Broken

by boyfolk

ET. broken off pieces from their intertwined relationship. whole or not, this is them.

1. Stargazer

A/N: Tell me if I should continue this, if not, I'll just leave it as a one-shot. They're all going to be short stories, all featuring Eriol x Tomoyo. The first one is called Stargazer and it's AU, but the characters will have the same personality. I added in a little Touya x Tomoyo and a little Eriol x Kaho, but they won't be main pairings. Nope, not at all.

And so, Broken, my brainchild, begins!

Disclaimer: All characters, etc. belong to CLAMP, not me, etc. etc. Bleh. xP

Stargazer

I see heaven in your eyes.

The single stargazer lily lies on her windowsill. It brought back memories, but it was still a mystery, still unknown. But for now, it'll have to do. She remembered days and she remembered memories. But most of all, she remembered him.

X

X

"Get him!" Fifty policemen ran after a boy in a dark, fluttering cape, a boy who seemed to be absorbed into the shadows themselves. He was a famous thief around these areas, one who started with petty crimes, working his way up to the high-class museums. Before he actually robbed a place however, he first sent a flower ahead, giving clues to what his target would be. This time it had been a china aster flower. The meaning could not have been simpler: he was after the new Chinese tapestry called The Streaks of Aster. But of course, he had surprised them once again tonight, going, instead, for the Chinese vase patterned with china asters.

The only difference about this thief was that he didn't try to steal the most famous things, or even the ones that would gain him a lot of money. He went for what he wanted, even if it was just an addition to something else (like once, he stole a vase handle off of a vase). But especially, he went after flowers. And he never kept his stolen things, preferring instead, to return them the day after, but never had he kept anything beyond a week. He was easily the strangest thief that anyone had ever encountered. His name was unknown, his face a mystery. The press went crazy, called him Discord, after his most famous heist for the Stargazer, the most famous painting in Japan, the only thing he never returned and the discord he caused afterwards.

…

And so, our tale begins with the end.

"Eriol-chan…I'm your biggest fan, ok? Don't cry like that, you'll never be alone, I swear. You're my savior, I'll never forget you." She said this to me, even as she cried and left me. I knew why she left, but that didn't lessen the burden any bit. She broke all her promises. Especially the ones she made to me.

I saw the last of her that day, when the shadows claimed her. She was my everything, the only thing that I ever have, and ever will love. She protected me from everything I hated. She had left him…again, the promises broken, the pieces of his heart. She was my sunshine, so where was I without her? Darkness.

You know, darkness falls,

And light is something to believe in,

Keep it constant,

keep it constant.

The only thing he could hear was his own labored breathing, his own footsteps pounding on the floor. He had been careless tonight, had almost risked everything. He mentally slapped himself, scolding himself inside. Kaho would be so ashamed of him right now. But no… he willed himself to think of anything BUT Kaho, instead concentrating on his prize.

China asters, and this beautiful vase. It reminded him so much of the times he had visited the museum, the times that he and Kaho both had gasped over the things there, promising each other that they would be great. Him with his music, and her with her art. Incidentally, the only piece she ever made, the only thing Eriol ever kept, was her most famous piece ever, the Stargazer.

He would remember her forever, he promised himself, he remembered the time she went up to the vase she loved the most and touched just one of the handles, with just one finger, and winked at Eriol afterwards, her eyes glinting with wickedness. "I've always wanted to do that, can you believe it, Eriol-chan?" Yes, he answered her silently in his mind but on the outside, he mocked her gently for her childishness.

Perhaps if he hadn't been so caught up in his love, he would have done something more than chide her about the shadow under her eyes, the hollowness in her cheeks and the fact that she turned away every once in a while to cough a deep, hacking cough. She had laughed it off too, her airiness obviously fake.

But it's not like he would forget that day, he never would. The first and last time he would cry, the first and last time he would ever love. He remembered his last promise, to become everything she couldn't be, to live for her when she couldn't. She had changed him, but he could change right back after he did what she asked. He made his last promise that day, and he withdrew into the little corner of his called Darkness.

worlds as fragile as spun sugar glass

and in a second

everything

can shatter

…

"POLICE, COMING THROUGH!" A large police squad came barging through the bridge, effectively scaring Tomoyo Daidouji. Tomoyo loved starless nights, because they reminded her of the most beautiful painting she had ever seen, the Stargazer. The author was a well-known, one-shot painter before she died. Her only one, true work, was the Stargazer, a beautiful painting depicting a girl with long, shadowy black hair staring a little wistfully, a little sadly at a starless sky almost as if she thought she could make the stars reappear just by looking at them.

Her best friend, Sakura-chan, who was happy, bubbly and just a tad bit ditzy, had once remarked that the girl in the painting looked a lot like Tomoyo-chan. Tomoyo laughed this off, although she could see slight, but obvious, differences. For example, the girl in the painting had deep amethyst eyes, just like Tomoyo did and the inky black hair was all Tomoyo. The face was also like hers, slightly heart-shaped, with wistful eyes and a sweet mouth. But it was different. The Stargazer girl would live forever in that painting, her eyes, hair, and her very features carried throughout history. But she, Tomoyo Daidouji, would become nothing once again, another lily in the field, another star in the sky.

Eriol came strolling down the bridge, his hands shoved deep into his pockets, whistling. The very look of innocence. However, his whistles died on his lips as he saw someone at his favorite spot on the bridge. He felt a small twinge underneath his skin as he laid his eyes on Tomoyo. What was this feeling? Attraction, perhaps…But no, it wasn't possible. After all, Kaho was the one for him. As of right now though, all thoughts of Kaho were pushed from his mind as he struggled to think where he had seen that face before. With a start, something clicked in his mind that gave him an unusual burst of courage to go up to her and say, rather bluntly, "Has anyone ever told you look like the girl from the Stargazer?"

Tomoyo was startled, so immersed in her own thoughts she didn't hear the boy behind her. She slowly turned around at the voice, amethyst eyes met sapphire eyes, wide and innocent met cool and somehow tumultuous. She colored at being found out and for speaking to this obvious stranger. She broke their gaze and looked down. He was very good-looking…beautiful even, with a pale face and crystal clear eyes. His eyes seemed to be a bit enlarged by the round glasses he wore, but they seemed to add to his innocence, making him look cute rather than sexy. His midnight blue hair was tousled and he was tall, taller than her, about 6 feet. He was lean, and skinny, rather like Syaoran-kun. She stammered out a reply, "Ye-yes…I've been told that."

