"When I grow up, I want to meet someone that will make me feel beautiful." Eponine stared at the blonde in front of her with a confused look on her face.
"But what happens when you meet him Cosette? What will you do?"
"I don't know 'Ponine. Maybe I'll be a stay at home mom. Or maybe I'll become an artist." The blonde turned around from the cracked mirror to face the young brunette. "What about you?"
"I wanna get out of here, get out of this town, out of this house." Both girls looked around, it was such a terrible room. Dirt covered the walls and floors, there were cracks on every surface, and the mattress was barely holding together. Cosette's blonde hair was the only pure thing in the room. Eponine's hair blended in.
"How can you do that Eponine? We're only ten years old! We can't drive or take care of ourselves."
"We can run away." Cosette looked at the girl alarmed. This place was terrible, don't get her wrong, but it was better than being homeless.
"Are you insane? We could die! Starve even!"
"Cosette look at us! We're already dirty! There is barely any skin on our bones! We are already starving!" Eponine exclaimed. "Think of all we could do! You could meet that guy you talked about and I could finally escape this terrible place!"
"'Ponine think about this. Where would we stay? What would we eat? You cannot escape this town if you have no education! You'd leave this terrible place for another. Just let me handle this, I promise you, we'll get out of here, but let it be on my terms."
"I don't know if I can wait around that long Cosette." Eponine stared out of the window that looked across the old snow covered town of Allentown, Pennsylvania. She wanted to leave. She couldn't stay here any longer.
She felt a hand on her shoulder. "Yes you can. It won't be long, I swear. My mother said she knew someone that could get us out of here."
"How long will that take?" Eponine turned to face the determined blonde.
"Long enough for us to work on your patience."
The brunette stared at her friend walking back to the mirror to braid her hair. She was jealous of Cosette's pristine look and elegance. They have lived in the same conditions for a year now. Before, they lived at the inn Eponine's parents ran, Cosette was the servant girl and Eponine had the finest clothes, but even then, Cosette was still clean looking and nonetheless beautiful. Now they were both covered in filth, stuck in a foster home that was almost as bad as their previous living situation.
She looked in the mirror from a distance, fairly disappointed with what she saw. Her eyes were mud brown and she couldn't tell which part of her hair was dirt or her natural hair color. Her skin was layered in filth and her fingernails weren't clean. She couldn't remember the last time she had a proper brush through her hair, yet Cosette still looked beautiful.
Cosette's hair was knotted but still looked clean. Her skin was paler and cleaner than Eponine's and her eyes weren't as sunken in. Her cheekbones were a little fuller than the brunette's and her lips weren't as chapped. Eponine felt a little jealous over her friend's beauty but it wasn't Cosette's fault. She had a better future anyway, she'd be a beautiful wife and a lovely house. Her children would be beautiful like her and as poised. Eponine saw this once they were put into this house. She gave the blonde the longer showers and a majority of her soap. A lot of her food was given to her friend.
"I'm going to sleep Cosette, I'll see you in the morning." She received a hum from her friend as she crawled into the queen sized bed. The quilt used to cover her body was worn from overuse and kept in the small amount of heat her body was producing. It was cold and the window was barely holding any heat inside. The heater that was installed in their room only worked half the time.
More specifically the summer.
Eponine turned over to face the cracked wall with chipped paint. It was yellowing and old, much like her dreams of ever getting out of such a terrible place. She fell asleep to the sound of Cosette's melodic voice singing a song about a castle, or a cloud.
Cosette kept her promise to find them a place to stay. It was a whole two months later, but nonetheless they were out of that house and heading for a better place.
The man Cosette found was a richer man who was looking to leave such a small town. He knew the blonde's mother and was given word to take care of her. Eponine came along as well without much convincing from the man whose name is Jean Valjean. He gave them a new last name, and promised them a home in Philadelphia.
"I said you could trust me Eponine, we're free!" Cosette stared at the new mirror installed in her room. "We aren't in Allentown anymore!"
"Well, it took you long enough."
"Aren't you excited! Philadelphia is so full of opportunities!"
