CPOP's One-Shot Winter Tradition
Year One: The Five Spastic Days of Christmas; A Spazzerific two-shot!
Summary: When Jou looks over some very familiar carol lyrics, he takes things a bit too literally. What trouble will this cause for Yami no Bakura? All that and a partridge in a pear tree.
Ship/Pairing: Spazzshipping/Yami no Bakura x Jounouchi Katsuya
Rating: PG-13 K+
Extra: I know, I know, Christmas has come and gone, but I couldn't find the time to get this posted earlier. Just be thankful it's going up in December, frankly, I wouldn't have been surprised if I hadn't posted this until January or even February…or…maybe not at all. Anyways. This is particular two-shot is more like a gift to koorimeprincess12, as she was the one who got me into it in the first place, and picked the pairing for this plot (though it's not even the same plot as the one I suggested to her and…well, never mind). I hope she and everyone else enjoys this one-shot and all the others to come after it! Oh! And I'm sorry about the length…but no worries, I'm going to split it into two parts after all. :3
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! ….if I did, you'd know.
"What the hell kind of song is this?"
"It's a Christmas carol, Katsuya!"
"…It makes no sense at all. Who would want any of those things? It's totally unrealistic."
Shizuka gave her noncompliant brother a flat stare, "Katsuya…it's just a song, okay?"
"Meh," The blonde huffed, glaring at the lyrics of the carol, "Whatever."
Shizuka sighed and got up from the sofa, taking the other copies of the carol with her. She rolled her soft hazel eyes; sometimes her oniisan took things a bit too literally… Shizuka set the pile of carol lyrics on their kitchen counter. She'd be handing them out to her friends later. They were cute lyrics, the edges of the paper decorated in holiday-esqe designs, a penguin at the top in a Santa-hat and ribbon ringing a bell.
Shizuka picked up one of the copies and looked it over herself, her brow furrowing as she read. …Now that Katsuya had mentioned it…What on earth did the receiver of these gifts do with all of them? They all seemed fairly useless… "Huh…A partridge in a pear tree?" read Shizuka, quirking a brow. Odd…All of them were, except the five golden rings. Now there was a present she wouldn't mind getting off this 'gift list' from the funny farm. Shizuka placed the paper back with its mates and shrugged, heading off down the hallway to the room she was staying in while visiting her older brother.
Jounouchi had, after Shizuka had so kindly offered up her spot on the couch, spread his jean-clad legs across the entire thing, taking up as much room as possible, so that if before mentioned sibling decided to return, she'd have no where to sit. A perfect strategy.
He really had nothing better to do, apparently. Blowing the poofy blonde bangs out of his eyes, Jounouchi sighed in a bored manner. He was going to die for sure this week. Last time at least there'd been a bit of chaos to keep things lively…but this year's waiting-week was, so far, a dud. None of the yamis, it seemed, were quite as devious as last holiday season. Jounouchi had to chuckle at the funny memory.
The week before Christmas was a day Jounouchi and friends had come to treat as some sort of holiday-vacation week…in its own right. They didn't get school off… And none of them really hung out together this week, unless it was to get some seriously last-minute shopping in or decorations hung. No, their little entourage would spend probably the next four days together afterwards, so this week the week before Christmas, served as a separation period.
However, last year, with just one day of the week left, the dark sides of the sennen-chosen decided to spice things up a bit. After robbing the nearby drugstore of all its eggnog, the three had proceeded onto the roof of Ryou's apartment, where they happily spent the entire day chugging carton after carton in a holiday-themed drinking game.
Needless to say, by the time the hikaris had located their askew darks, the yamis were a bit loopy. Now there was a Kodak moment if you ever saw one. All three were completely drunk on the milky stuff.
Bakura was in the midst of deciding whether or not he could fly and staring at the edge of the roof and Mariku had decided that Yami's head would make a really comfy place to take a nap.
Yami disagreed, and before the lights arrived had been trying to heave the much larger yami off his back and over the edge of the building. With no success, however, Mariku weighed a ton. Unfortunately, the incident led all three darks to be banned from eggnog this year and every year afterwords. Pity.
Jounouchi shifted slightly, taking note of the crackling sound coming from beneath him. Confused, the teen reached behind his back and grabbed the object, finding the now-slightly-crumpled remains of Shizuka's strange song.
With nothing better to do, Jounouchi let his hazel eyes skim the lyrics, every once in a while letting out a snort and a mumble that sounded much like "honestly" or "weird". Whoever came up with this song had some weird taste in gifts for their "true love". He would never buy any of these things for somebody he cared about.