"Oh. Because you do." Eriol was painfully aware of the awkward silence and tried to think of something to say. After all, he was the one to approach her. She really did look like the girl in Kaho's painting though, with her long, black hair and amethyst eyes. She had a heart shaped face and was very pretty. "Well…see you…I guess." Even as he said this, Eriol knew this would be the last time to he would ever meet this mysterious girl, this girl that made his heart hurt just by looking of her, thinking of Kaho.

"Oh…yes." Tomoyo flushed again, after all, it wasn't her fault this mysterious boy came to her. She had a sudden inspiration and called after his retreating back. "Uh…um. My name is Tomoyo Daidouji. Nice to meet you." She smiled as he slowly turned around.

Eriol heard her small voice call him back and he started, because he didn't think of her as a girl who would be so bold. "Daidouji-san, pleased to make your acquaintance. Eriol Hiiragizawa." He slowly turned around to see her smiling at him, rather nervously. He remembered something and from deep within his pocket he drew out a stargazer lily. "For you, Daidouji-san. From Discord, himself."

The name flitted through her mind, making small connections here and there. Her breath hitched in her throat, but she still met his gaze with determined eyes. She recognized who it was, but it didn't matter anymore. Time stood still for a second and when it rushed back, everything was different. The meaning wasn't lost on Tomoyo as she accepted the delicate flower with trembling hands: I see heaven in your eyes.

try to change, what can't be changed

go ahead.

I dare you.

…

And just a little time passes, but no one forgets.

The newspapers will never forget the beautiful phantom thief that wreaked such havoc, caused such discord, in the city. But that was about two years ago and people had started to lose interest.

One girl remembered though. Because she had just been at a place at a time when a boy would appear who would change her life. She could remember him. But mostly, she could remember his eyes and the hands that had handed her the stargazer lily. How cold his hands had been. How for a second, she wanted to grasp them tightly and blow on them until they warmed up. At nineteen, she was still beautiful, perhaps even more so. But her eyes still remembered, and her heart still rejoiced. Her life moved forward. But she stood still, in the same place that she accepted a stargazer lily so many years before.

Eriol tried to forget. Really, you had to give him credit. But his dreams were haunted by amethyst eyes, of delicate hands and his own voice betraying him. But no, it wasn't destiny, it wasn't love, not like Kaho and him. So he pushed all thoughts of her from her mind, pushed him to a little corner where it was easier to stifle. And so, his life went on, but there was still a little part of him that remained back at the bridge, when the moon was singing her quiet song and the river beneath them danced in tune.

This story won't turn into your average love story, where the boy finds the girl and they live happily ever after. It won't be passionate, not of young love, not one where a charming young girl will melt a cold boy's heart. No, this story isn't and won't be your average love story. It will be a story in it's own way, where the path chosen is not the only path traveled and maybe fate will be deceived. There won't be a chance meeting where they remember love, find new love, renew themselves. Nothing will change, because this world is ever spinning.

It wasn't chance, or fate that brought them together again. It was coincidence, pure coincidence. It started on a rainy day. It's beautiful how one question can change a person's life forever. It's beautiful…how one question can break one girl's spirit, make a grown boy cry.

"Tomoyo-chan…Tomoyo-chan! Syaoran-kun asked me this question the other day. Can you answer it for me? Okay! Here goes: What's love?" The happy, bubbly brunette didn't notice her friend's face go pale, her eyes darken until they were almost black.

Yes, that was a great question. What is…or was love?

The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them. "Love…is sapphire colored eyes, cold hands and stargazer lilies. Love is the moon's forlorn song and dancing rivers. Love…is starless nights." She flushed and recovered quickly. "O-oh…Sakura-chan, look what you did to me! Hn…I'm so sorry, I was just reading this really sad book and the words, they just popped out!" Sakura didn't seem to buy the girl's flustered explanation, but she took it anyway. But she made a mistake. She made the mistake of saying something else.

"Oh really, Tomoyo-chan! For a second, I thought you had fallen in love with some boy!"

Tomoyo laughed, but it sounded fake, even to her. Her laughter died down, however. Oh no…I can't be in love could I? I mean, it's silly, there's no such thing as love at first sight. Tomoyo, get a hold of yourself. You can't just fall in love with mysterious boys that you met at night! A-at night! And at that shady spot too! And he's a thief! Tomoyo – you can't associate with people like that! Tomoyo…what's happening to me? Her laughter died from her lips because she had tasted salty tears. "Wh-what? Why am I crying? Oh…heh. I must be more stressed out than I thought I was."

"Tomoyo-chan, are you ok? Oh no…I didn't do something to make you mad…did I? I didn't mean anything by the questions…Tomoyo-chan are you sure you're ok?" Sakura was really scared. Her best friend, Tomoyo-chan was always happy. She had never been depressed a day of her life! It couldn't be…her fault, could it? That must be it! She had been so caught up with Syaoran-kun that something – or someone! – had hurt Tomoyo-chan! "Oh no! Tomoyo-chan! Who did it to you? I-I swear I'll kill anyone who hurt you! So please…Tomoyo-chan…just don't cry anymore."

Tomoyo sniffed, and Sakura's words really touched her heart. But this wasn't what she wanted. She wanted…she wanted Eriol. The mysterious boy that she had met at the bridge, the one person she should never associate with. She wanted him. "No…it's nothing about you Sakura-chan…I…just haven't been feeling very well. I-I need some fresh air." And she ran outside. She ran into the cool, pounding rain and she though that maybe, just maybe, if she ran out and cried, all the tears would fall out and she wouldn't ever cry again. Over him. Because she was sick of crying, and she wanted nothing more than to be able to see him, just one more time, so she could relieve her desires and forget.

Eriol sighed again, for what seemed to be the thousandth time that day. He didn't know what bothered him so much and he decided it was the rain. A long time ago, Kaho had chided him teasingly about it.

"Eriol-chan…why are you annoyed by the rain so much? I swear, sometimes, you're exactly like a cat in water."