"I'm just excited to have my own room," Eponine mumbled.
"Oh and I've heard about the Philly cheesesteaks! They sound so delicious!"
"Cosette-"
"Oh and school! We get to go to school with more people and specifically more guys! What if I meet the guy Eponine?"
"Cosette-"
"Yeah you're right Eponine, education is more important, I wonder what schools Jean will let us go into! I hope it's not an all girls school, some of them can be so dramatic and-"
"Cosette!" The blonde snapped her head to Eponine. "Calm down! We are only ten! We have enough life ahead of us to worry about those things later but can we please worry about unpacking?"
"Oh, right. I apologize, that rambling was quite unladylike of me. Your room first or mine?" She stood and turned to stand next to her brunette friend.
"Yours. It'll take longer so my room will be a breeze." They both opened suitcases and hung the clothes up in the wardrobe given.
"Oh Eponine, you can have these clothes soon. Mr. Jean said he'd take us shopping later this week."
"If we are both going shopping, then why do I need these clothes?"
"You already did so much for me the past year 'Ponine, it's the least I could do. Maybe I could patch some of these things up..." The blonde tucked strands of hair behind her ear, studying the clothes now hanging the in the wardrobe. "Oh! Maybe I could braid your hair later! I'd have to brush it first, that would require you shampooing and conditioning. Which..." she trailed off, "we have plenty of! Now lets finish this real fast, only worry about the clothing! We need to fix your hair!"
Later that morning they finished both rooms. Cosette had somehow gotten Eponine in the shower before her, which hadn't happened since they lived at the inn.
"Oh your hair is so smooth Eponine! We actually have brushes to get all those knots out. You'll look so beautiful!"
But not as beautiful as you always do.
"I bet all those boys will be fawning over you once we go back to school," she continued.
No, they'll be too busy staring at the elegance you possess to give me a second glance.
"I highly doubt that fixing my hair will make me any more appealing to the eye Cosette." Eponine stared into the reflection of the blonde's mirror as her hair was being fixed. Her face was clean and her fingernails had no trace of dirt. She'd have clothes that were in great condition soon enough and she may just gain some weight. But she knew that no amount of dresses, bows, makeup, and cleanliness on her would ever hold a candle to Cosette at any point in time. At ten, it sounded trivial and much to out of character to be thinking of such things as beauty, but she thought the sooner she came to realize the truth, the easier it would be to give her friend the best of everything.
Both girls started going to a public school their sophomore year at the age fifteen. Cosette had been dying to go for five years, but Jean insisted on homeschooling. He and the blonde held a relationship similar to something you'd see a father and daughter share. Jean and Eponine were more of friends than family, not that either of them minded.
The girls had only one class together, no lunch, or homeroom. Eponine spent most of her days that first semester just getting in and out of class. She didn't talk to anyone and didn't want to. Her lunches were spent in the library and her free period in the computer lab. She liked Philadelphia but it wasn't a place she would live forever.
Whenever Jean picked the girls up, Cosette would fill the car with her bubbly laughing and smiles, telling stories of what happened in her first block. Eponine would stay quiet, knowing that her day was the same routine.
However, in October, Eponine met a nice freckled face boy. His name was Marius and he was so charming. He'd laugh at her jokes and sit with her at lunch. He was the new reason Eponine spent a little longer in the bathroom and put more effort into her outfits. She brushed her hair more and more, ensuring the knots were out, and she always coated her lips in chapstick just in case. Anyone that knew her would know she was smitten but Marius was oblivious and Cosette was just proud she was turning into more of a girl.
She went to his practices for moral support. He'd run around doing football drills and she'd sit in the stands doing homework. After, he'd drive her home but she always made him drop her off two blocks away.
If he saw Cosette all hope would be lost for me.
He told her how his friends asked who she was and wanted to meet her. He didn't know that got her heart racing. The first Monday in November he made her sit with his friends and himself. They all seemed nice to her but she was transfixed on the fact that she was sitting with Marius.
