LIVING AND DYING

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

A/N: I am editing all of one-shots and reposting them.

I never knew what death was. It's funny. I was raised to kill. I was taught to be a hunter, a killer, a soldier. I wasn't going to die nobly or from old age. I didn't have the soldier's death in battle. Instead my life was cut off at twenty-one from a stray bullet.

It was an attack. It was some stupid kid who had a gun. I don't know what he was thinking. He couldn't be more than fifteen and he was fending for himself. I could smell fear on him as he fired the gun.

The bullet headed towards Gem and baby Eve who were on their way to the store with me. Gem needed baby clothes and food. I said I'd go.

I don't remember diving to cover Gem. I don't remember the bullet entering me. I just felt the blood trickle out of my chest. I awoke in the hospital in TC.

I heard their voices: Alec, Joshua, Logan and Gem. And I heard baby Eve's laugh. The boy gunman had not gotten her. I knew then that I was going to die. I knew and for once I didn't fight. Perhaps my fighter's spirit had died in the woods.

Logan saw me wake.

"Stay with me, Max," Logan begged.

He stroked my hair with the latex gloved hand. I saw the love in his eyes. It was a love that I could never return. We would never be. He had been a safe type of romance. Nothing would ever come of such a relationship and I had known it. That was why I hung onto him because he would never be anything more "than we're not like that."

He loved me but I didn't feel that way for him. I knew I loved him but not the way he loved me. Still I hated seeing him hurt. I didn't want him to loose himself in grief like he had before. He needed to live his life.

"Logan let me go," I croaked. "I'm dying."

"No," he said.

"Let me go. You have to live your life," I croaked.

That a girl Maxie. You won't be alone baby sis, I heard Tinga's voice. He's waiting for you.

Logan stayed holding my hand tears streaming down his face. I stole my hand from his.

"Alec come here," I whispered. It is becoming harder to speak.

Alec bent down over me. Gently I traced my hand over his face. Why had I never noticed? His eyes held mine and his eyes haunted me. I saw those eyes in dreams and everywhere I went. But I knew they weren't Alec's eyes I was seeing. Gem glanced at Alec worried.

"I haven't treated you well. But I trust you. Alec, promise me that you'll take care of TC."

"Max, I—"

"Promise me, Alec."

"I will Maxie."

"Take care of Joshua and the others," Max turned towards Joshua and Gem. "Take care of Alec for me. I love my brother. I don't want him to be alone."

"Max, you can't leave," Logan said sobbing.

"Someone is waiting for me. It has been long enough."

"Max, who is waiting for you?" Logan demanded. I saw jealousy flash through his face.

I turned towards Alec the new realization still in my mind. "I'm so sorry Alec. I loved him too much. I hated what I had to do to him. So I took it out on you because every time I saw you I saw him. But it wasn't because I didn't care about you or love you. It was because I had lost him. I was angry that you were alive and he was dead. I'm so sorry, Alec. Please forgive me."

Alec looked at me. I knew his thoughts instantly: She's dying and here she's apologizing to me.

"It's okay, Maxie. I know you loved him and me. I know he loved you and you know I love you. Is he whose waiting for you?"

"Yeah, I know I must sound crazy but I know he's waiting for me."

"Tell him, Maxie that I forgive him."

I smiled at him as my breathing grew shallow. My heart slowed. The others stood there. Logan looked devastated but I wasn't for him. I had been made for someone. I knew that. But it wasn't Logan and it wasn't Alec.

I felt the rush of death. Then came the soft feelings of peace and hands on my shoulder. I looked up my eyes unclouded.

"Welcome home, Maxie. I've been waiting for you," Ben said.

Slowly I rested my head on his shoulder. It all made sense now. I knew now why I had never turned to Logan, Zack or Alec. I knew why I could never had been with anyone.

I smiled at Ben. I wasn't alone. I was back with the other half of my soul. Life faded out of me and I felt my last breath. I saw the tears on Logan's and Alec's faces. But I was free.

I turned towards Ben.

"I missed you," I said as my lips met his.

Yup, I was home alright.