Psychic Therapy

By Mlle. Dinkley

A/N: If you've never seen the show "The Pet Psychic," this story may not make any sense, but if you have seen the show, then this fic is somewhat self explanatory. The show airs at 8:00 p.m. on Monday Nights on Animal Planet.

This segment is meant to take place around the same time as the flash back scene in the movie, so the characters' personalities are leaning more towards how they were in the film rather than the cartoon.

Scene 1: Inside a television studio. Thunderous applause is heard from the studio audience, as FRED, VELMA and DAPHNE enter the room, flanked by SHAGGY and SCOOBY. SHAGGY is holding the miniature Great Dane SCRAPPY, who is clearly struggling to free himself from the skinny man's grip.

SCRAPPY: Put me down, you hear me? Put me down! I have legs; I can walk!

The gang sits down on the couch FRED and DAPHNE flanking THE PET PSYCHIC on the left, while SHAGGY and VELMA sit to the right. SCOOBY sits down on the carpet in front of SHAGGY and VELMA.

THE PET PSYCHIC: And who have we here?

SHAGGY hands SCRAPPY to THE PET PSYCHIC, while DAPHNE introduces the dog.

DAPHNE: This is Scrappy, he's a purebred Great Dane…

THE PET PSYCHIC: Ooh, he's a good looking little dog, now, isn't he?

She scratches SCRAPPY under the chin, then turns and faces DAPHNE.

Now tell me, how old is Scrappy?

DAPHNE: Um, we don't really know. He sort of came to us.

THE PET PSYCHIC: I see, now whose dog is he, exactly?

FRED, VELMA and DAPHNE turn and face each other, each one pondering the best response to this particular question.

FRED: That's a tough call; we never really considered our dogs as "belonging"

to any one of us—we consider them as part of an extended family.

VELMA: But if you really want to attribute "ownership" to one particular person,

I'd say, that would have to be Shaggy.

Camera zooms in on SHAGGY.

DAPHNE: I agree, it would definitely have to be Shaggy. When we were growing up, we used to hang out together on the weekends a lot, and the dogs were just sort of always there with us; but when we all left for college, the dogs stayed with Shag, so he's the one who has had them the longest.

THE PET PSYCHIC turns to face SHAGGY.

THE PET PSYCHIC: And how old would you say Scrappy is?

SHAGGY thinks for a minute, then answers. Like he's been with us for about three years now, so I'd say he's about three years old.

THE PET PSYCHIC: He's rather tiny for a Great Dane, isn't he?

SCRAPPY:(visibly angered) Hey, watch it, lady!

THE PET PSYCHIC: Ooh, you're a feisty little guy, aren't you? She looks at the others. Now tell me, what exactly is the problem with Scrappy?

FRED: Well, he's just plain annoying.

THE PET PSYCHIC: Exactly what do you mean by 'annoying'?

FRED: He always gets in the way. We're in the detective business, and whenever we confront criminals, we make it a point to proceed carefully and methodically.

DAPHNE AND VELMA roll their eyes: Oh, brother!

FRED: Well, Scrappy just interferes with these methodical procedures. He's always threatening to 'splat the bad guys,' and often runs head on to face these criminals without any consideration for how dangerous they can be.

THE PET PSYCHIC listens intently, occasionally nodding to indicate that she's still listening. You haven't really answered my question, Mister Jones. What exactly is so annoying about this puppy?

FRED ponders the question for a moment. Just the way he acts, I guess. Just before he confronts these criminals, he gives this annoying cry of 'Puppy Power.'

FRED does a poor parody of the little dog's cry, complete with holding his fists in the air.

THE PET PSYCHIC: I see; now see what Scrappy has to say about this. THE PET PSYCHIC leans in close to SCRAPPY, trying to zero in on his feelings.

SCRAPPY: Hey, Lady! Watch where you put your face!

THE PET PSYCHIC gently scratches SCRAPPY behind his ears, cooing to him to calm him down. After a considerable struggle, SCRAPPY finally submits to the older woman. I sense that something very grave is bothering him, now let me see if I can get him to tell me what that is. THE PET PSYCHIC puts her face close to SCRAPPY once again. This time, he lets her do it. He says he's very upset about something.

SHAGGY: Like what could that be?

THE PET PSYCHIC communes once again with the little dog. He says he's very upset that he's so small and because of that, he'll never be able to be just like his Uncle Scooby. Now, can you tell me, who is this 'Uncle Scooby'?