"I think I know you. If I'm not mistaken, you're in my AP chemistry class aren't you?" The boy with the glasses asked. She only gave him a nod. "Well I'm Combeferre. Have you finished the project on chemical compositions yet?"
They talked the rest of lunch about Mr. Walker's class and the people in it. She found a friend in Combeferre and the other friends of Marius.
"And today Abigail did the craziest thing! Some guy came and asked her out and she said no! Eponine if someone asked me out I'd surely say yes!" Cosette exclaimed in the confinement of her room. "I'm not as pretty as Abigail, guys don't ask me things like that."
Eponine had to suppress an eyeroll. She hung out with guys, none of them had really shown interest in Marius' group of friends, but the rest of the football players worshipped the very ground she walked on. They were too intimidated to talk to her.
"I'm sure one day a guy will realize you are just a pretty as she is."
"Thanks Eponine! You're really too sweet. I hope some guy will realize that you're beautiful."
As long as you're alive, that won't happen.
"Which reminds me, do you want to go to the football game with me tomorrow? I've never gone because of homework and Abigail and Elizabeth had to do something else but I realize we haven't hung out in a while."
"Yeah sure. Just don't ask so many questions during the game." Truth was, Eponine had already made plans to go. Marius' friends were all playing. And Marius had asked her to go with some convincing from Combeferre.
"Really? This is going to be so much fun!"
That Friday evening Cosette and Eponine were dropped off at the school. "Keep warm and stay together. I'll be back to pick you up after the game." Cosette looked around as Jean talked. "Eponine, come here please." When the brunette approached, he continued. "I need you to watch out for her, Cosette is a little naive and innocent when it comes to these things. Promise me that?"
"Yes sir."
"Text me when you're in the last quarter. And don't forget to have fun Eponine." She nodded and made a move to walk away, but he stopped her. "I mean it. Don't get caught up making sure she has fun, remember to remember yourself."
"I'll try." It was a safe answer, she'd probably have tons of fun watching Marius, Combeferre, and the rest of their friends, but she wasn't one for social events.
"Can you believe this Eponine? This is so exciting! I can't believe I haven't taken you to a game yet! Abigail and Elizabeth are fun to be with but you're so blunt!" She said as they walk into the stadium and to their seats.
"Cosette?"
"Yes?"
"We haven't found a seat yet. Calm down."
"Oh, right." The blonde tugged at her scarf and gloves, looking around almost as if she was nervous. She bit her lip and impatiently walked behind Eponine.
"Are you in a rush? The game doesn't start for another ten minutes." Cosette snapped her attention to the brunette dressed warmly in coats.
"No, I'm just cold and I want to sit down. What're you looking for?"
"Well the fifty yard line is the best spot because it's the halfway mark. The upper area would be better for viewing so we don't have to look over everyone's head. So we have about ten more yards until we go up some stairs and then we'll be at our spot. Can you hold out that long?" The blonde nodded. Cosette followed swiftly and gracefully like she was always expected to. When they finally arrived at the spot Eponine had described, Cosette sat with the elegance of a queen. She brushed the few hairs out of her face to show those sapphire blue eyes that were another shade every day.
The game started a few minutes after. She saw Marius and Combeferre only because they were the only ones on the team whose number she knew by heart. They couldn't see her, not that they'd actually try. She got a kick out of watching Marius block and Combeferre run with the ball. Cosette cheered as most would, whenever someone caught the ball or someone scored a touchdown. Eponine caught her smiling bashfully and tucking her hair behind her ears like you'd see in the movies. She'd bite her lip in an innocent way that somehow showed flirtation. Whenever Eponine asked, the blonde would shrug her off and say it was nothing.
"Hey, it's halftime!" Cosette cheered. "Do you want some food? I want some food. I'll go get some yeah?" She was halfway down the stairs when Eponine called again.
"Do you need help?"
"What? No no no no. I'm great, fine even! No help needed!" She disappeared into the crowd and Eponine sat back down. Cosette had been acting strange when she came back with nachos. Her cheeks were flushed and lips a new shade of pink. Eponine wanted to dismiss it as the effect the cold air was having on her, but her nose wasn't pink like it usually was.