At that time, it had seemed funny, because Kaho was there. Now, it just annoyed him further. With a groan, he pushed his hair back and let it fall back to his eyes. Ugh…I need to get a haircut. Eriol, so fed up with wandering about his mansion, decided he would conquer his fear of rain. He grabbed an umbrella and ran outside, muttering about the cold. For some strange reason, he started to remember the time he had expressed interest in a girl in high school. What Kaho had said. It bothered him, even to this day.

"Shut up, Eriol! SHUT UP! If I have to hear about Minami-chan one more time, I'll smash that pretty face of hers! You hear me? You think you can fall in love, just like that? Do you even know what love really is, Eriol? Hm? Or have you been playing all this time? Eriol…you can't give love. You love me. It's as simple as that. Eriol…can you even tell me what love really is?"

The thing that had bothered him most, wasn't the outburst, the anger, the tears, the pure ugliness of Kaho's face then. And the fact that for once, he didn't care what Kaho thought. It was the question she had asked him. What was love after all? His mind unconsciously flitted back to a night two years ago. And he thought, yes, love is amethyst eyes. Love is moon song and river dances. Love is…her.

there's a stain that can't be cleaned

its darkness spreads and spreads

the ugliness of the darkness

a sin that is forever

The rain beat down on Tomoyo's shoulders, her hair fell in clumped strands and her clothes were clinging tightly to her body. She feared she was getting a cold, or worse, maybe even pneumonia, but she couldn't bring herself to get out of the rain. It was kind of soothing, how it was so quiet, the only sounds the rain falling on the bridge and her own slow breathing. Okay, she told herself, after today, everything will be normal again, right? Quick, tapping footsteps caused her to jolt out of her little mental conversation to see who had tread upon her sanctuary. She sneezed.

The sound of someone sneezing had an instantaneous effect on Eriol. He jumped, literally jumped and almost dropped his umbrella. Who in their right mind would be out here? And at this time, too. Not, of course, including him. He peered out from underneath his umbrella. A hunched figure was standing there, blocking his vision, shivering slightly from the cold. "Eh…um, excuse me…?" He walked hesitantly to the figure and held the umbrella over her. Startled, his own sapphire colored eyes met the amethyst colored eyes that he dreamed about at night and his pulse raced.

All of a sudden, Tomoyo no longer felt the rain pounding down on her shoulders and she looked up blearily. Her tear-filled eyes met startlingly familiar sapphire eyes, looking down at her with a look of bewilderment and concern. She flushed instantly, for this seemed to bring back memories. Memories that she had tried to forget. She tried to inch closer, for his warmth felt so good and she felt so cold. "Hiiragizawa-san. It's been a long time."

Eriol jolted back to reality and he was vaguely aware of her trying to move closer. He involuntarily moved closer and he held the umbrella over both of them, so they both wouldn't get wet. "Daidouji-san. Yes, it has been a while, hasn't it?" He thoughtfully shook his hair out of his eyes and the water sprayed everywhere. "What brings you to this…place…at this time? You're not lost, are you? Um…can I treat you to something? You can come over to my house to dry off."

Tomoyo was at a loss for words, because this invitation could've sounded lecherous on any guy other than him, where it just sounded very very concerned about her. "Ah…I would like that." Nothing more was said between the two and no sound was heard except for the quick taps of their shoes. But somehow, they just knew they belonged just like that, that somehow, they didn't need anything more.

"That's my house, the really big one up there. You can wear some of Kaho's clothes until yours dry." Stupid! Stupid stupid stupid! Why, of all times, did he have to mention Kaho now? There had been a comfortable silence up until now, and now Daidouji-san looked a little frosty. He tried to avert his eyes away from her though, because she was wearing a light purple blouse, which proved to be a bit revealing when wet. Her hair also hung in wet clumps down her back and every now and then she gave a little shiver and he was worried she might catch cold. Her eyes were a bit red and puffy because she had been crying, although he didn't ask why. Suddenly his seemingly boring afternoon turned into quite an adventurous experience.

Kaho? What Kaho? Excuse me? Is that his lover or something? Okay, Tomoyo, you wait until your clothes are dried, then you get out of there as quickly as possible! She stiffened, for the mention of a -girl- had bothered her. She was all too aware of Eriol trying not to stare at her and failing. Hmph. Like what you see? Well, don't worry, I bet your Kaho-san is waiting for you. Oh but the name Kaho was all too familiar but she still couldn't remember where she had heard it before…

Eriol fumbled with his keys but eventually he found the right one. He pushed open his front door and he winced at the way it creaked. Since they were both just standing there, he decided to take the incentive. He mock-bowed and said, "Daidouji-sama, after you." He had meant it as a joke, but Tomoyo shot him an icy cool glare and swept by him saying, "Thank you, Hiiragizawa-san." He was left dumbfounded but he thought, Fine! Two can play at this game! If she's mad because I mentioned Kaho, we-well, too bad!

"Daidouji-san, would you like to change in the bathroom? These are the only clothes I could find…for you are rather petite and Kaho was so tall…" The comment stung, but not as much as Tomoyo would show. She gracefully accepted the traditional kimono from Eriol and wrinkled her nose. She disliked traditional clothes because they reminded her a little too much of Touya-kun. But it would be okay. Tomoyo, after all, was always okay. She moved toward the bathroom, accepting the fluffy towel handed to her as well.

The moment the bathroom door clicked, Eriol slumped down onto his couch with a sigh. What in the world had possessed him to make him invite a girl over to his house? No one had been here since Kaho. No one. He hoped he wasn't betraying Kaho in any way, and he vowed that his heart belonged to Kaho, and only Kaho. He wondered idly what they should do, because she couldn't go out with the rain still pouring and her clothes still wet. Did he have any games? Did he ever own any games? He didn't think so and he wondered miserably what they would talk about, or do, for the next few hours. He hoped she would take an especially long time in the bathroom, as to delay the inevitable. No such luck there. The bathroom door clicked open and she came out, wearing the kimono. Even in all his gloom, Eriol still admired Tomoyo's beauty. He was only kidding about her being petite, for she was taller than most girls, about 5'7" even though Kaho had been taller, about 5'9". She had a model's long legs and her calm, beautifully serene face had a exquisiteness that most girls would envy. The kimono was very flattering on her too, showing off her small waist and hips. The deep purple of the kimono brought out the color of her eyes and hair and she seemed to be born to wear kimonos.

