Title: I Keep on Coming Back to You
Spoilers: "Corporate Crush", General Character Development through Season 5
Summary: Hank Hooper orders Jack to marry. Sort of a post-ep for "Corporate Crush".
It's almost an exact replay of five years before.
To be truthful, Jack was a little angry when Hank Hooper practically ordered him to get remarried. Where did he get off giving Jack such a personal instruction? He was no Don Geiss! But Kabletown was a family company, and having a family, by Hank's definition, apparently didn't include single fatherhood. Which was outrageous - Jack stopped himself. He's starting to sound like Lemon. Or worse yet, Milton. That just made him angrier.
And it is anger that brings him to Sbarros, where he is absentmindedly consuming a slice of pizza. And he has Jonathan send for Lemon, just as he had five years before.
**
That time, he'd been more depressed than angry. Depressed, because Geiss had taken away the microwave division, and also because the implied judgment on Jack's lifestyle hit much harder coming from Don. Most of all, his initial consideration of who he could marry had come up aggravatingly short.
Jack's parade of beautiful women had always given him a vague sense of security that should he ever decide to settle down, he'd have plenty of good options. Not that he would ever want to settle down. But now, in the moment he needed it, he found all of his options totally inadequate. None of them were relationship material, much less marriage material. Attractive, yes, but boring to talk to, shallow, stupid, vain, uncultured, or all of the above. Perhaps he'd arranged it that way, to avoid the temptation to repeat his mistakes with Bianca. Condi was probably the only one who didn't fit that profile, and he'd thoroughly sabotaged that. Breaking up by text was enough to make sure that that door was closed, even if he still didn't harbor suspicions about her and Putin.
And so, passing through his mental rolodex, he came to Liz Lemon. An outrageous suggestion, someone at her station in life - and a mere 8 - being with him. She certainly had several obvious flaws, and he could catalog - and had cataloged, to her - all of them. But, he could stand talking to her for hours on end, and had done so for a year without growing weary. That was rare enough. Rarer still was the way that Lemon had gotten under his skin. He couldn't describe the hold that woman held on him; it didn't make any sense to him, anyway. He simply felt drawn to her - not sexually, not really, although she had charms he did his best to ignore. There was something infectious about her, something he was trying hard to identify, and it kept him coming back for more.
And that maybe was the best he could do. Someone with long-term potential that could grow into something real. But there was one obvious problem. Lemon was hung up on this person in the building, this "flower guy," hung up enough that she had abandoned him during the fireworks fiasco. He could hardly blame her for taking his advice and devoting time to her personal life, but it hurt a bit that a furtive attraction was enough for her to forget all about him. That he was her boss should have been enough, but given that he'd thought they had a deep connection, it was even more appalling.
Liz had, obliviously, introduced her new man to Jack, and he selfishly tried to wreck things from within. As Floyd gushed over him, the path was obvious: he played the third wheel, putting space between them. It was a mean thing to do to Lemon, and to Floyd, whom he liked, but he was playing for keeps here.
But Lemon was a sharper adversary than he reckoned. She warned him off, and it seemed clear that her bond with Floyd was simply too strong for him to break.
Just in time, Phoebe indicated her interest, and she seemed to have so many of the qualities that his other women lacked. She was elegant, intelligent, and beautiful, if a little strange. In a panic, he convinced himself she was the one, and proposed in a matter of days.
When the engagement to Phoebe thankfully collapsed, he realized the folly of simply grabbing the nearest available woman, so his mania subsided for a while. But the influence of his mentor remained: combined with Lemon's endless yammering about marriage and kids, it led Jack to view all his women through that prism. He was almost ready to propose to CC, in spite of it terminating his career; it'd caused him to jump the gun a bit in proposing to Elisa, having convinced himself that she was "the one," and not just because it was the only way they could have sex.
He didn't really see another promising candidate until two arrived almost simultaneously. Although Geiss was already dead, he couldn't help but evaluate both Nancy and Avery as marriage material, and was willing to lead himself down that road with both. Jack thought that the old him - or indeed a normal man - wouldn't have gotten so swept up thinking about a future with them.
The results were, again, nearly catastrophic. Were Avery not so clearly willing to do or accept anything to be with him, or had the pregnancy not forced his hand, his tendency to equate any multidimensional attraction with true love would have wrecked things with both of them.
The plus side of his state of mind was that when Nancy was removed as an option, he was able to throw himself completely into engagement and marriage with Avery, overlooking her faults and embracing what it was that he liked about her. And in truth, although some part of his soul wasn't fulfilled by partnering with her, he probably could've been happy with Avery and Liddy through the end of his life.
