This was originally posted on my Tumblr, but I thought it'd get more attention here. It's written as if it's a letter.
There's something about you.
Something that draws me to you, and only you.
No friends, no grown up, no puppy. They couldn't draw me in more than you do.
Maybe it's the way you laugh when you outsmart all the boys on the playground. Maybe it's the way you can go all the way across the monkey bars, without breaking a breaking a sweat. Or, it can all round off with the fact that you are breaking the rules by being here.
Either way, there's something about you that makes me want to get to know you.
"Wanna be best friends?"
Maybe it's how straightforward you are. Or just how willing you were to stick by my side. Maybe it's the way you can turn something so simple into something too complex for my child level mind.
You were my best friend from the start.
My first and only best friend.
There's something more to you.
Something forcing me closer, and I've only ever felt it with you.
I feel like a fish, caught on a hook, and you're reeling me in. Except, I'm accepting my fate. I don't fight it. I would never fight to get away from you.
Maybe it's the way you can talk to the teacher like that, and not get in trouble. Maybe it's the way you bully other bullies. Or, it could just be how you stand up for everything you believe in, even at such a young age.
Either way, I know there's something more to learn about you.
"Can I tell you a secret?"
Maybe it's how you trust me with your most precious secrets. Maybe it's that you know how to whisper gently into my ears. But, more than likely, it's because you I know you care about me.
We shared secrets from the start.
My first and last diary.
There's something about you that confuses me more and more, everyday.
You told me your secret, but I don't understand it.
I feel an aching in my chest and it gets worse the more I think about it. What am I supposed to make of it? Please tell me. You're the smarter one of us.
Maybe it's the way you kept your secret a little while before telling me. Maybe it's the way barely look at me anymore when I share my secrets. Maybe it's the way you get mad when I talk about my crush. Or, maybe it's just that rocky spot in the friendship, where everything gets tested.
Either way, I want you to know, I'm here for you.
"I'm fine."
Maybe it's the way you lie to me, like it's nothing. Maybe it's the way you look more sad with everyday that passes. Or, maybe it's because you're crush is on a girl, who isn't me.
We shared lies from the start.
You were my first lie, but not my last.
There's something about you that makes me forgive too easily.
Forgiving was never easy, Not for me, at least.
I hear it. I hear your word, but do you really mean it? You lied before, so who could tell if this was just another lie? Alas, I allow everything to unfold.
Maybe it's the way you twiddle your thumbs. Maybe it's the how you give the best puppy eyes - even better than a puppy. Or, maybe, it's the tear within those puppy eyes.
Either way, I want you to know, I trust you.
"I'm really sorry."
Maybe it's the breaking sob at the end. Maybe it's the tremble of your chapped lips. Maybe it's the way you force your hand away from blocking your face. But, I know it's because you're being more honest than before.
We apologized from the start.
You're the only person I'd accept an apology from, right off the bat.
There's something about you.
I'm clueless this time.
You say it's everything, but what is it?
Maybe it's the smile that's always curving on your lips. Maybe it's the way you started wearing makeup, as if you care what people thought of you. Maybe it's how you always have your fingers intertwined with mine.
Either way, I like it.
"So, what do you think?"
Maybe it's how snugly your clothes fit, that made me look a little too long. Maybe it was the rebellious spark in your eyes. Maybe it was you small attention to detail when it came to perfecting your eye liner. But, more than likely, it was how your smile lit up as I told you you were beautiful
We complimented from the start.
You were my first girl crush.
There's definitely something about you.
It hurts me greatly, and I know it's only a fraction of how you feel.
Maybe it's the way you cling to me as I fall to the floor. Maybe it's the tear stain covering your face as I hear my parent's voices calling me, to hurry. Maybe it's the way you're shaking as you try your hardest to let go. Or, maybe, it's the way you beg.
Either way, it hurts.
"Please, don't leave me."
Maybe it's the way you fight your mom, as she tries pulling you away. Maybe it's the way you scream and curse at my parents for taking me away. Maybe it's the way you go limp, as you finally give up. But, I know for certain it has something to do with the way you said you loved me.
We loved each-other from the start.
You were my first love.
There's something different about you.
I clearer than ever.
It's new, and I'm unsure.
Maybe it's your newly dyed hair. Maybe it's the tattoo that covers most of your arm. Maybe it's the way you narrow your eyes at me. Or, maybe it's the how much more cloudy your eyes are.
Either way, I still love you.
"I wish I hadn't even seen you."
Maybe it's how icy cold your words are. Maybe it's the way you pushed me away. Maybe it's the way you walked away. Or, maybe it was the way you doubted how much I cared.
I wanted to rewind, but not this time.
You were my first and last reason to rewind.
There's something about you.
Something I never noticed before.
You never cease to amaze me.
The way your eyes soften as you look at me. The way you wrap your arms around me, pulling me the closest we've been since I got back. The light nose nuzzle against the crook of my neck. I know, for sure.
And regardless, I won't stop feeling the way I do.
"Thanks for standing up for me . . ."
Your nervous hand gestures. The way you refuse your eyes to meet mine. And the way you lead me away from one danger and place yourself in another. It's become the clearest yet.
We shared our silent conversations from the start.
You were my first shy smile.
There's something about you.
It gets clearer by the day.
Three days, and I seem to have you figured out. Until I don't.
Maybe it was the way you turned a simple day of clue-finding into another emotional whirlwind. Maybe it was your reaction to what you saw. Maybe it was tears of anger coating your upper lash.
Either way, I won't pretend to know what it's like.
"Everybody pretends to care, until they don't. Even you."
There was no doubt on why it hurt me. It wasn't the guilt trip. It wasn't the way you said it. It was even the words you were saying. It was how you actually believed your own words.
You had never hurt me like this.
You were the first dagger in my heart.
There's something about you.
Your love is contagious.
I care for a person I had never met, and I cried with you, over her.
You love her, and it's not that I feel obligated to care. I could always hate her, but, at the same time, I couldn't. Not when she still means so much to you. Without knowing her, I can say I love her, because of you.
"I loved her so much . . ."
There's no more to say.
There's everything about you.
You are everything.
Every little bit of you has brought me to loving you more and more, every second of every day. Even when I was away, you haunted every thought, forever in the back of my mind.
What has brought us to this moment is more than I could have ever hoped and prayed for.
"Don't you forget about me."
And everything else is a blur. You are just a distant memory now, and I will forever, for as long as I live, and don't live, remember you were my first and last partner in time.
There's something about you.
You're gone, but you never left.
The golden aura of the blue butterfly, the calming tranquility when it rushes past me, the way it momentarily lands on my cheek, the way your kiss had. I can't tell which convinces me.
Either way, thank you for forgiving me.
". . ."
Maybe it's the silent flapping of your wings. Maybe it's the way you refuse to leave out the cracked window. Maybe it's the how flutter with the other butterflies, putting their beauty to shame.
You can go now.
We helped each-other from the start.
You aren't my every first and last, but, I promise, you were the best.