Heart to Heart
"I love you, Lucy...you don't have to say it back, you don't have to say anything...Rufus wanted me to admit it..."
Wyatt's out-of-nowhere, revelatory confession while they were talking together before the second lifeboat landed kept chasing round and round her weary mind, ceaselessly playing on a curiously emotionless loop. Oh, how she would have given almost anything to hear those words just a few short weeks ago (especially during a certain night in 1941). But on this day, after everything that had happened-to her, to all of them-not even Wyatt's quiet, matter-of-fact declaration was fully able to penetrate the self-protective numbness that encased her battered heart right now.
Standing in the hallway watching her Wyatt and future, bearded Wyatt sitting at one of the kitchen tables in the middle of what looked like a fairly serious conversation was at once both surreal and yet oddly comforting. No matter what the current status of their personal relationship, a world without Wyatt Logan in it was unthinkable, and therefore completely unacceptable to Lucy Preston.
How could Lucy have known the first time she laid eyes on him that night in October nearly two years ago, when she was reluctantly dragged into the dangerous, ever-shifting reality of time travel, that this man would become her one true constant, her North Star, the only person she could depend on? From the second the Delta Force Master Sergeant opened those gorgeous blue eyes and smirked at her, he had begun to take possession of her vulnerable heart, one tiny piece at a time, until Lucy had trouble remembering when it didn't belong to him.
True, his ownership had been indifferent, careless, even hurtful at times, but still, in the end, her heart would always be Wyatt's. Without him by her side, in all his arrogant, stubborn, protective glory, Lucy doubted she'd even be alive today. Over the perilous weeks and months spent together, try as she might to stop it from happening, for the first, last, and only time in her life, Lucy Preston, an ordinary college professor apparently turned hereditary Rittenhouse warrior princess (judging by her future self), fell deeply in love-with her brave, handsome, frustrating teammate.
For a few fleeting, indulgent moments, she allowed herself to relive the glorious, all-too-brief hours shared with Wyatt in Hedy Lamarr's guest house. None of the different versions of him Lucy had encountered up to then–teammate, protector, friend, confidant–none had prepared her for Wyatt the lover. Tender, generous, sweet, unexpectedly funny, he was everything she could have ever wanted or dreamed of. On far too many occasions since then, Lucy had thought of that night, each sweet moment held in her heart to treasure when the pain of what followed too soon after became unbearable.
Perhaps that was part of the reason that Rittenhouse's devious plan to destroy her and the team from the inside out, by manipulating their original time line and changing Jessica Logan's fate, had come so heartbreakingly close to being accomplished. As strained, even possibly damaged as their relationship had become in the past month, Lucy shuddered to think what would have happened between them if Wyatt's traitorous Rittenhouse sleeper agent of a wife hadn't kidnapped Jiya and stolen the lifeboat when she did, thereby outing herself and setting this whole disaster into motion.
Yes, the team had taken a tremendous hit and was in a bad way right now, physically, mentally, emotionally, with the unimaginable loss of Rufus right smack at the top of the list. Swallowing thickly, Lucy grimaced at the aching reminder of the damage a surprisingly strong Emma had done to her throat. Closing her eyes, it secretly troubled her to acknowledge that for the briefest of seconds while the merciless redhead was literally squeezing the life out of her, as the edges of her vision began to gray and darken, Lucy's heart had catalogued her considerable losses and to her private shame, her will to live faltered ever so slightly...Amy, her mother, the father who raised her, Rufus, Wyatt...all of them ripped away from her by Rittenhouse. How was any normal, sane person supposed to come back from that? Thank God Flynn showed up when he did, having no idea he'd saved her life in more than one way, something she wasn't sure she could share with anyone, least of all Wyatt.
Of course, as if plain old jumping back and forth between the present and countless periods of time wasn't insane enough, this newest development was enough to make her head hurt and give her a panic attack. At the abrupt, dramatic appearance of their future selves just hours earlier, it was clear that everything the team thought they knew about time travel had been turned on its ear.
