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Fighting the loneliness

~o0o~

It was a piercing cold, rainy night in New York. It had been raining all day and according to the weather forecast wouldn't stop raining anytime soon. C.C. Babcock sat on the rain-soaked ground with her knees up to her chest and her head leaned against the driver's side door, feeling the metal press uncomfortably against it.

She really didn't know how long she had been sitting there, in the empty parking lot. It could have been minutes, it could have been hours, but she didn't seem to notice or she just didn't care. She didn't care that her mascara was probably running down her cheeks leaving black trails behind, or that her expensive dress was completely soaked and stuck to her skin or that her rain soaked hair was falling out of her bun. Nothing mattered anymore, nothing.

Somewhere inside her fogged mind she could hear her mother's voice laughing with her and calling her a coward for doing such a ridiculous thing as sitting in the empty parking lot, wishing that the rain would wash away all her insecurities and all the pain in her heart. But for the first time in her life C.C. chose to ignore her and focused on the sound of the rain instead.

The rain finally become heavy and chilled her to the bone, but somehow, she couldn't bring himself to rise from the ground. So she just sat there staring at nothing and wondering if she would just die from the cold, would anyone even notice she was missing. Of course they would notice. There are plenty of people who care about me. She thought but she found herself laughing out loud at the thought almost instantly. Oh, who am I kidding? I don't have any friends, my family doesn't give a damn about me and Maxwell barely knows I exist.

C.C. snapped out from her thoughts when she heard a voice behind her, a voice that she knew all too well. Although this time the voice didn't have the usual teasing tone in it, but something else. Something that seemed more like… concern.

"Miss Babcock, I thought you'd be home by now. Is everything-" He stopped in mid sentence when he noticed her soaking clothes, her pale face and lips.

Her mouth opened and made a few motions. She wanted to cry, to scream, to tell him to leave her alone, to mind his own business, but all she finally managed was a deep sigh."

Thinking that she probably didn't hear him due to the pouring rain he tried again a little louder this time. "Miss Babcock, are you okay? What are you doing here?"

She looked up and saw Niles' worried face looking down at her. Seeing his face was the last thing she expected. Yet there he stood. "I heard you, no need to burst my eardrums, Rochester. I'm fine. Just leave me alone." She lied, in the strongest voice she could find in that moment, but she knew that she didn't sound all that convincing.

Niles knew that she wasn't okay. He knew that she was far from okay. He had seen her even in her worst moments, but he had never seen her so broken or lost…well never until now and was almost more than he could bear."You don't look fine. You look wet and upset." He said slowly, as if he was speaking to a child.

It was a simple statement, but it made her suddenly angrier. "For God's sake, Dust Mop, just leave me alone already! I said I'm fine."

"No, I'm not leaving you." Niles shouted back a little too loud than he intended.

"What? Who the hell do you think you are, Tidy Bowl?" She yelled, starting to get very annoyed with his behavior.

Niles let out a heavy sigh and moved closer to her ignoring her remark. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound like that, I just…I can't leave knowing you are upset and soaking to the bone."

"Like it will be the first time." She mumbled through her teeth, avoiding any possible eye contact. For a minute she lost herself in her memories, remembering a cold rain night like this one when Niles had locked her on Maxwell's terrace and had left. She remembered herself desperately knocking on the window and screaming his name again and again for what seemed like hours (but was only five minutes tops), before he finally came back into Maxwell's office, unlocking the door and letting her back in, like if nothing had happened.

Finally his voice interrupted her thoughts. "Listen to me, Babs, for once in your life. You don't look well and you'll catch pneumonia out here. You should go home and get out of those wet clothes. "

Oh god, doesn't this guy ever give up? She thought. Although, somewhere, in the back of her head, she knew he was right, but she was way too proud to acknowledge it. "You have no right to tell me what to do. Just…go." She said still refusing to look at him, which confirmed his suspicions that something was seriously wrong with her, but he couldn't come up with any suitable explanation for her strange behavior yet.

There was an awkward silence and for a few minutes all they could hear was the sound of rain. C.C. knew that he was still there. She could feel his presence mere inches from her. C.C. was a very stubborn woman, but Niles was just as stubborn as she. He wasn't going to give up that easily. After a few more moments C.C. rolled her eyes and sighed heavily in defeat. "Help me up." She said finally looking up to meet his eyes.

