Authors note- This is written in the form of a play. WARNING- THIS IS FOR FUN DO NOT TAKE SERIOUSLY. Key-what is happening, what people are thinking, *what people are doing*. Reviews help keep us motivated to write more of this craziness!

The directors enter the stage.

Tazz: "Dear audience we are back again with another play!"

Mortician's Daughter: "So break out the popcorn!"

Tazz: "Warnings- humor and gayness will ensue! Also our Robin person is based off the old TV shows and cartoons not the new movie and the Nolonized version Robin/John Blake/ Nightwing"

Mortician's Daughter: "Keep in mind we aren't aiming to insult anyone. Please enjoy, and any disruptions will be dealt with accordingly".

The curtains open to Bruce Wayne's living room. Batman stands, hands on hips waiting impatiently.

Narrator: *enters* "Batman, the terror of the night, has finally found his partner! The amazing Robin, who is currently putting on his new costume, renouncing his life to become the side kick of a man who has devoted his life to the deliverance of justice! This is a grand moment!"

Robin: *struts out from a dressing room to show batman his costume*

Batman: "What are you wearing?"

Robin: "My new costume!" *turns around*

Batman: "You're not wearing any pants!" Don't look at his legs don't look at his legs

Robin: "You don't need pants to fight crime!"

Batman: "Yes! Yes you do!" I wonder if he shaved...? Crap! Don't look!

Robin: "What? Give me one good reason." *pouts*

Batman: "Everyone we've fought wears pants! Joker wears pants, Bane wears pants, Black Mask has pants..."

Robin: "Poison Ivy doesn't wear pants!"

Batman: "She's a girl!"

Robin: "So?"

Batman "well...I...um..." He does look attractive enough to be a girl

Robin: "Are you saying my legs are ugly?" *sad face*

Batman: "No! Not at all" *looks* "Actually they're not bad..." It is not natural for a man to have legs that pretty.

Robin: "Then I don't have to wear pants! So how does the rest of my costume look?" *poses*

Batman: "Look Robin, about the pants-"

Robin: "What? What about the pants, Batsy?!"

Batman: "There are no pants, that's the problem" *shaking his head to clear images of what the rest of Robin must look like*

Robin: "That's the point!"

Batman: "I fail to see..."

Robin: "Oh you're just too straight!"

Batman: "WHAT!?" My thoughts are anything but straight at the moment

Robin: "Look. It's a distraction!"

Batman: "You... uh..." Your straight Bruce, remember Rachel "want to distract our um..."

Robin: "Yes! It's so unexpected; they'll never see it coming! You see, it will go like this -!" *kick*

Batman: Damn those are distracting! "Robin, go put on some pants."

Robin: "But-!"

Batman: "Now Robin! Pants are an essential part of crime fighting and I'll hear no different!"

Robin: "FINE! You're no fun at all!" *stomps off*

Batman: Finally

Robin: *comes back out* "Happy?"

Batman: "You're still not wearing any pants" Don't look at him!

Robin: "Yes I am! They're just skin colored see!" *lifts his leg up for inspection*

Batman: Why? Why are they so attractive, why?

Batman: "Robin you're missing the point. Your plan... I just don't think it would work, tights or no tights..." Please, please just do as I say. You're killing me kid

Robin: "No! I'm certain it will work! Just give it a chance-!"

Batman: "Robin."

Robin: "Okay how about this, we go out and fight somebody and if my distraction doesn't work, then, well, I'll find a new costume."

Batman: *this might work...* "Okay!" *hope*

Robin: "But if it does I lose my flesh colored pants completely and you can't say a thing!"

Batman: Oh no! I can't fight next to him like this! But I'll give it a shot "Okay."

Alfred: *comes running from the other room* "Sir! Sir! It's the Joker!"

Batman: "What?!"

Alfred: "He's out! He escaped!" *running around in panic*

Batman: "Calm down Alfred, just tell me where he is." *stops him with a hand on his shoulder*

Joker: "Right behind you! HA HA!" *holding a gun to Robin's head*

Robin: "Um a little help?"

Joker: *looks down at Robin struggling* "Well well" *raises eye brow and licks lips* "what do we have here?"

Robin: *coy smile* "Like my new costume?"

Joker: "Yes." *licks lips*

Batman: NOOOOOO! "Um...guys?"