SHAGGY: Like, he's my other dog. He points to SCOOBY-DOO, who courteously waves his paw.

Camera pans to SCOOBY: Rello.

THE PET PSYCHIC: Scrappy seems to have an awful lot of respect for Scooby…

VELMA: Respect? He practically idolizes that older dog.

THE PET PSYCHIC: He says he wants to be a brave, strong canine detective, like his Uncle Scooby, and he's upset because his small size will prevent him from doing that, and that's why he's so aggressive at times.

FRED, VELMA and DAPHNE stifle their laughter at the suggestion that Scooby is brave.

FRED: So we have a dog with a Napoleon complex.

THE PET PSYCHIC is visibly bothered by the blond man's sarcastic comments, but manages to keep her own emotions inside of her. I wouldn't call it a 'Napoleon Complex,' Mister Jones; did you ever consider that maybe he's trying to help you out?

FRED: a puzzled look on his face. Uh, no… (He continues, a hint of doubt present in his voice). So that's why he's constantly getting underfoot? He just wants to be a part of the group?

THE PET PSYCHIC nods.

SCRAPPY: (sarcastically and angrily) Hey, I could have told you that!

DAPHNE: Well, what can we do to stop Scrappy from behaving the way he does?

THE PET PSYCHIC: Perhaps you should consider giving him what he wants.

FRED(exasperated): What?!

SHAGGY: Like, calm down, Fred!

FRED(He speaks a bit more calmly now): Are you saying that we should allow that little pe...er...puppy to become a full fledged member of Mystery Inc.?

THE PET PSYCHIC: I am only telling you what he reported to me, and that was that he wants to be a part of the group.

Camera zooms in on FRED who has a very dubious expression on his face.

THE PET PSYCHIC: Well, that's all the time we have for our guests today.

Scene 2: Backstage, but still in the studio. An offscreen camera operator extends a microphone to Scooby and the gang. SHAGGY is holding SCRAPPY, only because the dog is too small to be seen if left on the ground. VELMA, DAPHNE and SHAGGY appear fairly content with the psychic's assessment. FRED, however, is still somewhat skeptical.

OFF SCREEN INTERVIEWER: So, do you feel that the pet psychic accurately diagnosed your dog's condition?

DAPHNE: I think so. I was really amazed by some of the things she said. She was really accurate about how Scrappy idolizes his uncle Scooby, and she seems to have explained his behavior fairly well.

VELMA: I was a little skeptical at first, and I must admit, that I still am.

The camera quickly pans to FRED.

OFF SCREEN INTERVIEWER: What about you, Mister Jones?

Fred is visibly nervous and clearly cornered by the question. He tugs at his ascot in a nervous manner. Well, I...suppose that her assessment was accurate, but...

The off screen interviewer cuts him off.

OFF SCREEN INTERVIEWER: So, Mister Jones, are you confessing that you feel that you are in a power struggle with this puppy?

FRED (Sweat beads are running down the side of his face.) I…uh…

Scrappy struggles to free himself from Shaggy's grip.

SCRAPPY (pointing to Fred): He's the one who needs the therapy, not me!

SHAGGY puts a hand on Scrappy's collar, effectively restraining him.

OFF SCREEN INTERVIEWER: Well, that's all the time we have with this group; let's go back into the studio and check in on our next patient.

The gang is alone, backstage.

FRED (exasperated and embarrassed): That was the most humiliating T.V. interview I've ever had.

SCRAPPY (sarcastically): Speak for yourself!

DAPHNE: So what do you think, guys? Should we take her advice and allow Scrappy to become a "full fledged member" of our group?

FRED: Are you crazy? How can you take the advice of some two-bit television psychic who, before today, had never even seen Scrappy?

VELMA: Calm down, Freddie. As much as I was skeptical in the beginning, I'm beginning to have a change of heart. Some people just share very close bonds with animals. Like Shaggy here. (She points to Shaggy.)

SHAGGY: Yeah, like, how else could she have known some of those things about my dogs?

FRED (skeptically): I don't know, gang. There are just too many cases of people who are willing to deceive the public for money. We ought to know, we've solved enough cases involving those types. (He pauses and thinks for awhile, then states, matter-of-factly) Looks like we've got another mystery on our hands.

Fade to black.

A/N: This was my first attempt at writing anything humorous, sarcastic or remotely funny. If I made you laugh, great. If this was the stupidest thing you've ever read, tell me, and I promise never again to inflict this kind of torture upon you , my readers..