LOVING ON SUCH SWEET NOTHING
(Title from from a poem by Florence Welch)
(Leia)
I'm done with my political science seminar on how the Empire rose to power. Now off to see my boyfriend.
I became involved with the Rebellion two years ago, when I was fifteen. My father had spent my childhood grooming me for public service, and my education followed as such.
What he didn't prepare me for was to fall in love.
I met him at my first cell meeting. His name was Ven Sharl and he was drop dead gorgeous. He was the sort of guy that every girl wants and is inaccessible to all but the most beautiful girls, the tall, thin ones with their perfect teeth, perfect hair and perfect bodies.
Cleary, I was out of my league. There was no way he'd ever talk to a girl like me.
But he did.
"Welcome!" He said to me, flashing a smile with perfect teeth, and his face framed by soft, wavy blonde hair that wasn't really long but would never be called short. He had blue eyes the color of a shallow pool, and a body to die for. "I'm Ven." He held out his hand I shook it. To my embarrassment, my hand was shaking, but he smiled at me.
"I'm Leia," I barely squeaked out, nearly dying of shame.
"You're Senator Organa's daughter," he said, and flashed that smile that sucked me in. "He's been a great supporter of our efforts."
I had trouble concentrating on that meeting. I was passionate about the Rebellion and its efforts to create better lives for everyone in the galaxy. And Ven had that fire.
When he asked me to join him for kaf after the meeting, I thought I'd died and gone to the next world. We sat and talked for hours. I learned that he was from a banking family, meaning wealthy, but also loyal to the Empire. He'd broken away from them and considered the Rebellion to be his family. He was seventeen and training to be a soldier for the Rebel Alliance.
Ven and I would talk and talk and talk. I couldn't concentrate on my classes; I found myself daydreaming about him all the time. When he wasn't at a cell meeting, I'd feel crushing disappointment, until I'd receive a comm, letting me know he was at training or wherever he'd gotten stuck. I lived to feel his arms around me, to touch his lips to mine. He was so easy to talk to. I wondered if I'd found my soulmate.
My father was less than enamored of Ven. He was unfailingly polite to him, but he warned me about Ven's family. I laughed it off, saying he was as committed to the Rebellion as I was. My father, being a wise person, kept silent.
There were rumors that Ven slept around and was about as far from faithful as a person could get, but I ignored such talk. I was convinced that other girls were simply jealous of me for landing such a great guy. We'd go to the beach and lie on the rocks to dry out from swimming. He'd take me to dinner at nice places, we'd watch holofilms, and there were the times getting kaf, where we'd sit and talk till it was way too late.
We'd make out, but I told him I wasn't ready for sex yet. He was patient and kind about it, saying he understood. I'm not one who thinks sex can only occur within marriage; I just wasn't ready to do the wild thing.
For the first few months, it was bliss. But after a while, it seemed that he was always busy. Military training was his usual excuse, and while I didn't like him being away, but I could handle it.
One weekend I decided I'd surprise him. The training base was on Cularin, and I got aboard a transport, thinking he'd be as delighted to see me as I was him. I was Senator Organa's daughter and they would of course admit me to see him.
When I arrived, I got the surprise of my life.
I was told that he was on a weekend pass. I began to feel foolish and more than a little disturbed.
Dejectedly, I returned to Alderaan. I was not only humiliated, I was angry. He lied to me. I didn't want to accept that, so I decided to go to the apartment that he shared in Aldera with another member of our cell.
His roommate answered the door. I greeted Rygo, whom I'd seen at meetings but never really had a conversation with. He seemed very flustered, telling me that Ven wasn't there, but he was a terrible liar.
"Who's there?" A woman's voice called out.
"Rygo, my man, whoever's there, tell 'em to get lost." It was Ven's voice.
"It's Leia," Rygo called to him.
"I'm busy!" Ven called back.
I was totally confused, and sad, and angry. I could barely breathe. "He's with another girl, isn't he?" I asked Rygo.
Rygo sadly nodded in the affirmative. "Yeah, he is. I'm sorry, Leia."
"Tell him I want to talk to him."
"It'd really be best if you left," Rygo, not wanting to be caught in the middle of this, told me sadly.
"What's going on?" It was Ven. He was standing there wearing nothing but a pair of sleep pants. "Leia."
"I thought you were training this weekend. I can see you are, but I'm not sure for what." I was trying to keep calm as I seethed.
He closed the door and came into the hallway. "What're you doing, Leia?" He was angry.
