Maria patted her nearly five month bump tenderly, speaking softly to the child that had been conceived in such love and joy, and who was now growing so strongly under her heart "Where can your father be? He seems to have completely disappeared." She searched for her husband everywhere, finally finding him sitting outside on one of the garden benches, oblivious to the cold and staring unseeingly at the dark waters of lake and the night sky. He had been quiet during dinner, barely making any conversation, while the children chattered around him, and she had watched him with concern and love. The latest news from the wireless had been troubling to say the least. The talk of Anschluss was growing stronger each day.

"Darling, it's cold, come inside," she said softly. But he just shook his head. She kissed the top of his head and sat next to him on the bench in silence, respecting his need to be alone with his thoughts but squeezing his hand at the same time.

After a while he said quietly "Last week when we went for a walk in the mountains, surrounded by such exquisite beauty it made me realize even more how much we have to lose. I want all the children to be able to appreciate the extraordinary beauty of this country and understand what it means to be an Austrian. I hope the children will never let their love for Austria die no matter what happens."

She could tell he had been brooding again, his anguish over the future had been present throughout their marriage, often triggered by further grim news from the newspapers that would leave him tight-lipped with anger and frustration. It also filled her own heart with cold dread, not knowing what would happen and what it would mean for her very principled and honorable husband. She squeezed his hand tightly in agreement as he continued.

"The Third Reich is waiting like a ravening wolf to devour us. Everything is so uncertain - the empire has disintegrated and Austria's fragile democracy has already been crushed. When Chancellor Dollfuss was murdered by those jack-booted Nazi thugs I thought things could not be worse, but I think there will be many more dark days ahead. Hitler humiliates Chancellor von Schuschnigg at every turn. They are trying to strangle us economically and bring us to our knees politically. I don't know how long von Schuschnigg can hold out for the dream of a free and independent Austria."

The looming horror of the future increasingly intruded on the peaceful oasis of their family life and it was growing in intensity. Last week, Marta had come home from school and said her teacher had played the German anthem Deutschlandlied to the class encouraging the children to learn the words of the first stanza. The music was an exquisite piece, ironically composed by an Austrian composer – Josef Haydn – with a lovely harmonization that could melt the coldest heart. It was called the Emperor quartet and was dedicated to the Austrian emperor, but it was now overlaid by an ugly, aggressive ethos of Nazi domination. The lyrics – Deutschland über alles – 'Germany over all' from the first stanza were now being reinterpreted to represent Nazi expansionist goals.

Georg's eyes had instantly lit with fury and he had snapped that he would rather drink ground glass in his tea before he would sing that song.* The children had been startled by his vehemence. Maria had placed her hand on his arm to soothe him and he had made a visible effort to calm himself, explaining simply that he did not believe in what the Nazi's believed in Germany and that their own values as a family were completely opposed to the Nazi's immoral and repugnant ideas. The children listened as he told them about those abhorrent beliefs, astonished, in a way that only children can be, that other adults could not so easily tell the difference between right and wrong as their father could.

Now, sitting outside, he was silent for a long time, lost in his thoughts and fears for what would come. She too, felt a familiar sick feeling in the pit of her stomach whenever she thought of the bleak future. Then he said, "Maria, I know we have argued many times about this before, but I must do what is right for Austria when the time comes."

It continued to be a source of tension between them, their first argument on their honeymoon and the only issue in which they were not in accord in their marriage. If the time came, he wanted her to leave with the children for England or France and safety while he remained behind. Maria of course, as stubborn as he was, flatly refused, leading to many difficult arguments.

"Georg listen to me – "

"No, you listen to me," he said forcefully. "If the Nazis take over Austria, I will need you to take the children to England long before. You will all be safe with Agathe's family. I don't think that even Hitler would dare take on the might of the British Empire. If you prefer to go to France or the Netherlands I also have friends there who can help you. I will stay here and do what is necessary. I cannot stand by and let Austria be destroyed forever, even if they put me in prison."

"They will kill you. If they can kill the Chancellor of the Austrian Republic they would just as easily destroy you. I read the papers too, I know what they do to anyone who opposes their vile hate-filled ideas in Germany, they would do the same here."

"Maria, you know the words of the Irish philosopher Edmund Burke from 100 years ago – all it takes for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.** I made a lifelong oath to serve and defend Austria when I joined the Imperial navy. I will not run away from this. How could I live with myself if I did nothing to safeguard Austria's freedom – its very existence? Perhaps if there are enough of us who oppose them we can make a difference."

She pleaded with him "Georg, who amongst your friends would stand with you? Although some do not agree with them, they only say it quietly, fearfully and not publically the way you do. Some are intimidated by their ugly threats, while others are taken in and deceived by their lies and false promises. I am not asking you to be less than you are. I know your courage, integrity and honour are greater than any other man's. But you have to think of your family first. You have always said that there is nothing you wouldn't do for the children. If you die, you will destroy their lives. They have already lost their mother, they would not be able to bear losing you too."

She was struggling to get the words out as tears clogged her throat and threatened to spill from her eyes. "And what about this precious baby – he will need his father with him as he grows up." She placed his hand on their child. He closed his eyes almost as if in pain and heaved a heavy sigh, then he leaned across and tenderly kissed and caressed her stomach as she stroked his hair.