Robin: "Well..." *seductive smile changes to a sneer and swiftly flips Joker over his shoulder and holds him to the ground*

Joker: "Unhand me! How...?" *struggling wildly*

Robin: "See he was distracted!"

Batman: think, quick, you fight with him like this and you will be the one distracted "That's just the Joker! He would hit on a rock!"

Joker: "Would not!" *crosses arms*

Batman: "Would too!"

Joker: "Would not!"

Batman: "Would too!"

Robin: "We were talking about my attractive legs here!"

Gordon: *walking in and hearing Robin* "um..."

Batman: *panic* "I can explain!"

Robin: "So I don't have to wear pants anymore right!" *runs to the other room to change*

Gordon: "...Batman...?" *looks at batman with a puzzled expression*

Batman: "Gordon, please, just please don't ask."

Joker: "Damn that kid, I would have gotten away with it too if it hadn't been for him..."

Robin: *returns pants-less* "Ta da!"

Gordon: I usually trust batman on a lot of things, but I do wonder about that kid.

Alfred: "Master Robin! You're not wearing any pants!" *worried*

Batman: Here we go again

Joker: "Okay so if he's not wearing pants why do I have to?" *wide grin*

Batman: "Can't you two be normal and just wear pants!"

Gordon: "I'm just going to leave you guys to this...I'll be outside...in case..." *walks out awkwardly*

Batman. The only sane person has left the building. I'm all alone.

Robin: "Can I dress him up! Please, oh please, oh please!" * puppy dog eyes, moving long slender legs seductively*

Batman: Why are they so dam attractive? "Robin, no, you may not dress the super villain up."

Joker: "Why not Batsy? Afraid I'll outlook you?"

Batman: "No!"

Robin: "Then why not? Come on J!" *unties Joker* "Alfred where is all the costume material?"

Alfred: "Upstairs on the left Master Robin."

Batman: I need to get away from these loonies... *starts to creep off*

Alfred: "Oh no Master Wayne, you need to relax a little. *grabs cape* "Some dress up with Robin should help!"

Batman: "Alfred! Noooooooooooo!" *is dragged upstairs*

Alfred: *sits Batman down and makes him stay*

Joker: "All these pretty colors and all you wear is black?" *looking through costume box*

Robin: "I know tell me about it! So dull!"

Alfred: "I have always thought so as well."

Robin: "Well...that can be fixed." *smile*

Joker: "No!" *stomps foot* "Me first!"

Alfred: "Okay we'll do Batsy next." finally Master Wayne is getting some color in him! Robin is such a good influence.

Batman: I'm a bat dammit, I don't need color!

Robin: "Okay, let's see what we have!" *digs through the closet, throwing things out*

Joker: *waiting eagerly* "I can't wait! I haven't played dress up since I was young!" *bounces*

Alfred: "What about this one Master Robin?" *Holds up a green ballroom dress*

Robin: *takes dress and holds it up to joker* "Oh that matches your eyes so well! Go put it on!"

Joker: "A dress? Well okay!" *strips off coat and waist-coat, starts to pull off shirt*

Batman: "What are you doing?!" *blushes and holds up his arms to block joker from his view*

Joker: "Getting undressed?" *shoots Batman an odd look*

Robin: "He's got this whole un-gay thing, it's annoying!"

Alfred: "Master Wayne is just shy."

Joker: "He'll get over it." *keeps stripping*

Batman: "Joker couldn't you go someplace else?" *still shielding eyes*

Robin: "Seriously! Grow a back bone Batsy."

Joker: "I have heard you refer to him as Batsy twice now. Is this a new thing?"

Robin: "Well that's what we call him some times." *blush*

Joker: "Well..." *shirt off, walks over to Batsy*

Batman: *tries to back away* What is he up too?

Joker: *sits down in Batsy's lap*

Batman: "Get off."

Joker: *smile widens*

Batman: "Remove yourself from my person. I'm warning you." * squirms back against the chair* Damn Alfred why did he have to put me in the old electric chair?

Joker: "Or you'll do what?" *giggles and leans closer*

Batman: "I'll, um, ...I will, uh" I can't think straight with him on me like that *face blushes scarlet*

Joker: "You look hot, maybe you should take off that cape" *fingers nimbly unclasp his cape*

Robin: "Oh Batman! Your face! You look so horrified!" *starts giggling*

Batman: "Shut up and help me, you!"

Alfred: "Master Wayne, you really should just go with the moment."