**
Five years later, everything has changed and nothing has changed. He still has no good options but Liz Lemon, but over the years his relationship with her has blossomed into something unique and unexpected. In some ways it transcends what even most married couples share; it is simultaneously too developed, and not developed enough, to consider marriage.
Jack's past relationships have either been women he knew when he was young (Bianca, Nancy); extremely accomplished women his own age (Condi, CC); or women a decade younger who were also 10s (Elisa, Phoebe, Avery). Lemon doesn't really fit into any of those categories, although there's a little bit of each in her. But there is something about her, something that's drawn him to her from almost the very beginning.
Whatever he should call her, Liz Lemon is walking into Sbarros now. He is going to have dust off his ancient plan, update it, and give it a try.
"You wanted to see me, Jack? Did I do something wrong?"
"Lemon, would you say I'm a 'catch'?"
"I thought you always said it didn't matter what other people thought about that."
"That's not an answer."
"What's the matter, Jack? Lady troubles again?"
"In a sense."
Liz smirks knowingly, half amused and half dismayed. "OK, let me guess, you've met someone and you're enchanted, you think it's the most amazing feeling of your life and you want to marry her, even though you've known her for a day a half..."
"I'm not that predictable Lemon. You got several important details wrong."
"Well, it couldn't be going well, or you wouldn't be at Sbarro's."
Jack feels a bit discouraged. She doesn't know how right she is, that this isn't going well at all. And Lemon's riff on his romantic tendencies makes him feel a little ridiculous, and fills him with doubt about the whole enterprise. Is he going overboard again? Doubt is an unusual feeling for him.
"So who is she this time?"
Jack pauses for effect. "Lemon- Elizabeth - have you ever thought about... us?"
Jack watches Liz's expressions change as she adjusts to the context shift. He could read her thoughts on her face: as he says the words, she is already cranking up for the next witty reply, as if she already knows what he is going to say. Surprised by what he actually says, she stops herself, mouth already open, pauses a beat, and then has a different, more relevant witty reply, but again the words don't come out. Finally, she closes her mouth and remains silent for what seems like a long time. Jack takes a bite of pizza to let her think for a minute, looking at her to continue.
She looks down for an instant, then back at him. Her demeanor changes to soft, even gentle. "Of course I've thought about it, Jack."
"And?"
"It probably wouldn't work out."
"Well why not?"
She shrugs. "It never does."
"It never does? That's the best you've got?"
"Well, no... you're in to your business stuff and your.." - she grimaces - "...sex standing up and marrying women who I find really scary. I'm not any of those things."
"And yet we're here."
Liz seems slightly miffed. This is a serious breach of their routine, a total failure to leave unsaid things unsaid.
"What's going on, Jack?"
"Hank Hooper says I should marry again." He pauses, then looks up at her. "I don't think it was a request."
"That's ridiculous. He can't order you to do that."
"This isn't your sexual harassment seminar, Lemon. It's different for executives. Everything about a person affects their impact on a corporation and its values. Nothing is private. Don Geiss taught me that."
"Wait, are you saying we should get married?", she asks increduously.
"Not exactly. I thought we could... give things a try and see how they work out."
"Jack. I'm not going to start dating you because Hank Hooper told you to."
And with that, Liz stands up and goes back to work. She avoids his office the rest of the day.
**
Jack doesn't give up quite that easily. The next morning Liz finds a bouquet of roses on her desk. She snorts in frustration and amusement. The unsigned card just reads, "Sorry. This is a better way to ask." She sits down, sniffs the roses, smiles to herself, and allows herself to daydream for a moment.
**
Those flowers are still on her desk hours later, when Jenna arrives for the day.
"Liz - Joan of Snark is saying my performance was 'sick'. That means good, right?"
"I think so."
Then Jenna notices. "What's with the flowers? A new gentleman admirer?" she asks with a trace of mockery.
"Sort of. Jack's gotten it into his head that we should go out."
"On a date?"
"Yeah."
"Jack Donaghy." Jenna is having trouble believing this.
"Yeah. It's ridi-"
"Wait, you said yes, right?"
"No!"
"Why not?"
"Because, Jenna. He's my friend, but he's nuts! He drinks scotch in his morning shower!"
"Well, at least you're showering with him. That's something."
"No. No." Liz replies forcefully. "He mentioned it once."
"What, is he not successful enough for you?"
"No, of course not..."
"Do you not think he's handsome?"
"I suppose he is-"
"So what's the problem?"
