"Is everything all right, mother?"
The unexpected question pulled the Asari Matron back from the depths of thought to reality. Turning away from her window to the stars, Liara closed her eyes and cleared her mind. Looking at the stars always made her think of Shepard – a collection of memories both beautiful and painful beyond any she had yet known.
"You're thinking about father, aren't you?"
"Yes," said Liara, sitting and resting her elbows on her desk. She propped her chin on her clasped hands.
"I understand how… difficult this all must be for you. We wanted you to know that we're here for you, mother – all of us. Even though Ashley and Miranda couldn't be here in person…"
"Of course," interjected Liara sincerely, "I know how busy they are."
"Regardless, we wanted you to know that we're all feeling it with you. We love you so much, and we wanted you to know that you don't have to do this alone."
"I know… I know. Thank you, Benezia."
A smile found its way onto Liara's lips, and her daughter smiled in return. Liara reached out and placed a hand on her daughter's arm, looking into her eyes.
"Do you mind if I ask what you were thinking about? Just then, a moment ago – when you were someplace else. Where were you?"
Liara sat back in her chair, resting her palms on the desk. Her smiled quivered, but remained, as she thought about Shepard again – about Iona.
"I was remembering the day they found your father after our victory against the Reapers. Somehow she had survived the battle on Earth and made it to the citadel… but of course you know all this."
"That's okay, mother. I don't mind you telling me again. I like seeing you smile like that."
Liara nodded, appreciatively.
"The Normandy had crash-landed after the Mass Relay Event that spread the Synthetic Destruction code across the galaxy. Garrus and Tali'Zorah were focused on re-establishing contact, getting us out of there, finding out what had happened. I was so overwhelmed. I had no idea whether she was alive or dead, whether anyone else had escaped the blast, whether we would ever make it off that planet. I had to get out of that ship, and see for myself – that the galaxy was still there. That we were all still there."
Liara paused, the smile fading from her face.
"I was in a very dark place. It's strange…" she frowned.
"Go on," urged Benezia. "Don't keep it in. I'm here."
"Even in the middle of the war with the Reapers, when all the odds seemed stacked against us… with Cerberus cutting us off at every turn, with the Collectors chasing us across the galaxy… even then I had never felt such despair as I felt in that moment. Your father had always been there, guiding us, reminding us why we had to keep going, making us believe that we had a future worth fighting for. And in that moment, I truly believed that…"
Liara stopped, her lips quivered.
"It's okay," said Benezia, reaching out and touching her mother's shoulder. "It's okay."
Liara shuddered and then took a deep breath, calming herself.
"I believed that my Shepard was gone – and without her, I was lost."
Benezia reached out and gently rested her hand on her mother's face. The Matron reached up and placed her hand over her daughter's, looking into her eyes. Benezia returned her gaze with concern.
"It still shakes you up like that, just thinking about it?"
"Yes. The feeling of hopelessness was so strong. I don't think I could ever forget it."
"But we can move past it. Together."
Liara let out a relieved sigh, hints of another smile forming.
"You have her eyes, you know."
Benezia chuckled. "So you've said before."
"I don't mean the colour or the shape. Humans have a saying, you know – that eyes are the windows to the soul. Your father said that to me once."
"The great Commander Shepard, Warrior Poet… I'm sorry, I shouldn't tease."
"It's fine. In fact, I think it shows great strength to find the light in the darkness – especially when those around you are in need of that light."
"You were saying… I have father's eyes?"
"The saying is true, at least for you. I can see her goodness, her spirit, reflected in your eyes now."
"I… Thank you, mother…" Benezia blushed and sat back in her chair, folding her arms and running a hand over her cheek to hide the colour. "Tell me what happened next."
Liara smiled at her daughter's bashfulness. Benezia had always had difficulty accepting compliments and praise – a trait she shared with her father.
"Well," said Liara, growing more serious again, "I wandered for hours, focusing all my energy into climbing a nearby peak. I just had to do something, so I set my sights on this tall rise overlooking the jungle. When I finally reached the top, I looked out over everything, and stepped towards the edge. I was so convinced that, even though we'd won the war, I no longer had anything worth living for."
"Mother! You never told me this before!"
"Yes… I've never told anyone about this – not even your father."
"You were going to kill yourself?"
"I… I don't know if I would have done it. But I was thinking about it when… something stopped me."
"Thank the goddess! What was it?"
"I felt something in that moment… deep within… another presence."
"Father?"
"No."
"Who then?"
"You."
Benezia's eyes widened with shock.
"I felt you – your thoughts, or your feelings rather. Your presence, reaching out to me from the womb."
"From… the womb?"
"It's not uncommon for Asari mothers to sense their babies' thoughts and feelings, even before they are born."
Benezia nodded, not entirely sure what to say.
"I guess I knew that."
"It was then that I knew. I knew that there was something to live for after all. The future that your father and I – that so many others – had fought for was real. My fears and doubts fell from me like a shroud carried off by the wind. I went from my darkest moment, in an instant, to what may well be the happiest moment of my life. The moment I knew that you were with me. You gave me the hope, the courage, the belief to keep going, no matter what else had happened."