However, at just the tantalizing prospect of being able to go back in time and prevent Rufus' death, Lucy and Wyatt, really, any of the them, were more than willing to try whatever crazy plan their visitors from 2023 had come up with. Despite feeling as though days had passed, it had only been a handful of hours since the team had been forced to abandon their friend and teammate, and it hit Lucy hard to realize that the only loss she had felt more keenly was Amy–her beautiful, spirited, funny, loving little sister.
While Lucy recognized that losing Rufus, her friend and teammate, her brother, for God's sake, was beyond devastating, a small, sentimental part of her couldn't help grieving for her mother as well. It had been difficult hearing Carol Preston's disappointing final thoughts, her desperate, choked words merely driving home the fact she was Rittenhouse to the bitter end, and right down to her last breath, seemingly unable to give Lucy the one thing she yearned for–the unconditional love of a mother for her only child. And Lucy feared that heartbreaking knowledge would haunt her the rest of her days.
She was startled from her sad ruminations by a familiar, yet at the same time, impossibly different voice at her side as her future self looked at Lucy with concern. "Hey, are you okay?" she asked kindly.
Lucy shivered involuntarily even while she automatically responded, "I'm fine," barely managing a quick, clearly insincere smile.
Shaking her head, future Lucy only sighed and murmured skeptically, "As Wyatt has said on more than one occasion, we really are terrible at lying, you know, and I usually hate it when he's right." Touching Lucy's arm hesitantly, the older version of herself offered, "You seem a little lost. If you need someone to talk to, I think you'll find I'm a good listener."
Lucy's first instinct was to say no, but it suddenly occurred to her that the woman standing in front of her, concern and empathy shining in her dark eyes, was likely the only person in all the world, in fact, all of time, who understood, who comprehended, exactly what Lucy was feeling this very minute.
While future Lucy waited patiently, almost as if she knew what Lucy was thinking (oh, wait, of course she did), she decided that perhaps they might find a little privacy in Wyatt's room, since the two Master Sergeants were still deeply engrossed in what was probably (if she knew her Wyatt at all) an intense discussion about some kind of military strategy. Wyatt was definitely receptive to any kind of assistance in the escalating war against Rittenhouse their visitors might be comfortable sharing.
Tilting her head towards the men, her older self smiled fondly and quipped, "Don't worry, if I know Wyatt Logan, in any time period, he's thrilled to have another Delta Force soldier to talk shop with," and when she winked at Lucy, the younger woman was unable to hold back a faint smile of agreement.
As if sensing they were probably being scrutinized, both Wyatts raised their heads in a perfectly synchronized movement that caused their respective Lucys to laugh out loud. Dimples flashing, her Wyatt leaned over to his bearded counterpart and murmured something that put a smirk on both their faces.
"These Logans," future Lucy pretended to complain before sighing, "So much trouble, but so worth it." Lucy followed her over to where the men sat, trying not to blush when the other woman and future Wyatt exchanged a lengthy, ardent kiss in front of them. Glancing away, Lucy found her Wyatt watching her with a wistful expression on his face before lowering his gaze.
When they finally broke apart, future Lucy smirked and said somewhat breathlessly, "All right, cowboy, carry on. Lucy and I are going to spend a little time with each other, so I need you and your younger self to behave," and gasped when bearded Wyatt drawled, "Yes, Ma'am," before reeling her back in for a bruising kiss that made her eyes sparkle and her cheeks redden.
Although Lucy was faintly embarrassed when her Wyatt snickered and asked if the two of them would rather be alone, her older self apparently was not. "Is there a problem, soldier?" future Lucy retorted, before nodding in satisfaction when he shook his head and mumbled contritely, "No, Ma'am."
As Lucy turned to follow herself, she was startled when Wyatt grabbed her hand and tugging her close, whispered, "Are you okay?" Touched by the worry she saw reflected in his dark blue eyes, Lucy squeezed his hand gently, and assured him she was fine. She could feel his eyes on her as they walked away, and like always, was comforted by his protective manner, something that Wyatt seemed incapable of turning off, no matter what the circumstances.
