Words
Words.
Two. Simple. Words
Rationally, when I think about it, I know that the words don't mean anything much, they're just letters that fit together to form a sentence. Each word is used all the time without any significance to me. And yet, I can't find a way to bring those words together and then verbalize them to the one person who needs to hear them most. How does one tell someone that the life they once knew, Is now over. Not that anyone's life would really be ended by this, but it would change everything. I mean, we've been together for what, two months? That hardly constitutes a stable relationship, something you should have when you're in a…predicament like this. I know he said that he wanted all of me, with him, forever. And I know he meant what he said, now at least. But what about ten years from now, or twenty? Will he still love me? Will he still want me? As powerful as the word "love" seems now, will it still hold the same meaning for him down the road? After all, it is just a word.
They are just words. And yet, they have the ability to ruin everything, or, you know, have the opposite effect.
Dripping wet from the shower, with only a towel around his waist, Tommy walks into the room, throws on a pair of boxers, and climbs into bed. After a quick kiss, he settles down. His breathing slows, and I can tell he is drifting to sleep.
Gathering all the courage I can, I speak.
"Tommy?"
When he doesn't respond, I try again.
"Tommy?"
"hm, yeah?" His voice is rough with sleep.
"I need to…There's something I need to tell you, something I've been meaning to tell you" I'm nervous, scared, and despite my best efforts, he can hear every thing I'm
feeling right now in my voice.
Sensing something wrong, he immediately wakes up, and turns over to me.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing really, I just…"
Deep breath in…
And out.
Okay, I tell myself, feebly, I can do this. It's now or never.
"I'm pregnant"
Silence.
The deafening kind.
He starts to say something, then pauses. His face stoic. Nothing about it reveals any sort of emotion, except maybe shock. Which is kind of to be expected.
And we lay there, for what seems like forever. Minutes pass, without a word from either of us, until finally, his face breaks into a smile.
"We're having a baby?"
I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding, and my eyes fill with tears.
"You're happy? Because that wasn't exactly the reaction I was expecting, I mean when I found out I was freaked and I, god, I couldn't believe it and, and…"
He cuts me off, interrupting my nervous chatter
"Jude, of course I'm happy. I love you, you're my family now"
"So, you're really okay with this?" My voice is weak, vulnerable.
"Are you okay this? Forget me, forget your family, and forget Darius, do you want this?"
Without a moment of hesitation I answer
"More than anything…"
He smiles again, and climbs out of bed, heading towards his dresser. I sit up and slide my legs to the floor, trying to figure out what Tommy is doing.
After digging around a bit, he walks back. Kneeling in front of me, his face coming dangerously close to mine, he opens up the blue velvet box in his hands, revealing what looks an awful lot like an engagement ring. Just before our lips touch, he whispers two simple words. Words that could change everything.
"Marry me"