Tomoyo hated wearing kimonos. She hated how they were pulled so tightly at her waist, and she hated purple kimonos the most. Purple reminded her of Touya-kun and love that was never supposed to be. Purple reminded her of anguish, of longing, of wanting, but could never have. Purple, somehow, reminded her of Eriol too. She sat down awkwardly and rolled the sleeves back. It really was big for her but she had scoffed at the idea that she was petite. Her, petite? She wished she were. Sakura-chan was petite, cute and bubbly. She was described as lanky, and her legs were too long to have something to do with them. She especially hated her hair and eyes, because her mother always praised her on how much she looked like her dead beloved cousin, Nadeshiko-chan and Tomoyo always felt that her mother saw Nadeshiko in her, and not Tomoyo. An awkward silence settled over them until it was broken by Eriol humming a song.

"I know that song. It's called…Eternal Snow, I think. Do you like it?" Tomoyo was surprised. She didn't just know that song, she lived it. It was on the radio the day Touya left her on the bridge and she had played it over and over again, hoping to cleanse everything from her head. It was everything she had lived through, it told her life. Until this day, it had remained one of her most favorite songs. She was surprised Eriol liked it. Heck, she was surprised he knew it.

"Yeah. I started listening to it a while ago. It's pretty good." What Eriol didn't say was that the song was Kaho's favorite song and that Kaho had a beautiful voice. She could sing beautifully and Eternal Snow was one of her most favorite songs. It was the song that Kaho played for him on their last day together. Even though they didn't know that. Over the few years between with-Kaho and now, subconsciously, the song had turned into his,and it was no longer Kaho's. He closed his eyes and for a strange reason, he heard his voice continuing.

"Actually. Kaho introduced it to me. I didn't like it too much at first. But I loved her voice. She had a beautiful voice." This short statement was on the same wavelength as a full and passionate love confession to Eriol. This was the first time he had mentioned Kaho to anyone. And a stranger at that. He swallowed loudly and somehow, he felt like he was going to cry. He wondered if he could just ask her to forget what he had said. He felt strange, like his spirit wasn't connected to his body anymore. His throat was burning and tears threatened to overflow. A heaviness weighed on his heart as it always did when he thought of Kaho.

"Really. So what's the deal there? Kaho. Who was she?" Tomoyo knew she had no right to ask. Tomoyo knew it was none of her business. Tomoyo knew it but that didn't stop her. She cleared her throat. "I mean, you don't have to say anything. But well, I'm just curious. Just curious. That's all." Kaho sounded like Touya. Tomoyo loved Touya's voice too. He had a deep, husky voice and she had loved it. Had. Had had had. Everything was in the past. She should try to forget.

Eriol contemplated whether or not he should tell her. In the end he gave in. Because a long time ago, he remembered a class he had taken where a teacher had told him that the best person to talk to was a stranger. Because strangers didn't judge you as your best friends would. Because strangers didn't know you and therefore had no raw material to work with. And his teacher had said that somehow, telling a stranger who knew nothing of you, was the most relieving thing in the world because after that day, after one encounter, you could feel that there was at least someone, somewhere who knew something about you without knowing you.

His voice cracked when telling his story because stories are never easy to tell. The moment words escape your lips, there is a fear that you might lose them.

"I love…loved Kaho. You may have heard of her. Mizuki Kaho. She painted the Stargazer. Well she was always there for me. She was my sunshine. She was my everything. Everything that I do, everything that I've done, I've told myself it was for her sake. My music is hers. Somehow, I've told myself that if I fulfilled all my promises she would never change, never leave me. If you ever had a special someone you know how painful it is to know they love you and can still afford to leave you. To know they love you, to make all these promises and promises you everything and can still leave. Change. I couldn't handle her being…gone. So that was Kaho. And somehow, I've never talked about her with anyone. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I'm pathetic like that. And oh God, I miss her so much." Eriol took a deep breath and turned his head. One tear rolled down his cheek and that was it. It was the first time he cried for Kaho after Kaho, preferring a stony silence to emotions. It was the first time he had allowed himself to be miserable over Kaho. It was a first time to many things for him. And somehow, this knowledge didn't make it any better for him.

Tomoyo had sat trance-like during the whole thing, for it sounded so bitterly similar to her story that she had the strangest urge to laugh. To cry. To do something. She walked over to him and in a voice that sounded so different, so strangled and so not-Tomoyo that it wondered if it really came from her. "Look at me. Hiiragizawa-kun, look at me." She wanted to prove that she understood him. That somehow, it was ok to cry. That he was allowed to cry. That he didn't need to hide his sadness. He slowly turned his head and lightly, hesitantly, she reached out and rested her fingertips on his cheek. "Hiiragizawa-kun. You know what? It's ok. It's ok, Hiiragizawa-kun. It's ok, for me too."

It was a strange sight. A pretty girl in a purple kimono bent over a normal boy with a beautiful and sad face. Their eyes were locked on each other, her fingers resting on his cheek. It made a strange sight but it was just so right. They fit each other perfectly so and they were the only ones who didn't see it.

Perfection is fleeting…

But you are blessed with five moments of utter perfection in your life

Remember this child

And choose wisely

Eriol couldn't move his eyes away. His eyes were locked on Tomoyo's face and the feel of her fingers on his cheek felt like they were burning into his skin. He felt branded but his heart had lifted at her words. He just hadn't realized it yet, but he was okay. He would be okay at least. His hand, moving of their own accord moved up and grabbed hold her wrist. He pulled her hand away from his face and looked up at her. "I told you my story. Now you tell me yours. Tell me why you weren't ok. Tell me why you're ok now. I'll listen."

"Why? Why would you listen to me, a perfect stranger?" He should let go of her wrist now. She wasn't used to so much physical contact. His fingers were calloused but they felt smooth on her skin. She hated the feel of his fingers on her skin, she hated that his palm was so warm. She hated it so much, and yet she was giving into it. She hated herself for that. And all of a sudden she remembered something he had said about…his music? All of a sudden, she needed to know what he did. Did he sing? Did he play an instrument? She bet he played either the piano or violin. He seemed to be an elegant person.

