I remember the first time I went into a foster home. I thought I'd stay there for a while. I believed them when they told me I wouldn't be moving around that much. Three years and six houses later, I've learned better. Some of the homes were okay. Some of the homes were hell. Either I got taken out of the home due to unsafe living conditions or I messed up enough to be forced to relocate. At the last house, the Marsh's, I got kicked out for beating Tommy up. He stole my iPod that I won at a raffle. It's the one thing that I have that is actually worth something. No way could I let him get away with that. The house before that, Mr. Ramos liked his scotch a bit too much. The house before that, Mr. Wagner loved the younger boys a bit too much, and the previous houses are just a blur to me. I remember partying and doing drugs but that is about it.
"Are you gonna go check it out or what?" Aiden says to me, my social worker. My god I hate him more than anything. Even the sound of his voice makes me cringe.
"Come on, Ashley, we've been through this multiple times." He looks back at me with that stupid look on his face like he's about to shit something massive.
"I know, Aiden, we have. That's the problem. I'm sick of this."
"I know you are but you don't have a choice in this situation kiddo. So get your butt out of the car and let's go."
"You know I hate you right?" not the slightest hint of sarcasm fills my voice.
"I know. You've told me so many times how much you loathe me Ashley but the sooner you get your shit and move into this house, the sooner I can leave. Got it?" he gets out of the car and starts to wipe fake dirt off of his pin stripe black suit. His tie a shade of pink. His hair looks like a car spit up oil in it.
"Whatever."
I open the car door and am in shock at how cold it is outside. Fog fills the air making it hard to really assess the house. It is the biggest one I have stayed in so far. I walk on the crisp, frost sparkling grass towards the front door. The porch looks as if it wraps around the whole house. Aiden, who is walking in front of me, goes to knock but the door swings open before he got to.
"Hi, you must be Mr. Dennison. It's good to meet you. I'm so glad you're finally here, I've been anxious all day waiting." The man lets out a warm chuckle and hands out free smiles. Aiden turns to me on his heels before the older black haired man even had the chance to talk to me.
"Ashley, how about you go check out the back yard while we finish up some paperwork, I heard they got a killer view." His eye brows raise and he pulls his black sunglasses off like the old man in Men In Black does. He always does that. I don't understand why I have to stay outside. Why can't you just let me stay in the living room or something? It's fucking cold out and all I have is a lousy tee shirt and some ripped up corduroy skinny jeans on. Not to mention my converse are practically not even there with all the holes they have in them.
"Sure. Whatever." I roll my eyes and start walking on the porch. It does wrap all the way around, which is pretty awesome. It kind of reminds me of the house Noah built Allie in the Notebook. The paint is an off white with a tint of blue and its chipping like crazy in some places. The houses are separated by loads of trees and space. I can barely even see the outline of the house next door through the mix of shrubs and evergreens.
Aiden was right. The view is amazing. Their backyard is huge, with yellow, red, and orange leaves acting as a blanket to the grass. A swing set is on one side of the yard and large rectangular trampoline is on the other side, but right now I don't care about those as I walk straight towards the body of water. A small patch of rough sand separates me and the decent sized lake spread out before me. The fog has thickened above the water making it even eerier. It's calming almost. Seeing birds flap away, not even hearing the constant hum of traffic that I'm used to in the city. I inhale sharply letting the cold air numb my heart. It's not like moving into another house effects me that much. But at the moment that is what is bugging me. The fact that I'm used to not having a place. I'm used to being alone. The only constant I've had in my life for the past three years is Aiden. And that's even worse than having no one.
"ASHLEY! WANNA COME BACK?" Aiden yells at me as if I'm a mile away.
I kick a rock with my shoe and hesitantly turn around. This is when the awkwardness really sets in. Once Aiden leaves me here with my suitcase and drives the whole 3 hours back to the city. Once my new foster parents attempt to converse with me. Just think about it, how would you feel if someone just dropped you off at someone's house and says, "Hey, I know she isn't yours, but could you feed her and house her and attempt to make sure she doesn't get into more trouble for as long as you can? Thanks, bye." Yeah. Talk about awkward.
The house is warm on the inside. The glass sliding doors open with ease and leave me in the dining room. The table isn't as big as some of the other homes I've been in. This one only fits about 10. The man who greeted Aiden looks so calm that I can't help but feel a bit relaxed as well.
"Ashley, this is Mr. Carlin." Aiden awkwardly points to him as if I'm mentally challenged and thought Mr. Carlin was the pillow sitting on the couch next to him.
"Oh. No. No. Never Mr. Carlin, Arthur, please." He reaches out and firmly shakes my hand. "Well let's get you all settled in. I hope you don't mind sharing a room, we we're trying to keep it one per room but things got a little tight." He starts to lead me through the house like I signed up for a professional tour.