Joker: "The man is right. It could be much worse for you if you didn't." *holds up trigger to electric chair*

Batman: "You'll get it too if you push that!" *panicking*

Joker: "And I look like I care? You on the other hand might find it quite...unpleasant." *starts to strap Batman down*

Batman: Why? Why me?

Robin: *to Alfred* "Maybe we should leave them to it"

Alfred: "Much agreed." *walk out skipping arm in arm*

Batman: "No! Don't leave me!"

Joker: *Starts to undo Batsy's costume*

Batman: "Ahhhhh Rape rape rape! Dammit don't leave me you assholes!" *Robin and Alfred shut the door* "You're fired! Both of you!"

Joker: *leers*

Batman: *swallows and notices the top half of his costume is gone* "How did you do that? I'm strapped to a chair, and unable to move! How did you get the..." *sees glittering knife in Joker's hand* "oh" I'm going to have a tough time explaining to Mr. Fox why my armor and suit are shredded

Joker: *large smile and kisses Batman when he isn't expecting it*

Batman: *Splutters* "What are you doing?"

Joker: "Curing you."

Batman: "I never asked to be cured"

Joker: "Well call it free help, and you should always take something that's free." *licks lips*

Batman: "I don't want it." How did this even happen?

Joker: *laughs and lifts off his shirt*

At the same time...

Gordon: *outside sees the form of Joker kissing Batman* "Well it looks like everything is all good! Let's go team!" *they leave*

Back inside...

Robin: "Do you think they will be okay in there?"

Alfred: "I'm sure Master Wayne is enjoying himself."

In the room...

Batman: Wow! He really is attractive.

Joker: "I'm sure you will enjoy this." *grin*

Batman: *struggle*

Joker: *strokes the hard muscles of Batman's upper torso*

Batman: "Stop it!"

Joker: "No" *gleeful giggle* "You really are very muscular."

Batman: "Yeah you won't like them so much when they are punching you in the face."

Joker: "Oh come now. Let's have nice talk unless..." *twirls knife*

Batman: "I'm not afraid of you."

Joker: "Yes you are!" *sing song voice* "But not for the right reasons." *kisses Batman again harder*

Batman: That feels so good...wait...Why?

Joker: *starts to stroke lower* "I wonder, am I the first man?"

Batman: "Get off!" *coming back to his sense.*

Joker: *tut tut* "None of that now." *Starts undoing Batman's belt *

Batman: Shit this isn't good! no!

Joker: *in one swift movement wipes off Batman's pants*

Catwoman: "Nice boxers Bruce" *giggle*

Joker: "What!?" *looks at the window*

Batman: "How long have you been there?!"

Catwoman: "...Awhile. But don't mind me, continue."

Joker: *shrugs* "okay"

Batman: "Wait! Wait a minute!" I've got to get out of here, this is damaging me morally

Catwoman: "Why?"

Joker: "I agree why?"

Batman: "Catwoman you have to help me!"

Catwoman: "Oh so this wasn't your idea?"

Batman: *splutters* "No!"

Joker: "Don't be like that! There's no need to be ashamed!" *giggles*

Batman: *blush*

Outside the room

Robin: "Hey I think I hear Catwoman" *presses ear closer to door* "Maybe I'll go say hi"

Alfred: *reenters the room* "All of Master Wayne's pants are hidden master robin."

Robin: "great!" *enters other room*

Inside the room

Robin: "Hi Catwoman!"

Catwoman: *watching joker and batman* "Oh hi Robin"

Robin: "Alright Joker, we've gotten them all hidden."

Batman: "All what is hidden?" Why do I get a really bad feeling about this?

Joker: *grins* "Fantastic!" *looks down a Batman* "I get to keep him for the rest of the night." *licks lips*

Robin: "Sure! I'll tell Alfred you're staying over."

Batman: "You hid all of my what?"

Joker: "Your pants."

Batman: "What? Why?!"

Robin: "To show you the importance of pants Batman. Duh." *exits*

Narrator: *comes out in boxers* "And so for the next week and a half batman went pants less. Alfred wouldn't even give him a pair for his business meetings. The end"

Cast reenters stage well wearing no pants, take their bows.

Tazz: "Well goodnight every one! We hope to see you again someday! Be careful on the way home; don't make Batman come and save you pant-less."

Mortician's Daughter: "Because while Robin might shave, Batman sure doesn't. Goodnight everyone!" *Curtain goes down.*