The game ended in a win. Cosette excused herself to speak to some friends she saw, Eponine let her go on the promise that she'd be in front of the school when Jean came to pick them up. She went to find Marius or Combeferre. The former was nowhere to be found around his group of friends and neither was the latter.
"Are you looking for someone? Perhaps Pontmercy?" She turned to face an angelic figure. His hair was curled but matted to his forehead. His hair was a yellow color but probably a golden color when dry. He was wearing a football jersey with the number fifteen on it.
"I was, not anymore I suppose. You look familiar, what position?"
"Quarterback."
"Oh," the heat in her cheeks rose a few degrees. How could she be so stupid as to not recognize him? He was a legend.
She just didn't know his name.
"Do you know where Combeferre would be?" She asked.
"Probably over there by Courfeyrac." She gave him a questioning glance. "Seriously? You've sat with us all week and don't know who he is?"
Eponine shrugged, "I only really talked to Combeferre and Marius. Combeferre is in my AP Chemistry class. And I had a question about something my teacher said."
"Courfeyrac is the black haired boy over there. Number twenty-one."
"Thanks." They spoke no more as she walked away from him. In fact, that was the last conversation she ever planned on having with him. He was an angel, or perhaps the god of the sun. He was meant for great things and he would accomplish them. She didn't want to ruin that. She had a habit of ruining anything she got involved in.
"How was the game?" Jean had asked the second they got in the car. Eponine stayed silent, expecting the blonde to take over the conversation like always.
She never did.
Cosette sat in the front noticeably giddy and odd. "It was fine I guess. I think Cosette enjoyed herself a lot more than I did though." It wasn't far from the truth, Eponine was exhausted and worn out from the night's events. She wanted to see Marius but he wasn't available.
Jean didn't reply and the car ride was silent for the rest of the way home. Cosette ran up the stairs immediately once they arrived at their house. Eponine followed shortly and departed for her own room. She never talked to Marius tonight, Combeferre said he was looking for someone.
Maybe he was looking for her? Did he have something important to say? What if his feelings were reciprocated?
She found herself becoming giddy at the thoughts but quickly dismissed them as she worked on her world history paper on D-Day from Europe's point of view. The paper itself was due that coming Wednesday, she figured it would be nice to knock it out of her way.
About two hours later, an hour into the early morning, there was a knock at her door. Eponine opened it to find Jean standing at the door.
"You should really go to bed Eponine."
"I was working on a paper for world history."
"And when is it due?" There was a certain scrutiny in his eye saying that she shouldn't be doing it right now. He knew that she had a few days before it was due.
"Wednesday."
He nodded, "you have plenty of time."
"I know, but I can work on other things!"
"Eponine, shouldn't you go out, and gee, I don't know, make friends?" Her teeth gritted at the slight jeer at her nonexistent social life.
"I have friends Jean!"
"Your age?"
"Yes."
"Girls?"
"No. They're all boys."
He sighed and closed his eyes, probably fighting off the urge to shake her to get his point across. "Eponine, make friends with girls your age. Guys are great but there are a few things you can't share with a guy."
"Jean I don't want to. They think I'm weird!"
"Just try?" He pleaded with her.
"Goodnight Jean." She shut the door and turned off the lamp at her desk. Her hair was forgotten as she climbed in bed. As she fell asleep she thought of seeing Marius in just three days.
He wasn't looking for her that night, of course he wasn't. Marius found love in the form of the gorgeous blonde she shared a house with. She knew she'd always lose to her. Eponine was nothing compared to the lark two rooms down. She should've seen it coming, every good thing in her life was short lived, and every bad thing was prolonged.
Jean was the longest good thing.
Combeferre noticed her changed expression and often confronted her in class about it. She never gave a word to him.
"Eponine, what's wrong?"
"Nothing. I'm just stressed about this paper." She skipped lunch and any free time not in class. She found herself being in the library most of those times. The sound of turning pages made her forget about the constant ache in her heart. Eponine often buried herself in work and extra credit. The outside world didn't exist. She stopped going to football games and any social event. She'd wake up, go to school, and go home. Jean hadn't said anything, being too caught up in Cosette's boyfriend status to notice.
