Title: Child Behind The Mask

Author: Mrs. Tara Yuy Maxwell

Disclaimer: No, I do own Gundam Wing…. :frowns: Hey, Duo! There's a typo in the cards you're holding! It's supposed to say, "No, I do NOT own Gundam Wing!"

Pairings: 3x4; 1x2x1?(maybe?); 5x2x5(maybe?) 1x2x5 (maybe?)

Summery: Who is Duo really? Is he really the cheerful optimist that he always seems to be? Or is there more to it? To him? What will he do when he goes blind (maybe temporarily)? Will the other pilots even notice? Or are they to wrapped up in themselves to care?

Child Behind The Mask

By Mrs. Tara Yuy Maxwell

Prologue

The Maxwell Church Tragedy

"I try to breathe

Memories overtaking me

I try to face them but

The thought is to much to concede..."

Fade by Staind

He was drowning.

He was drowning and he couldn't escape. He clawed viciously at his throat, trying in vain to ease the vise that was continuously tightening around his neck, strangling, suffocating him.

From his lips he uttered a small croaking cough, merging with his hoarse exhale to form a desperate, high-pitched keen. His vision was fuzzy, tiny black dots appearing before him and shock ensnaring his mind.

Abruptly, his body became slack. He was tired, so very tired. He felt his body being pulled limply towards a black vortex of darkness. Before he was engulfed in the empty oblivion, he managed a loud, choked out, agonizing wail.

Duo's eyes snapped open, wild and panicked. His hair, which he was so proud of, was damp with sweat and entangled around his arms. His pale body was sweaty and shaking, his legs were entwined in the sheets of his small bed. His chest heaved, painfully pulling in shallow gasps of the much-needed oxygen.

'Why?' he thought. 'Why this nightmare? Why now, after all this time?'

He squeezed his eyes closed when he heard loud, angry footsteps coming his way. He had barely managed to pull himself up with his horribly trembling arms before the door was flung open and an angry face peered in at him. Wait scratch that, there were four faces looking at him; two blank, one angry, and one concerned.

Duo stared at them for a few moments with glazed, haunted eyes. "H-hey…" his eyes closed in humiliation at his inability to speak as he forced back the urge to sob. "Hey guys!" He said in his usual cheerful tone, forcing an apologetic grin to his face. It was almost believable, that is if you didn't notice that the boy's limbs had not desisted in their trembling.

Wufei didn't notice. Instead his eyes flashed with rage. 'So, this had all been a prank, had it?' he thought furiously. He had almost been convinced that there was more to the entity called Duo than he had originally thought.. Wufei knew from experience that there was no way to recover that quickly from a nightmare. "Maxwell, you are not the honorable person I thought you were. You are only a jester who delights in his comrade's misery. I have lost my respect for you," he growled heatedly before turning on his heal and stalking out of the room. He did not notice that Duo had paled to a ghastly white, agony blazing in his eyes as his trembling intensified by two-fold.

Trowa, however, did and his best friend Quatre didn't miss it either. His space heart ached terribly as he felt only a third of the suffering Duo was going through. After all, to be told such harsh words by the one you respected the most was not a light blow. "Duo," he murmured quietly, waiting for the miserable amethyst orbs to catch his gaze. Behind him he could feel the tension Wufei's exit had provoked from Trowa and Heero.

"Duo," Heero interrupted. He too, was irritated with the boy for jolting him out of his sleep with such a heart-stopping wail. "Don't endanger the mission," he said simply before he too left.

The properly scolded pilot sat on the bed, his head slightly tipped back as he clenched his eyes against the burning tears that threatened to pour down his face. Once he felt that he had control over them, he turned his dim eyes to the doorway to await more berating. He was surprised to find that Quatre now loomed over him, his sympathetic eyes gazing down at him. "Oh Duo," he murmured softly, reaching down and pulling the stunned pilot into a comforting hug.

Duo tensed, eyes wide with alarm. A few moments went by before he realized that this was Quatre, his best friend. Quatre would never get upset with anyone for having a nightmare-and he knew that Duo had had one, too. His space heart left him with no doubt in mind. Said space heart allowed him know, when something was wrong; it left him sensitive to the emotions of others.

Slowly Duo relaxed in the embrace, drawing comfort for his weary mind when it suddenly hit him. This was the first time he held been held since Sister Helen. He flinched when the same overwhelming grief gripped his heart as it did every time he thought about her.

Blindly, Duo felt his eyes wandering over to Trowa who still stood hesitantly in the doorway. After a moment or two of brief indecision he padded over across the room towards the shaken teen, sitting down next to the blonde boy on the bed. Awkwardly, he rested a consoling hand on his knee, not saying anything but letting Duo know he was there.