"Because, Jenna. I need him. I don't want to Lemon this and make a mistake and then he's not my friend anymore. I mean, can you really see us as a couple?"
"You could make a mistake. But what a mistake."
**
"So yeah, Will Ferrell says he can't guest host in March, but May might work."
"OK, whatever you think."
"Wait, Jack, what's that look you're giving me?"
"I wasn't aware I was giving you any sort of 'look.'"
"You're looking at me funny."
"Is it different from the way I've looked at you in the past?"
"Maybe not, but now it seems creepy."
"Lemon, I wish you'd reconsider my offer."
"Geez, Jack, don't you have to sit through the sexual harassment seminar every year too? No unwanted sexual advances?"
"Yes, but the executive version is... different." Jack allows himself to daydream about these seminars, which are filled with golf, strippers, recreational drugs... mmmm. "Would you really file a complaint against me?"
"Well, no, but still."
"Do you honestly feel no attraction to me?" It's an honest question. Jack is truly mystified by the possibility that a woman out there might actually have no desire to be with him.
"I'm not going to answer that."
Jack gives her a lost-puppy-dog look. Has she won this argument? Is she glad she won?
"So which week in May?"
Jenna and Paul haven't had a dinner party since they moved in together, so Liz is happy to show up and support them on this Saturday evening. As odd as the whole relationship is, Jenna seems genuinely happy.
"Aw nerds, am I the first one here?" Liz can never get "fashionably late" quite right, and it means having to keep up a conversation with the hosts instead of people-watching or making fun of others. Or hiding in the corner, which works well for her too.
As it turns out, it wasn't that unlikely for her to be first. Because Jack is the only other guest. Liz's eyes flare betrayal at Jenna.
And Jack is perfectly charming and appealing, as she knows he can be when he wants to be. But Liz doesn't take the bait.
**
Jack is still quite puzzled by the whole thing. There aren't many women in the world that would spurn his advances. He can't even recall the last time he encountered one. But now, he's picked this woman and she wants no part of him. Well, at least not in that sense: she's certainly proved her loyalty and devotion to him, again and again and again.
It just doesn't make any sense.
But sitting in his car after dinner, he starts to accept that whatever her reasons, she can resist his charms. Maybe she just knows him too well, knows his moves and what he's capable of. And so their relationship simply lacks the capability to surprise, the capability that excites women. He'd thought Lemon would be different, would value the familiarity and security he provides. But that's apparently the one way in which she's like most other women he knows.
He feels a pang in his chest. 'When he'd come to this latest decision to pursue her, he'd been somewhat bloodless about the whole thing. But now, with that option revealed as an illusion, it hurts. He rolls down the window of his limo and lets the cold night air batter his face, as he bites his lower lip.
The one person he'd normally talk to about this is the one person he can't talk to about this. He pals around with Danny, but there's no emotional depth to their interaction; Bob Ballard is an old friend, but they really aren't part of each other's day-to-day lives. He feels alone, more alone than he's felt since that moment that Liz told him to stay away from Floyd.
For the first time in years, he looks at some old contacts in his phone. All the first names without family names - Kendra, Crystal, Dominique. His fingers hover over the letters on the screen, hesitating. He then starts making calls.
Kendra is married now, and - just to be clear - not interested. Crystal has moved to Los Angeles to pursue an acting career. Dominique is actually available, and there's a late night encounter at her place. It's physiologically satisfying, but he feels deeply empty afterwards. He feels disloyal, both to Avery and to Liz. He leaves soon afterwards, and Dominique doesn't give any indication she expects, or wants, otherwise.
Jack wonders if he's sabotaged what he used to have with Liz. And he feels old, like the world has moved on from him.
**
The next morning, Jack does something he thought he'd never do.
He calls Colleen because he wants to.
"Hello, mother."
"Jackie! So good of you to call! What's the occasion?"
"Does a son need a reason to see how his mother is doing?"
Now Colleen is suspicious. "What do you want, Jack?"
Jack immediately snaps. "Well maybe if you were a little more supportive, Colleen, instead of sucking the soul out of your children, you'd get more calls."
"If you had ever called before without some ulterior motive maybe I wouldn't be so suspicious!"
Jack lets it hang for a moment, resisting the urge to reply.
"Jackie, are you there?"
"Mother?"
"Yes."
Jack's tone is very serious, and a little vulnerable. "I think I want to marry Liz Lemon."
That breaks the tension. "Well, it's about time."
Jack can't remember the last time she fully approved of something he'd said.
**
"Hi Mrs. Donaghy, how are you?"