On a Friday afternoon, she worked on a history paper due in two weeks. Something about the civil war and Clara Barton's role. This is the closest she's ever come to procrastinating in a long time, Cosette and Marius had her attention with sending letters back and forth. Eponine had gotten to a point to just stay in places they would never stay in for a long time, the library, and avoid places where they'd often be, a coffee shop. Marius' friends hadn't really talked to her, which wasn't a surprise considering she'd only talked to Combeferre regularly and his angelic friend once.
She jumped at the sound of books dropping on her table. One was the biography of Clara Barton and another was an AP Stat textbook. Her eyes traveled up the pale hands to meet fierce blue eyes and a smirk that sent her stomach swirling.
"You looked lonely and there wasn't another table for me to use." He took the seat across from her and pushed the biography in her direction. "Here, I have Ms. Evans first block and she gave us the exact same assignment, this book helped tremendously."
Eponine continued to stare at him with no emotion. Why was he talking to her? What did she ever do to him.
He sighed and ran a calloused hand through his hair. She imagined it was from football. "Listen Eponine, I'm not gonna do anything, just study. I thought you could use some company, you've been avoiding us all since that game two weeks ago."
"Leave me alone." She didn't question how he knew her name. She never thought that he could've been paying attention to her at the lunch table when she sat with them.
"Just because Marius and Cosette are dating doesn't mean you have to throw everything away. I know you like him."
"You don't know anything!" She growled leaning over the table. She hoped that she looked threatening because on the inside she felt terrible, broken, in shambles.
"I know that you liked him. I'm not stupid Eponine, you looked at him like he's the second coming."
She sat in silence because she knew he was right. Her life was spent looking for good things and holding onto them, because in a short time, they'd be gone. She thought Marius would be hers, and to have him taken by Cosette tore her apart. For her friend was the beautiful and majestic lark while Eponine was the ugly duckling cursed when the unattractive face for life.
"Eponine, you deserve better than him. Don't beat yourself up over him." She sat back, almost appalled at the man for saying these kind words to her. Part of her hated him for being right though, so she kept her surprise at bay.
"I came here to study, not to talk to a stranger about my love life. Goodbye Enjolras." He looked at her with utter surprise when she stood. Maybe it was the fact that she was walking away from him, or maybe it was the fact that she remembered his name.
She'd never know.
Cosette and Marius lasted all sophomore year and even the summer of their junior year. Jean stopped asking about the blonde's day after her tenth story on her boyfriend. He was growing to miss the innocent little blonde he saved from the foster home. Over the year, he had grown closer to Eponine as they both looked at the blonde who had changed so much in so little time.
"How long do you think she'll be out tonight?" He asked the brunette at dinner one night. Cosette was spending her birthday night with Marius while her family stayed at home eating spaghetti and leftover birthday cake.
Eponine shrugged. "It all depends, eleven, maybe twelve. I don't know anymore." He saw this disappointment behind her ebony brown eyes. He knew they were close at a young age, and he definitely knew the crush she held on the blonde's boyfriend. He saw the pain on her face that was covered up with a smile every time Cosette innocently boasted about what her and Marius did. He knew that she was endlessly in love with Cosette's boyfriend, but he also knew about the one guy who was hopelessly in love with her.
"Are you doing anything tomorrow that I should know about?" He asked.
"I might go to the movies with some friends." He raised an eyebrow at this because he knew exactly who was going.
He asked anyway.
"R said it'd just be him, Courf, Joly, Chetta, and 'Ferre."
Oh but Jean wasn't dumb, he was a teenage boy once and knew what would happen. He knew that a certain person would show up even though he wasn't listed. It happened every time and Jean was shocked that she hadn't caught on.
Perhaps she fell in love with an oblivious boy because she too was oblivious to the boy in love with her.
He knew that in a short amount of time, she would fall in love again, and it scared him. He loved her like a daughter, and if she fell in love that would only confirm that they in fact are only getting older.
