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He's been sitting here for hours. The only sound in the room is the beep-beep of the heart monitor letting him know that Barry is still breathing. He still remembers the day of the singularity, he remembers it vividly. Joe knows that grief doesn't have an expiration date, but this is getting ridiculous. Barry has been pushing them away, and today he got hurt because of it. Caitlin has been tending to his wounds, waiting for his healing to kick in. As Joe sits here waiting for Barry to wake up, he's reminded of the nine months that he spent in a coma. The only difference now is the red suit covering his body. Slowly, he removes the gloves from Barry's hands, gently grasping it to say, "I'm here".
Joe still remembers when Barry was brought to him when he was eleven. The first thing he did was ask if he and Iris were having a sleepover. Joe didn't know how to explain what's happened to him, so he lied. He told him that yeah, they were. It was about a week later when Barry started asking when he would get to go home. Joe finally broke down and told him that he wouldn't be able to go home. It was a full month before Joe explained to him that his mom was dead, and she wasn't coming back. It's not fair, Barry was robbed of a childhood that day. No child should have to go through that.
"No thank you." Eleven-year-old Barry protests, looking at the bowl of macaroni and cheese.
"Iris says Mac and cheese is your favorite." Joe says with confusion.
"I'm not hungry." Barry protests.
"It's been six months, Barry. You gotta eat son." Joe pleads. Barry pushes the bowl away in disgust.
"It's a good move, being angry all the time. I get it. You miss your mom and dad, and you want to show them that you're strong. Being mad makes it easier. The toughest thing to do would be to let yourself feel. It's okay to be sad. You can be sad, Barry. Your parents will understand if you're not strong all the time. That is why I'm here." Joe informs. Barry finally allows himself to cry, and that's when Joe holds him as tight as he can.
"It's okay son, I've got you." Joe speaks.
It was several hours later before Joe sees Barry start to stir. When he wakes up, he shoots up like a rocket, until Joe gently pushes him back down, trying to calm him.
"You're good, I got you." Joe speaks, trying to calm Barry. Barry slowly looks around in confusion.
"Where is everyone?" He asks.
"I figured you wouldn't want an audience when you came to." Joe informs. Barry sighs.
"Yeah, thanks." He speaks. Joe sighs.
"Iris is right. You're not gonna do this anymore. For the last six months I gave you your space to work all this out, come back to us, but today proved that, you'd rather just get yourself killed." Joe bluntly replied. Barry looks away.
"It's better than getting my friends killed." He reminds him. Joe sighs.
"You want me to tell you that it wasn't your fault? I can't. It was.
Guess what? You weren't the only person making decisions that day.
All the rest of us were there too. Eddie and Ronnie, they chose to help you stop Wells, and stop that - Singularity." Joe adds, his voice trailing off.
"Singularity thing." Joe adds. Joe looks Barry in the eyes.
"It's on all of us, Barry. So, stop with this hogging all the blame and regret. We gotta live with it. Move on." He pleads. Barry remains silent after that. He doesn't know how to move on. Ronnie is dead because of him, how can he move on?
"Barry. Look at me." Joe demands. Barry looks away.
"You need to let yourself feel. You need to let yourself cry, son. It's okay." Joe pleads. Barry's blood boils at that statement.
"I can't!" He shouts. He doesn't want to let himself feel. He doesn't want to let himself cry. If he does, he'll never stop.
"Barry, you need to. It's not good to bottle things up like this." Joe sighs. Barry grabs the instruments on the table, and throws them at the wall. What part of he can't, doesn't Joe understand? Joe sighs and decides to give Barry his privacy. He isn't letting himself feel right now, but when he does, he'll be there to comfort him in the inevitable explosion.
A/N: This fic hits home for a me a bit as when I was depressed my emotions just...shut off for three years. My emotions were gone until one day three years later my emotions decided to come back, and I exploded. I don't remember much about the incident, but I do remember, crying, screaming, and throwing things around the room. If you're bottling up your feelings for any reason, don't. It's not healthy to bottle up your emotions. Take it from someone who knows.