Niles didn't need to be told twice. Instantly, he bent down and easily lifted her off the ground. She was embarrassed but she couldn't deny that she was thankful for his help. Her knees were shaking so much that she couldn't stand on her own two feet without his hand around her waist to steady her.

"How long have you been out here?" He asked in concern, keeping his right hand around her waist for support.

"I don't know." She replied honestly.

He raised his wrist and looked at his watch. "You left Sheffield's mansion two hours ago." He was stunned for a minute, staring at her as if she'd gone insane. "Jesus, C.C. You have been out here this whole time?" The use of her first name caused her eyes to widen in surprise. He never had called her by her first name; sure over the years he had called her numerous times Miss Babcock and some nasty names like Caca or Broomhilda or Witch, but no C.C., never C.C.

"You never call me that."

"Call you what?" He asked, sounding confused.

"C.C." She answered simply.

"I'm sorry if I -". He started to apologize, but she cut him off.

"Don't be." She said shaking her head. "I mean…it's not that I didn't like it. I just…don't think I've ever heard you said it before." She admitted.

A small smile formed on his lips, but faded when he saw her body shivering from the cold. "Where's your coat?" He asked, worry clearly evident in the tone of his voice. "Why aren't you wearing it?"

It was only then that C.C. realized she wasn't wearing her coat. "I think I forgot it inside." She said as she wrapped her colds hands around herself or at least, she thought she did. Her hands were so cold that she could barley feel them anymore.

"Come on; let me get you out of the rain, before you catch pneumonia." He said gently, sliding off his coat and wrapping it tight around her shoulders, trying to get some warmth back into her body. Normally, she would have protested, but she was too cold and exhausted to do it, so she just nodded her head and pulled the still warm from his body coat tighter around her. She took a few steps and then suddenly stopped. She stood perfectly still and quiet as a small almost sad smile formed on her pale lips.

Niles turned and looked at her face. Her eyes were dark, darker than usual, wide and unfocused. "Oh, for God's sake, C.C., just tell me what's going on. You aren't acting like yourself and honestly you're starting to scare the hell out of me." He said, his voice half demanding, half pleading.

"It's finally over." She whispered, without realizing that she said that out loud. Her voice sounded weak. He had never heard her sound so weak before.

"Over?" Niles asked with a confused look on his face. "What is over?"

She bit her bottom lip so hard that she was surprised she didn't draw blood. "I...I…just...never mind. You wouldn't understand anyway." She said, desperate for him to drop it and just leave her in her misery. All she wanted to do right now was going home and burst into tears the moment the door clicked shut behind her.

"Please Ms Babcock talk to me about it. Whatever it is, talk to me about it. I'll understand or at least I will try to." He replied, choosing his words carefully. He reached out and gently touched C.C.'s shoulder but she jerked her shoulder away as if something had burned her. She turned around and looked at him, the rain dripping from his hair. "Since when do you care?" She snapped out coldly.

"I know we haven't been friends quite the opposite, actually, but I do care for you and I hate seeing you suffer like this." His voice dropped a few octaves. "I mean no one deserves that, Babcock, not even you."

"Yeah, right, sure." She replied sarcastically. She was about to bring up the fact that all he had ever done was thinking of ways to torture her and make her life a living hell when he spoke again.

"C'mon, Miss Babcock you'll get better if you tell me." He pleaded again, keeping his blue eyes locked into hers. He was desperately searching for a hint, something that would make him understand why she was acting in such a weird way. He could find none.

C.C. frowned and eyed him suspiciously, debating whether or not she could trust him. A part of her had believed him or wanted to believe him but still couldn't help the doubts that were running through her head. After all he had been her worst enemy for so many years. She looked him into his gorgeous blue eyes. Her eyes didn't read hate on his eyes, she wasn't completely sure what it was, but whatever she found in his eyes made her feel like she could really trust him.

