbling in the pit of my stomach, clawing at my fragile heart, weakened with every time he rubbed his thumb across my skin soothingly. Finally I felt like I could breathe again.

"Do you visit her often?" murmured Angel.

I paused for a moment, chewing gently on my bottom lip, before answering.

"Sometimes. Mostly when I have the strength if I'm being honest. I can't describe how horrible it is for your Mother to look at you and have no idea who you are."

I could remember when the symptoms first started appearing. I didn't think anything of it at first – so what if she forgot where she had put her keys? Or if she forgot what a few of the neighbours were called? It didn't alarm me because it seemed so insignificant at the time. How wrong I was. Slowly she began to lose memory of important things – her birthday, my birthday, even where our house was. And then it was time to take a visit to the doctor. We never knew that the information we would leave with would change both of our lives forever.

"I'm so sorry, Buffy," Angel whispered, dragging me out of my thoughts.

I shook my head, my eyes clouded with tears. "Stuff like this happens."

He nodded, knowing full well that he couldn't deny that, and continued rubbing his thumb along my skin, his eyes casted downwards. I was used to this type of behaviour whenever the topic of my Mother's illness arose. Except, unlike Angel, people usually felt as though they had to fill the awkward silence, as though their mumbled words or rushed sentences were more comforting. Silence calmed me. And I'm glad Angel remembered that from when we were young.

"How is your Mother and Father?" I asked politely, interested to find out what had become of two people who treated me as their own.

"They moved over to England a year ago. I haven't seen them since. We do keep in contact though."

I was aware that Giles, Angel's Father, was originally from London, though he had moved over to America during his teenager years. I could faintly remember Giles expressing the desires he held of returning to his home country to me when he gave me a ride home one night. It was one of the final few conversations we ever shared.

"And Cordelia?" I questioned.

Cordelia was Angel's younger sister. She was a few months older than me from what I could recall. Cordelia had been the head cheerleader at our High School, the Queen Bee, and I was one of few girls that hadn't been inspired to be like her. However, behind all the confidence and coldness, Cordelia was a sweet person and she had helped me through a few rough glitches in my teenage years. I would forever be grateful for that.

A smile unfolded across Angel's face, illuminating the beauty of his eyes. It was evident that he held a certain gush of pride for his sister.

"Cordy lives in Miami. She's doing amazing; three beautiful little girls, a steady marriage and a decent job. The old Sunnydale High cheerleader lives quite the wealthy lifestyle," Angel shared proudly.

Even I couldn't prevent the wide grin that danced across my exhausted face. I had to admit I was surprised, as terrible as that sounded, but I was pleased that Cordelia had managed to build a successful life for her and her family. It was a difficult task to shape and mould your life into something you could look at with pride.

Ruby squirmed in my lap, her fingers tangled in her blonde curls. She was becoming restless, though that was probably due to lack of sleep. Turning my attention back to Angel, I found his eyes swimming with a sudden interest. However not a word was spoken between us. He began sucking on his bottom lip. It was quite obvious he was debating with himself.

As though he couldn't contain himself anymore, he blurted out, "Is her father still in the picture?"

He instantly apologised when he saw my face drop. I directed my face away from him, hiding the hurt that swirled in the depths of my eyes. I heard him apologise for the second time, however his voice was distant now, as though I wasn't sat at the same table as him anymore.

"Hey, it doesn't matter," Angel soothed.

Suddenly, Ruby wriggled out of my lap and slid down my legs. She walked around the table, wavering slightly yet keeping her balance, before stopping in front of Angel. I watched in utter amazement. Ruby had never been a confident child; she was quite reserved and shy, so watching her tug on Angel's trousers and hold out her arms to him left me quite shocked.

My eyes fell back on Angel. He looked as surprised as me, however a wide grin broke out across his beautiful face and he seemed truly honoured, as though Ruby had presented him with a very important award. He gently picked her up, after looking at me and silently asking permission, before settling her on his knee. I watched as my daughter instantly curled up in his lap, burying her face into his shirt and returning her thumb into her mouth. Angel pressed his cheek against the crown of her head, his wide grin turning into a small peaceful smile.

And my heart suddenly broke.

I had never realised, never once given thought, to the fact that Ruby probably craved a Father figure. With the absence of her own Father, it made sense for Ruby to feel the desire to cuddle up to the first male she saw. After everything that had happened, I'd been too angry with Spike for what he had done to us, though I had never given thought to the effect it would have on Ruby throughout her entire life. Would she find it difficult to trust men? Would she ever be able to open up and find true happiness with someone, without the constant fear and worry he would leave her? After all, your Father was supposed to be the one man you could always depend on, the one who protected you from the world. And Ruby would never have that.

"Buffy?"

My head snapped up forcefully at the sound of Angel's voice. I hadn't realized my eyes were brimming with tears until Angel became hazy and unfocused before me. I dropped my head, refusing to embarrass myself with my tears, and spent a moment collecting myself. By this I meant removing all disturbing and upsetting thoughts from my head.

"You can talk to me, you know?" Angel whispered across the table, still cuddling my darling daughter. "I know you well enough Buffy. Ten years hasn't changed anything."

He was right. In some ways, he knew me better than anyone else in my life now. The only person who knew me better than him, the person who knew more about me than I knew about myself, now couldn't remember a single detail of her own life – she didn't even remember that she had a daughter. I chomped down on the flesh of my bottom lip, tears pooling in my eyes once again at the thought of the Mother who didn't even know she had a daughter.

Cradling Ruby in one arm, Angel reached across the table and took my limp hand in his. It was warm and smooth. The touch of his skin against mine sent a spiral of electricity shooting through my body. I was suddenly able to recall everything about the two years we had spent together as a couple. It all came flooding back to me – just with a single touch.

"I just … I don't know," I sighed lamely, unsure about where to begin.

He gave me a few seconds, before repeating his earlier question with more interest set in his tone. "Is her Father still in the picture?"

I gritted my teeth, a surge of fury flooded through me, drowning out the pain and hurt. I shook my head.

"What happened?" Angel questioned tenderly, attempting to not sound like he was pressuring me.

I glanced around, trying to buy myself some time from answering a question that needed to be answered. I was slightly taken aback when I realised the many people now taking shelter in the shop with their beverages. I had been wrapped up in my own little world with Angel and Ruby at our little table in the corner. Claudia caught my eye and sent me a quizzical look. I gave her a reassuring smile in return.

"We best order some more coffee," I said, glancing over my shoulder at Angel, "it's a long story."

Basically, if I'm being totally honest, this is three thousand words of complete and utter waffle. And I understand that it is boring. But it's the first thing I've wrote since taking a break. So I wanted to post it, just to see if I still had people reading my garbage.

Anyway, this is just setting it all out. It's not going to be a long story, it was supposed to be a one-shot but it started dragging, but I'd say up to four/five parts at the most.

There will be some fluff, don't worry.

Let me know what you think.

Thanks.

P.S – this is just for me to get back into writing, I will be continuing with my other projects once I get back into the flow.

Beth xxx