Hello readers! I'm going to try to write a story about Black Mesa, specifically, before the Resonance Cascade. What, you don't know what that is? Go play half Life and get off the Half Life Fanfics. Your gunna ruin it for yourself.

You may ask why am I doing a Half Life fanfic. You might as well be asking Cave Johnson to stop making prerecorded messages. Half Life is one of the best games of all time. That is a fact.

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CHAPTER: 1

SUMMARY: Kleiner loses his keys, a race ensues.

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SUBJECTS: FREEMAN, CALHOUN, KLEINER, CROSS

MISSION: HUMOR

STATUS: IN PROGRESS…

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Barney looked at his watch. 8:34. His shift had just ended and he was taking a few shots at the range. The only other guard here was Otis, a surprisingly good shot and-

"Janitor to: I. Kleiner, Office, sector C- Office Complex, please." Barney heard the loudspeaker say. Faster than Otis could eat a donut or smell out a rouge candy bar, he was off, returning his trusty Glock and armor, and running to catch the 8:38 (what inconvenient times!) tram to Sector D.

He managed to get to the monorail with a couple of minute to spare. Deciding that getting to Sector D 2 minute faster was really important, he pushed to button to close the door. It didn't work. He pushed it again. The dreaded "beep" told him no. His finger told the button yes. No. Yes. No. Yesnoyesnoye-

"Pushing it 84 times isn't going to make the doors close any faster, Barney," said a distinctive feminine voice.

Barney turned around, mouth agape. How dare someone even think that? "Says you Cross!" he said in childish rage, going back to pushing it repeatedly. Suddenly, the door closed, and the tram started moving. The security guard pointed at the door and said, "See?"

Gina Cross looked unimpressed. "It's a minute late, Barney."

"Oh. Um…"

"So, why are you going to D? Kleiner has locked himself out of the office again, hasn't he?" A nod from Barney.

"I thought Kleiner moved."

Ok, he started rehearsing in his head, ignoring the scientist next to him.. Off the tram, left, right, left, left, vent on the left, up ladder, left, right, down,-

Wait, "What?"

Cross rolled her eyes. "Kleiner. His office. Is. Moved."

"WHAT?! Where!?" Barney asked franticly, the ever looming threat of a bigger bar tab on his mind.

"The creepy robotic lady said Sector C. You are heading in the opposite direction."

"FUCK! Is there any stops on the way?"

There wasn't.

"Great." Barney grumbled. "Now I have to pay for yet another beer AND it's my turn to pay for Dinner at Tony's tommorow…"

"I'll pay for dinner."

If Barney was a dog (*Insert Knives Out Reference here*), his ears would have been perked up. "Really?"

"On one condition."

"What condition?"

"Ask me tomorrow."

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An hour later, after Barney had gotten on a tram to Sector C, Gordon Freeman watched as his best friend stepped out of the tram. "Guess who owes me another beer?" Gordon asked.

"Me," replied the man who was way too happy for someone who had to pay for both a beer and pizza.

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Annnnd, it's done! In two hours! Oh, and to anyone who is asking me what is going on with BotW, don't worry. I'm working on it. A little teen angst…

Disregard that last word. You guys don't have to hear about any "angst". Fucking hormones :D

~TQ