"You drop me in this pool Enjolras I swear to God I will slit your throat when you fall asleep tonight."
"Good thing I don't really sleep."
"Don't you dare-" The blonde dropped the brunette into the pool as their friends watched passively. They were hanging out at Courfeyrac's house. It was meant to be a pool party but Eponine was the only one who was dry.
Until a few seconds ago, of course.
"Go to hell," she muttered when resurfacing. Her hair was stuck to her face and she could barely make out his faint smirk from her thick tresses. The brown almost black hair blocked the view the silent feud going on between Combeferre and Enjolras. By the time she flipped them out of her face, he was nowhere to be seen. "Where did he go?" She asked.
"He left, said he had something to do," Courfeyrac said. None of the Amis had seen her disappointed face and fake smile. Without her consent, her heart dropped. She wanted him to be around more, she could never describe the feeling when he was around. Was it sheer happiness when he was around and pure disappointment? Was it-?
No It couldn't be.
She wouldn't allow herself to do it again.
Not another beautiful heartbreak.
Eponine helped with the dishes one night, when Jean and her were alone, again. Cosette was with Marius again, going to see a movie. It seemed so long ago when Cosette was actually home, all Jean wanted was just a meal with her,a conversation, nothing else. She was a hello and a goodbye, she wasn't paying attention to the family she had around them, just the future family she might have with him. But Eponine was here, more than willing to help with dishes and supper, more than willing to talk. He still had that fear inside that she would eventually realize the boy who has been in love with her for a while now. It was a selfish fear that consumed him every time Cosette had a date and Eponine stayed behind. It flared up when they watched rom coms and Nicholas Sparks movies.
"You haven't talked about what's going on with your friends lately 'Ponine." She froze for a split second and continued drying, it was unnoticable to someone who didn't know her.
"What's there to talk about? Enjolras has been ignoring me since the pool party and I don't know why."
"Well, have you talked to him about it?"
"I would, if he actually picked up the phone. I swear, he lets it ring on purpose."
"What happened that day? Did you say anything to upset him?"
"No, he just threw me in the pool and was gone when I resurfaced." She was quiet for a moment longer, staring at the dish in her hands. "I've left him five voicemails Jean, I don't think he's heard them."
"What did they say?"
Eponine put the dish down and looked at him with her brown eyes pooling with water. "I told him that I understood. Every good thing leaves." For Jean, it was too much to see the brave brunette in tears. That Enjolras kid may not know, but she practically just confessed anything other than platonic feelings. He brought the girl into a hug and let her cry it out. His shirt was soaked with tears and probably stretched in the back from where she was gripping it. "I apologized," she said through his chest, "for being the one thing in this world that couldn't satisfy. For not saying everything that needed to be said."
"You love him," he concluded. Eponine nodded against his chest and cried again.
"And I don't want to. I don't want to Jean! But he makes it so damn hard! Is it to much to ask to be alone?"
"Some of us aren't meant to be alone. Some of us can live alone knowing our worth, some aren't convinced unless there is someone there every day telling them how lovely they are. He might just be that person."
"I'm fine on my own Jean. I don't need someone to tell me anything."
"When was the last time you were happy Eponine? Was it when your parents were happy? Was it before you found out about Marius and Cosette? Or where you ever truly happy?"
She was silent, but her grip on his shirt tightened. "I don't know. I don't think I ever was. I don't think I deserve it."
"You never get to decide what you deserve. You don't choose who loves you and who hates you. Sometimes, you don't even deserve the love, but they love you anyway. The thing is Eponine, you may not deserve it, but you have the chance to receive it, why would you push it away?"
"He'll finally know."
"Know what?"
"How I destroy everything I touch."
Cosette decided to stay home one night, it had been so long since she had been with her family. She had hardly seen Eponine which would explain why she hadn't heard about her and Enjolras. The brunette had seen almost melancholy lately, but maybe she was always like that. Eponine was always the realist.
"So, you and Enjolras?" She asked once they were finally alone.
"What's there to say?"
"C'mon Ep, I haven't been around lately, I don't know everything."
