Episode One
Dr. Yamato, Dental Specialist
. . .
We interrupt this webpage to bring you… Pit the Panicky Cat, starring… Pit, the Panicky Cat! Abandoned as a kitten, she was found by Sena, who lives in the middle of Nowhere. But freaky things happen in Nowhere, and it's up to Pit to save her new home.
. . .
The mailperson is coming, Sena! Pit paced in front of the creaky front door, tail standing up straight up and puffed out, head dipped as she assumed her ancestral lion lineage. She was letting out low yowls and growls, looking around at the windows. Sena, don't open the door! I'll fight her off. Don't worry about me. Just get to safety!
"Are you excited, Pit?" Sena bent down to scratch behind Pit's ears.
Sena, please. You've given me such a good life. Please let me protect you!
"Who's a good kitty? Huh?" He used both hands to rub Pit's face gently.
I can sense her coming. Time is almost running out!
"Is it you? Are you a good kitty?"
Now is not the time to delve into deep, philosophical questions!
"Yes you are! You're such a good kitty!"
It's me? I'm the good kitty?!
"Yes you are!"
Yes I am, Pit purred against Sena's bent legs, having almost forgotten what she was so worried about in the first place. She continued purring and Sena petted her until the knocking of the front door made her jump. She came back to her senses and started hissing at the front door, swatting at Sena, trying to prevent him from going to the door.
"Careful, you'll trip me, and that's dangerous."
You fool! The mail lady is bad news, she's not okay, and she's going to kill you!
Sena opened the door, revealing the mail lady crawling on the ground, like usual. Her body was contortioned so that her stomach was facing up as she crawled, her hands and feet moving in erratic, jerky motions. Her skin was pale against her long dark hair. Her breathing became choppy as she gagged up Sena's mail. It plopped out of her mouth damp and smoking.
"Thank you," Sena said, a bit shyly, as the mailwoman crawled back into the arid dessert of Nowhere. Sena rummaged through the mail, discarding junkmail, groaning at the bills, and looking at interest at a calendar that he received. The monthly spreads featured glossy close-ups of teeth arranged in increasingly disturbing ways. January was a collection of toy dental clamps with pink gums and comically large teeth. But Pit could see that by October, the teeth were shattered away from corpse heads with rotted gums and black, lolling tongues.
"Isn't this a nice calendar?" Sena said, flipping through the glossy pages until he reached the correct month. "Courtesy of Yamato Dentistry. Oh, I have an appointment today." Today's appointment was circled in a disturbing, smeared red and there was a skull and crossbones next to the words: "Dentist appointment at 1:45 pm. DO NOT BE LATE."
Don't trust it Sena! Pit yowled again, biting at Sena's pants as he put on his coat.
"Gonna be late if I don't hurry!" It was already one o' clock, and the dentist (with directions carefully handwritten in the notes section of the calendar) said that the time to drive there was forty minutes exactly.
"I'll just call them real quick to confirm my appointment." Sena dialed on his cell while looking for his car keys.
You'll never find them. Pit thought, curled around the keys and trying to look as casual as possible. I won't let you go into danger!
"Where could they be…? Pit you're hiding them from me."
No I'm not, I'm just relaxing on this very specific spot, casually, wait no, don't reach between my feet, there's nothing there that should concern you – drat, you found them.
"You wanna go with me then? Come on – oh hello? Hi, um, this is – oh, yes how did you know…? Oh, you've been expecting my call? Ah… Well I just wanted to… Uh huh, confirm… that's right… uh huh, I'm on my way now… What am I wearing? That's kind of–"
Pit sprung up from the ground and batted at Sena's hand until he dropped the phone, then she pushed the end call button with her chubby front paw.
"Pit, that wasn't very nice. But let's go, don't want to be late." Sena picked up Pit, and they made their way into Sena's old jalopy. Pit growled the entire way there, especially careful to keep her eye on the water salesman that stood stiffly in his blue suit next to the town's water tower and only gas station. He waved as they passed and Pit hissed at him.
"They went for the… rustic look…" Sena said, eyeing the cottage. It was on the verge of falling down. The sun beat down on the tiled roof which looked like it couldn't handle even that sun's rays let alone rain. There was no sign of a receptionist, just cobwebs. There was a rocking chair in the shaded patio with a sign in leaky black lettering that read "wait here for service".
I don't like this… Let's go home! Your teeth look fine to me!