"Mother, I… I don't know what to say."
"I love you, Benezia."
"I love you too."
The Matron reached out to her daughter, caressing her face.
"You were then and continue to be my salvation. You and your sisters, the universe of possibilities at your fingertips, give me purpose. Even though your father has left us now, her spirit lives on in you and all the generations that will follow. This is the future that she always talked about."
Liara grinned and then broke out laughing. Benezia smiled too. It had been so long since she had seen her mother laugh.
"What is it, mother?"
"Nothing," said Liara, her laughter dying down. "Just remembering how she described it once. 'A lot of little blue children' – that's what your father said when I asked her what she wanted - what would happen for us when the war ended. And now here you are."
"Not so little anymore."
"No," agreed Liara. "I may not have realized it at the time but now, I think, that she meant more than just our own children - beyond her, and us, and into the future."
"Lots of little blue children," laughed Benezia.
Liara joined her. Then, a moment of silence fell over the two women. Liara broke it, at last, standing and walking towards the door.
"Thank you for visiting me, Benezia. I didn't know it before, but I needed this."
"You can always count on me - on all of us."
"I know."
Benezia wrapped her arms around her mother, Liara hugging back tightly, resting her head on her daughter's shoulder.
"Careful now," she chided, "I might never let you go."
Benezia chuckled again, kissed her mother on the cheek, and the two broke from the embrace.
"We'll see you at the ceremony tomorrow. Miranda and Ashley promised they would be there, no matter what."
"All right."
Benezia turned and walked out the door, giving one more fond look back before it slid closed behind her. Liara let out a breath and felt her body turn soft, suddenly realizing just how tired she was.
Moving back to her desk, she sat and rested her head on her folded arms. An image of Iona, hair turned silver, smiled back at Liara as she clutched their three daughters around her. Benezia, the eldest, named for Liara's mother, was nearly full-grown – a teenager by human standards. Ashley was some decades younger, and Miranda, youngest of all, was still just a child in her father's eyes. All of them were grinning at Liara, the photographer, with the same unmistakable grin.
Liara smiled and reached out to touch the image, running her fingers over her bondmate's hair. She had always loved Iona's hair, so alien and yet so familiar; strong, yet soft to the touch; changing to reflect the seasons of her life, like the leaves on a tree.
"I love you," she whispered, her finger running along the image's lips.
"Then. Now. Always."
"Thank you, Lady Bakara, for your lovely words," said the Turian Master of Ceremonies as the Krogan diplomat left the stage. "As always, your words of wisdom and hope continue to fuel our confidence in the lasting peace and tranquility between all Alliance races that we have come to hold so dearly."
Liara sat at the foremost table, in a seat of high honour. Around her, at the table, sat Benezia and her two other daughters – Miranda, on leave from her work as a Council Spectre, and Ashley, who only just arrived on a transport from a high-security Sentinel base – as well as the Urdnot Patriarch, Wrex, who pulled out Bakara's seat as she rejoined them. Finally, her fellow Asari, Samara, sat beside her, mouth taut and eyes sharp as ever.
Liara's mind travelled briefly through the list of former friends, no longer sitting at this honoured table with them: Garrus, Tali, Jeff, Jacob, Grunt, James, and Kaidan… All now lost to time or battle. She recalled the conversation she'd had once with Iona, as they discussed the impending final fight against the Reapers, and the possibility of defeat.
"I used to think it was sad," she had said to Shepard in her quarters on the Normandy, "that most aliens lived such short lives. Maybe it's not such a privilege to outlive so many… to witness so much death."
Iona had been comforting, as always, but Liara could feel her pain seeping through the façade. The legendary Commander Shepard was many things, but cold-hearted was not one of them. She was tough, to be sure – perhaps the toughest person Liara had ever met – and intelligent, but she lived and led by her heart. That was one of the things she loved most about her. Her dedication to others – to those she cared about and to those she had never even met.
"Mother," urged Miranda. "Everyone's waiting."
Liara snapped back to reality, standing quickly and looking about the room. All eyes were trained on her.
"As I was saying," said the Turian MC, "We are all incredibly honoured and privileged to have with us tonight one of Thessia's brightest stars - a brilliant scientist and formidable soldier who fought against Saren in the Battle of the Citadel, who fought against Cerberus and the Reapers to save our galaxy from the ancient cycle of synthetic destruction… and the lifelong partner of Commander Iona Shepard. Please, join me in welcoming to the stage Doctor Liara T'Soni."
The room erupted in applause and admiration, with representatives from all the Alliance species in attendance to celebrate and remember together. Liara knew that she was a hero to them, even though she still had her own doubts about whether or not she deserved that title. She had learned long ago not to try and change people's minds. Shepard had taught her that. Modesty is selfish. People need someone to believe in and whether you think you deserve their praise, their admiration, or their loyalty, that dedication is not yours to decide.
She bowed gracefully, doing her best to make up for her earlier inattention, then hastily grabbed her notes and made the walk up to the stage. The Turian bowed respectfully to her as she approached, then stepped back, joining in with the raucous applause.