"I'd love to stay and tour the place with you but I got quite the drive back and my desk is buried in papers just waiting for me. Call me if you need anything Mr. Carlin." Aiden puts his hand on my shoulder which I wiggle away. The whole, 'call me if you need me thing' basically translates to, 'call me if you wanna return her' and yes, people have.
"I'm sure we'll be fine, Thank you" Arthur says. Aiden borderline slams the door behind him. My hands grip my back pack and my eyes shuffle around the room.
"Alright, let's get this show on the road shall we? This is the living room if you couldn't tell. Down that hall is the bathroom and across from that room is me and my wife's room. You'll meet her later on when she gets off of work." The living room looks cozy. The walls are painted tan with white edges and window sills. Fake leaves hang from the fire place and the large sized TV screen. They have two love seats, both big enough for me to stretch out on; you can only imagine how big the couch is. Arthur begins to lead me up a narrow wooden stairway.
"First door on the right is the guy's bathroom. Don't use their bathroom and they won't use yours. It's just easier that way when it comes to who has to clean what." He chuckles lightly. "This is Glen's room, this is Corey's room, and this is Clay's room." Each door has a handmade sign with their names on it. Glens is in finger paint, Clay's is in pencil with cartoon dinosaurs around the letters, Corey's is a sheet of metal with his name cut out of it, one door is blank, and the other says Leigh in rainbow letters. Leigh. What a weird name. "The end door is the girl's bathroom; the door to the right is yours. You're rooming with Leigh." He pauses and smiles more, "Yeah, it looks like it should sound like lay the way it's spelled, but no, it's Lee. Anyways they'll all be home from school later. Leigh and Corey should be here in about…" he checks his watch, "ten minutes or so. Glen and Clay won't be here for another hour. Any questions?"
"Uhmmm…" I pause to think. "How old is everyone?" It's a vital piece of information that you need to know in the system. You have to watch out for the older ones while the younger ones are flat out annoying.
"Oh right, Glen and Clay are both 9. Corey is 16 and Leigh is 17. You should fit right in. Now on your papers it said that you don't need to get signed up for school? Why is that? I thought you should be a senior?" He seems genuinely interested so I throw him a bone and answer.
"I got my G.E.D. freshman year." I purse my lips together and nod my head looking around the room that I'll be living in for who knows how long.
"Wow that's amazing. I'll be sure to pick you on my team for Jeopardy night!" He smiles widely, already excited for something that I have no clue of what it is. But I can tell you right now that it sounds like some family bull crap game that fosters always try to play to get everyone to 'bond' but it never works. "Well I'll let you unpack and all and when Corey and Leigh get home I'll call you down."
I slowly nod my head. He smiles and closes the door behind him leaving me in a half decorated room. One side, I'm guessing Leigh's, is covered with posters of random bands. The other half, mine, is completely blank. The only bit of color is the blue plaid comforter on my new twin bed. There's no dresser or closet, just three drawers that are underneath the bed. There is a night stand that has one mini drawer and one deep drawer. I'm not so sure which is worse, the fact that they only give us three drawers for clothes and two drawers for personal belongings, or the fact that I could fit all my clothes in two, maybe even one, and all my belongings could easily slide into the smaller drawer of the night stand.
I plop my bag down by the bed, slip off my converse, and fall back onto the bed. I always get worn out on the first night. It's a lot of shit to handle. New home, new family that I really haven't even met yet, new surroundings. At the end of the day I'm just left blank. Too confused as to whether or not I should be myself or put up a massive front. Too confused as to whether or not I'll be staying or leaving, loved or abused, cared for or ignored. Either way I've lived it so it won't be hard to do again.
I wonder what lies behind the unmarked door across from this one. He mentioned every place besides that room. I force myself up and start to put my socks, pjs, and underwear in one drawer, my pants in one, and my shirts in the other. Most kids don't unpack when they move around as much as I, but I only have a few pairs of everything so it only takes three minutes to pack up. I throw the iPod I successfully got back from Tommy in the top drawer along with a couple books. I throw my shoes into the larger drawer along with my back pack. Never leave anything lying around. Kids in foster homes happen to have very sticky fingers on whatever they can get their hands on.
I hear a car pull into the gravel drive way so I walk over to the window and look down. The boy, Corey I assume, has blonde, brown and black curls sticking out of his black beanie. He isn't skinny but he isn't fat. There's just a little extra on him. His black pants sag slightly, but not ridiculously. The girl is about my height, which isn't much, and she has aviators on despite the lack of sun. She's wearing baggy blue jeans with a frayed Jamaican flag colored belt. A black and silver wife beater along with a half zipped up really expensive Victoria Secrets jacket. The kind of jackets that are tight around the waist and have fur around the hood. Her black hair is pulled back into a messy bun with a red head band around her forehead. They are laughing together and look naturally happy. It almost gives me hope of future friends. Almost. Within a couple of minutes I hear Arthur call me down.