Realization struck harder then a speeding eighteen wheeler.
While maybe not his true love…Jounouchi Katsuya would buy them for somebody he wanted to annoy…But somebody who wouldn't take it seriously, wouldn't be offended, wouldn't try and kill him, but would still get good and irritated. Also, probably someone he wasn't that close to, so they wouldn't guess it was from him.
An evil smirk uncharacteristically made its way across Jounouchi's face as he slowly sat up, a plot bunny ravaging his mind. Ah…, it was perfect.
Yami no Bakura, be prepared for the weirdest before-Christmas-week ever.
Bakura, at the moment, was peering over Ryou's shoulder at what his hikari called 'lunch'; though it seemed to resemble, as Bakura has so kindly put it, "something a cat choked up."
For probably the millionth time that minute, the white-headed yami sneered at the frying pan of oozing-green-goodness with a sick expression.
Ryou, again, for probably the millionth time, caught the look and with a sigh repeated, "Yami, please don't do that."
"But, hikari, you can't honestly expect me to believe that what you're torturing in that pan is edible." His lip curled in distaste, "Hell, it's practically inhumane."
"Bakura! You've got to trust me, I've been making it for the past three years this week and every single one of those years you've eaten it and said it was the greatest thing you've ever tasted."
"Yeah, but that's only because I've never seen you actually make it."
Ryou grumbled, but otherwise ignored the yami as he roughly prodded his cooking with a metal spatula.
"Aw, don't do that, hikari! You'll hurt it's feelings." Bakura whined in mock-empathy for the sizzling green food.
"That's it, Bakura! Out! Get out of the kitchen, now!" Ryou waved his spatula around ever-so-threateningly to emphasize his point. "I'm sick of your complaining! Bah, I can't believe I'm saying this but, why don't you go wreak some havoc with Mariku for a while, neh? And leave me in peace?"
Bakura simply shrugged and sauntered out of the room without a backwards glance at his hikari, though Ryou could have sworn he heard something along the lines of "abusive" and "green glob rights". The light rolled his brown eyes and went back to what he was doing. He wasn't sure how much more of this he could take.
Bakura, not having anything better to do, decided to go outside. "I'm leaving!" He announced and was about to walk out of the apartment until Ryou called out, "Don't forget a coat!"
Bakura's hand automatically shot out to snag a random coat hanging by the door before closing it behind him, but otherwise gave no indication that he'd heard Ryou speak, his expression, even, was neutral.
It was only as the white-haired dark was already on a bus headed for the downtown Domino area that he realized what he was wearing.
"Damnit! This is Ryou's homo-jacket." Bakura's dark eyes bore angry holes at the cute design embroidered into the happy light blue fabric. Deciding it was too much effort to turn around to retrieve his own sexy black jacket, Bakura (with a few grumbles and many glares) reluctantly donned the snowflake-patterned coat.
Stepping out onto the snow-and-ice-covered streets of downtown Domino, Bakura learned first hand that it was wise not to be hasty. As soon as his foot connected with the slick sidewalk, the former spirit felt himself pitch foreword. He gritted his teeth in surprise and flailed his arms, and only by desperately clinging to a light post did he manage to keep himself upright.
A few kids, passing by with their parents, giggled at him. Bakura glared right back at them, putting as much malice as possible into the gaze. Stupid kids, stupid ice, stupid post, stupid jacket, stupid-"Ryou-kun?" What? No, that wasn't right…
"Ryou-kun, what are you doing?" A voice asked curiously from behind him.
Bakura released his death-hold on the light post and spun around abruptly…perhaps too abruptly for ice-covered sidewalks. The white-haired spirit had perhaps a millisecond to spy a poofy batch of blonde hair before once more pitching foreword. Fortunately, he didn't develop an intimate relationship with the ice; unfortunately, the former spirit was practically glomping a confused Jounouchi. "Eh? Ryou-kun?" Jounouchi and the others had started treating Ryou's first name as his last, to the embarrassment of the hikari, and calling Yami no Bakura by Ryou's original last name, to avoid confusion between the now-separate two.
"No, it's me, stupid." Bakura growled, trying to push himself away from the other teen, but only succeeded in slipping again, backwards this time. Jounouchi managed to snag Bakura's arm before he fell and helped pull the disgruntled dark to an upright position at the same time subtly leading the greenhorn ice-walker to solid, non-slippery ground.