Liara moved up to the podium and put down her notes. She took a deep breath and did what she could to clear her mind of the memories that had been clouding it for weeks. It was like this every time they held a ceremony, but she would never let herself be too overwhelmed to speak. She knew the importance of what she was doing, and she was not about to let the rest of the galaxy suffer for her own troubles.
"Thank you," she said.
The sound of her voice was amplified and spread throughout the room, the applause quickly dying down, and a sea of eager faces staring back at her.
"Thank you all so much for being here with me and my family to commemorate the passing of…" her tongue caught in her throat. Her eyes flicked to Benezia, who smiled encouragingly and nodded. Liara took another breath. "…To commemorate the tenth anniversary of my wife, Commander Iona Shepard's, passing."
She could see faces slowly nodding around the room, eager expressions turning grim and sympathetic.
"Thank you for joining with us to celebrate her life, her achievements, and her continuing influence on the unified galaxy we all live in today."
There was some polite applause, which quickly died down.
"She is, even in death, as she was in life – a beacon of hope for us all. Her name now is synonymous with courage, determination, decisiveness, and perseverance – but it is also synonymous with compassion, equality, love, and sacrifice."
"And now, as we sit together in honour of this, our galactic day of remembrance, I urge you all to look around you at the people in this hall - Humans, Turians, Quarians, Salarians, Krogans, Batarians, Hanar, Elcor, Volus, Rachni, and Asari – all here together, united, as members of our Galactic Alliance: an alliance that has stood now for one hundred and eight years in an era of unprecedented peace, prosperity, and equity."
"This room is a testament to Shepard's lasting influence. Her decision, one hundred and twenty years ago, to destroy the Reapers, saved countless billions of lives from extermination by the greatest threat this galaxy has ever known."
"And with the creation of the Sentinel program, founded thirty years ago by Commander Shepard, Tali'Zorah nar Rayya vas Normandy, Brynn Cole, Jeff Moreau, and myself, we are moving ever closer to realizing her dream of a galaxy where organic and synthetic life may coexist in peace and avoid the mistakes of our ancestors that led to the Catalyst's Reaper cycle. She believed in this world, and we continue to ask that you share in that belief."
"Today we pay homage to her undying sense of purpose - for many of us, given the same set of circumstances, would be plagued with indecision - we pay homage to her resolve in the face of overwhelming odds and influence, and we pay homage the many who gave their lives so that she might have the chance to lead the rest of us to salvation."
"Today we pledge never to forget the sacrifices of those who came before us, we pledge to lay down old grudges and schisms and embrace each other as equals, we pledge to make use of the bounteous opportunities afforded us in this safer universe, and we pledge to learn from our mistakes and the mistakes of our ancestors – to make right our past wrongs, to forgive, and to build a better future together."
"Today, I ask you to celebrate with me – to revel in the life you have, to appreciate every moment, and to cherish the time you have to spend with the rest of us."
She looked into the crowd, and for a moment, could have sworn she saw her there, standing in the back of the room, a knowing smirk on her face – her Shepard. But as soon as she saw her, she was gone.
"Today," she said, words straining to come out, "I ask you to live for tomorrow."
"For tomorrow!" came a cry from the audience.
"For Shepard!" said another.
The crowd erupted in applause once more. Everywhere, people stood from their chairs to join the ovation. Liara stepped back from the podium, the Turian MC walking up beside her, still clapping. She felt weak in the knees for a moment, and the Turian moved to help support her, but she waved him off.
"I'm fine," she said.
He went back to clapping, and moved to the podium.
"Wow!" he said to the crowd, voice drowning the raucous applause. "What a speech! Thank you! Thank you, Doctor T'Soni!"
Liara walked down the stairs, clutching the railing. Her daughters leapt to action, running to her and embracing her so that they could support her back to her seat with dignity.
"Thank you," she said as she sat down, the applause finally beginning to settle. "You three are truly my greatest accomplishment."
They all smiled and gave her a kiss on the cheek, one after the other, before taking their seats again. The Turian MC announced the open bar, courtesy of Sentinel, and there was another uproar from the crowd. Benezia leaned in to her mother so that she could be heard.
"That was a beautiful speech, mother. Father would be proud."
"Thank you," said Liara, finally feeling her normal sense of calm returning.
"Live for tomorrow!" exclaimed Ashley. "That would make an excellent slogan for Sentinel."
"You can have it," laughed Liara.
As the party swirled around her, Liara found herself inching closer and closer to a euphoric daze. By the time the celebration was over and her daughters had travelled with her down to her and Iona's home on Earth, she was nearly ready to pass out.
She lay in her bed, listening to the shuttlecraft carry her daughters away, and reflected on just how fortunate they were to live in a galaxy free of the Reapers, free of the cycle of destruction, and how thankful she was that they could live in that world.
Her thoughts began to slide out past the present and the future and towards a world of always. She felt weightless, like she was existing outside of time and space, outside of her physical body, in a state of eternal calm.
"Thank you," she said, nestling her head against her pillow and shutting her eyes tightly.
"For everything."