"Who is she?" I asked.
"Someone who puts out. I love you, Leia, I really do. But I've got needs, and if you can't satisfy them, well, you don't leave me a lot of choice."
"You always had a choice," I rasped at him. "If you didn't want to be with me, you could have at least said so."
"But I do love being with you, Leia. You're fun and funny and you're smart and interesting. I love your passion for the Rebellion."
What am I supposed to say here?
I say nothing. I just stomp away from his apartment, my head spinning. I'm too shocked to cry just yet. That will come later, in waves.
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I spent the next several days going through the motions. I miss Ven so terribly and I'm so hurt and furious that he'd do such a thing to me. Finally, he text comms me and says, I'm sorry, but it's over.
Bastard didn't even have the courage to say it to me in person.
I'm in my public policy class when the power goes out. This doesn't happen often, but it usually comes back on in a minute or so. But after five minutes without lights, computer power, or air conditioning, we're told that there's been an attack on the main electrical generators that feed the entire eastern hemisphere of Alderaan and that Imperial fighters bombed it.
It's suspected that there's a mole, at least one, within the operating cells of the Rebellion, although nothing is said to that effect. Who else would attack our power grid?
We're told to evacuate the building; the university is a large enough target that safety is questionable. I try to reach my father, but even the satellites that affect the comms are out. The Senate isn't in chambers at this time, and I hope he's all right. I nearly jump out of my skin when I feel a tap on my shoulder.
"Winter!" I'm flooded with relief. She was in class not far from mine.
"Let's get a beverage," she says to me as we head down into the Underground City. One of the reasons we don't have eyesores studding our lovely planet is that shopping and some dining is done in the Underground City. The place is jammed; the Underground City also serves as a bomb shelter; it's heavily reinforced. Of course, everyone is now in the Underground City and it's crazier than a semi annual sale at Lachand's, where you can get heavily discounted designer fashions. The semi annual sale brings out the worst in everyone; I've seen normally calm, sane, respectable women elbow each other and worse in an attempt to get 75 percent off that one designer gown in their size.
"I don't think he'll be down here. He's not much for shopping. If he was at the palace, he'll be in the bomb shelter."
We try to get close to what seems like a line for drinks, but it's more of a free for all; every type of beverage is being set out and you're on your own. We manage two muja fruit drinks and try to find a place where we're not being squished to death.
We settle for a space against the wall of a jewelry shop that's off the main walkway.
"Leia, I have something to ask you." I can barely hear her above the din.
"Go ahead."
"Do you remember how Ven always had questions about the power grid? How the Empire could take it out due to certain weaknesses?"
"We had a lot of discussions about how the Empire could take down the entire planet," I say, and suddenly I feel cold.
No. It can't be. Ven was devoted to the Rebellion. We spent a lot of time talking passionately about our rejection of Imperial values and what we hoped for in what we hoped would be the Alliance rule of law.
"He hasn't been at meetings for three weeks now," Winter points out.
"He was training to be in the military."
"Yes, he was. But it wasn't the driving force. You know his family is allied with the Empire."
"He told me that they didn't speak because of his allegiance to the Rebellion."
"Oh, they speak, all right. There are holos of him going to his parents' home, and I suspect there would be others of him visiting other members of the Imperial leadership."
"Do you have any other proof than him visiting his parents? Despite the fact that he didn't usually speak with him, maybe they decided it wasn't in their interests to acknowledge that he's their son?" I know I'm grasping at straws here, but I can't believe that not only would Ven be disloyal to me, but also disloyal to the Rebellion.
"He only cheated on me once."
Winter shakes her head sadly. "No, Leia. I saw him numerous times with other women, some of them from our cause, some Imperial sympathizers."
"And you never said anything to me because?"
"Because you were so very much in love with him, and I had no idea till recently that he'd been an Imperial mole."
"He told me he did it because I wouldn't sleep with him."
"He never took you to meet his parents, did he?"
"Well, no, but he told me why, that he didn't speak with them because he joined the Rebellion."
"Don't you find it odd that he wouldn't, if he was as serious about you as he seemed to be?"
She wraps her arms around me and now I know the truth, and my tears break free, running like salted waterfalls down my face, burning into my guts. Two betrayals, not one.
I decide then and there that I will never again give my heart to any male of the species. No one will ever try to take advantage of me, no one will get the chance to hurt me.
There will be no room in my life ever again for loving on such sweet nothing.