A/N: IF YOU DID NOT HEED MY WARNING IN THE SUMMARY, GO AND PLAY UNDERTALE FIRST. IN THIS WORLD, IT'S KILL OR BE KILLED. BY SPOILERS. YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE A BAD TIME IF STUFF IS SPOILED. EVEN THIS IS A SPOILER.

I love Undertale way too much. Papyrus and sans are my favourite characters, and I guess I'll attempt an Undertale fic. The original Word document is all in the Papyrus font; too bad it doesn't show up. Also to keep the mood, everything is in caps. Just imagine your best Papyrus voice as you read this.

Disclaimer: Undertale is not owned by me, it is owned by Toby "Radiation" Fox, and yeah.

THE NYEH HEH HEH DIARIES: PART I

NOVEMBER 1, 201x

SANS TOLD ME THAT I SHOULD START A DIARY. A GREAT DIARY. HE GAVE IT TO ME JUST NOW. IT IS RATHER…SPARKLY.

LET'S GET ON WITH THE DIARYING! NYEH HEH HEH!

DEAR GREAT DIARY, TODAY I GOT A NEW DIARY.

I HOPE TO BE IN THE ROYAL GUARD AND BE POPULAR! POPULAR! POPULAR! I HOPE I CAN GET IN.

MY BROTHER SANS MAKES TOO MANY JOKES. HE NEVER TAKES CARE OF HIS PET ROCK, AND HE NEVER DOES HIS JOB! I DO MY JOB! VERY LOVINGLY, IN FACT.

MY JOB? TO GET INTO THE ROYAL GUARD, OF COURSE. I WANT TO CAPTURE A HUMAN. THEN I WILL TAKE THE HUMAN TO UNDYNE, THE HEAD OF THE ROYAL GUARD, AND THEN SHE'LL LET ME INTO THE ROYAL GUARD.

SANS IS HELPING ME WITH THIS JOB. MAYBE I WILL GO ASK UNDYNE ABOUT LETTING ME INTO THE ROYAL GUARD.

NOVEMBER 25, 201x

DEAR GREAT DIARY, THE TIME IS NOW 11 PM. AT NIGHT. I JUST WENT TO THE LIBRARY TO PICK UP A BOOK CALLED HOW TO GET INTO THE ROYAL GUARD. I AM GOING TO FOLLOW ALL THESE DIRECTIONS SO UNDYNE WILL LET ME INTO THE ROYAL GUARD.

I AM IN FRONT OF HER HOUSE NOW. I KNOCKED ON THE DOOR TO ASK HER, BUT SHE CLOSED IT WHEN SHE SAW ME. MAYBE I SHOULD WEAR CLOTHES?

I WENT BACK HOME TO GET MY MOST FAVORITE CLOTHES. A CLOTHES FROM A PARTY. A PARTY WITH ME, SANS, HIS ROCK, AND SOME DOG THAT CAME IN.

IT'S MY BATTLE BODY! I HOPE TO USE IT A LOT WHEN I GET IN THE ROYAL GUARD. I ALSO WENT AND BOUGHT MTT-BRAND BONE COLOGNE SO UNDYNE WILL THINK I AM WORTHY TO BE IN THE ROYAL GUARD.

I AM SO HAPPY! NYEH HEH HEH! UNDYNE SAYS SHE'LL GIVE ME ULTRA-HARD WARRIOR TRAINING! SHE APPROVES OF MY SPARKLY DIARY.

DECEMBER 15, 201x

I LOVE WARRIOR TRAINING! I ALWAYS GET BEATEN UP BY UNDYNE, BUT I THINK I'LL BE THE HEAD OF THE ROYAL GUARD IN NO TIME! I WILL CAPTURE A HUMAN! I WILL BE SO POPULAR!

DECEMBER 18, 201x

UNDYNE SAYS SHE THINKS SHE WILL GIVE ME BETTER TRAINING. I'M SO EXCITED! I ALSO LEARNED THAT SHE LOVES BONES! I HAVE A WHOLE CABINET OF THEM! IT'S UNDER THE SINK.

I THINK I WILL INCREASE THE HEIGHT OF THE SINK. THAT WAY I CAN PUT MORE BONES INTO IT. I NEVER USE THE KITCHEN ANYWAY.

A/N: COME BACK NEXT TIME FOR SOME MORE ULTRA HARD ROYAL GUARD TRAINING WITH UNDYNE! PLEASE READ AND REVIEW, TELL ME IF I CAPTURED PAPYRUS'S VOICE LIKE HE CAPTURED THE HUMAN, AND PLEASE SEND ME IDEAS AND SUCH! NYEH HEH HEH HEH! HEH…