Entering the room, Lucy deliberately averted her eyes from the sight of the two cots pushed together in the center of the cramped room, an all-too-uncomfortable reminder that Wyatt and Jessica had shared this room as husband and wife for a short while. "I'm guessing Wyatt hasn't had a chance to rearrange the cots yet?" future Lucy observed dryly before heading for a corner of the room to sit on the floor, drawing her knees up to her chest and watching Lucy expectantly. Patting the space beside her, she coaxed, "C'mon, pull up some floor."
Sinking cross-legged to the floor, Lucy wasn't sure exactly where to start this bizarre conversation with herself. Lifting one shoulder in resignation, she admitted miserably, "I think there's something wrong with me," keeping her gaze on her lap, where her hands twisted nervously.
Putting a (surprisingly) calloused hand over hers, future Lucy said in a calm, soothing voice, "How about I get you started? First of all, this certainly isn't the first, nor will it be the last, time you've felt this way. And knowing us, I have a pretty damn good idea the only thing besides Rittenhouse and our mother that could get you this freaked out is a certain soldier with deep blue eyes and adorable dimples?"
Helpless to stop the smile that tugged at her lips, she asked, "Am I that easy to read, or does Wyatt always keep things stirred up?" Grinning conspiratorially at each other, Lucy felt a weight slip from her shoulders at the perceptive glint in her older self's eyes, even as she shook her head in amusement. Suddenly, Lucy's thoughts bubbled to the surface, spilling out of her until she was practically tripping over her tongue to sound coherent.
"He said the words!" Lucy blurted out, "I've been hoping and praying and waiting for so long, and right in the middle of blaming himself for Rufus' death, out of the blue, it's 'I love you, Lucy' and I was so stunned, so shocked, it felt like getting punched in the stomach. And sure, he said I didn't have to say it back, but still, once that feeling wore off, I just didn't feel anything, and that scared me."
Frowning in concentration, her older self took her time contemplating a helpful response to Lucy's passionate outburst, before she advised, "I think you're possibly being a little too hard on yourself. Losing Rufus today is a terrible, incredibly painful thing to process, and on top of everything that Rittenhouse has put you through for months now, it's only natural to try and protect your heart. And let's face it, like all men are at one time or another, Wyatt can sometimes be fairly obtuse..." only to be interrupted by a clearly agitated Lucy, who was barely hanging on to her composure.
"Listen, it's not just feeling numb that's bothering me, although that's bad enough. I guess the part that I am really struggling with is, if Wyatt really did/does love me, how could he just ignore those feelings after Jessica came back?" she pleaded, "The only thing that helped me stay strong when seeing the two of them together nearly killed me, was that even though I was aware he had strong feelings for me, I had convinced myself that Wyatt didn't actually love me in return. I knew he would always be in love with his wife, and I was fine with that, could handle always being second in his heart. I mean, during our night together in 1941 and the next day, we were so happy, I didn't need the words. Well, we were happy, at least until he got that damn text from his suddenly not-so-dead wife, courtesy of Rittenhouse." Swiping angrily at the tears slipping down her face, Lucy fell silent, her chest heaving with all the repressed emotions of the past twenty-four hours.
Slipping a slender arm around her shoulders, future Lucy assured her younger self that she understood, but hesitating briefly, asked, "Before we go any further, I want you to do something for me, okay? Can you, just for a minute, consider looking at this from his point of view?" and when Lucy began to stiffen up in offense, she attempted to smooth her ruffled feathers. "Hey, I understand the timing of Wyatt's confession has really thrown you, but remember, in spite of his best efforts today, Rufus died in his arms, and you know how he feels about leaving one of his men behind. So maybe that frightened him, made Wyatt even more aware of just how precarious life can be, and he decided you should finally know how he feels."
"And as for Jessica, look, I get it-trust me, I do-and yes, it would have made a world of difference to both of you if Denise and Connor had been able to figure out that she was a sleeper agent sooner because we all know that Denise would have locked her up and thrown away the key, no matter how strongly Wyatt protested. But here's something none of you know, and I was given permission to tell you. Jessica was under strict orders to kill everyone else here in the bunker and deliver you to our mother since the first effort failed the night they blew up Mason Industries, especially after Wyatt and Rufus rescued you in 1918." At Lucy's shocked reaction, future Lucy sighed deeply.