Niles had almost given up hope when she spoke. "My life is over." She said and then started to explain. "I got a letter from Chandler this morning, saying that he's breaking up with me. I thought he was different, but I was wrong...again." She closed her eyes and sighed in frustration. C.C. took a moment to compose her thoughts then took a deep breath through her nose and continued. "God, how could I have been so naive? He was just like everyone else. Why does this keep happening? What could be so wrong about me?" She felt a tear struggling to run down her cold cheek, but she stopped it. She wasn't going to cry…she could not allowed herself cry. She quickly blinked them away and lowered her gaze to the ground, concentrating hard on keeping them at bay. She was supposed to be strong and collected, not crying in front of a servant. It just was not appropriate. This was what her mother had taught her.

"Maybe this is a sign, a sign that I don't deserve love." She whispered softly. Hoping her voice will blend with the sound of the rain so well that Niles couldn'tmake out what she was saying.

Niles lifted her chin with his fingers, forcing her to look at him once again. "Listen to me. You may be sad now, but eventually time would heal your wounds and you're going to come out of it stronger. You're C.C. Babcock. You always do. And yes this maybe is a sigh, a sigh that none of them were right for you. So, stop feeling sorry for yourself, C.C. You deserve more than him, so much more."

C.C. let a heart wrenched laugh in response. "Oh please, Niles, I had never been good enough for any of them. Come to think of it, I had never been good enough for anyone. I'd always been a disappointment. Maybe I should face the truth, maybe I should just admit to myself that I'm just…just…an ugly, old caw." She said then stopped herself, suddenly realizing how vulnerable she was at the moment. She would never have believed she would be doing this, never believed that she would be telling Niles of all people all of those things.

Niles was stunned; never in a million years did he expect to hear that from her."C.C., you can't really believe that!"

"How could I not believe, Niles? How could I not believe when I look at it every single day in the mirror?" She yelled, throwing her hands in the air infrustration, her voice was torn and a little bitter.

He reached out, caught a strand of her wet blond hair that had fallen into her face and gently pushed it behind her ear. He'd never truly realized how much self conscious she was until that moment. "Oh Miss Babcock, you always underestimate yourself. You're a beautiful, intelligent, amazing woman and you have a lot to offer a man. And one day, you will find someone who will give you all the love that you deserve." He said, shocking even himself with his own boldness.

The truth was that despite his constant jokes, about her age or weight he always found her beautiful, but he never told her. In fact, he never told her anything and there were so many things he wanted to say, like how much had hurt him to pretend all this years that he didn't care about her. But above all he wanted so badly to tell her that he'd loved her since that first time he had seen her. Maybe, just maybe, someday, when he would have a successful career, a substantial income, a home, he would tell her about his feeling. But he couldn't do it now. It would only ruin everything.

His words made C.C.'s jaw dropped a bit and her eyes widen with surprise. She wasn't used to receiving compliments from him, only insults. The surprise wiped off her face as a suddenly thought striking her. Why he say all those things to me? Why now? The more she thought about it the more her anger grew. "Oh, sat up Niles, I don't need this. I don't need your…pity. Not now, not ever." C.C. said with an edge of hurt in her voice.

"What? No, no, no." Niles replied, shaking his head. "I feel no pity for you, C.C." He lifted his hand and tried to touch her shoulder, but automatically she stepped back and slapped his hand away. The tears that C.C. had been holding in for what seemed like ages finally come out, but this time she didn't bother to hide them. Her hot tears streamed down her face and mixed with the cold raindrops as they fell from the grey sky.

"You are a big liar! You always trying to screw with my mind and frankly I'm tired of it." She said, thinking it was just another of his games. His intentions were obvious now to her. He did not truly care for her as he claimed to. He just wanted to trick her into trusting him so he could mess with her emotions just for fun. How stupid I was to open up to him and trusted him for even a second. I would never trust him again, no matter what. C.C. told to herself firmly.

With that thought in mind, C.C. tried to walk past him, but Niles reached out and grabbed C.C.'s arm, stopping her. He didn't want to upset her more than she already was, but he wasn't about to let her go that easily. She looked down at her arm and saw Niles' hand grabbing hold of her. "Let go of me this instant!" She demanded while trying to get free of him, but it was useless. He was too strong and too stubborn. No matter how much she tried to move, he was tightly keeping her in place, but making sure he wasn't hurting her in any way. She could feel her entire body shaking in rage and she had no idea how she was going to be able to control it.

