Open Door

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Alec found himself pausing just outside of Magnus' door when he came to it that night; he'd texted to let Magnus know he had gotten out of the Institute earlier than expected and the warlock had seemed ecstatic about it, had promised Alec a wonderful night in, and told him to come over immediately so they could get their night started.

And of course, Alec had rushed over, shrugging into his jacket as he rushed out the door with barely a word of goodbye to his siblings and Clary. The day had been… a monster. Mostly, it had consisted of meetings and paperwork and arguing with novice shadowhunters who thought they were ready for missions way above their paygrade—he approved exactly zero of those missions, but that was neither here nor there for now. He hadn't been out on the field for even a moment that day, but his bones and muscles still ached like he'd fought an entire war in those hours by himself.

The promise of getting to spend an evening in with Magnus was… well, it made all his worries and stress just melt away. He was sure the aching and soreness would go away as well, just as soon as he had his hands and lips on his warlock.

He made it to Magnus' door in record time, veins buzzing with excitement and anticipation. Whatever Magnus had planned for the two of them that night… he was sure it would be amazing, if for nothing else then simply because he would be with Magnus.

And yet, seeing that door… made him pause, his stomach sinking as he considered it for a moment longer than necessary. It hadn't been that long ago that he hadn't been allowed past it, that Magnus would try to shut it in his face during terse conversations, that he'd been shown it immediately on the very rare occasions that he had been allowed past it.

It really hadn't been that long ago at all, and every awful memory involving that door still played before his eyes as though they had just happened mere moments ago.

He and Magnus were better now, he tried to soothe himself, shoulders slumped as his hands found themselves into his jeans pockets. They were in love, he was more than welcome in that loft, beyond that door; Magnus wasn't going to kick him out, wasn't going to shut the door in his face, or tell him to go away, that he wasn't welcome there—not anymore.

The excitement that had been making his heart soar just minutes ago was now sitting in the bottom of his stomach as dread though. He swallowed against the thick feeling it coated his throat with as he tried to talk sense back into himself. He should just knock, he knew, should forget about his silly little insecurities and remember that Magnus loved him, that he had done nothing wrong, had not given Magnus a reason to kick him out or not let him in.

But what if Magnus remembered all the wrong Alec had done? What if he suddenly thought of all the times Alec had blown up at him, had kept things from him, had wronged him, broken his trust, his heart, and everything in between? What if Magnus remembered, and he took it all back, changed his mind about Alec and their relationship?

What if Magnus changed his mind?

Alec swallowed again, soothed his bottom lip between his teeth and tongue.

He should just go, really, save himself any more heartbreak…

As he thought that, and before he had the chance to turn around, the door swung open, and his eyes shot up to meet Magnus', a look of concern written between tilted head and furrowed brow when he caught sight of the shadowhunter.

"Alexander?" Magnus began softly, fingertips gripping the side of the door carefully. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah," Alec replied, shuffling his feet. "Yeah, uhm… I just wasn't… wasn't sure if… the door was unlocked or not."

His words didn't seem to relax Magnus any, as the warlock simply stood staring at his boyfriend for a still beat that did nothing to put Alec at any sort of ease either. He could see the wheels turning in the warlock's head, could see him trying to piece the situation together for what it really was, what was really going on with Alec. And he should have told him. For all their conversations about trust and openness and such lately he should have just told him so they could talk through it and make things better. He should have, and yet…

How could he? What right did he have to do that at all? To expect Magnus to put him at ease or make him feel better about something that was truly his own fault?

"You know my door is always open for you, Alexander," Magnus said finally, softly, reassuring in a way that Alec didn't deserve, but God, that he had been craving anyway. "Dinner is waiting," he added, a tone of hopefulness to his voice as he did.

And it was such a small thing, truly, so… easy and quick, a single sentence uttered with a raised eyebrow, a quirked lip, a flourish of a hand towards his loft invitingly. It was so simple and easy, and it was exactly what Alec had needed. That dread that was in his stomach turned back into that light thing it had started as, and he gave Magnus the tiniest of quirks of his lips in response.

"Okay," Alec nodded, and walked towards Magnus and through his door. He leaned into him for a slow, sweet kiss, the door swinging shut behind him with a click of finality as he did.

Maybe that door would always be open for him from now on after all.

*.*.*.*.*