The Facade
Nozomi wondered when their friendship blossomed into one of intimacy.
Her emerald eyes, a fitting color for the jealousy she felt, drifted to the couple in front of her. They looked down at the intertwined hands before rising back up to the blissful faces.
Honoka was as energetic as ever while Eli was the calmer of the two, smiling in content. Nozomi remembered when Eli would give her that smile, back before this had happened but purged the thought; she couldn't think of Eli that way.
Not when the blonde was filled with joy—joy that someone else had caused.
Someone that wasn't her.
'It's okay.' She comforted herself. 'As long as she is happy, everything will be okay.'
The other voice inside laughed bitterly at her failed attempts to reassure herself. She knew that she wasn't okay, but she forced herself to. If she didn't, everything would be ruined. Her mask would slip and her friendship would be strained, and that was the one thing that she didn't want to happen. A friendship without the beautiful blonde would be like living in hell with no solace—living in a dark abyss with no sun.
"Hey Nozomi, since Honoka is busy with student council work, want to grab some parfaits today?" Eli asked and Nozomi snapped back to reality, wondering when Honoka had left. She looked at the blonde, expertly hiding her feelings behind a polite facade.
'So that's what I am now—the backup plan?'
"I'm sorry, Elichi. I have to help out at the shrine today." Nozomi forced out one of her small smiles, trying to hold it when she saw Eli's face sadden slightly.
"Oh, okay. It's just that we never hang out anymore."
'I wonder why?' Nozomi thought sarcastically.
Nozomi knew why she couldn't go; she made a mistake the last time she accepted. All Eli had ever talked about was Honoka. Honoka this, Honoka that—it made the ache in her heart worsen just thinking about it.
"I know, but I need to go now." Nozomi said, muttering an apology before leaving Eli, who seemed a bit surprised at the action.
To Eli, it seemed like her smile hadn't reached her eyes as of late. She was going to ask her about it today but Nozomi seemed busy, so Eli didn't pay it any mind. She left it alone, thinking that her best friend was probably busy with college applications.
Right now, there was no practice because there was too much Student Council work piled up. Eli offered to walk Honoka there and Nozomi trailed behind because that's what she always did; she was always behind Eli since day one despite wanting to, for once, stand right next to the blonde. She realized that day would never come, not with this love that blossomed so wonderfully, pushing her more into the shadows.
Nozomi walked out of the school, not caring about how empty she felt. She walked to her house and not towards the shrine, knowing that she made an excuse just to avoid the one she loved—to avoid feeling that familiar twinge of pain in her heart.
She opened the door to her small apartment and didn't even bother saying the usual greeting. There was no point—not when she was lonelier than ever.
Nozomi didn't make tea this time, choosing to accept something else: a bittersweet temptation that would let her drift away and allow her to not acknowledge the concept of time. She popped open a bottle of wine that her parents sent her as a graduation gift. They knew she was underage but didn't mind, wanting their daughter to enjoy herself as much as she could.
Nozomi poured herself a cup before she drank it all. She relished at the flavor, loving how sweet it was before it left a bitter aftertaste.
'Just like this unrequited love.'
A couple more drinks and she saw nothing but a huge blur. Her mind was in a haze and her thoughts ran astray. She laughed bitterly when she realized she drank almost everything.
"I can have fun too, Elichi." She slurred miserably to no one in particular.
She tried walking to her room but failed terribly, choosing instead to rest on the couch in her small living room. She hadn't realized how much time had passed while she was in her drunken state, not until she got a call from the person she was avoiding as of late. Knowing the blonde would worry, she answered, giggling with an emotion she herself couldn't comprehend when she heard her voice.
"Nozomi! Where are you? I was asking for you at the shrine but they said you didn't drop by." Eli sounded worried but Nozomi shrugged it off. After all, it wasn't the type of worry she wanted to hear.
"I wasn't feeling good so I went home instead." She responded, trying her best not to slur anything but failed somewhat. If Eli knew what she was doing, then she would never have let Nozomi go and this was what she was afraid of: Eli would surround her with that comforting warmth that she always held—the warmth that Nozomi fell for in the first place—and Nozomi would fall deeper into that bottomless pit known as unrequited love.
"A-Are you okay? Nozomi?"
No response.
"Okay, I'm coming over. Wait a bit—"
"There's no need, Eli."
Eli stayed quiet, shocked at the unusually dark tone Nozomi had and the fact that she didn't use her nickname.
"There's no need. I'm fine. Go to Honoka. I'm sure she needs you more."
There was a pause before Eli replied. "Nozomi, wait—"
A click. Nozomi ended the call. She stumbled frantically outside her door, taking the spare key from under the pot before going back inside to lock the door. Not having the energy to do anything anymore, her legs gave out and she slid down.