"Ahhhh," said Dr. Yamato as he opened the door. His smile was white and wide. His teeth were perfectly aligned and shiny. He smiled even wider when he locked eyes with Sena, the kind of smile that seemed to hurt facial muscles for how much it pulled at the dentist's cheeks.
Pit's fur stood on end. Now we really have to go Sena! He's bad news!
Dr. Yamato breathed in deeply, eyes unblinking as he took in the sight of his patient. "Ahhhh… You're Sena. Right on time. Come in." He motioned for Sena to get up. "Ah, ah, ah, no pets."
Woah, woah, woah, I am not letting you go in there by yourself! Sena this is dangerous. But of course all that Sena heard was: "Meow meow meow meow meow. Mrow, meow."
"Shh, it's okay, just wait out here for a bit while I get my check up, okay?"
Sena stepped timidly under the doctor's arm and entered the cottage. Dr. Yamato slammed the door shut and a series of clicking noises followed as he locked what must have been at least six locks.
No! Pit scratched at the door, trying to be let in. It always worked when they were at home and she wanted to be let inside a room. I can't believe they're resisting my cuteness.
. . .
"This is my first time here. In fact I didn't even know that I had made an appointment until I got the calendar…"
"Very convenient. I work here by myself, but quality customer care is, hmm, how should I put it? Always something that I aim for," Dr. Yamato continued to smile. He was much larger than Sena was, and broad shouldered and muscular too. His jaw could support that wide smile of his. Sena smiled back timidly.
Dr. Yamato led them down a dark hallway with doors on either side of different colors. They had two doorknobs, one placed significantly lower than the top one.
"Don't go into those rooms. Just the one I show you inside of."
"W-Why?"
Dr. Yamato smiled even wider. "It's where I keep all the teeth."
"Oh, very funny," Sena laughed a bit.
Finally the dentist opened a door. It was dark except for one lone bulb shining blindingly above an intimidating dentist chair.
"Now, have a seat so I can take a look at those gorgeous teeth of yours."
Sena fitted himself into the reclining chair and opened his mouth. Dr. Yamato had already snapped on gloves and a surgical mask and bent eagerly over Sena. He aimed his forehead light into Sena's mouth.
"Mmm, yes, lovely." He poked around inside with some metals tools, Sena jumping slightly at their cold pricking at his soft gums. "Now, no need to be so nervous. Your teeth are in excellent shape… very good shape indeed. Hmm…" He loomed higher over Sena's form.
Sena squinted into the light, eyes watering at the lightbulb's brightness. Against the light he could see that Dr. Yamato's back was twitching at the shoulder blades almost excitedly.
"Wah ha tha bah?"
"Shh, sweet one, no need to get rustled. Let me just…" Dr. Yamato adjusted his seat so that he could further explore Sena's mouth with his tools. "Yes… very nice… hmm, I told myself I wouldn't do it, but I really have no choice…"
"Choy…?"
"I'm going to have to perform an extraction, mm, yes, it's decided."
"Ehrah-ahn?"
"Can't be helped I'm afraid… More than one actually. Extractions actually! You're teeth are much too beautiful to let slip by."
Sena's eyes widened as Dr. Yamato placed a plastic mask over Sena's nose and mouth.
"First, a nice cleaning, and then, oh yes… the extractions. Take deep breaths or else this will hurt… a lot." The last thing Sena saw before he went under, were two gossamer wings tearing through Dr. Yamato's doctor's coat and fluttering excitedly.
. . .
Pit sniffed around the cottage, looking for a way in. She eyed a cracked window and wiggled her way inside. Gracefully sliding inside, and careful to keep her soft belly from being cut, she landed on her feet. The scene around her made her hair stand on end.
The entire room was filled with teeth. They were embedded into the walls, hanging from the ceiling in mobiles, in piles all around the room reaching up to the lights. Despite her revulsion, Pit sniffed and relaxed when she couldn't trace Sena's scent among the heaps of gleaming white teeth.
She approached the only door in the room. There was a doorknob that she could reasonably reach. If only I had opposable thumbs instead of these adorable paws, she lamented. She whipped her head around.
There was a chittering coming around from the central pile of teeth. Something emerged into her view. It was… she didn't have a word for it. Some sort of… tooth goblin. Its body looked like a fat baby doll's form, and she could make out a winding gear at its back. Its head was nothing but a large set of toy dentures, no eyes, no nose, no skin. Just large, glinting, sharp looking teeth and bright pink gums. The teeth started opening and closing, and the chittering grew louder.