I can't help but be a tad reluctant. I'm done with today even though it just hit two-thirty. I sluggishly make my way down the stairs and into the living room where all three of them are sitting. Corey's feet are on the coffee table and Leigh is slouched back.
"Ashley. This is Corey and Leigh. Guys, this is Ashley."
Corey says, "Heeey." With a smile plastered onto his face as his eyes scan over me. Leigh lifts up her aviators showing emerald eyes, "What's up." She says warmly. Her skin is ghostly white while Corey has a natural tan. They both continue to look at me which normally would be awkward…but a comfort radiates off of the two in a way I'm unfamiliar with.
"So, why don't you guys go to the store and pick up some groceries and get to know each other a bit." I can already tell he had this planned out since Leigh pulled the list out from her pocket and nodded. He's hoping this will be a 'break through' and that I'll somehow bond over the purchasing of food. Leigh stands up first and pulls the keys out from her pocket.
"Alright. We'll be back in a bit." She says as Corey gets up after her.
"Spencer, if you need anything just grab it and get it alright? Don't be shy. Leigh has the card." Arthur says to me which is strange, people rarely trust me to get whatever I want let alone give a foster child a credit card.
"Uhh thanks. Let me go get my shoes on." I say as I head up the stairs. They seem nice. Maybe I'll actually like living here. But then again, rule number one, never ever trust a first impression. I slip my converse on and walk back down the stairs where they are both waiting for me. Corey leans over and whispers something into Leigh's ear which makes her smile and look me over too. I hate this feeling. The feeling of being analyzed, being summed up with one look. You can never tell if it is bad comments or good comments.
"Ready?" Corey asks. His voice is slightly feminine but not so feminine to classify him as a massive flamer. The second we're out of the house Leigh pulls a pack of cigarettes out of her back pocket.
"You smoke?" she asks as she hands the pack to me. I look around as if it's a test. Some houses will do that. They'll set you up to fail. She notices my worry, smiles, and lights her own. "No one is gonna fuck you over here." She tosses me the pack and I slowly take out a small dose of carbon monoxide.
"Come on Leigh, like she believes that. I remember you being a hostile little bitch when you first got here." Corey says as he opens up the front door of the car for me, "You can get the front seat. Who knows what the fuck is in the back." He chuckles and hops in while Leigh gets into the driver's seat. The car is a black worn down BMW. Not the fancy kind though, I'm guessing this one is from the early 90's maybe even the late 80's. Despite the age the engine starts up smoothly and barely makes a sound as she does a three point turn and speeds out of the drive way.
"So how you like it here so far?" Corey is leaning forward with this arms resting on the center console, practically putting him in the middle of the seat.
"I've only been here for like half an hour." I say to him as I take a drag off the cigarette. I'm not much of a talker to be honest. I only have 5 months till my 18th birthday and until I'm finally out of the system. Making friends isn't too high up on the list at the moment.
"True true but still how do you…" Corey got cut off.
"Fuck man if she doesn't want to talk she doesn't have to." Leigh looks over at me and smiles slightly as if she thinks she is doing me a favor. I could really care less either way.
"Babe I'm just trying to get to know her. I'm gonna be livin with the bitch, I wanna get to know her. Plus I don't think Ashley minds, huh Ashley?" he looks at me and wiggles his eye brows trying to get me to go on his side.
"I don't really care either way." I say plain and simple.
"See. I can blabber if I want." He says triumphantly even though I didn't necessarily agree with him.
"Yeah well you're gonna annoy me pretty soon if you keep blabbering." Leigh says with a chuckle.
"So are you guys dating?" I ask out of curiosity. They don't act like a couple but him calling her babe got me a little confused.
"Who? Me and Him? FUCK THAT!" Leigh starts laughing hysterically which makes me a tad worried since she is the one driving.
"Whatever. You so wanted me when you first got to the house. We would of hooked up if you didn't go all gay pride on me."
Everything got kind of quiet and Leigh smacks Corey as best as she can from the position they are in.
"Way to drop the fucking bomb asshole." she says as she flicks her cigarette out the car window.
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"Leigh is not a fan of the cock."
"Yeah. I don't do dick. But Corey on the other hand…" She trails off and ends her sentence with a cough.
"So you're both gay?" I say blankly.
"No. Uh uh. I'm only half. I go both ways…and yes I am single" Corey announces as he winks at me. That's a little awkward but he's smiling goofily so it doesn't bug me too much. I don't really know what to say at the moment. It's not like it bothers me at all. I've hooked up with a couple of girls before at a party. I don't really remember doing it but I know there are pictures somewhere out there.
"Please don't tell me I'm rooming with a homophobe." Leigh says as she looks at me seriously.
A small chuckle escapes my lips, "I'm not homophobic."
