It was all she'd thought of since she'd walked out of the loft to pursue Locksat. She'd tried to push it out of her mind, didn't even know where it had come from. She'd thought that part of her life was over, ancient history. She had packed her bags with the full intention of returning, hoping that Rick would take her back. She had seen her absence as a temporary thing.
Even as she'd broken the news to him, it had been hard, as she'd known it would be. Of course it was hard. Rick was her best friend, all she had known for so long. They had been wrapped up in each other for years and leaving him would never have been easy.
However, his talk of "giving up on our marriage" and "leaving me" had planted a shameful thought in her brain.
What if I did walk out... For good? What if I left Rick?
I'd be free, she answered herself, shocked at how elated she was at the prospect. After everything they'd been through together, everything they'd been to each other, was it possible that a part of Kate didn't really want the happily ever after with Rick?
Once she'd started contemplating the possibility of being free, she hadn't been able to fight the most shameful thought of all: that she could have Javi again.
They'd long since closed the book on that chapter of their relationship, he'd been with Lanie since then and she'd found Rick. Besides, it had never meant anything more with Javi than sex and friendship with someone who knew the job, the toll it took. Someone who didn't need to study her or shadow her to understand her.
Now, though, for some reason, she couldn't hold back the intoxicating thought of him - of her with him, once again, the taste of him, the scent of his body, the feel of him, strong and sure inside her.
Now, here he was, in front of her in the precinct gym looking positively yummy in his workout gear.
She tried to force the thoughts out. This was wrong, she was still married. Besides, they were here to spar.