Standing up, he drew her to her feet, enfolding her in his arms and kissing her softly. He said quietly "What kind of world will this child be born into, if people do not stand up to evil? I need to do this for the future of all our children, to protect our homeland and our values. There are times when a man has to follow his conscience no matter what the price."

She swallowed, anguish clutching at her heart. "Your sacrifice would be wasted, but if you save yourself now then you can live to fight a battle that can be won. And as I have said many times before if that is path you choose then I will stay by your side after we send the children to safety."

"No! You must do as I say," his temper was beginning to fray at her stubbornness. "I will never let you do that, the children need you and you must take care of this baby. I will not let you face any danger."

"If we are lucky we will have a few more years yet before anything happens. I will not leave you – "

"Maria, why must you be so difficult about this?" he interrupted angrily. "When we married you made a vow before God to obey me," he reminded her furiously.

"Well you knew from the day we met that I would always be terrible at following orders." She made a weak attempt to smile. "And in any case I also made a vow to God to love and honor you, and during our honeymoon when we went to the Notre Dame, I gave thanks to God for giving me this wonderful life with you and I promised God I would never leave your side, no matter what."

"You have a responsibility to the children –"

"And so do you!" this time she interrupted passionately. "They do not want a heroic martyred father. They need you alive and well to guide them through life. They will always carry Austria in their hearts, even if Austria is obliterated from the map, and that is a form of resistance in itself, but they cannot manage without you."

He rubbed the back of his neck in frustration and then walked over and angrily gripped the gate leading down to the water. As in their other arguments over this he was infuriated by her refusal to accede to his wishes. Her fears and anguish made her feel ready to weep but she would not give in on this, it was too important. If she did not stop him he would walk heedlessly into his doom. It would be a courageous but utterly futile act since few others would join him. And she knew losing him would be more than she could bear. She understood far better now how it was that he had been so lost in grief and despair over his first wife. She did not know how she would be able to find the strength to carry on if he were gone forever.

"Georg, please darling, let's not fight over this now. I think we all realize that it will happen but I hope it will not happen for some time. There may be other options – if we all leave Austria together we can still fight them. Others will oppose them and we can join them. I have faith that we will make the right decision for the family when the time comes."

"Maria, you know my faith is not strong like yours, I have seen too much horror in the last war which was supposed to be the war to end all wars."

Both of them felt the heavy weight of oppression of their argument but were unable shake it off and bridge the yawing gulf between them. She felt so upset that the day that had started off so beautifully should end with a wedge driven between them.

This morning had started with much laughter when she scolded him for his ridiculous over-protectiveness over her pregnancy, but secretly enjoying the breakfast in bed and the way he seemed happy to attend to her every need. It had progressed to them watching the children playing an exuberant game of volleyball, with Georg joining in but refusing to allow Maria to do so too. He made up for it by occasionally stealing kisses when the children were not looking. Afterwards he and the boys had come up with increasingly absurd names for the coming baby, with the boys insisting that this time it would be a boy to balance out the family and the girls objecting with annoyance. She had enjoyed the good natured bickering of her wonderful family, her heart full of happiness.

Now however all she felt was an aching sense of fear and grief. She realized with her heart breaking that one of the reasons Georg gave so freely and generously of himself to both her and the children was because perhaps he feared deep inside that time was running out. He was living each precious moment as if it should be treasured, cherished and lived to the fullest. Perhaps that was also why - although his delight and joy over her pregnancy had been boundless - there were still shadows in his eyes sometimes when he touched and kissed her growing stomach. He was fearful of bringing another child into this terrible uncertainty.

She prayed every day to God, to give her the guidance to steer him away from the path he seemed determined to take, a brave path but ultimately a fatal one. For a man of his courage, honor and sense of duty the dilemma was an easy one – defending his country was more important than his own safety – as he had proven time and again during the Great War. But if she could make him see how it would destroy his beloved children, then perhaps that would give him pause. She would never put this baby in danger. But she knew her arguments about the baby and the children were probably one of the few things that might persuade him to change his mind. She only hoped that when the time came, her persuasion would be enough.

Suddenly she felt a tiny movement almost like a butterfly fluttering its tiny wings in her stomach and she felt a great surge of elation and hope. She walked over to her husband who was staring out at the lake, and put his hand on her stomach again, her hand covering his. He felt the first small soft movements, and despite this being his eighth child, there was still a splintering wonder and awe in his eyes.

"Your son or daughter is reaching out to us with its tiny hand," she said with tears of happiness in her eyes. "This baby will live to see a better world than the one that we are facing right now – I am sure of it."

As he stroked her stomach gently, reaching out to their child, his eyes lost the look of a man staring into the abyss and instead were suffused with love and tranquility. He kissed the tears away from her cheeks.

She led him back inside and upstairs to their room. As she shut the door she felt as if she were shutting the door on the bleakness of the future so that they could - at least for the moment - enjoy the many precious blessings of the present.

Notes

*The 'ground glass' words are words from the real Captain von Trapp, as told by Maria von Trapp in her book The Trapp Family Singers

**The quote "all it takes for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing" has been attributed to a number of philosophers including Burke, John Stuart Mill and Plato.