Not knowing what else to do she yelled, "Alright, fine, you win. Happy? Now drop your act, let me go and stay away. I won't let you hurt me again."

"Oh, for God's sake, woman! Stop acting like you're the victim here, because we both know you're not."

"How dare you, servant." C.C. yelled racing her free hand ready to slap Niles across the face, but he grabbed her wrist and pulled her tight against his chest before she could do it.

"Listen to me, Brunette. I know I hurt you, I know that...I got it, I really do, but you are hurting me too and as weird as it may sound this is… us. This is our special way to communicate, our way to have a relationship and whether you admit it or not, I think some part of you enjoys our little game. So, why does it bother you so much now? Why, C.C.?"

Their lips were so close now that C.C. could feel Niles' warm breath caress her lips and it made the hair on her neck stand up. She felt a strange sensation overtake her body and she couldn't explain why that sensation made her felt so good physically when she was still so angry. Soon it made her feel nervous, but she couldn't let it show. Unfortunately for her Niles noted this but said nothing. Could she feel something about me? Even half to what I feel about her? He wondered, almost fearing to hope. He tried to swallow but found his throat was dry.

C.C. took a deep breath. "Because I can't do this anymore…because I lo…I lo-athe you. Damn it." Her voice echoed through the rain.

She wasn't sure what he expected him to say or do, but it wasn't this. He cupped her face in his palms and pressed his lips softly to hers.

They both knew that they needed to break the contact but couldn't get themselves to do so. Instinctively her hands cupped the back of his head, her fingers treading through his hair while pulling him closer to her. This kiss was different from the one they had shared inside Maxwell's living room almost a year ago. It was soft and gently and made her feel all warm inside a kind of warmth she hadn't felt for a long time, it made her feel somehow…loved.

After a few minutes which seemed like hours of kissing, they pull away from each other at the same time. Awkward silence fell upon them; neither of them knew what to say, they just staring nervously, deeply into each other's eyes, each waiting for the other one to begin. 'Just say how you feel,' they both thought. Then, they both started to speak at the same time.

"Niles, I…"

"C.C., I…"

For a minuet there was silence between them again. Then C.C. whispered, breaking the thick silence. "Look, Niles...I-" That is as far as she got before Niles cut her off.

"C.C., please, let me speak first."

A silent tear fell from her eye down her cheek as she nodded her head.

Slowly he raised his hand to her cheek and gently wiped away her tear with his thumb before he allowed himself to speak. "I feel a lot of things for you C.C., but pity is not one of them. C.C. Babcock you're beautiful, outside and inside, never let anyone tell you otherwise…not even me." He looked so sincere that C.C. nearly smiled for a moment but her smile faded away quickly.

"Niles…I'm…so-"

"Shhh...You don't have to say anything." He murmured, placing a gentle finger against her lips. He knew what she was about to say and he didn't want to hear it.

"I don't mean to…I really don't…I just...I…I don't know what got into me…I'm so so-" She began to say once more but he cut her again.

"It's okay. You don't need to feel sorry, not for this." His voice cracked a bit.

She shook her head and tried to make him understand her apology. "No, it's not okay and yes, I do feel sorry, but NOT for the kiss."

A smile lighting up his face then ran his fingers lightly through her rain soaked hair. "The weather is terrible and this won't keep you warm anymore." He said, pointing at his dripping wet coat around her shoulders. C.C. looked at his coat around her shoulders and realized that he was completely right, Niles, now wet from the rain coat had absorbed most of her body's moisture and she was starting to feel cold all over again.

"Please…just let me drive you home. You shouldn't be alone right now." He said softly.

"You don't have to. I am used be alone, Niles." She answered, looking down at the ground.

"Just because you are used to it doesn't mean you should be alone, C.C." He whispered, placing his hand in hers and giving it a light squeeze. "And I know I don't have to but I …want to."

A smile carved on her lips and she said, "Fine. My place it is."

A few minutes later, Niles opened the car door for her, helping her to sit in the passenger's seat. For the first time in almost twenty years they felt that life could be beautiful again. They didn't know for sure what was going to happen tomorrow between them; they could be friends or back to the enemy's mode. But they did know that, they would be together tonight.

The End