Warning: SI trigger. Don't read if you're likely to be triggered.

Paige grinned to herself as she walked briskly up the stairs carrying a glass of coke in either hand. Her parents were out of town for some kind of business conference in New York and Paige had invited Emily around to stay for the night. Emily had accepted of course, grateful for the opportunity to spend time with her girlfriend.

"We're out of Pepsi." Paige announced as she walked into her room. She paused when she found Emily sitting on the edge of the bed, her gaze fixed on something in her hand. "What do you have there?"

Paige carefully set the glasses on her bedside table as Emily looked up to reveal eyes filled with worry.

"What's this?" She asked, holding the object up between her thumb and forefinger.

Paige froze at the sight of the familiar, shiny object. She hadn't laid eyes on it for a month or so, since the last big fight she'd had with her parents regarding her future. She'd refashioned it that night in a fit of hurt frustration. She had torn the protective plastic away with from the blades using her fingers and teeth, effectively converting the small object into something much more harmful. She hadn't used either of the blades that night. The effort it had taken to free them from the protective casing and the numerous tiny cuts to her fingers had been enough to dull the emotions that had been raging through her, giving her a chance to think clearly. She'd realised how much of a bad idea relapsing would be and with her fingertips throbbing, she'd concealed the blades in her dresser with her first aid supplies.

"Paige?" Emily asked again.

"It's a razor blade." Paige finally answered in a hoarse voice.

"Why do you have it?" Emily's eyes scanned Paige's body as if she was searching for signs that she'd been cutting.

"Why do you have it?" Paige retorted before she could stop herself. As soon as the words left her mouth she inwardly cringed. She had a habit of automatically jumping to the defensive whenever her secret was threatened.

Emily had the good grace to look guilty. "I'm sorry. I wasn't snooping. I was looking for the T-shirt I left here and I found this in your dresser." As quickly as it had appeared her guilty expression faded back into worry. "Paige, why do you have it?"

"I haven't used it." Paige answered quietly. She moved to sit on the bed next to Emily with a resigned sigh. "I keep it in case I need it."

"What do you mean?"

Paige thoughtfully chewed her lip, trying to think of a way to explain without worrying her girlfriend any more than necessary. Finally she shifted on the bed so that she was facing Emily directly. "I don't intend to use it but I keep it in my dresser in case I ever need to."

Emily looked stricken by the idea of Paige hurting herself. "Paige…"

"Not all the time." Paige hurried to add. "It's not a regular thing anymore. This probably sounds insane to you but there's a process I have to go through before I can use it."

"A process?" Emily's brow furrowed in worried confusion. "I don't understand."

"I throw the blade out right after I use it." Paige tried her best to explain despite the fact that she knew Emily wouldn't understand. "And then the next time I need to use it I usually end up not using it because I have to find a blade and remove the plastic before it'll work properly…" she trailed off at the confused look on Emily's face. "It's complicated."

"It sounds dangerous." Emily said in concern as she glanced at the small blade in her hand.

"Em, don't worry." Paige reached out to grip Emily's free hand, causing her to look up at her. "I haven't done anything in almost a year. I swear it isn't a regular thing anymore."

"But you still have these." Emily argued her worry evident. "And I saw the first aid supplies you keep in your dresser."

"It's just a precaution."

"Paige, you have butterfly stitches in there!" Emily's voice was growing progressively louder with her rising anxiety. "Whatever you're doing to yourself obviously isn't just scratches."

Paige was silent, unsure as to how to reassure her girlfriend without outright lying to her. She couldn't promise that she wouldn't do it again but that's what Emily wanted to hear.

"I thought you stopped." Emily said, sounding almost betrayed as if even the thought of Paige hurting herself was enough to hurt her too. "You told me you stopped."

"I have stopped." Paige insisted. "I haven't cut for a year Emily."

"A year?" Emily echoed, only just realizing something. "So you did it when we were dating on and off?"

Paige hesitated for a moment before answering. "Yes."

"And you didn't tell me?" Emily asked in a wounded tone of voice. There was a change in her expression and Paige instantly knew what the next thing to come out of her mouth would be. "Was it my…?"

"No!" Paige interrupted with a venomous shake of her head. "It wasn't your fault. Don't even think that. I was going through a lot back then and it seemed like an easy way to cope."

Emily nodded as if she understood what Paige was telling her.

"Look." Paige began to reach out for the blade only for Emily to pull it away at the last second, a wary look on her face. "Emily, it's okay."

Emily wavered for a moment before tentatively handing the small blade over. Paige stood up and walked over to the bin where she proceeded to bend the blade in half. Emily watched in concern as Paige repeated the action a few times before the thin blade finally snapped in two.

"There." Paige announced, dropping the pieces into the trash. She turned to Emily with a weak smile. "It's gone."

"You have more." Emily accused, though her voice remained soft.

"I do." Paige couldn't lie in response to Emily's defeated tone. She walked back over to the bed and resumed her position next to Emily. "I'm not going to use them."

"Promise?"

Paige opened her mouth to confirm her promise but promptly closed it again.

"Paige?"