"Because you're a perfect stranger. Don't you see…Tomoyo? Because I can't judge you for your actions any more then you can judge me for mine. Because there is no raw material to work with. Because we don't know each other." Eriol sounded earnest and he wondered why. He was never enthusiastic after...Kaho. He blushed though, because the accidental use of Tomoyo's given name had just slipped out. He still held her gaze though and deftly, he led her to sit down next to him.

Tomoyo started at the mention of her name. He was calling her by her first name. Oh that made sense. She felt herself being led to a level surface and she sank into the plush couch. Her voice was betraying her, she knew it. "I have a best friend. Her name is Kinomoto Sakura. She's the happiest, dizziest person I've ever known. Except she's lived a really hectic life and she definitely deserves Syaoran-kun, who's so cute when he's really jealous." Tomoyo smiled sadly, remembering Syaoran-kun's futile efforts to win Sakura over. And Sakura, oblivious as usual, wouldn't notice. Tomoyo had been his confidante in this matter so she heard everything about them.

She cleared her throat again and she realized that the distance between Eriol and her had caused his hand to slide down to hers, so his hand was resting on hers. "Anyways, Sakura-chan lost her mother when she was really young, like around three. So her father and her brother, Touya-kun, really tried to protect her so she grew up a little…naïve. Kinomoto-san was a really nice person, you know. But I felt a little bad for him after his wife's death. He's really strong though, he masked his pain really well. And Touya-kun?" Tomoyo sighed, for even now, Touya's name could bring her into a dreamy subconscious ness.

Eriol made a small noise at the back of her throat that indicated she should continue. However he said something first, "I know a Touya. He was in Kaho's class and I remember Kaho telling me about what a good student he was. He was just the kind of person that everyone liked. Strong, smart and athletic. He was really popular; it seemed, with his female classmates."

Tomoyo smiled. That was Touya-kun alright. "Well Touya-kun was always big-brother protective of his little sister, right? And he always had a weird problem when he was younger, like he could see ghosts or something. He lost the ability a little later though, or just stopped talking about it, which was good for Sakura, because she was always a little scared of ghosts."

Tomoyo remembered all the times she had to scold Touya for scaring Sakura, especially because he kept on talking about ghosts. She remembered the old days, when Sakura was hers and Touya was just Sakura-chan's mean older brother. These were the days that Tomoyo loved the most and sometimes she just wished she could go back.

"Well Touya-kun was really really handsome and well, I always had a little bit of a crush on him. He had the nicest eyes and I loved his hair. But it was really that day that changed my life. You know, like before, there was just Tomoyo. From that day on, it was Tomoyo and Touya. And somehow, you know how that can make all the difference in the world? To know that you're not alone anymore, that someone believes in you." Tomoyo blushed a little, hoping that Eriol would understand. But she knew he did. Eriol was a nice guy like that. She could talk to him about these things.

Eriol knew exactly what Tomoyo was talking about. He had felt the same way with Kaho. "Yeah. I do know. Except my problem was that I believed in them too much, that I never expected the emptiness. Because what can you do when it goes from together, to alone?"

"Exactly. See, I loved Touya-kun, and I guess part of me still does. But first I have to tell you about Yukito-kun. He was such a nice person and Sakura-chan had the biggest crush on him when she was younger. Actually, come to think of it, so did Syaoran-kun. He got over it, because he realized that Sakura-chan was the one for him. And Sakura-chan got over it too, sooner or later." Tomoyo sighed, remembering her friends' happiness and couldn't help but feel a little envious of them.

"Anyways, Touya-kun and Yukito-kun, always had a-a connection. It was a connection that I couldn't keep up with, you know, it was something that was too strong to be recreated. And then, it was my birthday and it was raining and Touya had told me to wait for him on the bridge and I remembered thinking that how it was a shame that the moon wasn't out…and he told me was sorry."

And oh how Tomoyo remembered it. This wasn't the way things were supposed to go, she knew that, she had given up expecting too much from others…Her mother who always saw her dead cousin and not Tomoyo, Sakura-chan, even, who grew a little more distant each and every day. She thought she could count on Touya. She remembered once he had whispered in her ear, You're perfect right here, Tomoyo. I'm never letting go. Tears blurred her vision and Touya just whispered that sentence over and over again.

I'm so sorry Tomoyo, but I can't do anything about it. That's love, right?

I love you Tomoyo, and I'm so so sorry but I can't do anything about it.

Well, Tomoyo…I hope I'll see you around. Good bye.

"He walked away from me because I was so stupid and never said a word. And you know, even now, I regret it because I think that maybe he would have stayed a little while longer if only I had told him how I felt. Maybe if I said those words to him, he might have wanted to stay a little longer. I know it was stupid to think that way, but it wasn't the first time I felt like I was losing someone."

Oh god, she was tearing up just talking about this. She hadn't realized she missed Touya that much. But it wasn't just Touya, it was Sakura-chan, who she had lost, in the end, to Syaoran-kun, her mother, who had never seen her but her aunt instead and in the end, herself.

"And Eriol-kun, all these people, when they leave, they take a part of me, you know? And I think, that one day, I'm not going to be anything but empty because I've lost so much of me." Tomoyo had tears falling down her face by that time, because she realized that Eriol was right, that she did feel better because she talked to him. She sniffled and tried to wipe away her tears.

Eriol stroked her hand with her thumb, because he couldn't think of what else to do. Then he remembered her words and brought his hand to her cheek, just hovering a hair away from her smooth skin. "Tomoyo-san, it's ok. You can cry, go right ahead. Let it all out, don't keep anything else inside. And you can create new memories for yourself, ones that are irreplaceable and that no one can take away."

Tomoyo grabbed his hand and pulled it to her cheek, reveling how smooth his palm felt against her face. "Ok, Eriol-kun, I'll cry. I'll cry, because I'm ok right now. Eriol-kun, I'm going to start creating new memories…right now, with you."

Something in Eriol's stomach lurched right then and his chest tightened. And something gave him enough courage to take her face in both hands and bring his forehead to hers. "Cry, Tomoyo-san, let it all out. I'll be here, by your side, forever if need be. I'll wait until you're finished. So let it all out, I'll still be here when you're done."

