Deaths of the Harry Potter Characters
As the final year at Hogwarts for Harry Potter came to a close, the entire 7th year was crazy with last day of school fever, and couldn't wait to become wizards. The ceremony was held, and all of the students became fully-fledged wizards. The ride home was no less exciting for the students, but it is not important for our story. As Harry stepped out of the Weasley's car on Pickett Drive, he promised Hermione and Ron that he would see them in a few weeks. Upon entering the house, the first thing Harry saw was Uncle Vernon's beat-red face. "I'm a wizard and there's nothing you can do about it ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha." said Harry as he did a gay dance and wetted himself on the carpet. Just then he noticed a .9 mm pressed up against the back of a his head. "Die motherfucker!" screamed the person who had come in behind him as he pulled the trigger. Uncle Vernon would not go down so easily. Busting out his karate moves that he had learned twenty years earlier (Uncle Vernon was quite old…and fat), he beat the living shit out of the robber/criminal/burglar/person with the gun, only to be killed by Aunt Petunia's rolling pin for making too much noise. Dudley tripped down the stairs and fell on his mother, killing her instantly, and giving himself a concussion which he would die from later. Harry was still bleeding on the floor and didn't know how he was going to live. He didn't. The Weasley's dropped off Hermione, but as soon as they drove away, Hermione randomly burst into flames for no apparent reason. Back at the Burrow, Mr. Weasly decided he would go on a random killing spree with a minigun. He did so. Mrs. Weasly was the first victim. Ron was eaten by fang, who had stowed away in the trunk of their car, who was then hit by the Night Bus. The Night bus flew off a cliff and exploded into a million pieces. Poor Ernie. Mr. Weasly was finally captured by the Ministry of Magic, and beheaded on the spot. Dumbledore rose from the dead, only to be farted on by a passing Hagrid, and killed again. Hagrid was hit in the face by Wood, who just happened to be flying away from a bludger. He didn't get away. Hermione, who apparently did not die, decided to go to Azkaban and bring all the prisoners cookies. Apparently someone didn't like her because Azkaban was hit by twenty nukes as soon as she set foot in the door. Snape was castrated for being ugly, then mugged by the members of the band Slipknot. Fred and George developed an exploding gum, which turned out to be too powerful as it blew up a fourth of the world, killing all the wizarding community. It is now referred to as "WTF Crater".