"I don't want to lie to you Em." Paige interrupted honestly. "I can't promise that I won't but I can promise that I'll try not to."

Emily nodded and turned her gaze to the ground.

Paige immediately recognised the quiet disappointment that typically suggested that Emily was annoyed or frustrated. "I'm sorry."

"I'm not mad at you." Emily looked up and gave Paige a weak smile. "I just hate that you have them."

Paige nodded in understanding.

"Can I see them?" Emily requested cautiously, her hand moving to rest lightly on Paige's knee.

"See them?" Paige echoed in confusion.

"Yeah." Emily nodded in confirmation. "You know…the scars."

"Oh." Paige muttered, averting her eyes for a moment. "Those."

"If you don't want me to see them you don't have to show me." Emily said quickly, not wanting Paige to feel pressurised into doing something she didn't want to do. "I can wait."

"No, it's okay." Paige put on a brave face as she stood up from the bed, her hands moving to the button of her three quarter length jeans. "It wouldn't be the first time I've bared my scars to you, metaphorically speaking of course."

Emily nodded silently. She could tell by the way Paige was speaking that she was nervous about what she was about to do.

Paige flicked the button of her jeans open and pulled the zip down. She took a deep breath before she slowly inched her jeans down enough to reveal the top of her thighs.

Emily watched in silence as the thin scars covering the top of her girlfriend's thighs were revealed. Some of them were paler than Paige's skin tone, obviously having faded over time while others still looked pink and raw. Emily tentatively reached out to run her fingers over the raised skin of one of the newest looking scars. A couple of seconds passed in silence before she glanced up. Paige was watching her apprehensively, obviously unsure as to what her reaction would be. "How have I never seen these before?"

"I do my best to cover them up when I know I'm going to have to swim." Paige explained, tugging her jeans back up. She quickly flicked the button back into place and pulled the zipper up. "Other than that we haven't really…" she paused as a blush crept over her cheeks. "You know."

Emily nodded in understanding as Paige sat on the bed next to her. Despite the fact that they'd been dating for months they were taking things slow and hadn't gotten to the point in their relationship where they had seen every inch of each other's bodies. "Thank you…for sharing this with me."

Paige shrugged and bashfully looked away. "I guess it's better that you're warned about it. It would be a nasty surprise if you found out in the middle of...something."

Emily frowned at the self-deprecating tone of Paige's voice. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Paige looked slightly uncomfortable. "I mean when we have…"

"I didn't mean that!" Emily quickly intercepted Paige's answer. "I meant the part about the 'nasty surprise'."

"Oh." Paige muttered. "I just mean that it's not exactly attractive and it's better that you know they're there so you don't get grossed out when we eventually take that step."

"Paige." Emily said in such a soft, caring voice that Paige couldn't help but look up to meet her gaze. She found warm if somewhat troubled eyes staring back at her. "Nothing about you is gross."

"I know you have to say that as my girlfriend…"

"I don't have to say anything as your girlfriend." Emily disagreed with a shake of her head. "I'm not lying to you. I adore every single part of you, scars and all."

Paige smiled shakily at that, an astonished breath escaping her lips as she looked down at her lap. "They're just embarrassing."

Emily barely caught the mumbled out response. She placed two fingers under Paige's chin to gently urge her head up. She smiled softly when their eyes met. "Hey."

Paige was unable to resist Emily's sparkling eyes coupled with the way she was biting her lip in an attempt to subdue her smile and eventually her own tugged at her lips. She knew that Emily wasn't laughing at her, far from it actually if the pure adoration in her eyes was anything to go by.

"Hey." She breathed out.

"You shouldn't be embarrassed." Emily continued, her expression sobering slightly. "Your scars aren't something to be ashamed of. They show how far you've come, how much you've grown since back then."

Paige frowned slightly, unsure as to whether she could really say that she'd gotten past her self-injury. "I guess…" she paused briefly before continuing with an afterthought. "They're still gross though."

Emily playfully narrowed her eyes. "Well I disagree and since I'm always right…"

Paige chuckled softly at that. "Because you're not biased at all."

"I'm not." Emily leaned forward and kissed her girlfriend firmly to silence her inevitable argument. "Besides…" she muttered between quick, barely there kisses. "Scars are badass…and poetic…and hot…and…"

Growing frustrated with the teasing kisses, Paige moved her hand behind Emily's neck to keep her from moving back and kissed her back passionately. Emily didn't seem to mind being interrupted as she shifted her hand to Paige's cheek for leverage and leaned into the kiss, effectively deepening it. Pressing her free hand against Paige's shoulder she gently eased her back onto the bed.

"Just so you know…" Emily said breathlessly as she pulled back much to Paige's disappointment. "If I find any more of those things hidden around, I'm throwing them out."

"Okay." Paige agreed before she closed the small distance to reclaim Emily's lips with her own. It hadn't crossed her mind for a second that Emily would allow her to keep the blades so the warning didn't come as a surprise.

"I mean it." Emily mumbled against Paige's lips.

"I know." Paige breathed distractedly.

Emily was about to reiterate what she'd said when Paige lightly nipped at her bottom lip and all other thoughts disappeared from her mind.

TBC.