"Oooh are you gay too?!" Corey claps his hands. Leigh looks intrigued and has a slight smirk on.
"No. I'm not gay."
"So you're straight." He almost sounds disappointed which I don't know why.
"No. I'm just not into labels. I feel like whatever I want to do, I'm going to do. If I see a girl that I really want, I'll go after her. If I see a guy that I really want, I'll go after him. Most people would consider that bisexual or whatever. But I'm not into that either. Especially because it's become some ridiculous trend. It's just like how a few years ago we went through a depression trend. Suddenly everyone who got a little sad here and there needed Prozac. Now that everyone is a little older and more into the sex scene, they're suddenly bi…which I think is just an excuse fuck anything." My answer makes Leigh's smirk turn into a full blown smile.
When we pull back into the drive-way fully stocked up with 253.36 dollars of food and a couple pairs of basketball shorts for Leigh and a couple of tank tops that Corey and Leigh insisted on getting me.
"Oh hey, look who's here." Corey says as he points to a maroon Honda CRV in the same spot that Leigh would of parked the BMW. Leigh's face is stuck into a permanent smile.
"She didn't tell me she was visiting."
"Who?" I ask.
"One of Arthur's daughters." Corey says, "She's fucking gorgeous man. A total killer. I bet she'd make any gay man go straight."
Leigh parks the car next to the CRV, "No Corey, she makes you go straight. She's the only reason you even consider yourself bi." I chuckle a little bit while grabbing the groceries without noticing. But once I realize the fact that I am smiling, I force myself to stop. I don't understand the comfort that I feel right now. I know that I should be isolated for being the rookie of the house. I shouldn't just be able to say, "Hey." And automatically be accepted into this family. That's not how the system works. There must be something behind it all. There's always a catch.
While walking in I see two boys sitting on the floor playing guitar hero like zombie rock stars, not even blinking from being too afraid to miss a note. Instead of interrupting their game and making a big deal out of my arrival, I set the groceries on the kitchen counter and head up stairs. When I enter the room, Leigh is already there. "You'll meet the boys later. They are completely unaware of the world around them once the PS3 turns on."
"Wow. You have a PS3? Aren't those crazy expensive? Is Arthur like crazy rich?"
"Don't tell him I told you this, cause he doesn't want anyone to think he is like higher up than him or something, but his wife, Paula, is the owner of the local hospital which brings in bank, while Mr. C himself is the creator of PS3. He designed the main software and everything, so yeah. Pretty much."
"Whoa."
"Yeah. It's pretty crazy. He spoils everyone rotten." She gets up and closes the door and randomly starts to strip her clothes off. On one hand its extremely awkward. I just met her tonight and here she is in a black bra showing off her toned abs and arm muscles. It's extremely awkward because I can't seem to focus on anything else and she sees that. It's extremely awkward because for a second the way her hip bones stick out forming a gap between the fabric of her shorts and her skin is sexy. I've come to realize that both hands in this situation are awkward. I force my eyes away quickly and reach in my drawer for my iPod. Hurriedly I shuffle through the artists that I have, which isn't much, and when I look back up at Leigh her black hair is resting a few inches below her shoulder. Her smirk still hasn't dissipated.
The door flings open making me jump. A girl in nothing but a towel walks into the room closing the door behind her. "Can I borrow some underwear?" She asks Leigh who looks at her funny and says, "No."
"Jerk." The blonde says, still not aware of my presence. She playfully hits Leigh then slowly walks towards her. I can already tell what kind of situation this is going to turn into. With the look in Leigh's eyes, the naked blonde, and it is so AWKWARD. All I can think about is how I can escape this situation. Should I cough? Drop something on the floor, run out like a crazy coward? Whatever I'm going to do I need to do it fast because the blonde is only a few steps away from Leigh and even I feel like I'm about to explode from the sexual tension between the two. Almost as if the feelings between the two are shifting into me and I begin to feel a fire ignite in a place it shouldn't. I shift in the bed and it squeaks thankfully, although it wasn't on purpose. This seems to snap Leigh out of the sex induced coma. Her cheeks turn bright pink and she tucks her hair behind her ears. The blonde turns around and looks directly at me before busting into laughter. Leigh begins to laugh too but I just sit there. Is there something wrong with me? Is something in my teeth? Are they simply laughing to laugh? Should I laugh as well?
The blonde walks over to my bed and shakes my hand softly. "Sorry about that, totally didn't see you. I'm Spencer, you must be Ashley." She looked at me from head to toe, just as Leigh and Corey already have. "Damn Leigh. Corey said she was gorgeous but he didn't say she was THIS sexy." She winks at me, goes over to one of Leigh's drawers, picks out a pair of boy shorts and leaves.
"Whoa." I say not knowing how to handle that in the slightest bit.
Leigh just smiles and nods her head back and forth. "I know right?"