"Neither Wyatt or I have ever known for sure why Jessica was unable to complete the mission as ordered, but we are so grateful she didn't," and before a curious Lucy could even form a question, her older self pressed her lips together firmly and shook her head, refusing to talk about Wyatt's wife any further.
"Anyway, you know in your heart that Wyatt is an honorable man, and in his mind, despite falling in love with you, the only right, decent thing to do as a married man, was try to repair his marriage to her. Don't forget that at the time, he automatically assumed she was his Jessica, the same woman who was murdered so tragically in our original time line."
Feeling chastened, Lucy immediately sensed the sadness and regret in the other woman's manner when her voice dropped to a whisper, "Yes, in her zealous devotion to all things Rittenhouse, our mother said and did horrible things to us, especially during the six weeks we were her unwilling 'guest,' but surely you can acknowledge just how unbelievably cruel it was to mess with Wyatt's head like she did. I think it's safe to say that Wyatt was more torn between his self-imposed duty to Jessica and his newfound love for you than he ever let on. Which brings me to the point I'm trying to make. Both of you have been terribly wronged, no doubt about it, and while guilt constantly seems to eat at Wyatt's soul, your anger and uncertainty is equally as destructive, and I think you know deep in your heart how much you love and need each other."
Future Lucy leaned her forehead on her knees and closed her eyes wearily while Lucy took a few minutes to contemplate her thoughtful advice. Her older self was certainly wiser and more mature, and it was quite obvious after being around the couple for even a short time that she and her Wyatt had managed to work through their problems and appeared to have built a strong, loving relationship. And that gave Lucy hope for the future.
Glancing sideways, Lucy grinned at the knowing look future Lucy now wore, "Okay, fine, you really make a lot of sense, and I actually feel better. Thank you, for taking the time to listen," and when the other woman shrugged modestly and replied, "You're welcome," Lucy threw her arms around her and gave her a grateful hug, leaning back in bewilderment when she felt an odd, hard lump between them. Without thinking twice, she impulsively asked, "What's that?" and was astonished and yet very pleased when without a word, future Lucy pulled a silver chain from beneath her tank top and revealed two thin platinum wedding bands.
"Wyatt and I get married in the future?" Lucy whispered disbelievingly, and at the other woman's contented nod, she suddenly felt an overwhelming need to talk to Wyatt. Thanks to her older self, she was seeing their situation much more clearly, and maybe it was time to share her feelings, too.
Lucy's face must have betrayed her thoughts because future Lucy stood and pulling her to her feet, encouraged, "Well, what are you waiting for, Dr. Preston? No time like the present, right?" and she grunted softly when Lucy threw her arms around her thin frame and hugged her older self once again, murmuring her appreciation.
"Let's go find those good-looking soldiers of ours," Lucy suggested, and heading for the door, opened it, jumping back in surprise at the sight of bearded Wyatt standing there with his fist raised to knock. Impulsively, Lucy hugged him tightly, and at her fervent thanks, he ducked his head and said, "Any time, Ma'am." Glancing back at future Lucy, her heart was warmed by the serene, loving expression on her face as she beheld her husband. Closing the door quietly behind her, Lucy turned and practically ran right into her Wyatt.
As he stood there gazing at her with a faint, uncertain smile on his face, Lucy's heart swelled with all the emotions she had worked so hard for months to conceal, and before she knew it, the words tumbled from her lips, "I love you, too, Wyatt." Holding her breath as the stunned expression on his face gradually turned into a beaming smile, dimples and all, for the first time in over seventy-five years, Lucy was truly happy. And all it had taken, she thought wryly, was a little self examination–emphasis on self...
A/N: While I hadn't planned on writing another post finale story, apparently Lucy was needing a little heart-to-heart discussion about Wyatt and those three little words he said before Tomb Raider Lucy and Wyatt dropped in unexpectedly, lol :p Thanks as always to all of you who read, favorite, follow, and especially take the time to review my stories-it's much appreciated...I'm so glad to be part of the wonderful Timeless fandom :))