Nothing else after that, because the only sounds were their own even breathing and Tomoyo's crying sounds. All thoughts of the past, Kaho and Touya were all forgotten. It was just them, in this moment and they couldn't have had it more beautifully. Eriol's forehead was still on hers, and they fit together like a living, breathing yin-yang sign. And it was perfect this way because they didn't need words to have each other. Because they didn't need anything else, because it was just…perfect.

"Oh my god." Tomoyo was the first to pull back. "I. Am so sorry. I didn't mean to do that to you, Eriol-kun. It's just; it's been a while since I last cried. And I think I've forgotten how good it feels sometimes. But meeting you, Eriol-kun, has been, revitalizing. I've realized things I've never realized before, and I've cried about things worth crying over instead things that I shouldn't have wasted my tears on. Eriol-kun, one day, you're going to make me cry again but I'm going to realize that you're worth it. You're worth every tear."

Eriol said nothing, because he feared she was right. Wasn't this going to be the case for every girl in his life? He was going to make her cry one day, as much as he hated the thought. "I hate seeing people cry. It means I let them down. Please don't cry, Tomoyo-san, for me, not now, not ever."

Tomoyo smiled gently, her eyes swollen from the tears. "Thank you for you hospitality, but I have to go now." Her heart was touched though, but she couldn't guarantee Eriol anything.

"I'll walk you to the bridge. I think your clothes are dried now." Eriol got up, stretching his stiff back muscles and walked over the bathroom to check up on her clothes. "Yeah. You can change in there."

Tomoyo nodded her assent and the door clicked softly behind her. Eriol sank down into his armchair and sighed. Tomoyo was so different from Kaho that is was impossible to think of her as Kaho. He wondered idly if anything had really changed about him today and he tested himself. A thought of Kaho no longer brought a pang of sadness, but a bittersweet taste. But still he felt heat emanating from his cheek where Tomoyo had touched him, almost as if she had branded him with her touch.

Tomoyo rested her forehead against the cool bathroom mirror and stayed that way for a long time. She didn't know what to feel, her feelings completely mixed up inside of her. She felt resentment, for telling Eriol things she hadn't even told Sakura-chan, she felt relief for finally being able to unburden herself of the sorrow and she felt a tiny stirring in her heart, and she knew that somehow, Eriol would not be forgotten.

She walked out of the bathroom, relieved that Eriol would be walking her to the bridge. However, as she saw the clock, she was shocked. She had arrived at his house around 4:20 PM and now it was only 5:00. Somehow, she thought that the unburdening of her soul would take a bit longer. "Eriol-kun? Where should I put these clothes?"

Eriol jumped out of his seat and ran a hand through his hair. He absently took the clothes that Tomoyo had folded neatly and just dumped them on the side of his couch. The words formed before he could stop them. "Before you go…do you want to see the art room?"

Tomoyo nodded, and followed Eriol to the back, staring at the paintings and things on the side walls. She followed him into a room and Tomoyo wondered at the sheer size of Eriol's art room. A grand piano stood in the corner, right next to a giant window while the other half was completely immersed with art supplies. She still felt a little lightheaded at the fact that she was standing in Mizuki Kaho's studio. It was a miracle, for she had loved the artist and was completely devastated at the freak accident that had left her completely handicapped and with fatal injuries that had led her to death.

Eriol stepped up beside her and felt a wave of nostalgia wash over him. Quietly, he looked at the familiar surroundings and said, "I haven't been in here since...the last day I saw her. It's a wonder how some things never change. I just can't bring myself to forget her, even though I want to move on."

Tomoyo hesitated for a second, because although it was true that she was completely indebted to Eriol for listening to her and for doing what no one could ever accomplish - make her feel at peace with herself, she still couldn't bring herself to ask questions of Kaho, for fear of being hurt again. "Um, Eriol-kun? Is it possible...Is it possible that you could let me see her portfolio...any works she may have done...I mean, if it's okay with you..." She bit her lip, hoping she didn't step out of line.

Eriol pondered the strange request but finally gave in. He owed Tomoyo something beyond words can describe that he couldn't help but fulfill her wish. "Why not, Tomoyo-san? Just don't disturb anything."

Tomoyo clapped her hands like a little girl and opened a giant sketch pad with a beautiful lily on the cover. When she saw what it contained, she gasped, for the art was simply breathtaking and because all the subjects of the sketches were...Eriol. There was a sketch of him sleeping, on of him at the piano, one of him giving a faceless little girl a flower and one of him at the bridge, a complete double of the Stargazer, except with him as the subject and not the girl. "Kaho...Mizuki-san...was a great artist, Eriol-kun."

But for once Eriol wasn't listening to Tomoyo. His gaze was completely absorbed on the thing in his hands, which was simply two sheets of white paper covered with writing.

"Eriol-kun?" Tomoyo hated that look on his face. Without knowing it, Eriol's face had completely relaxed, into a beautiful look. His eyes were half-closed as if remembering something pleasant and the look on his face was one of love. Complete adoration. Tomoyo hated that look, because she knew he wasn't thinking of the future, that he was stuck in the past somehow, thinking of Kaho. Ksho's memory still lingered about him and nothing in the present could bring him away from the safe haven he had created.

Eriol stared down at the papers he held in his hands. Kaho had covered the paper in her elegant script, a simple letter. But it was still, a letter to him. She had ended it the way she always ended her letters to him: I promise I love you. Eriol hated that phrase. She had left him, right? No more obligations, no more promises that needed to be fulfilled.

And this time, in this letter, Kaho had simply talked about the time they had spent in England. His eyes glazed over and he half-shut them, remembering all the marks Kaho had left. Wherever they went, Kaho always left something of herself behind. This was one quality Eriol admired about Kaho, she wasn't afraid if she gave and got nothing back, she knew it would still be okay in the end.

"Eriol-kun?" Tomoyo whispered his name softly. What she really wanted to ask was whether or not he was still with her. Somewhere, along the time, she had begun to care for Eriol. After all, he had listened to her and he had comforted her and she was beginning to think of him…as a friend? "Eriol-kun…is that a letter from Mizuki-san? Eriol-kun?" She knew she was sounding desperate, but it really wasn't her fault.

Eriol's head was filled with a strange buzzing, even though Tomoyo kept on talking. He felt a flicker of annoyance. Why couldn't she leave him alone? He wanted to pore over Kaho's letter, see if there were any hidden clues. His mouth opened before he knew what he was doing and he said, with a flicker of annoyance, "Tomoyo-san…I'm…busy right now. I'm really sorry…I'll see you tomorrow, okay? The bridge, 2 PM."