Still, Duo fought his tears, not allowing the burning enemies to slip past his boarders into unknown territory. For a while, the only sound that resonated through the room was that of Duo's harsh breathing.

Abruptly, Duo pulled himself from the calming hold, a false happiness evident in his eyes. He stretched his lips up into and achingly painful smile and mumbled gratefully, "Nightmares, you know? I feel better now…thanks."

Quatre looked at him worriedly, wondering how truthful the boy was being with him. Unbidden, the words by which Duo lived by held his mind captive, "I may run and I may hid but I never tell a lie."

The blonde stood up with a sad smile, not wishing to argue with the teen, "If you say so…" Trowa pulled himself to his feet as well, giving Duo a penetrating stare that felt to him as though the banged brunette were looking into his soul.

Duo gave them an encouraging nod, forcing a familiar spark back into his eyes 'It wasn't a lie,' he told himself. 'I do feel better, even if it is only a little.'

After ushering them out of the room, Duo sat down on the bed. His legs were still quivering, but it had had mostly subsided.

That dream, he hadn't had it in such a long time. So why was it coming back? Perhaps it had been brought on because his depression was worsening. Or maybe it was because his "Happy Pills" (as he liked to call them) were no longer having an effect on him.

"Oh man," he moaned aloud. 'Why did it have to be that nightmare? I don't have the time for stupid nightmares, we have a war to win!'

Closing his eyes and taking a shaky breath, Duo remembered the events of the dream.

FLASHBACK to A.C. 187; Colony L2

"Duo! You have got to stop doing this!" came the cross shout of a high-pitched voice.

Duo winced, 'I didn't mean to…he just made me so angry.' he told himself. He turned around and gave Sister Helen a guilty, but somewhat innocent look.

The nun ignored and the twinge it brought to her heart. "I mean it Duo, that's the fourth kid you've sent to the hospital in two months."

Duo eyed the ground as though it were the most interesting thing he'd ever seen. "B-but" he stuttered, wetting his lips nervously. "But he said I smelled like a sewer!" he explained, his voice thick with unshed tears. A mantra of 'Boys don't cry!' running through his head.

Sister Helen's face softened and she tenderly enfolded Duo into her arms, stroking her fingers through his bangs. "Duo," she murmured affectionately, "you have nothing to be ashamed of and you don't smell like a sewer."

Duo glanced up at her, hope lighting his face. "Really!"

The nun smiled, "Really. Just because you live with Father Maxwell and me doesn't mean that you are different than anybody else. When the intimidators began to taunt you, you have only to ignore them enough and they'll leave you alone."

The orphan nodded and took her hand, walking towards the Maxwell Church. "Let's go home."

A Year Later; A.C. 188; Colony L2

After his discussion with Sister Helen, Duo followed her advice and soon had no trouble with other kids. Although, it wouldn't have mattered if he did, there were much more important things on everyone's mind, namely the group of rebels that had took refuge in the church a few days prior.

"Ugh, Duo, why do you insist on having such long hair? Why won't you let me cut it?" Sister Helen groaned in annoyance as she "tried" to untangle yet another rats nest.

Duo clutched at his thick mass of chestnut brown hair protectively. "'Cause Solo said it was pretty," he told her.

Sister Helen furrowed her brow as she tried to figure out if she knew anyone with that name. "Solo?"

"Mm-hmm." Duo's legs swung back and fourth from the stool he was seated upon. "Solo's my best friend!"

"Oh, is he a friend from school?" she inquired of the nine-year-old boy already knowing the answer. After all, he hadn't allowed her to cut his hair when she had first met him and that was before he even started going to school.

Duo scrunched up his nose in disgust, "School? No, everyone at my school hates me—even the teachers, I think. Solo rescued me when I was only a kid."

Sister Helen laughed, "Duo, you still are a kid!"

He gave her a mock glare and resumed his story, "These guys were after me 'cause I had stolen a piece of fruit and I was trying to get away unscathed. I didn't have any such luck because they cornered me not too long after. They began to beat me when Solo stepped out of the shadows and saved me. He was amazing… "What's your name, little one?" he implored of me when I cowered from him.

'I told him I didn't have a name and he suggested that he give me one. I immediately agreed. He looked me up and down for a moment before he told me that since his name, Solo, meant one that he would call me Duo, because there were two of us. Not too long after he took me to his hideout—and old abandoned warehouse—where there were a bunch of other orphans. I soon became a member of his "family" and began to live with them." Duo paused at the end of the sentence to take a deep breath while simultaneously wringing his fingers anxiously.