"Heh, Bakura! What are you doing out and about?" Jounouchi said with a knowing smile.
Bakura snorted in reply, raising a brow at the blonde's queer expression, "Well, I don't know about you, but I believe that there is an actual world beyond my front door!" His voiced was laced with sarcasm.
Jounouchi took the dripping comment in stride. "Why exactly are you wearing Ryou's jacket?" He blurted, snickering.
"Aw, how cute. Finally getting into the spirit of the season are we?" Jounouchi had to bite his tongue to keep the giggles from escalating into full-out laughter at the murder-you look on the dark's face as he stood there in the cutsie coat. A walking oxymoron.
"Watch yourself, make inu." Bakura hissed dangerously.
Jou growled softly at the name, though he really didn't find Bakura threatening at the moment, especially because of what the blonde was plotting, but in most part due to Ryou's choice of clothing adorning his opposite dark half.
A chill breeze snuck through the streets, ruffling everything in sight. Bakura grumbled and tried to keep his head from taking on a pine-tree-esqe appearance. Jounouchi didn't bother noticing the wind, at least, not until it stole something from him. "Ah! No!" The blonde yelped. The crumpled piece of paper (e.e hee) fluttered out of the blonde's hand in (what appeared to be) a teasing manner.
Bakura, of course, noticed this, and watched with interest as Jounouchi sprinted out over the slick sidewalks after his paper, slipping on the ice in the process, the elusive sheet of paper landing nearby, stuck against the next light post's base.
Curiosity sparked, Bakura quickly walked over to where the paper lay (avoiding the ice with caution). Squatting, he snatched it right before Jounouchi could and had a brief moment to glance over the paper before its owner snatched it back, not noticing that Bakura had had no inclination to release his hold, thus effectively ripping the sheet.
Looking through his raised hands where the paper had once been, the dark one cocked an eyebrow at Jounouchi, who, even though he'd regained his precious treasure, was still sprawled out across the busy sidewalk, people jumping over him or stepping on him as they attempted to get by.
"Was that really necessary?" Bakura drawled as he stood, a cocky smirk taking up a familiar residence across his features, "You could have just asked for it back, you know, and it wouldn't have ripped."
Jounouchi snorted and stood after Bakura, dusting himself off. "Hmph, whatever, I doubt you would have given it back on request." He smiled his sweetest smile at the white-haired thief and said in an equally sweet (and terrifying) voice, "And besides, there may be something on here that your little eyes shouldn't see." And with that the blonde about faced and was gone.
Bakura blinked after him. How'd he do that? Even he couldn't just vanish into a crow-Meh, whatevs.
About to toss the pieces of the paper he still held to the ground, Jounouchi's scary words came back to haunt him, and drew his gaze to the scraps. Bits of red and green ink stained the otherwise white paper, and bits and pieces of words as well.
"What the hell?" Bakura mused, somehow folding into the flow of the crowd while he stared at the scraps. It looked innocent enough, why shouldn't he be able to see it? Did the mutt really think that he, Bakura couldn't stomach something? How gruesome was it? Was it gruesome at all? Grr. Bakura stuck the pieces in his pocket. Something was going on, and he was going to find out what.
Jounouchi sighed in relief as he looked over what he'd managed to steal back from Bakura. Fortunately, the pieces the thief still possessed revealed nothing too specific. His secret plot was still in motion. Now, down to what he'd come here for. Jounouchi looked up at the large-lettered sign of a local Wal-Mart. It was time to shop.
The blonde glanced down at his 'list' for the fifteenth time before getting the attention of a worker. "Oi! Miss!"
The blue-vested brunette turned to him with a cheesy smile and asked, "Yes? How may I help you?"
Jounouchi smiled warily before once more checking his list, "Uh, yeah, do you know where I could find…" He picked a random verse, "Nine dancing ladies?" Jounouchi smiled hopefully as the worker's face darkened. He grimaced and tried another item on the list, though the woman's expression made him a bit nervous, "Uh, er, w-well how about e-eight m-milky maids then?" When the woman took on Bakura's murder-you expression, Jounouchi quickly realized his mistake and tried to explain himself, though the woman wouldn't have it. "Pervert!" She cried, punching him in the shoulder and stalking off muttering, "The nerve of some people…"
Jounouchi glared after her. "Jeez. It was an innocent enough mistake…" He grumbled and turned the opposite way to once more refer to his 'list', rubbing his sore shoulder. The girl had an arm…Fine then, he'd find what he needed on his own.
