I love Kessi and I've been missing Kyle XY something fierce these days, so I am pouring my angst and frustration into this piece. Would love to hear any opinions on the angst. I own nothing and mean no harm.
Nicole had told her to be patient.
Lori had promised that it would eventually work itself out.
Andy had just rolled her eyes and predicted half dozen dark haired geniuses.
Try as she might Jessi just didn't have the heart to watch Kyle and Amanda try another go at 'it' whatever 'it' was between two people who hardly knew each other anymore and had the connection of a tin can string phone.
Frustrated and just the slightest bit nauseous Jessi made a decision, a life altering and perhaps hasty choice, but one she knew in her heart was right. At least it was right for her heart because that was breaking a little more every time the door to the house opened for her.
Plans had been made quickly and quietly. She had kept nothing from Nicole and Stephen, they were her guardians, but more importantly they cared. They didn't bail on lunches or forget promises.
Bitter was the word of the month, she had become more angry and more bitter than even those first few days after her life had not turned out to be her life.
She didn't like it.
Not one bit.
Her own fault, she knew it, but it didn't matter. Kyle had kissed her, had maybe sort of cared, and then promptly backed away and chosen someone else.
Well so be it.
He could have his precious perfect Amanda.
There were no doubt dozens of yummy males on the East Coast and there was nothing and no one to stop her from wading through them.
"You're leaving," the memory of that voice might follow her. With her back to Kyle it wasn't hard to imagine him standing in her doorway a look of confusion and betrayal moving across his face. He pulled that face expertly just as she had mastered the cold and blank expression.
It was amazing what someone would forgive if they thought you were emotionally incapable of understanding the basics.
"Jessi," huh, she had forgotten he was there.
"Yeah, I'm leaving," her bags were packed, her ticket purchased. From what Nicole had said everyone was going to the airport, she honestly hadn't thought she was that popular.
Only fifteen minutes to go, "Jessi," the time would drag though if he just said her name.
Smoothing out the duvet covering her bed she finally bit the bullet and turned towards him. Damn him.
She cursed him from head to toe, for the jolt in her chest from simply seeing him, to the lust racing through her as she drank in the long sleeve blue shirt that was tighter than it needed to be. Leaving Seattle without a fresh reminder of the hours he had spent working out with Declan would have been really nice.
"I'm leaving in fifteen minutes Kyle," she wasn't sure she had wanted her voice to be quite that cold, but it was too late to take it back "was there something you wanted?"
His mouth opened and closed just as quickly, he looked twelve when he did that, no doubt Amanda found it charming; it irritated her. Kyle wasn't twelve, they were almost adults and it was time to start acting like it, time to stop hiding from the feelings that were growing inside.
And they had been growing inside of him, she knew it, had felt them, felt them growing inside of her every day. She had seen him with Amanda, it had burned her, but it had amused her as well; it was all so very clean and pretty between them.
Nothing between her and Kyle had been clean and it had been something, but she wouldn't have called it pretty. Lush and ripe, but never pretty, "twelve minutes Kyle."
His expression changed as she rolled her eyes, she felt her heart beat increase, heard his as well, he was getting angry.
"Were you going to tell me you were going," of course this was about him, wasn't it always.
Shrugging she crossed her arms, cupping her elbows; "I suppose I would have called if you hadn't come home by the time we left for the airport. Nicole said you had plans with your girlfriend," she absolutely refused to say her name and it bugged him to no end.
His anger left him in a whoosh as her words sank in, she was leaving, and he she knew the exact moment it hit him. There were things he was going to say, she could see them forming on his tongue and she wasn't sure she was strong enough to hear what he may or may not really mean.
Turning her back on him, she walked to the window, it made her stomach clench when she found her eyes on Amanda's house.
"I'm in love with you," no good would come out of her saying this, but the words were coming anyway, "you don't want me, you want her and I don't want to see it anymore," and this time it was very much about her, "I am sorry if you think I should be strong and suck it up, but I'm not and I can't, so I'm leaving."
And that was it, that was all she had, turning she looked at him, her eyes studiously avoided his, "Don't come to the airport," it was an unexpected request and he flinched.
She didn't want him there, didn't know if she could actually get on the plane if he was there, and she had to do this, and had to go find who she was without him.
Heading for the door she stopped next to him, studying his profile, his face when he turned to look at her, as always his beauty took her breath away. There was a part of her that hoped that one day she would do that too him, but that wasn't going to be any time soon, and she had to go, "good-bye Kyle."
Leaving him standing in her empty bedroom, he didn't chase after her, didn't yell at her to stop even though her fingers had been crossed for just that thing until the car had turned off their street.
No one had spoken until they had gotten to the airport. Everyone knew that Kyle had gone upstairs to see her and had not come down, Jessi wondered if he had called Amanda; if she was right now sitting on her bed listening to him rant.
"Jessi," Nicole placed a hand on her arm, the lights above them in the terminal were flickering, "are you sure about this?"
Reigning in her thoughts she shook her head, more sure now than she had been, "I have to go, it hurts," it was the most she had said to anyone and Nicole gasped.
With the arms wrapped around her Jessi pretended just for a second that everything was going to be OK.
Airport security being what it was, she had to make the final part of her departure on her own, and it fit.
"You'll be home for Christmas," the way Nicole said it there was no room for argument, and so she said yes and promised to call as soon as she landed.
10,000 feet in the air, Rufus Wainwright was playing on her iPod the first of her tears began to fall, pressing her fingers against the fingers of the small window to her left she whispered his name one last time, "good-bye Kyle."