"One day…one day Solo got sick…and he never woke up. He died of the plague. I became the new leader then, and not too long after that I ran into Father Maxwell," he looked at her sorrowfully, no doubt thinking about his friend and the legacy he had left behind.

Sister Helen watched him with wet eyes, "I'm sorry Duo."

"It's okay…are you done yet? I need to ask Father Maxwell something important," he told her impatiently.

Sister Helen nodded, "Yeah, just let me braid it for you." She did so, evenly parting his chestnut mane and neatly braiding his hair into a tight braid. "There," she approved a minute later, satisfied with her work.

Duo gave her a grateful smile and hopped down from the stool, running from the room to Father Maxwell's office. He didn't pause to knock when he reached his door, instead he choose to simply throw the door open and charge into the room. He had an enormous grin on his beaming face, his amethyst eyes gleaming and his priest garb ruffled. "Father Maxwell! I have a question for you!"

The man behind the desk scrutinized the child he thought of as a son and smiled softly, "Ask away."

"Duo!" It seemed that Sister Helen had finally caught up with him, "It's rude to enter a room without permission," she scolded lightly.

"It's alright, Sister," Father Maxwell admonished, ignoring her amused retort of "You spoil him!"

Duo glanced around apprehensively, pondering on whether or not he should satisfy his curiosity. "Um, Father, is god real?"

There was a moment of stunned silence before Father Maxwell answered swiftly, "Of course there is, Dear Child. Whatever would make you think that he wasn't real?"

Duo bit his lip for a second before muttering almost inaudibly, "But if there is a God, why isn't he stopping the war? Why does he let people die? Why does he let there be more orphans like me? Doesn't he love us anymore?"

"Duo," the priest gave an odd laugh, "humans started the war, and what humans begin, humans must finish. God will not interfere, Duo, because he wants us to do it. God loves us enough to give us free will, the decision to make our own choices. But with every choice there is a consequence, we made the choice to be violent and the war is our consequence."

"Well, I only believe in Shinigami, the god of Death," Duo stated after a few thoughtful moments.

Sister Helen gaped at him, "You refuse to believe in God, and yet you believe in the god of Death! Where's the sense in that?"

"Well, I've seen lots of dead people but I've never seen any miracles," he rationalized aloud.

Father Maxwell chuckled softly, "Oh dear, it's hard to argue with you."

A few hours later found Duo in the center of a huge commotion. It seemed that Father Maxwell and Sister Helen had upset the rebels by preaching to them about peace.

The commander, Jiro, tried to ignore them as he scowled to his troops, "We've got to capture the base at G2 no matter what. It's the only option we have left!" he roared, "If we can get just one mobile suit, freedom will be ours!"

"Haven't we had enough of this…?" Father Maxwell interrupted.

"What did you say!"

"Heero Yuy once said…"We, the people of the colonies, didn't come to live in space so we could fight." …We must not fight, no matter what happens," the frail, elderly man said calmly.

"I dare you to say that again!" Jiro growled, taking a step forward menacingly.

Father Maxwell was not impressed, "I'll say it as many times as you like. We must not fight."

The man leapt at him, his fist colliding with the brittle frame of Father Maxwell. "Shut up!"

"Hey!" Duo cried out in alarm, taking a step forward.

Sister Helen threw herself in front of the unconscious priest protectively and pleaded desperately, "No more! Please, stop it!"

This action only seemed to infuriate the rebel group more. A female soldier named Tani slapped her maliciously across the face. Sister Helen stumbled back, tripping over Father Maxwell's comatose body and falling to the floor. "Shut up! You're confusing people with all this worthless talk of peace! We have to have total solidarity."

"Maybe they are Alliance spies," suggested one of the faceless rebels.

"It's possible," Tani dryly quipped, obviously doubting it was true.

"Well, shall we force them to confess their sins?" A man with a mustache questioned mockingly.

Duo couldn't take it anymore, he stepped forward, "Wait! All you want is a mobile suit, ne? I'll go and steal one for you, but in return I want you all out of here! This is a church, it's supposed to be a peaceful place!"

Jiro let of a snort of amusement, "Pft, the street-rat is talking nonsense."

Duo couldn't help but give them a harsh, reproachful scowl, "I may run and hide, but I never tell lies…like you guys do!" he snarled.

"Say what?" the general hissed irately.

"Duo!" Sister Helen cried out, "Please don't do it!"

"You better keep your promise," Duo spat at the radicals before he turned and hurried out the door.