"Not my fault you're too busy with Marius to care what goes on around here." There was a certain bitterness in her tone. The hate wasn't all aimed at her. Maybe the blonde angel she had been acquainted with.
"I know, and I'm sorry. But-"
"But Marius is so convincing and persuading you couldn't say no? I've heard that before Cosette and it's no excuse to abandon your family. A boyfriend doesn't excuse your selfish actions to just forget about us. We were here before he was!" She said angrily.
"Why are you getting mad? I'm trying to apologize to you! If you can't be grateful enough for my apology then-"
"You don't get it do you Cosette? Do you?"
"Get what?" Cosette was angry but confused at the same time. How could something be so bad in Eponine's life? She was always fine.
"Get what it feels like to be second best?"
"And how would you know what that feels like?"
"I liked Marius." Her gut clenched and her heart raced. "I liked him long before you two started dating. But I got over it once I saw how happy he made you."
"I'm so sorry Eponine, I didn't mean to-"
She held up her hand. "I wasn't finished." Her eyes closed and her teeth bit the chapped bottom lip. "I started drowning myself in work, I didn't want to see you or talk to you because deep inside I hated you for taking the only source of happiness in my life. I hated you for proving that I wasn't good enough for him. Enjolras confronted me in the library after school one day. He told me I deserved better. I fell in love with him. I fucking fell in love with Cosette!" She cried. Eponine tugged at her hair and held her eyes shut. Cosette broke at the sight of her friend like this. "I told myself I wouldn't allow it to happen. He's too perfect for me Cosette. I can't do this to myself anymore. I don't deserve him at all."
In the midst of the tears, Cosette brought the brunette into a hug. "You know Eponine, I read this book, and it said 'we accept the love we think we deserve.' You don't think you deserve him but what if he thinks the same thing?"
"He's good enough for anyone in that school."
"That may be true, but he only wants you." Cosette untangled herself from the brunette and walked over to a bookshelf. "Here, take this, you remind me of the main character."
In Eponine's hands held The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Her later life line.
He did love her. And was planning on telling her soon but he didn't get the chance. Enjolras was hospitalized after being in a surfing accident. She remembered sitting at his bedside crying as his heart monitor beeps became less frequent. She tried to be strong and read him Perks, but it didn't stop the flat line. That moment went by in slow motion it seemed, doctors rushed in and pushed her out of the way, but she just wanted to see.
She just wanted to see him.
She never wanted to forget.
Eponine wanted to remember the crinkle in between his eyebrows that formed when he laughed. She wanted to remember his laughter and joy whenever he was around his friends. Or the soft look in his eyes whenever he looked at her. That look, the laugh, all gone.
She remembered sitting in a corner of the room crying as they tried to revive him. To no avail, the monitor was forever flatlined. A month after his death, she hardly left her room. Jean brought food to her door and made sure she ate it. Cosette would stop by and comfort her, along with the other Amis. But in the middle of the night, she'd sneak out to his burial site and stay there until morning.
"I never told you that I loved you. I guess I was afraid to. What if you left me like Marius did? But sitting here, it made me realize I wish I told you sooner. I wish I told you the reason why I avoided you. I'm," Tears streamed down her face, but she tried to hold in the monsoon threatening to come out. "I'm so sorry." She gripped his tombstone, biting her lip to feel something. To feel pain, something to distract her from the hole in her heart. "I love you Enjolras. And I'm sorry I never told you." Her tears darkened the name written in stone and her trembling fingers traced it. "I'm so sorry." That night, like every night, she read to him. It was always Perks of Being a Wallflower, she felt like it described the feeling she felt inside every time love was brought up.
"'...because things change. And friends leave. And life doesn't stop for anybody,'" she read. "I really did love you Enjolras. I shouldn't have, maybe you would still be alive if I didn't say so. I don't know if I told this to you, but all good things leave me eventually. You were just another, I'm sorry it had to be you."
Somewhere that night she could hear a soft voice whispering I forgive you.
That's the end! Hope you enjoyed it, and if it's not too much to ask, would you leave a review? I'm taking requests and I would love any constructional criticism.