AN: I don't own Naruto. Please read and review!
Why does it always have to rain at the day of a funeral?
Rain is splashing onto the ground. Wearing black, I'm standing in the front together with Kakashi, Kurenai and Asuma's team. The photo of Asuma we're looking at shows him smiling and - as always - smoking. Kurenai is sobbing hard next to me. Unlike many Ninja she can cry. Most of the Ninja (including me) who have suffered great losses can't cry anymore. We do have feelings, we just don't show them. As soon as we're in danger to show any weakness, our Anbu-training kicks in. But Kurenai has always been a quite emotional person. I somehow feel cold for not showing anything of the sadness I feel. But, well, I'm not the only one. Kakashi stands at Kurenai's other side. Just like me he doesn't cry. He was Asuma's best friend.
My hair is already drenched with water. So are my clothes. I remember a similar situation at the Sandaime's funeral. Except the talk Naruto and Iruka were having and that the sobbing was Konohamaru's, not Kurenai's. And in the end the sun broke through the clouds and everyone was happy again. Yeah. But the Sandaime hasn't come back and so haven't the other countless Ninja I knew and whose funerals I visited. I'm not talking about giving up any hope, but noone's gonna come back. And it all ends with black dressed people standing in the rain and a new name engraved in the memorial stone Kakashi visits every day.
Finally, the funeral is over. Shikamaru, Ino and Choji guide Kurenai away, I bet they're at least twice as good in comforting people, as I am. So I just watch them go. All the people are slowly leaving and in the end, only Kakashi and I are left. We stand in silence for some time.
„What about having some ramen?" I stare at him bewildered.
„Ramen?!" He smiles.
„Yes."
So we go to Ichiraku Ramen. Naruto and Sakura accompany us. We are a strange group. Still dressed up for a funeral (Naruto and Sakura were there as well) laughing and chatting and (in Naruto's case) Ramen munching. And, by the way, I have no clue, why Kakashi brought me along. I mean, they are a team so them eating together is no big deal, but I don't have anything to do with anyone of them. I was the second proctor at Naruto's only and Sakura's first Chu-Nin exam and I was the best friend of Kakashi's best friend's girlfriend. That's it.
I'm probably a bit too quiet for my image, cause after some time Sakura obviously tries to make me talk some more.
„Anko, do you know our new team member already? His name is Sai." Well, I don't.
„I didn't know there was anyone with that name."
„He's an Anbu. It's his given name." Kakashi explains.
„Oh, okay." Wow, I'm so talkative. Might have something to do with the fact, that one of my rare friends has just been buried. Unexpectedly Naruto looks at me.
„What was Orochimaru like?"
„Naruto! You're so unkind!" Sakura hits him on the head with her spoon. I bet she's gonna ask for antother one later. Kakashi just looks at me.
„Don't worry, kid." I tell Naruto who is trying to defend himself from Sakura's attack with his chopsticks.
„The question wasn't kind, but you're the first one who dared to ask me. I'll give you that." Naruto and Sakura stopped their fight. Sakura's epression says: ,I should have known.' Naruto's expression says: ,I knew it!' It must be kind of fun to lead a Ge-Nin team.
„I was an orphan and though people didn't mind me, they didn't really like me either. So when Orochimaru singled me out of my class at the Academy, I thougt he was really kind. He taught me all sort of things, including many forbidden Jutsus until I chose not to follow him any longer on that island after receiving my Juin. After that my only goal was to defeat him. But when I met him again, more than ten years later, I still couldn't defeat him. So I worked harder."
„And now?" Naruto's eyes grow bigger and bigger.
„Now he's dead and I'm free of him." No, that's not true. I'll never be free. Never.
Naruto, Sakura and even Kakashi stare at me. Wait a minute, why did I tell my story that dramatically? Now they must think I'm... I'm... what?
„Wow, you must be strong, Anko-sensei." Sakura is staring at me with awe. Naruto nods.
„You chose not to follow Orochimaru. You gotta be strong for that, dattebayo!"
„Well, they're right." Kakashi smiles.
Wow. People I barely now have managed to make me feel like... like... I'm at home. Made me feel hope. A memory of the Sandaime pops into my head.
„Everyone in the village is a big family. We protect the will of fire. I know you have it too."
I softly smile back.
Why? Just tell me why? Why did you leave me? It was a simple assassination mission! Just for two Jo-Nin. A kunai. A simple stupid kunai I could always dodge singlehanded. A kunai thrown from behind. Straight into your heart. Why? I was almost there to help you. Just a second too late. Your last action was to kill them. You throw kunai much better than them. A kunai from behind. It's so unfair. I wasn't even there in time to speak with you one last time. A kunai, a simple kunai. I was too late to tell you about my feelings. And now I'm sitting here and you're growing colder in my arms. I don't even have tears for you. Why did you leave me here? Your blood is still pouring outside. Onto the ground. On us.
Why? Why?
Why does it always have to rain at the day of a funeral?
Kurenai and I are standing in the front. Alone. Anko's gone. Some part of me that might have been revived a little bit died. Completely. Kurenai stares at the photo of Anko. Like most of the Ninja who suffered great losses she can't cry anymore. Like me. Like anyone who visits this funeral. In the end there is no hope. You can train, you can reassure yourself that you're strong and then a kunai can take you out. We can try to protect the village, but all the people left will be broken and hurt. Are broken and hurt. There is no such thing as safety. We live to die. To sacrifice ourselves for the next generations. To let them be broken and hurt as well. There is no such thing as hope. We can do what we want. In the photo Anko's smiling kindly. Happily. Just as she did at Ichiraku Ramen. Hopefully. There is no hope. On the outside I'm calm but in my mind I'm shouting.
Anko! Come back! Don't leave me here! I hear the soft tinkling sound of her laughing in my mind. I didn't know I ever heard her laugh. That must have been a long time ago. But there's no answer. There's never gonna be one.
The rain keeps splashing onto the ground.