"Liiiiiiz. How are you? Are you still seeing that pilot fellow?"
"No, we broke up about a year ago."
"Oh." Colleen offers a judgmental silence. "Any prospects?"
Liz sighs. This conversation is beginning suspiciously. "Nope. Stiiiiiiill looking."
"I see. And at home on a Sunday afternoon. Waiting for them to show up at your door?"
Liz sees where this is going. She wonders if Jack has put her up to it, but she's not going to get sucked in to this with Colleen, of all people.
"I'll have you know I updated my profile last week."
"Your junk is going bad, you know."
Time to disengage. "It was nice to talk to you again, Mrs. Donaghy."
"Maybe you should find someone that already has a kid. Someone you already know, to save time. You don't have much of it."
"Goodbye!"
**
Monday morning, Liz storms into Jack's office, but when she starts talking, her voice, is soft, sad, even pleading.
"Please. Stop."
"Stop what?"
"This courtship, or whatever it is. Getting Jenna and Colleen to do your dirty work. All of it."
Jack has that disappointed look again. It makes Liz feel bad, until she remembers how idiotic he's being. "If you really don't like me enough to give it... give us a try, then..."
"You know that's not what it is, Jack. I don't want to marry someone that doesn't love me."
"I wouldn't want you to settle for anything less."
"And if you were ever going to fall in love with me, don't you think it would've happened by now?"
Jack cocks his head to one side, and looks at her as if she's being ridiculous. "Good God, you really have no idea, do you?"
Now Liz is confused. "What?"
Jack goes over and pours himself a drink, then looks back at her. "Do you think if one my other mentees - Thomas or Jorgensen, say - had almost killed Geiss, and almost destroyed my career at GE, that I would have forgiven them so easily?"
"I dunno. Is that part of the package?"
He shaked his head knowingly. "No."
After a beat, it hits Liz. "Wait, are you saying you're in love with me?" Liz really is confused, because this doesn't compute. She has hours of insults to prove it.
"I was - past tense." He turns to look out the window as he continues. "But everytime I even approached the subject, you made it pretty clear you weren't interested. So I put those feelings away and moved on with my life."
"I'm going to need one of those drinks." Liz gets herself one, and plops down on the couch.
"But several attempts to move on later, here we are." Jack continued. "I keep coming back to you."
Liz lies down and closes her eyes.
"What are you doing?"
"Going to sleep. It's how I wake up from stress dreams."
"You've told me that before."
"Really?"
"I remember just about everything you've told me about yourself."
Liz, dismayed, looks up at him, mouth slightly open.
Jack approaches, bends over her, and lowers his voice. "So, Liz, to answer your question, it has 'happened by now.' So the question is... can you fall in love with me?"
**
"Really?"
"Really."
"You're not the kind of guy I thought I'd end up with."
"Because I never attended... clown college?"
"Because you drive me crazy."
"I like to think I do more for you than that."
"Yeah..."
Liz, lying on the couch and feet propped up on the armrest, looks at him silently for a long time, her face confused and concerned, almost sad. Jack is still hovering over her.
The time he shipped Liz Lemler to Connecticut.
He really is kinda old, she thinks, but he's still quite handsome.
The time he made her an executive to change her life.
She's put up with him for six years and still likes being with him. Most of the time. There's no one else she can say that about.
The time he flew from D.C. just to make sure she was OK.
He's put up with her for six years and still likes being with her. Most of the time. There's no one else she can say that about.
The time he took "personal charge" of TGS cutbacks.
Everyone who cares about them - Jenna, Colleen, Margaret, even Bianca - has made it clear they would be great together.
The time he passed on Padma Lakshmi just to make her happy.
Her resistance to ever taking the possibility seriously was because he clearly wasn't interested. And now she feels that falling away.
"I'd really like it if you said something."
Liz realizes that it's been several minutes, and Jack has been waiting patiently.
"You're never going to stop with this, are you?"
"I will stop, under one condition."
"What's that?"
"You go out on a date with me."
"Doesn't that sort of... defeat the point?"
"Just one. And if at the end, you agree that there's nothing there, no future... I'll stop. I won't mention it again."
"You've got yourself a deal."
Jack offers his hand to help her up, which she accepts. He has a warm smile on his face.
"So when do you want to go out on our..." she swallows hard... "date?" Now she's feeling kind of afraid.
"How about... tonight?"
"What if my calendar is full tonight?"
"You can just TiVo Dancing with the Stars."
"Then I.. will see you... tonight." She spins and exits.
END Ch 1