Not to long later the orphan arrived at the nearest Alliance base. Easily, he scaled the ten-foot, barbed wire fence. Upon reaching the top he fearlessly jump down, wincing as the impact painfully jarred his bones. Two nearby guards trained their guns of his small figure instantly and bellowed, "Stop or we'll shoot!"

The only comeback they received was a snide, "If you want to shoot someone so much, shoot each other!"

One of the soldiers took aim and began to let off some at the boy with his machine gun. Dimly, Duo heard the second one stutter, "S-stop! He's only a kid!" as he dodged the bullets.

Using this opportunity, he pivoted to the right and discreetly hid underneath a large truck. Listening to their confused voice, Duo smirked and peered up at them from beneath the vehicle.

"Where'd he go!"

"I don't know, let's go check over there."

Once they were out of sight he crawled out from under the automobile and quickly ran to the nearest warehouse stocked with mobile suits. Unfortunately, he was sighted trying to hijack a truck with the humanoid machine already loaded on it. By the time they began firing at him he was already speeding off towards the Maxwell Church.

The site that greeted him when he returned proudly with the mobile suit was one that would haunt him till he died. The church lay in ruins; the corpses of men, woman, and even children were scattered around on the ground. Some of the bodies were mutilated beyond recognition. They made Duo nauseous just by glancing at the scorched flesh. A gasp fell from Duo's lips as he discovered the mangled body of Sister Helen. "Si-sister Helen!"

"D…Duo," her eyes fluttered once before opening and resting on him. "I'm so happy…you're safe."

"Sister!" Duo knelt next to her and noticed that it was the first time he'd every seen her hair. It was a soft dirty blonde; the bottom of he golden locks were singed from the fire and her usually clear blue eyes were clouded with pain.

"Don't make Father Maxwell and I worry like that…Father was worried…about you…even at the end…"

"I-I'll go find a doctor!"

"Th-the Alliance came…and attacked. But we…couldn't leave…the church."

"W…was it my fault! Did they do this because I stole a mobile suit from them?" he urgently begged for an answer forcing back tears of grief. 'Boys don't cry, that's what Solo said!'

"Father was s-so noble…H-he kept…preaching peace…" she told Duo, not seeming to have heard his earlier questions.

"That's not noble, it's stupid!" he sobbed. "What's the point if he's dead!"

"Duo…" Sister Helen smiled at him, her eyes growing dim. She painstakingly lifted a trembling hand out to brush against his cheek. "M-may you…have God's…blessing…"

There was a moment of silence as the hand fell lifelessly to the ground. Sister Helen was dead.

Duo fell back, staring transfixed at the body of his "mother" in front of him. 'This isn't happening!' he thought wildly, 'It couldn't be true…it couldn't!' He felt his lungs began to itch and burn as the need for oxygen became great. Still he found himself unable to look away, to draw a gasp of air into his aching body.

His respiratory system began to scream in protest when suddenly he could breath. Then came his agonized wail, it was the last time he allowed himself to cry.

END FLASHBACK

Shaking himself out of his memories, he found that his body was tremulous. Standing up on wobbly legs he idly glanced at the clock. 3:07 A.M. No wonder the other pilots had been so angry with him.

Dragging the pillow off his bed, he staggered over to his closet and opened the door. Awkwardly, he stepped inside the dark, crammed space, pulling the door shut behind him. Ever since Professor G had given him training to withstand torture of any kind, he'd find himself taking refuge in the place you'd least expect to find a claustrophobic. When he was disobedient during his training or he if failed a mission, Professor G would lock him inside "the room." And there he would stay from anywhere between two and three days. "The Room" was three feet wide and three feet high.

Closing his eyes, Duo cleared his mind of these grievous thoughts and tried concentrating on something else…something happy. Five minutes later, Duo fell asleep curled up in a fetal position, his arms wrapped around the pillow soothing. He was leaning against the wall when his breathing finally evened out a few minutes later.

For the rest of the night he dreamt of nothing.

To Be Continued...

Authors Note: Yeah, I know. No yaoi or shounen-ai hints yet….Sorry. On the good side there WILL be shounen-ai in the next chapter that WILL lead to yaoi. Unfortunely, I am currently unable to decide on a pair!

So, I leave the choice up to you, my wonderful reviewers. Do you want 1x2(Heero and Duo), 5x2(Wufei and Duo), or 1x2x5(Heero, Duo, and Wufei)? Whatever you decide, I'll do. In your reviews tell me what you want, I'll give the poll a week and in an authors note I'll announce the winner. By the way, which ever pairing gets the most votes is the pairing that will win.