Tomoyo felt a huge wave of resentment bubbling up. She had spent her whole entire life waiting for someone. She had spent her childhood hearing people she cared about and people she wanted to spend time with telling her they were sorry. She was tired of excuses. She tried to even her voice. "I'm sorry too, Hiiragizawa-san. I'm sorry for being here when there's something more important to attend to. I'm sorry, for wasting you time." Her voice got a little more high-pitched now but it was still icy-cold. "You know, I'm sorry, for telling you everything. I'm sorry, that for all these years, I've let people turn their backs on me, let them 'get back to me'."

Her voice cracked and she hated this display of emotion. But still, she could see it. She remembered her mother. Sorry Tomoyo! I have work to do today, but tomorrow, definitely, okay? And walking away, her back turned before the words were even finished. She remembered Sakura-chan, too. Sorry Tomoyo-chan! Syaoran-kun and I are going out on a date today! I'm so sorry, but I'll call you, okay? She would leave happily, never looking back, with her precious Syaoran-kun.

It didn't mean that they didn't love her. But it still meant that they were leaving her behind while walked off. She was always left behind, watching someone's retreating back. This time, she would be the one to turn her back.

With a condescendingly, sarcastic, singsong voice, she said, "I'm so sorry, Hiiragizawa-san. I'll never bother you again. I promise." And with those last words, she turned on her heel and stormed outside. It was still drizzling but she just ran blindly, all the way home, leaving behind, a somewhat confused, yet sorrowful Eriol.

Finders keepers

Losers weepers

Tomoyo's head hurt like she had a hangover. She wondered idly if she had gotten drunk last night. Oh yeah. She had stayed up half the night, crying out her eyes and blubbering her problems to Sakura-chan. Her eyelids felt plastered together and her hair felt greasy at the scalp. She groaned and rolled over, checking her digital clock. 11:11 AM. The digits blinked back at her, increasing her headache. She remembered a cute story she had read. It had said that if you made a wish when the time read four ones in a row, it would come true. She briefly closed her eyes and wished that she could meet a nice guy, someone who cared and would never turn his back on her.

She dazedly got out of bed, the pajama top she wore sticking to her. Stumbling into the bathroom, she was dismayed to find that she was a mess, her hair greasy and sticking out all over the place, her eyelids almost glued together and bloodshot eyes. She had definitely seen better days. She climbed into a soothing bath and soon she was feeling better.

She scrubbed at her hair furiously, as if this could make yesterday's events disappear. She felt so infuriated with herself and at Eriol. She wished she had never met him, wished she had never run into him. Sure, he had made her feel better, but in the end, he ended up giving her up for someone else. Someone who wasn't even alive anymore. He had given her up for a memory. She had never felt smaller.

Eriol groaned. Behind his eyes, his mind felt so heavy. He had stayed up half the night, just watching the stars. He rubbed his eyes and reached to his nightstand for his glasses. His clock read 11:11 AM and he remembered something Kaho used to tell him. Something like, when the clock reads four of the same digits in a row, and if you make a wish, the wish would come true. Eriol didn't believe much in superstitions but decided to test this one out. I wish no one would cry over me. I'm just not worth it.

The clock now read 12:30 PM and Tomoyo wondered if Eriol would be standing out on the bridge, waiting. She pushed it out of her mind. Who cared if he did show up? She didn't, at least. She pushed her hair out of her eyes and got up to find a phone. "Hey, Sakura-chan? Are you doing anything today?"

Eriol sighed and looked at the clock again. It was 1:45 PM. He had told Tomoyo 2:00 PM but he really doubted she would go. But somehow, he found a need to see her, and somehow, yesterday, when she stormed out, he had stared at Kaho's letter again, but the first euphoria had faded and instead, he worried over Tomoyo. His thoughts were so occupied with Tomoyo's well-being and her feelings that he had even put aside Kaho's letter. Somehow, everything paled in comparison to Tomoyo. 2:00 PM. Time to go.

2:15 PM "Bye, Tomoyo-chan! Thanks for the cake!" Sakura waved happily to Tomoyo even as the car drove away.

2:30 PM "We're here, Daidouji-san. Do you need anything right now?" Tomoyo shook her head and smiled slightly at the maid who opened the door for her. She went back inside the house and decided that she would go out to the garden and tend to her flowers.

3:00 PM While weeding her garden, Tomoyo came upon an imported stargazer lily. The sign in front read: Stargazer Lily Meaning: I see heaven in your eyes and some statistics. But the first two lines were all she saw. Tears prickled at her eyes and all of a sudden, a great swelling came upon her heart and she wondered wildly what time it was, and if she was too late.

Tomoyo just grabbed her coat and ran outside, shouting something incoherent over her shoulder at the maids. She ran and ran, hoping it wasn't too late. By now, it was probably 3:20 or even later, and she hoped Eriol cared enough to wait that long.

Eriol leaned back against the bridge on his hands and blew out the breath he was holding. He refused to look at his watch, because he didn't want to know that he had been stood up. He shifted his weight from one leg to the other and something in his pocket crumpled. He sighed, then slid a hand into his pocket, smoothing out the flower in there. A soft wind ruffled his hair, and the day had a damp smell to it. He exhaled again and slid down against the bridge posts to wait.

Tomoyo was running. Faster than she had ever ran. She was completely out of breath when she got there and she stood over Eriol, her chest heaving. "E-Eriol-kun. Wh-what a surprise. Meeting you here like this." She plopped down next to him and breathed deeply, trying to catch her breath.

Eriol looked up in surprise, but a smile took control of his features. She had dropped the Hiiragizawa-san and started calling him Eriol again. Somehow, this brought unexplainable pride. "Really, Tomoyo-san. We have got to stop meeting like this." He took in her red face and the giant breaths she took and concluded that she must have run all the way here.

Tomoyo put on a shaky smile and said, "No, Eriol-kun. I-I'm really sorry, for what I did and said yesterday. And I'm really sorry that I'm late. Also – " But before Tomoyo could say what she was going to say next, Eriol's lips were on hers. Her eyes widened in surprise, before slowly shutting them. His lips were surprisingly shy and delicious and she felt herself closing her eyes slowly.