…And yet…
After helplessly wandering up and down the isles for what seemed like hours, Jounouchi had no choice but to once more search out help from the Wal-Mart staff. Jounouchi waved down an older man and once more endured the customary, "Yes? How may I help you?" The blonde asked politely, "Yes, could you tell me where to find a partridge in a pear tree?" The man gave him a boy-you-are-one-crazy-cookie stare, but before he could answer a voice called, "Jounouchi-kun!"
Turning, Jounouchi broke out into a smile as short-stature friend bounded into view, his yami close behind. "Yuugi-chan!" He echoed, suprised. The older man took this time to sneak away. "Yuugi-chan, Yami-kun!" Jounouchi greeted, waving his list about unessesarily to flag down his friends, "What are you guys doing here?"
Yuugi rolled his violet eyes, casting a sidelong glance at Yami, who apparently found the tile fascinating. "Yami here decided to make a cup of hot chocolate." Jounouchi's eyebrows raised in question, so Yuugi decided to elaborate, "He used the entire can on one cup."
Yami decided this was a good time to try and defend himself. "Hey now! Nobody ever told me how much to put in."
Yuugi now turned to face his darker half with a light-hearted you're-kidding-me expression on his face, "You'd think after it started spilling over the rim you'd put enough powder in."
"You said it dissolved!"
"Not entirely!"
"Then how is it a liquid if it's a solid before and never fully dissolves?"
"It's a very thick liquid."
"So thick it's half-solid, right?"
"No!"
Jounouchi watched the argument for a moment, then seemed to notice his old man had run off. "Hey!" The blonde yelped, interrupting the two bickering halves. "Damnit! He never helped me find it!"
Yuugi blinked, "What was that, Jou?"
Jounouchi ran a hand through his hair, "The salesmen. He ran off before I could find what it was that I was looking for."
Yuugi cocked his head to the side, "What are you looking for Jounouchi-kun?"
"Well, um…" Jounouchi wasn't sure he should tell them. Though…Yuugi was his best friend… But Yami and Bakura talked to each other more now, and Yami might let the other dark in on the secret- "Hey!" The blonde yelped as his list was firmly plucked from his hand, though, unlike before, was not harmed in anyway.
"Yami-kun!" Yuugi chided.
The taller dark paid his light no mind as he read over the 'list'. "Jounouchi-kun…" he spoke slowly, as if speaking to a child, "You do realize this is the lyrics to the Twelve Days of Christmas, don't you?"
Jounouchi snorted and grabbed his list back, saying, "Yes, I do, thank you."
Yuugi frowned, confused, "What are you doing here again?"
Jounouchi sighed, "Shopping."
Yami opened his mouth, probably to repeat himself, but Jounouchi beat him to it, "I'm going to buy all the things in this song for Bakura."
There was a pause, and Yuugi started to giggle. Yami smiled and quirked an eyebrow. Jounouchi gave them both odd looks, "What?"
Yuugi was finding it difficult to speak, and Yami just shook his head, "Never mind Jounouchi." He put an arm on Jounouchi's shoulder and took back the list, his crimson eyes looking it up and down once again, "Though, just curious…where do you plan on finding ten lords a' leaping?"
Bakura pushed back through Ryou's apartment, throwing the 'coat' off to the side somewhere.
"Get to where you were going okay?" Ryou asked from the living room, where he was watching T.V.
Bakura grunted and flopped down on the couch, never mind he was crushing his hikari's feet by doing so.
Ryou, with a little wiggling, freed his feet and sat up, "What up with you?"
"People are aspiring against me."
Ryou gave Bakura an awkward stare, "…You're not just noticing this, I hope?"
"Not what I mean. I mean the Yuugi-tatchi…they're plotting against me, I know it."
"Don't be silly, they are not. It's still separation week after all, how would they plot against you when you haven't spoken to them or they to each other?" Ryou blinked, "Unless…did you meet any of them while you were out?"
Bakura simply grunted again, deciding that that response would explain everything.
Apparently, to Ryou, it did. "Oh….Who?"
"The mutt."
"Stop it, Bakura-kun, that's not nice."
"Who the hell said I was nice? I'll gut 'em for saying that…."
"That's not the point."
"Whatever." And with that Bakura stood and left, wandering into the kitchen. After a moment and the sound of the fridge opening Bakura called, "Oi, hikari, do we have anything to eat that's not trying to escape?"
Ryou growled.
End Part 1