Ascension/Chapter One/What Nothingness Brings

Darkness there was nothing but darkness for as far the eye could see, and quite possibly beyond that as well. There was no light, there was no smell, there wasn't even any air. The darkness represented nothing, because nothing is all that was left.

'I don't want to die, and I don't want to ascend. I want to live.' I whispered, though in the nothingness, I doubt someone could have even heard anything that was said. Mere seconds later, a white light, a glowing figure, emerged from the recesses of the nothingness.

It was a woman, with brown hair and bright blue eyes. Her white flowing dress billowed around her, the same with her hair, as if pushed by an invisible wind. She reached out to me, and gently lifted my head with her oh so soft hands, forcing me to look her in the eye. Her lips moved as if she was saying something to me, but I couldn't hear her.

And that was where I always woke up. The images and feelings of the dreams; yeah, I could always remember them, but never her words. I threw my covers off and gave an involuntary shudder as my feet met the cold floor. I stood and walked over towards the window, resting my forehead on the cool glass.

The moon shined down bright light on the ocean surface where it was multiplied a thousand times, and the woman comes to mind. Who was she? What was she doing in that nothingness world, and of course the most pressing question, what was she saying to me? What could she possibly have had to say while I was on the verge of death from the ascension machine?

I sighed and turned away from the window. I glanced towards my clock and the red letters told me that it was three AM. Might as well get down to the lab and get some work done. I wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep, not tonight anyway.

"Good morning Rodney." John Sheppard said as he, Teyla, Ronon, and Carson all walked into the lab where Radek and I were currently fiddling around with a new Ancient device. This wasn't going to end well.

"Good morning everyone, now I assume all of your came here for some reason or another, so if you will, please get on with it. I am a very busy man." I answered curtly, wanting to get back to work.

"Alright then," John looked at his companions for a moment before continuing. Apparently he'd been chosen as the sacrificial messenger. "Why haven't you gone to talk to Dr. Heightmayer?"

"For a very simple reason my friend, I don't need a shrink."

"Rodney, you almost died, or ascended depending on your choice." John took a half-step forward. "What I'm trying to say Rodney, is that this is the kind of thing you usually go and talk to someone about. And since you won't talk to any of us, we advise you talk to Dr. Heightmayer."

"I don't need to talk about it." I argued turning back to the rectangular device sitting on the table.

"Rodney, you had a chance to ascend, but you didn't take it. There had to have been a reason? Like you were afraid of what was on the other side." Carson suggested in his Scottish accent.

"I wasn't afraid of ascending Carson, I just wasn't ready." I froze at my own words. Why did I say that? Where had those words come from? My statement apparently surprised the other occupants in the room as well, at least to the point of silence.

Like a dam breaking, the room was replaced by the nothingness, and her. "Not yet Rodney, you're not yet ready to ascend. Soon you will be ready, and I'll waiting until you're ready." Her voice was so soothing, so comforting, exactly the way I'd imagined it. "When you are ready, I'll return."

The image slowly receded, and the dark nothingness was replaced with my crowded lab. I became aware of someone waving a hand in my face. I blinked in response.

"About time McKay," Ronon grumbled as he stepped back, crossing his arms across his chest and looking down at me.

"Ah yes sorry Ronon, just remembering something I'd forgotten." I smiled a little and bounced a little on my heels. Carson didn't look convinced.

"How about we go and check you out in the infirmary real quick, just to make sure you really are alright." Carson suggested as he laid his hand on my shoulder. I jerked said appendage out of his grasp.

"I'm feeling perfectly fine Carson. Just let me get back to work." My earlier happiness disappeared, and was replaced by annoyance. Carson could be such a worrier sometimes. Well then again so could I so I really had no right to complain. I sighed at my inner musings and turned back to the Ancient device determined to work on it.

I didn't react when all my friends, except Radek who was assisting me, left the room.

"Is it just me or did that seem a little strange?" John asked as Teyla, Ronon, Carson, and he walked down the hallway, away from Rodney's lab.

"I also found Rodney's behavior…odd. What do you suppose could be the reason for it?" Teyla asked, looking at her friends questionably.

"I don't know, but ten to one says it has something to do with that ascension contraption or whatever it's called." John grumbled.

"Aye or it could just be that Rodney's depressed about something." Carson suggested. "I mean, there he was a genius, designing and building things he never would have thought himself capable of doing. Suddenly, all that is taken away from him, and he can't even decipher what his breakthroughs were."

"And what do you think caused his sudden bout of geniusness?" John asked, with a grin.

"He's got a point." Ronon pointed out, earning a look from Carson that told him to keep quiet.

"But would that cause Rodney's sudden inflictions?" The males looked at Teyla quizzically. "What I mean is, Rodney hasn't been sleeping well lately, and his appetite has greatly decreased. I do believe he has lost a couple of pounds." Teyla elaborated, concern taking over her features.

"Aye, depression could cause that, but, I don't know. The only way to know for sure is to get him in for a couple of diagnostic tests, and a chat with Dr. Heightmayer." Carson sighed, knowing that accomplishing those tasks wasn't going to be easy.

"If that's what we have to do, let's do it then." John stated and headed towards the control room. Elizabeth should know what's up; after all, she was the boss.

"Radek, go and get me some coffee, I need the caffeine to help me focus." I ordered, looking over at my Czech co-worker. Radek mumbled something in Czech and walked out without a word of protest, at least in English. Either he was tired of arguing with me, or he needed some coffee as well. As soon as the door had closed behind him, I stopped what I was doing.

"I'm going to assume that it's safe to assume that since I can clearly recall your words from before, that I'm ready to ascend." I said aloud as I turned around. Sitting neatly perched on the corner of another worktable with her legs crossed, was the woman from my dreams.

"Actually, the last few steps are a little tricky, so I'm here to help you." The woman smiled and held out her hand. "Hello Rodney, my name is Samhain, and I'm here to help you die."

A/N: Hope you enjoyed the first installment of Ascension, the first story of the Destiny Saga. ENJOY!