Tomoyo's hands wandered of her own accord to Eriol's hair, tangling them in the long, dark locks at his neck. His hand was cupping the back of her head, her hair spilling around his hands. Eriol broke the kiss a little sooner than Tomoyo wanted. Her lips felt swollen and she knew her cheeks were bright red. Eriol's hands went to both sides of her head and she felt his hands hold her head there, her hair scrunched up in his fists. Her eyes closed and she breathed a long sigh. She was still playing with his hair.

Eriol wanted to just stay there and kiss Tomoyo forever. She tasted like plums and being with her had a healing effect, he felt himself calm and it was perfect – it was how things should be. But he came here for a reason and gently he leaned forward until they were nose to nose. "Tomoyo," he breathed, "I'm sorry. But...I'm leaving for England tomorrow."

"WHAT?" Tomoyo was shocked because the words that came out of his mouth weren't the words she wanted to hear, but shocking news instead. "Leaving? England? And why tomorrow? Eriol…I thought…I thought you would want to stay here…with me." Her last words were said in a whisper. She breathed shakily and she jerked her head back, but her hair was still tangled in Eriol's fingers, but she yanked back harder and dropped her hands from around his neck. She suddenly felt cold, ice-cold, and shivered. The thought of Eriol before had brought a warm, bubbly feeling, but now, it was replaced with sinking desperation.

"I'm going back to England, Tomoyo. And you see, you're a beautiful girl and I…I love you but I can't just forget Kaho. Everything I've done, up to this point, it was all for her. Going to England – it's so I don't lose her." It was harder than Eriol had thought it would end but he couldn't take back his words. He tucked the stargazer behind her ear and softly brushed her ear with his lips. He straightened up and slowly turned around, calling over his shoulder, "Good-bye Tomoyo."

He was stopped though, by a voice calling him back. Tomoyo was still sitting on the bridge, her head against the pole. Her eyes were just a little bit glassy and she didn't seem to know what she was doing. She was singing Eternal Snow. Her voice soared over the notes, as clear as water. Eriol froze. Tomoyo's voice was nicer than Kaho's, clear and beautiful, like tinkling bells, ringing ringing.

I'm falling in love with you, and which will come to pass?

Will the feeling do nothing but swell, or

Will you notice it

Even though I've never said anything?

She ended with a tremble and her eyes started to water. She wondered if it was enough. If he would come back. Tears rolled down her face and she closed her eyes. She choked out, "You're turning your back on me, Eriol. Everyone I love has."

In her mind, she saw her mother, Sakura, Touya, everyone, flashing by, leaving her behind. She could see their backs so clearly, but their faces were a blur. She had always thought she could count on Eriol. She thought she could trust him. She thought, he knew the pain of being left behind. But she was so so wrong, he didn't know.

Her voice cracked and her words shaked, "I love you, Eriol. I really do." She broke down into tears, sobbing heavily, her shoulders shaking. "Why? Why are you leaving me?" And then, in a sing-song voice, so unlike Tomoyo's, she said, "I'm empty now, so why does it hurt so much? All the pieces of me are gone and I've been left all alone. Again. It's hurts so much and I think that my heart is bleeding."

Eriol's throat constricted and at first, all he wanted to do was run back and comfort Tomoyo and tell her that he was there, that he would always be there. "I love you too, Tomoyo but I can't love you knowing I still love Kaho. I can't love you, knowing that I'm haunted by the memory of another woman. Because, Tomoyo, the memories of her are so strong, because the memories are stronger, even, than reality. Because Tomoyo, you are a violet and I can only see roses." Slowly he walked away, resenting it more with each step.

Tomoyo barely heard his words because she was crying so hard. She had never cried like this before, not even last night. His steps faded but she still sat there, still crying until the moon came up. Then, she slowly picked her way home, the river sang her sad song after her and the moon lit her way. She was too late, turning her back on something that can't be forgotten. She almost missed the meaning of the stargazer in her hair, but it was still there.

I see heaven in your eyes.

shouldn't it be enough,
to have my words in your heart,

to know what i say is true?

don't try to change the past

it won't work to forget me

remember my words,

remember me

I see heaven in your eyes.

A single stargazer lily lies on her windowsill, it has been dried and loved, wet with tears and anger. It recalls old memories, old days, things long gone. But one girl still remembers. She still loves and waits for him. Every night, that one girl cries herself to sleep, waiting and wishing for a young boy who took her heart and didn't give her his.

Every night, one lone girl stands at a beautiful lonely spot on a beautiful lonely bridge. Every night, she watches the moon and stars and wonders if he is thinking of her like she is thinking of him. Every night, she sings the same lonely, longing song to the moon and listens to the river dance beneath her. Every night, she stands there as if she were waiting for something...maybe even someone. Every night, there's always someone who inquires if she is waiting for something, or someone. And every single night, come rain or shine, she replies, "I think so, but he didn't promise me. He knows that I like to wait here though. Maybe tonight, he'll come."

I see heaven in your eyes.

A single stargazer lily still lies on her windowsill. She's tried to throw it out, to buy a new flower, to stop thinking about him. She'd like to do something, other than sit and stare and talk to it, as if he could hear her. She's still beautiful, and so is he. But they haven't exchanged words for five years now and she's starting to lose hope. I think...maybe he regrets it now and I think that she doesn't know yet. But a single stargazer lily still lies on her windowsill, waiting for a touch of sunshine.

This didn't turn out to be your average love story, and it never was destined to be. It didn't and it

still won't end with a happy ending because she's still in love and he still remembers. I think...that this cannot end as a Happily Ever After because he made the mistake of thinking he could forget the past when the past cannot be forgotten or changed. And I think, she made the mistake of falling in love too quickly and believing in a boy who does not, cannot, will not believe in promises. Or maybe, it still is an average love story because in the end, he loves her and she loves him. They're still apart, though, separated by more than oceans and land. So this story won't end happily but it can end beautifully. Because beauty is not only happiness, but despair as well.

stop.

A/N: I enjoyed writing this story, and I hope you enjoyed reading it as well. This fic is dedicated to my lovely beta-reader, fireblazie-chan and my sweet older sis, Christina. Love you both!