Oh, that is disgusting. She regarded the… tooth goblin with the same disdain as an empty kibble bowl. It was making grabby hands at her with its fat fingers. She darted out of its grasp and climbed atop one of the teeth mountains, the sharp teeth digging into her tender paws. She crouched and waited for her moment to strike.
The tooth goblin made its wobbling way to the door and opened it. From where Pit could see, the door opened up to a hallway lined with similar doors. He let out a quiet chittering. A chorus of hushed clacks answered the first one as every door slowly opened, and more tooth goblins appeared. The first tooth goblin pointed inside to where Pit was.
Steeling her nerves, Pit sprinted down the tooth mountain and used her momentum to leap above the tooth globin – giving him a quick scratch for good measure - and into the hall. She was outnumbered, but she was also faster. The tooth goblins were easily tumbled but couldn't stand by themselves. Already, most had run out of winding as they chased her down the hall.
I just have to find Sena before they get me, Pit avoided a chomp. If only she knew which door led to Sena!
As it turns out, she didn't have to wait long to find out.
. . .
The door at the end of hall slammed open. Pit skidded to a stop, panting heavily. She darted to hide behind the open door.
"What is going on out here?" Dr. Yamato shouted. His see-through wings looked… angry. "Shiga, what is happening?"
One of the tooth goblins, the one that Pit had encountered, clicked and chattered, making erratic motions and pointing at the door. Its noises started to slow down.
"Mm… useless things," Dr. Yamato said, walking over to wind the tooth goblin up again. Meanwhile Pit peered under the door where Sena lay. Her breathing was more under control, and she couldn't waste that. She snuck into the room and snapped off the mask from Sena's sleeping face. His lashes fluttered but didn't open. She needed to buy more time while he came to his senses. She padded out and hissed as many profane things as she could to get the dentist's attention.
Of course Dr. Yamato only heard "Meow, mrow meow!" but she thought she got the message across judging by his expression.
"Oh, you again, you mangy thing. Pets are not allowed. No, no, no."
Mangy!? Sena brushes me once a day! Pit hissed as Dr. Yamato approached, then darted between his legs and into another teeth room. Dr. Yamato followed, Shiga wobbling after. Two against one is not fair! Oh, Sena, the things I do for you!
"Come here, kitty, kitty, kitty." From his scrub's pocket, he pulled out a small scalpel. "I have very important things to do with you owner, yes, indeed."
Pit's sensitive ears were picking up Sena's movements as he awoke slightly. She just had to wait a little longer. She carefully made her way up another mountain of teeth. This was by far the largest collection, precariously stacked with heavier dentures and other bones atop an unstable base.
Dr. Yamato followed the sound of teeth clattering to the ground. "Come on, kitty… I know where you are. A silly cat is no match for me." With a soft fluttering sound, Dr. Yamato took flight.
Just as planned. Pit leaped at the dentist's wings, her sharp little claws making short work of the delicate lace work of the wings. Dr. Yamato screamed in pain. His flight pattern became erratic due to his broken wings. Just before he crashed into the unstable tooth mountain, Pit leaped off of him and knocked Shiga down in the same bound. She just managed to see Dr. Yamato trapped under an avalanche of teeth before using all her strength to shut the door.
. . .
"Mmm, hello?" Sena called out, still a little groggy. He all but stumbled out into the hallway. "Pit, I thought I told you to wait outside."
"Mew," Pitt rubbed against Sena's ankles innocently.
"Ah, let's go. I think I'm okay to drive. Just sleepy." He licked his teeth. "He can bill my dental insurance."
Pit waited for Sena to react to the numerous tooth goblins, but the reaction never happened as he pet her head.
What did you ever do before I came along? Let's hurry. I'm hungry after all that.
. . .
"Mail again?" Sena asked out loud. He opened the door despite Pit using her body to block it.
The mailwoman's black eyes were unblinking as she procured the mail from inside her.
Bad thing. Pit hissed. The mailwoman hissed back. Pit hid behind Sena.
"Oh look. Isn't it cute?"
The card was white, the writing in gold. It had a picture of Sena (My lovely owner. How did they get his picture?) and one of Dr. Yamato, surrounded in hearts. The card was decorated with gold rings, with teeth instead of diamonds. 'Save the date! One year from now at the Dental Office in Nowhere. Dr. Takeru Yamato and Mr. Sena Kobayakawa.'
"Isn't that convenient, huh Pit? What a nice reminder of my dental visit for next year."
I refuse to let that tooth devil marry you! Pit shuddered at having to relive everything that happened, but, if it was for her Sena, then she would do her best to protect him from the evils of Nowhere.