Authors note: Okay, so this already is floating about in fanfiction land somewhere (still, it's my work). I'm re-uploading it - after a bit of editing and changing of plotness - for a forum I'm at. This is nothing serious, don't get stressed because I'm not the next Oscar Wilde. Accept it for what it is (awful or not). Take a deep breath. Relax.

Harry Potter and the Unorthodox Plot That Has No End

Harry woke up with a start - wait no, a finish. Harry woke up with a finish. His scar was burning yet again. He grumbled and wondered why every book seemed to involve pain on his account. He muttered something about fan-fictions then realised he had been sleeping on a hot metal rod. Ahh, that explained everything.

He shooed the metal off his bed and woke up. Where on earth was he? He thought. From all this wondering and thinking Harry did, you may think that he is a thoughtful, intelligent boy. By the second paragraph - if I was JK Rowling - I would go into a lovely description on who Harry Potter was, what he was and his entire life story crammed into a few sentences. Well, I'm not JK Rowling. If you have no idea about this Potter guy, read the books.

"Shut up.." said Harry, to the narrator. The narrator glared back.

"I'm not even meant to HEAR you, let alone see you." he continued. The narrator shrugged and ignored Harry. Of course, you are probably completely confused at how this story is going. And, as the writer, I'm confused too. On with the story.

Harry glanced from left to right and realised he was not at home. Harry screamed profanities at the top of his lungs.

"PROFANITIES!" he cried. Magically (since this is a fantasy themed story), a weird creature appeared. He closely resembled Yoda from Star Wars crossed with an Orc from Lord Of The Rings. I'd rather save you the dull details and let you imagine it yourself. Don't think I'm feeding you descriptions on a plate.

"Wow, It's Yoda from Star Wars crossed with an Orc from Lord Of The Ring!" gasped Harry.

"Don't be stupid. It's Ron." said Ron formerly known as Yoda from Star Wars crossed with an Orc from Lord of the Rings.

"Yeah, that's getting old now. Stop it." whispered Harry. The narrator apologised. "Ron, do you know where we are?"

"Not a... profanity." came the reply. Harry gasped. The reader gasped. The entire filming crew of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix gasped.

"Yeah, I'm not going to swear for an entire book. I mean.. year." said Ron. He sat down on the bed. "Yeah, the movie directors always make me slip in a swear word here and there and it irritates me. Instead, I'll express myself through the art of dance." He jumped up again and twirled. The reader cheered, pleased to hear that instead of random swearing, we'll see random dancing instead. Dancing is much more interesting!

Harry winced a little, trying hard to ignore that his best friend had turned into the magic version of Billy Elliott. He stared at the walls hard. The Walls melted.

"Oh yeah. That's what I forgot to tell you. We're in a mysterious world and we can't get out. My dad told me this morning not to visit you because of that, but I thought he was joking." said Ron.

"Oh, 'profanity'." said Harry. Ron disappeared. That's strange, thought Harry. "Profanity?" Pop. Ron was back.

"Stop it. That's the new magic spell that Deadbledore invented to make me go away."

Harry gasped. Millions of slow readers cried. The entire mystery of who died in HP Six was all gone.

"Yeah, I was never quite sure why he invented it. Maybe he got mad because I ruined the book for him too." yawned Ron.

A/N: Yeah, I decided to end it there. Short and sweet, right?