As she had predicted, Eli came minutes after. She ignored the banging and the yelling. She ignored how desperate her best friend sounded. She ignored everything, choosing to let the tears fall down silently.
Only after a couple minutes Eli knew everything she did was futile. She frowned deeply, extremely stressed and wondering what was wrong with her best friend.
"Nozomi, please, what's wrong? We're best friends right?"
Nozomi felt her heart ache at the term.
Best friends.
That's what they'll always be.
"I need some time to myself, Eli. Just leave."
Eli fought back tears at the cold statement. She noted that it was slurred out and realized at that point what Nozomi was doing inside.
"Nozomi, have you been drinking?"
No response. The only thing she heard was the light sobs coming from inside.
Eli felt like it was her fault but she didn't know why. By now she knew Nozomi wouldn't tell her anything so she left, leaving a note on how much she cared about her. About her best friend.
After a while Nozomi opened the door. She took the note, sobbing harder when she read it. She staggered to her room and placed it in her notebook, which was filled with other memories of the blonde. Afterwards, she slept but felt as if she was trapped in an abyss, wanting to wake up because it felt too empty but not wanting to awaken because her heart was void of any emotion other than pain.
The day after, she ignored the effects of having a hangover. She ignored Eli. She ignored the other girls, expertly avoiding them and silencing her phone.
She chose to spend her time at the top of the roof, knowing that the others would be in the club room for lunch or, if Eli told them what happened, they would look for her in the nurse's office. Sometimes she would wander around the school, knowing that it would be harder for them to find her if she was constantly moving. She always made sure to be the first one to leave when classes were over, not wanting to deal with her fellow third years.
If there was one thing Nozomi consistently did, it was spending her lunch staring at the blue sky, frowning at how it deeply resembled Eli's eyes. It was only when she heard the warning bells that she would realize she hadn't eaten—another consistent act that did. She never felt like doing anything at all.
Before she even knew it, graduation was coming in less than a week. Nozomi knew it was unfair to the other girls, knowing they treasured her as much as she treasured them. But she just wanted to be selfish just this once. She didn't want to think about their feelings instead of herself this one time.
She went straight home instead of attending the club meetings.
She avoided everyone during graduation.
She chose a college she knew Eli or Nico wouldn't go to.
She moved far away, not wanting anyone to contact her other than her parents.
She buried herself with college and work, not wanting to think of her painful past—of how lonely she was.
But then the news came.
Her heart broke when she found that Eli and Honoka were getting married.
It was only then that her facade slipped.
It was only then that she felt she had wings, and that she could fly forever.
It was only then that she felt free from pain and she allowed a smile to form on her face.
She smiled and smiled until she hit the ground.
Omake
"It's better if she doesn't know, Maki."
"What the hell are you talking about, Nico!? They were best friends; she has a right to know!"
"That's exactly why she can't know. She'd be too ridden with guilt to do anything." Nico glared at Maki, who started to understand.
The two were the first to know about Nozomi's unrequited feelings and sudden death, only finding out because Nico was the only person included in Nozomi's will and Nozomi had given her the notebook—the same notebook filled with her feelings of the blonde. The only reason Maki knew was because she was with Nico at the time.
"This is the only thing we can do for her now. You and I know that she wants Eli to be happy, even if she wasn't able stand it herself." At sensing Maki's hesitation, Nico continued, "This is our burden for not noticing the pain our friend felt. We must shoulder it in order for Nozomi to finally feel peace."
Maki hated how Nico could be so mature at times but she knew that her girlfriend was right.
"...I'll call everyone then. And don't worry; I'll make sure no one finds out." Maki responded and Nico gave her a quick kiss.
"If this is the last thing we can do for the Goddess of Muse, then you can count on me."
The two felt a gust of soft wind pass by, opening the notebook in Maki's hands. The two swore they saw the image of a smiling woman in the distance but as soon as it came, it left, and the two were alone once again. Maki looked down at the journal in her hands and her eyes widened at the page. Old, crinkly, and ridden with tears, it read:
'As long as Elichi is happy, then so am I.'
AN: And this is why I think Eli pairing up with any other character than Nozomi sucks; the girl gets third-wheeled into everything lol. This is sort of a spin off of a doujin called "Mask of Smiles" by Pippi Sensei (it's on Dynasty Scans) and I immediately fell in love with the angst love triangle concept when I read it. I recommend this to any NozoEli fans who want to feel some sad feels.
Anyways this is one of my first fics, please read and review! Any criticism is appreciated ^.^
Edit: Reread this and noticed some errors so I fixed them as well as added some sentences to fix some holes in the story. I still don't know about making a sequel to this and if I did, it would be hard to make the ending happy. Love triangles are so hard to resolve and knowing me, it'd probably be even more angsty than this one lol. I tend to write some really sad shit when I'm down in the dumps. Maybe I'll publish one of them after I update "A New School Year".