(WARNING: this is a production of boredom, writers block, and fangirl-ish-ness. Viewer discretion advised.)
This story features Spongebob!Italy, Squidward!Germany, Mr. Crabs!Austria, Pearl!Poland, Plankton!Switzerland, Garry!Itaby, Sandy!China, and Karen!Lichtenstein. I do not own SpongeBob or Hetalia. If I did I certainly wouldn't be making a crossover. I have too much pride in my work.
Italy got up in the morning to the sound of his blow horn alarm clock. He stretched, got dressed, and fed his cat. He skipped out the door. It was time to work at the Crusty Crab with Germany! Yay! He high-fived his best friend, America.
Italy waltzed in the doors of the Crusty Crab, humming to himself about crabby patties.
"Ve~ Hello Germany!" he said, full of joy.
"Italy," Germany replied gruffly.
"Mr. Austria! I'm here!"
"Yes, now get to work. Time is money!"
"Yes sir!"
Italy ran past the kitchen doors to be greeted by the same room he had worked in for years. He was ready to do what he loved, cook Crabby Patties and pasta. He soon got an order and threw some patties on the grill and pasta in the water. Today was a great day, as always.
All of a sudden, BOOM! The ceiling of the kitchen blew off for the umpteenth time that month and Switzerland came down from the ceiling with a jet pack.
"Ve~ Don't hurt me! I'll tell you whatever you want!"
Austria burst into the room with fire in his eyes. "Vash! How many times do I have to tell you you'll never get the Crabby Patty formula!"
"Oh, but I will!" Switzerland pulled out a wireless button and pressed it. A cage fell from the sky.
Austria was screaming at Switzerland for destroying his ceiling and Italy was begging for mercy.
Switzerland held up a gun to Austria's head. "Tell me where the formula is!" he screamed.
"Try me," Austria growled.
Switzerland turned to Italy. "Will you tell me where the Crabby Patty formula is?"
"It's in the-" Italy was cut off by America knocking down the door.
"The hero is here to save the day!"
Meanwhile, Germany walked past the knocked-over door, sighing. "Switzerland," he said, glaring daggers at the country, "you need to go. Now."
Switzerland looked scared and flew away. Austria lifted the cage off of him and Italy and muttered about how much repairing the ceiling would cost.
Switzerland trudged into the into the Chum Bucket. He walked over to a table and started to bang his head against it.
Lichtenstein walked over quietly. "Switzerland, are you ok?"
"No. I'm not. I'm worthless, I always loose to Austria." Switzerland complained.
"You are not! Look, you even grabbed the bottle!"
"What?" Switzerland looked down and there, attached to his boot, was a bottle tied up with string.
Switzerland's spirits immediately lifted. He danced around the room with Lichtenstein, laughing with joy.
He then opened the bottle. Inside of it was a slip of paper that said "The World's Best Pasta."
"Wait, what?" Switzerland and Lichtenstein looked at the recipe in disbelief. They had Italy's pasta recipe. That was even better than the Crabby Patty formula!
They went off to have a picnic.
Back at the Crusty Crab, things weren't looking so good. Italy was throwing things all around the kitchen looking for his pasta recipe and he couldn't find it. He ran into Austria's room on the verge of tears and explained his story. Austria's face fell.
"We need to find that recipe. It brings in almost as much revenue as the Crabby Patties! We must-"
Then, Poland barged into the room in a dress. "Daddy! I need mall money!" he screamed.
"Why? I told you no more money for you."
"But, daddy, that was, like, a whole WEEK ago."
"Okay, Poland, but only of you help find Italy's pasta recipe."
"Like, whatever. As long as there's mall money for me."
Austria reluctantly handed over a $50 bill. He commanded Italy, America, who had been standing in the lobby since his entrance, and Poland to find the recipe.
The two followed America to China's house, a giant, underwater snow globe with an oak tree in it. They barged in the door and saw something scary, China in a purple bikini. Some covered there eyes, some stared, but all were shocked, even Poland.
"Ayah! Don't look aru~!" China barged behind the tree and came out in a spacesuit. "There," he said. "What do you need?"
America pushed to the front of the group and practically screamed the story to China.
"I see aru~. You need my scientific knowledge to find out where the recipe is."
They saw the recipe show up on China's radar in jellyfish fields, where Switzerland and Lichtenstein were having their picnic.
"Let's go find that recipe!" America screamed, dragging everyone out the door.
In jellyfish fields, Switzerland and Lichtenstein broke off of their conversation when they heard a noise. They looked behind them and saw the group coming toward them at breakneck speed.
"Lichtenstein, pack up and run home. I'll take care of them."
So Lichtenstein ran away with the picnic basket and Switzerland took out his gun.
The group came up to Switzerland and stopped, causing everyone to crash into him. Poland ended up on top of Switzerland.
He leaned down to Switzerland's ear and whispered, "Give back the recipe or I will paint the Chum Bucket wicked hipster pink."
Switzerland cringed, but still stood his ground. Paint could be washed off.
"I'll dye your hair the same color," Poland continued. No result.
America stood up and brushed off his clothes. "I know the location of your gun storage room and promise to sabotage it in some way involving wicked hipster pink."
Those made Switzerland give in. He handed over the bottle and ran away.
Italy triumphantly walked back into the Crusty Crab with everyone. They had succeeded because of the power of wicked hipster pink, so Austria was forced to give Poland another $50. They all ate crabby patties and-
England woke up, sweating. What a horrible dream he was having. All of these crazy people were running around in his head, doing weird things. He looked to his left and saw France sleeping peacefully.
God, he thought, I really need to stop getting drunk and watching American cartoons before bed. And with that he lied back down, rolled over, and fell asleep.