Dear reader... Is no way or form is this to make sense... I am thoroughly bored and this came to mind. It's probably not even funny... It's just meant to make you go "O.o wtf did I just read?" ... Now enjoy this FINE PEACE OF AMERICAN LITERATURE!

::is shot for not writing my real stories:: TToTT

The air lingered with the hot scent of chestnuts and old man sweat. It was mid afternoon and the entire Varia was off doing their own activities. Squalo was combing his hair, Fran was watching TV, Bel was off killing someone somewhere and banging the corpses, Lussuria was out shopping and of course Xanxus was alone on his office drinking tequila. But that left one more. The person no one ever put a pleasant thought to in their minds. That was the lightning guardian Levi a. Than.

He sat by himself in the field behind mansion wondering why it was that no one every loved him. He was a good person wasn't he? He asked to himself. Of course his inner monologues were no where near as dramatic or cool or moving as any of the good characters- anyway, he stared up at the sky as all the fluffy white clouds floated by. He wondered it he should become a poet and leave his cruel live at the Varia mansion. Suddenly -

"PIFF PIFF!" a faerie in a frilly pink school girl out fit appeared in front of him! His hair was scruffy blonde and was slightly greasy which matched the large amounts of acne on his pale face.

"W-who are you?" The mustache guardian asked in his obnoxious voice.

The faerie looked at him in disgust for a moment before replying "I'm Pyffy the magical girl faerie! Who are you Mr. Moooooostachiou?"

"I'm Le-"

"Well I don't give a damn! Want me to grant you a wish?" He said boredly as his dusted some purple sparkles off his knee socks.

"Yes! I would liked to be loved by the whole Varia! Especially Xanxus-sama!"

"Really? Is that what you want?" He said as the dumbass that no one loved nodded his head eagerly. "Well too bad that's impossible! I'm gonna have you go die in a hole now! PIF PIF!" He twirled his magical green lamb as its sprayed orange milk upon Levi. The ugly mustache ugly turned into a puddle of melted sea salt ice cream in the grass. "Wow, I didn't know something so awful could turn into something to great!" He said in shock. "Well, time to go read about some moe little girls!" and in a cloud of car fur, he was gone.

Quickly the Varia found a replacement for their lightning guardian which everyone else had forgotten the name of. This replacement was a person of extremely high value and was adored by the entire Mafia across the world. Her beauty shattered the confidence of even the most homosexual man and gave him a hard on just from her very presence. Her name was Shela the rock! Yes, she was a two by three inch mass of solid quartz, sex and godliness. No one could even dare to beat her. Soon enough , she ruled the world! The world was now filled with yaoi, ice cream, yaoi flavored ice cream and sexy bishonen. Women became capable of just making babies appear so that they didn't have to worry about interrupting the wonder our yaoi going on and were free to have wonderful yuri moments! The world was in an amazing state of being

Sometime during her rule a tiny dog peed on a puddle of melted ice cream and everyone felt symotaniously at peace.

THE END
Lol