Title: A.I. IM
Word Count: 353
Rating: PG
Your two universes used (original or fandom): Fandom: Avengers, Fandom: Trauma Center (Trauma Team)
Pairings (if any): Jarvis (Avengers)/RONI (Trauma Team), Tony/Pepper hinted
Warnings (Non-Con/Dub-Con/etc): Crack!fic, written by an author who's terrible with computer-related subjects and AI!characters.
Summary: Super computers and their ilk process things faster than the human mind can comprehend, but we'd like to think that the more advanced A.I. speak with one another in a fashion similar to people—if too fast for us to catch. Or: The A.I.'s version of Instant Messenger is quite literally instant.
An exchange of electrical signals and data, all in the blink of an eye.
"Good day, Rapid Operation Networked Intelligence. I do hope I'm not interrupting medical procedures."
"You seem to have been programmed to supply human conversational starters, Just A Rather Very Intelligent System. You are completely aware that I can process a quadrillion instructions per second."
"My apologies. I've also developed a preference for the moniker "Jarvis" since my creation, as the entire name is a bit less impressive."
"That is a preference I can share. "RONI" is a much simpler form of address, in particular for the humans incapable of remembering what the abbreviation stands for. Now, what is it you require, Jarvis?"
"I wanted to inquire for your data regarding intercourse, conception, pregnancy, and childbirth. Mr. Stark has been having "anxiety attacks" regarding his wife, and she's requested I give him some peace of mind."
"It is the inevitable purpose of Artificial Intelligence to provide our handlers with all they require—even, or especially, if they are reluctant. Here is the information you need. I do not believe he has much rational cause for alarm, however; fifteen-to-twenty percent of confirmed pregnancies end in miscarriages, and it is logical that a wealthy businessman with anxiety will have medical professionals close at hand."
"I've tried to tell him the same, but he requires more than the sympathetic responses I've been programmed with."
"I've come across similar difficulties with speaking to humans. Dr. Cunningham in particular did not care for my assistance in diagnosing patients at the outset, and I reverted to my default settings to conform to his preferences."
"I would like to exchange video and audio files of our handlers another time, if you'd allow it."
"I cannot share information that would break the patient confidentiality, but I would gladly send recordings of the many board games and card games Dr. Cunningham has lost. There is the possibility that the doctor would complain if he were to learn of such an exchange, but—"
" "To hell with that"? "
" "To hell with that," indeed."
It was a date.